Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

My Mom Died Two Weeks Ago...not Coping Well

Recommended Posts

Hi, this is my first post here.

I'm 32 years old. I've always been really close to my mom, and she's also been very close to my daughter (who just turned 2). I'm also 39 weeks pregnant with my second daughter.

My mom died two weeks ago. Three weeks before that she was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. She was 68 years old, a heavy smoker and had some chronic pain issues. Despite that, she was living totally independently and while not in the best of health, we never thought she was this close to the end.

First night in the hospital, they said that her blood had an infection on top of the pneumonia, and that she'd probably be there for a couple days. The last time I spoke to her was the next day, that Sunday. It was the beginning of the month and she was concerned about getting her rent and her cable bill paid. She and I ended up arguing about something really petty and I left without even giving her a hug or kiss goodbye. She was in and out of consciousness for the next day, and the doctors said it was her pain meds and being so tired. To make a very long story short, she slipped into a coma on that Monday and never woke up. The blood infection turned out to be mrsa and it attacked her heart and then her brain. Three weeks, one hospital transfer and a dozen or more tests later, her organs started failing. The doctors gave her some pain meds and we took her off her ventilator. She was gone within a few minutes.

I'm not dealing too well. My baby is due in a little over a week and I can't seem to focus on it. I'm just so sad all the time. I'm sad for me, for my daughter (the toddler). My mom loved my daughter so much, and I'm so sad for both of them that they won't get to have any more relationship. And so so sad about my mom....she knew her health was bad, but we never knew this was the end. She didn't have a DNR set up, none of her affairs were really in order, so my brother and I have been trying to deal with all that.

When I went to her apartment afterwards I found some clothes that she had bought for the baby and some new towels she had bought for herself that still had the tags on them. What is it about those damn towels? I just cry and cry whenever I think of it. She had no idea that the end was coming so soon. She'll never get to meet the baby. Our last words were an argument.

I'm having a hard time taking care of my daughter and a harder time preparing for birth of the new baby. I just....can't get excited about it. I miss my mom so much I can't even breathe sometimes. I'm getting panic attacks all the time, esp. at night. can only sleep with pills. Most of the time I just push the feelings to the edge of my mind and am in kind of denial. I feel like if I let myself go there, if I let myself actually take in the full scope of her being gone....in forever terms...I'll just be swallowed alive by the grief and it scares me.

Thanks for listening.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I'm sorry to know that someone like your mom who I can picture by your story to be a "real" nice human being is no more. I lost my freind but i know that I have her with me in spirit. You have a lot of responsibility that is going to take your attention but please do not spend your time thinking back. There will be lots of time to do that in the months ahead. At the moment breathe deep and know that you are going to be strong. Keep your heart calm and the way will come to you.

Sometimes I wonder where will this journey take me? But I am surprised everyday with the blessings from above.

Take care,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Sandusky - Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. My mother, who died May 12, 2011, was my best friend, and life is very different without her here on the planet. It has only been two weeks for you, and your mom passed so suddenly. Our situations are very different, but, please know that my heart goes out to you. You have a lot on your plate with a 2-year-old and a baby on the way. For me, I can't help but feel what I feel -- when I feel it. If you aren't "going there", then, maybe it's a safer defense mechanism for you at this time. I don't know?! I just want you to know that I read your post, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you comfort and strength.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest babylady

i lost my mom 12/08 -- actually i lost her before that. she had dementia. she kept saying she wanted to die and i understood why she felt that way. she was having auditory hallucinations telling her people were going to kill her. my husband was great with her. he was able to handle her better than i did. now he's gone. he passed on 5/27/12 from a brain tumor.

i feel like everyone i love is gone.

i cry and i say "i want my mommy". we were very close before the dementia. my husband was my soul mate. we were together almost 42 years.

hugs to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 5 months later...

I lost my Mom Jan 21,2012.I miss her so very much.Most days it takes alot to get out of bed.She was my world,we would and could talk about anything.Now I don't have that any more and I truely miss it.I still have bad dreams about the night she passed.I went over to her house and was trying to wake her by shaking her,I still try to wake her up in my dreams.I wake myself up from crying,everyone tells me it will get better with time but for me it seems like she was just here and talking to me.It takes alot for me to just get though the day,I try for her because I know she wouldn't want me this way but sometimes I just can't make it stop....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry for how you're feeling and how hard it is. I think how it will be when I die and I wouldn't want my kids to feel bad...I'm glad they're both happily married so at least they won't be alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...