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Losing My Mother


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Hi, I just want to say that I am in disbelief that I am about to write this. My mother passed away on May 5, 2012. What gets me is even typing or muttering these words is just disrespectful and just cruel to say this about her. I loss my grandfather but his death was sudden and then we buried him. My mother I was in the hospital when she took her last breath (ugh I can't believe it) I am grown with a family of my own but I am thinking about her all the time. We talked everyday and it is super duper hurting me. When I get to that point and realize she is gone I feel like I can't breath and such heaviness of pain. I try to think about the good times. I am conditioning myself NOT to cry. I feel like I can't talk about her share her memory with others. Don't want to and just feel like nobody cares or they are tired of me being sad. I NEED to hear her voice and I can't. My range of emotions have gone from extreme numbness, sadness to anger. My children keep me busy and being around others well I wish I weren't except just for my family. I don't know what to do without her. I miss her so much I really do......... First time doing this on here thanks for letting me talk

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on 2/2/08 at 11:34 am. We were with her when she took her last breath. A large part of me died with her that day and i have never been the same since. There is not a day that goes by that i do not think of her and wish to talk to her one more time. There are days when i cry like a baby and other days when i am ok, but i never EVER stop loving and missing her. It does get a little easier with time, but it never gets better. I feel like an orphan...no mom and no dad to love me. My daughter is grown (38 yrs old next month) and we are very close, thank God.

Anyway, you are not alone. You can come here and talk about anything you need to and at any time. No one will judge you, everyone will help you as best we can. Good luck on your journey. I find comfort talking to God and knowing someday I will be with my mom again, in Heaven.

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Pinkyspoon,

I am so sorry about your mom. I lost both my parents 10 months apart..a few things you said really hit home for me. You said you are conditioning yourself not to cry, I did that too and ended up in a really bad place. I started seeing a grief therapist who helped me learn how to grieve. I was keeping it all inside. I avoided anyone that knew my mom or anyone that might talk about my mom. Even quit going to the guy that cuts my hair for 20 years, because he also did my mom's and really liked her. Don't stop talking about your mom, don't keep yourself from crying..as Deb said, it gets easier. you will adjust to your new normal. It always hurts but slowly the happy memories will get you thru the sad times.

Keep coming here, it really helps. wonderful people here that will help. Keep talking.....take care of yourself.

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  • 8 months later...

So sorry about your Mom.I lost both my Mom and Dad 6 months apart this past year and it still hurts so very bad.Mom passed Jan 21,2012 and my Dad June 14,2012.II took care of my Dad after my mo passed so I really didn't have time to grief but then he passed to and I lost it.Still not doing good at all.And I am in disbelief that there are both gone from my life.My emotions are all over the place and can't seem to make them stop.I too try not to cry but I just can't keep them from flowing down my face.Sometimes it feels good to cry and others not so much.I miss her so very much it hurts.I feel as if my heart will never be whole again....

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Gosh, I'm sorry for all of your losses. I think it really helps to talk about it, particularly with someone who'd understand, that's why it helps to have a grief counselor and a support group...those who've been through it "get it". Tears can be healing, it's okay to cry! It's okay to tell them you miss them. My husband passed away nearly 8 years ago and I have a file on my computer where I write letters to him. Not as many as of late as in the beginning, but still every once in a while I feel the need to.

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