My Maple Tree

[mfh]

Mary, let us know how the hearing aids goes...I hope you have a swift adjustment and they help you out a lot. What a profitable day you've had! I've been super busy, got up before 5:00 and gave the dog a bath, fogged the house, did tons of laundry and dishes, chopped more kindling, still have more stuff to get done.

I ran across the cards from George's funeral a couple of years after he died and read them all...it's funny, I didn't remember them, I guess I was in a state of shock and foggy, so it was nice to see who responded and what they said. I wrote to everyone who sent a card at the time, but it's amazing how I forgot so much of that time.

Kay, I just got the hearing aids a couple of hours ago so we shall see. It will take some getting used to. I can hear every little sound right now and it is annoying but I will be patient. In the big picture...no big deal. I return in a week for tweaking. Thank you so much for asking. Right now they are kind of a nuisance but it is early on.

The head guy took care of me today and by the time I left, I learned that it was his sister (the other fellow's mother) who died a few weeks ago and then he apologized for sharing. We ended up chatting for a while and I reassured him it was fine, offered to send him info on grief and anticipatory grief as his partner is dying also...etc. The point being that we never know the story someone is living. I was glad to be there for him today.

Need to run but will log back on later this evening.

Thanks, Kay

Mary

[missing him]

Mary - we do seem to make it through the sad days and I still don't know how we do it most days. You are one busy lady. I wish I had your energy and wanted to make plans, etc. I went through all of the cards from the memorial as well. Those are precious too. How sad tha Buffy was thrown from a truck but he ended up having a wonderful home and life with you and Bill. Great idea to bury his ashes with Bill.

I wish I could sleep like I used to. I cried so much last night and cried hard and outloud He broke my heart leaving me. He was my life. I do kind of feel as though I'm not progressing in the grief process. It requires a lot of effort and I just don't see to have a lot of that. I am forcing myself to take my dad out to breakfast for his birthday tomorrow.

I'm sure Bently can't wait for that hamburger. I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you go to Bill's grave. Wishing you all the best. Missing Him

[mfh]

Mary - we do seem to make it through the sad days and I still don't know how we do it most days. You are one busy lady. I wish I had your energy and wanted to make plans, etc. I went through all of the cards from the memorial as well. Those are precious too. How sad tha Buffy was thrown from a truck but he ended up having a wonderful home and life with you and Bill. Great idea to bury his ashes with Bill.

I wish I could sleep like I used to. I cried so much last night and cried hard and out loud He broke my heart leaving me. He was my life. I do kind of feel as though I'm not progressing in the grief process. It requires a lot of effort and I just don't see to have a lot of that. I am forcing myself to take my dad out to breakfast for his birthday tomorrow.

I'm sure Bently can't wait for that hamburger. I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you go to Bill's grave. Wishing you all the best. Missing Him

Dear missing him,

Yes, we make it and I am not sure how either except we want to at least at some level, we are persistent, and we grow in patience over time. That spark of life inside of us wants to grow. It is only recently (like the last month or so) that I seem to have enough energy to do some things though I dozed off a bit in the play tonight. I avoid a lot of local events as most are just not how I want to spend time but I went to this locally produced community theater play (Our Town) to support people as they work so hard to do things. We just have a ton of events in our town and area...it is endless. The arts matter here. I want to remind you that it has been 2 1/2 years since Bill died. You are talking a matter of a few months since you experienced the deal of your husband. That is a world of difference. Night and day. At 4 or 5 months I was just coming out of a fog; I had to force myself to go to anything...and I did force myself...and was so exhausted I never thought I would have any energy again. I am still not back...I see a long road to being my energetic self. This week has been TOO busy as is tomorrow...my friend's funeral and then dinner and a APT play...this play is professional theatre out under the stars. People come from all over the world to this theater and it is just over the river 5 minutes away. It is the last one of the season. I went to 5 of the 9. I so look forward to a quiet Sunday and even then Sundays are still difficult. Please do not measure yourself against where I am but rather just know that I have been doing this journey a lot longer. I was a mess at five months, I barely remember anything because i was in such trauma and a fog...and I got messier. I still have very very painful tearful days and hours. But I also know I manage them better now. I have had so many that I know I will stop crying at some point for a while. YOu go right ahead and just cry your heart out as you need to. Do you have face to face support? I hope so. I wailed many many many days...on occasion I still wail.

You said you feel you are not progressing in the grief process. I just do not know what that means this early on. You are going to work, taking care of yourself and pets, keeping in touch here and even taking your dad to breakfast....that is about as much as anyone can do this soon after the worst day of your life. Try to be patient with yourself...I KNOW it is a major challenge. I saw a quote on Pinterest today that said we go one step at a time and in time we turn around and see that we have climbed a mountain. That is what you are doing. One day, not tomorrow, you will turn around and see the mountain you have climbed. We are all with you.

Peace,

Mary

[mfh]

The end of a busy week. Tomorrow is even more busy with my friend's funeral and then dinner and a play...I guess that will be a good distraction after the funeral. I am going with a good good friend. I do not like it when I get this busy. I tend to lose my center. Sunday I will regroup, paint, visit Bill's grave and bury our first dog's ashes. I actually need a day alone and I know that. It goes in spurts. This one lasted too long.

Kay, you asked earlier about my hearing aids. Well, they got a good test tonight...a friend and i went out for fish fry (well broiled but in Wisconsin Friday night fish fry is HUGE...I mean HUGE.) The pub was noisy but the aids seemed to do their job as this friend is soft spoken and I could hear her. Then to a community play, Our Town, with sound effects like rain, thunder, crickets, lawn mowers...it was most annoying. I have to figure all that out but it was interesting to see what I hear...the guy behind me coughed and it sounded like a truck coming through. I had the remote and changed programs and adjusted volume a few times just to learn differences. Iin the end i will be grateful that I can hear better. I hear all the high sounds now and did not know they were missing.

You sound like you had a busy hard working day. I hope you can relax a bit this weekend.

I am going to call it a day. Peace,

Mary

[Wifflesnook]

Dear Mary

I so know what you mean about not liking being too busy. Next week I am driving to Leeds on Wednesday, staying with our daughter and her little girls Until Friday and then driving us all down to Center Parcs for a long weekend with our son and daughter in law. This is supposed to be a treat but when I think of it my heart sinks at the thought and I just want to stay here and be quiet. It's as though the grief process takes up all your energy despite the fact that we are actually doing no more than getting up, eating, washing, walking the dog and so on. And your life at the moment sounds VERY busy. Heck you do live in a cultural centre! Here, near Spurn Point, which is a bird sanctuary we have our own busyness but its people flocking from far and wide in the migration season (which is now) to see birds passing through. It gives the place a holiday air. Pete and I have always preferred it when it was quiet but it's ok to see people enjoying our area.

Last night I dreamed about Pete again but it was a bad dream as it ended by him failing down the stairs and I could see it was a bad fall. I forced myself to wake (funny how sometimes you can do that ) so that I could get back to reality, but of course reality was worse if anything :-(

I hope that everyone has as good a weekend as possible. These days I don't even know what day of the week it is usually. My timetable such as it is, is a daily one and not a weekly one any more. Wen Pete was alive we did have a regular weekly timetable, punctuated by nice things.

I so admire those of you like Missing You who manage to go to work whilst in such grief. It's so hard and your beloved ones would be so proud of you for the way you are carrying on. Jan

[mfh]

Yes, Jan. I prefer a balance in my schedule. After Bill died I kept too busy-even having lunches with people who asked but who I did not even enjoy at all. Just running. Then I found a better balance and struggled with it as this area is so busy and my fears of being left out/alone were great. Then I came to terms with that content that I had friends but aware that I was now alone...(the latter I have accepted but hate if those can co-exist) and things fell into a pattern. Sometimes too busy, sometimes too alone and mostly a decent balance outside of Voice which is now gone. This week was out of control busy and I thought i had tomorrow free but last night after the play I double checked and Bentley starts his Canine Good Citizen class tomorrow afternoon..every Sunday in October which I really do like as October is a tough month for me. I start a Mindfulness class Oct. 17 at the University. I took one last November also. Keeps me going. Today, it is 8am here, it is 37 degrees out there and dark. Tonight my girlfriend (always girls even in our 70s) and I do dinner and and outdoor play. Temperatures during the play starts at 38 and goes down from there. Time for down and my stadium blanket and gloves and hat...and a thermos of cocoa.

Oh, well. Monday looks free. It comes in spurts like your weekend. Once you get to your son's it might feel good and yet, home feels best to you. Me, too though I do usually get out almost everyday for something if even the grocery store and post office and a coffee at the General Store or my friend's tea house...and of course, walking Mr. B (Bentley). Hopefully William will pick up and reach out to those little babies this weekend. I think anticipating (getting going) feels worse than once you get there.

Your dream about Pete sounds so painful and yes, I do know that waking up is painful also but it does get better in that we somehow get used to it. I also feel very close to Bill even though I can't see, hear, touch, feel him. I KNOW he is with me. It is the only place he would be. Ok that started the tears. That is how fragile I still am. When I dream about Bill it is usually neutral to good but I have had some bad ones...mostly him leaving for wherever. It is tough to have those. I am sorry you had that happen. I am so sorry you had a bad dream about Pete. Days are tough enough to start without waking with that negative painful dream. Someone sent me this link today about life after life and apparitions. Having experienced this, I have no doubts. You might find it comforting. http://edition.cnn.c...ons/index.html#

I hope your weekend goes well for you. Peace and love, Mary

[Wifflesnook]

Oh thank you Mary. Actually my brother Jonathan, who went blind when he was about 50, died after falling down the stairs (I think probably drink related actually) and my subconscious may have been picking up on that, though I can't remember thinking about it yesterday. Yes I daresay I will enjoy (if that is the right words these days) my time with the family. I was talking to one of my friends about how I feel and explaining that I do not expect to feel better but hope I may cope better. And thought "maybe people think it is a process. Maybe they see it as a progression. If it were we would be improving as we walked along a road where we learnt how to deal with things. But actually it seems to me that its more like re-living the loss of our loved one every day. Because every dreadful pang of grief doesn't make the next one easier to bear. Each one seems to hit us afresh every time. Just because we felt so sad yesterday doesn't innure (right word?) us to the next time."

I seem to find myself having to cope with pain after pain after pain.

I just read a review of Joyce Carol Oates book on losing her husband 'A widow's story'. This is a quote:-

Joyce Carol Oates's A Widow's Story is a memoir of the months that followed the sudden and shocking death of her husband, editor Ray Smith, of complications from pneumonia. It is a beautiful, amazing, and (seemingly) brutally honest account of the chaos into which this devastating loss throws her emotional and professional life, indeed her very "personalization." When such a loss occurs, one is broken into an experiencing self and an observing self: the one who feels, the other who watches and analyzes. The division between these two selves can make every action, every response feel inauthentic - but JCO scrupulously represents how both of these personalities experience the death. The resulting account evokes a rare poignance and sorrow, as the author mourns not only her missing husband - for 48 years an essential part of her life - but also her sense of security as an individual and her consequent preoccupation with suicide (and use of anti-depressant medication).

The bit I focused on was 'one is broken into an experiencing self and an observing self: the one who feels and the one who watches and analyses'

This is so me at the moment. I feel, and I also watch myself feeling. In some ways I don't like this. I want to just feel. And yet if I didn't observe myself maybe I couldn't even cope right now.

Having read the reviews I don't think I shall order the book. I loved A year of magical thinking by Joan Didion, but I'm not sure that the Oates book would help me.

[mfh]

...And thought "maybe people think it is a process. Maybe they see it as a progression. If it were we would be improving as we walked along a road where we learnt how to deal with things. But actually it seems to me that its more like re-living the loss of our loved one every day. Because every dreadful pang of grief doesn't make the next one easier to bear. Each one seems to hit us afresh every time. Just because we felt so sad yesterday doesn't innure (right word?) us to the next time." I seem to find myself having to cope with pain after pain after pain.

I just read a review of Joyce Carol Oates book on losing her husband 'A widow's story'. This is a quote:-

Joyce Carol Oates's A Widow's Story is a memoir of the months that followed the sudden and shocking death of her husband, editor Ray Smith, of complications from pneumonia. It is a beautiful, amazing, and (seemingly) brutally honest account of the chaos into which this devastating loss throws her emotional and professional life, indeed her very "personalization." ...The bit I focused on was 'one is broken into an experiencing self and an observing self: the one who feels and the one who watches and analyses'

Dear Jan, I see this as a process but in the early months it is difficult to see anything. It is hard to see any progress, any forward movement. The pain is just all encompassing, devouring, and exhausting. The attached might help. I can now look back and see the mountain, not that I climbed but that I AM climbing. I can see down the mountainside and I can see the terrain ahead of me though the top of the mountain is in a cloud...can't see that and doubt it exists but I am getting used to the altitude, the rough terrain, the spots where I sit and look out over what I have accomplished and I know NOW (not in the early months) that I will keep going and will use what I have experienced to help others somehow. It is a huge mountain and having lived in and hiked some pretty rough terrain at 8,500 feet and higher I have a deep appreciation for the mountains....the dangers, risks, incredible beauty, scary ledges (we had a close call once), panoramic views, and more. As for the Oates book, I did read that and also Didion's. They are all a blur now as I devoured so many books in the first 18 months and I do know they helped me a lot. I felt less crazy and less alone for reading them. i also learned a LOT about spousal loss and loss in general. Off to get food for my friend's funeral this afternoon. Our book club and her LitFest group and her other book club are all doing food. Peace to your heart, Mary

[missing him]

Hi Mary - I had a nice visit w/my dad this morning. I don' have much face to face support. My good friend lives an hour away from me. If we lived closer, she would be the one I turn too. I'm just not up to drive an hour each way. Too much for me. I love the attachment you shared with Jan about climbing the mountain. Thanks for sharing that.

I hope one day I can be where you are at in this journey. I know you still have sad days and it's been 2 1/2 years. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm concerned that I'm crying just as much as I did when I got the phone call 5 months ago. I don't work weekends and my weekends are spent just sitting on the couch where he would always sit. I have our wedding pictures and others all around the house. I know I should be cleaning the house and I just don't feel like it. I'm fighting a bad migraine or sinus headache today. I get them often and it brings me down even more. I manged to take an 1 1/2 nap. I must sound like I'm rambling on and on...sorry.

I imagine the funeral brought back memories of your Bill. I hope you got through it and are able to rest tonight and have a restful Sunday. Missing Him

[mfh]

I am so glad you had a good visit with your dad. I am sorry you do not have much face to face support. Have you investigated Hospice support groups or other grief groups or individual grief counseling? I am sorry, i do not remember. You WILL heal but remember this is a new loss for you. You WILL get there. It is a process and it takes time. I know weekends are difficult and especially if you do not have friends near by. Do you belong to a church group? My friend's memorial service was a Quaker service. It was touching, sad for me even though many many friends were there. My entire book club, her other book club and the LitFest board among others...her daughters (she loss her husband and then her son, 6 months later). She and I spent time talking about that after Bill died and before. She was an adventurer, committed to the civil rights movement, to literature, and so much more. She was super intelligent. At a Quaker service, half of the group is facing the other half and it is total silence (after some readings) and when someone is moved to speak, that person stands and speaks. There were humorous stories, comments paying tribute and more. Then a reception. Then home to meet a friend for dinner and then we went to the outdoor American Players Theatre. (www.americanplayers.org) With the wind chill on the hill it was 38 degrees. About 800 of us, maybe more, (quite a few empty seats but tomorrow is the final performance of the season) sat huddled in down jackets, hats, gloves and wrapped in blankets sipping hot coffee or brandy and coffee. I go for cocoa. If I had brandy, I would have fallen sound asleep. My nose froze The play was excellent as usual out there in the woods. But always always there is the sadness that sits in my heart...missing Bill. I do hope you might investigate a grief group as I think it would help you through this painful chapter....Would you consider that? I would not worry about cleaning. Taking a walk might be more valuable. Please take care of yourself. Peace, Mary

[kayc]

Jan,

I didn't send out Christmas cards that first year. Anyone that mattered knew what was going on anyway. Yes, George and I did our cards together, we made our own cards and addressed them together. I'm used to being on my own now, so it doesn't hit me anymore, but it sure did in the early years. It still puts a lump in my throat when I put up the Christmas tree though...George loved doing things like that, it's never going to be the same without him.

[kayc]

Mary - we do seem to make it through the sad days and I still don't know how we do it most days. You are one busy lady. I wish I had your energy and wanted to make plans, etc. I went through all of the cards from the memorial as well. Those are precious too. How sad tha Buffy was thrown from a truck but he ended up having a wonderful home and life with you and Bill. Great idea to bury his ashes with Bill.

I wish I could sleep like I used to. I cried so much last night and cried hard and outloud He broke my heart leaving me. He was my life. I do kind of feel as though I'm not progressing in the grief process. It requires a lot of effort and I just don't see to have a lot of that. I am forcing myself to take my dad out to breakfast for his birthday tomorrow.

I'm sure Bently can't wait for that hamburger. I will be thinking of you tomorrow when you go to Bill's grave. Wishing you all the best. Missing Him

It's still early on yet, it's no wonder you don't feel you have it in you to make the effort. I hope your breakfast with your dad went well. Today is my birthday, but I celebrated yesterday with my sister, daughter, and son-in-law. My mom thinks I'm my little sister now (we are nothing alike), that is kind of hard. I woke up with a sore throat and still need to finish cleaning my house and chopping more kindling. It's supposed to start raining next weekend so I'd like to get it done.

[kayc]

Mary,

I'm sure there is quite an adjustment period on hearing aids...maybe that's one reason I procrastinate, the other being money. I'm glad you were able to be there for the guy at the hearing aid place. To lose a sister and be losing your partner at the same time is pretty tough.

[mfh]

Mary,

I'm sure there is quite an adjustment period on hearing aids...maybe that's one reason I procrastinate, the other being money. I'm glad you were able to be there for the guy at the hearing aid place. To lose a sister and be losing your partner at the same time is pretty tough.

Happy birthday, Kay!!! Happy day!

I am so sorry your mom has you mixed up with your sister. I can only relate to that feeling when Bill did not know me at all for two days (but came back) and when my mom was hospitalized (broken hip which led to her death) and the drugs caused hallucinations and she kept yelling at me to get her in out of the rain and what kind of daughter was I to leave her out in the mud and rain. My mother never raised her voice to me in her entire life...I felt only unconditional love from her so it was shocking. I also knew it was the drug talking and that she would have felt only sorrow if she knew what she said. I believe your mother, minus her fear and hurt, would feel sorrow also if she knew how she is hurting you now and earlier in your life.

As for hearing aids, I saw two plays this weekend (way too much for me) and used them for both. The second one seemed better than the first but the second was professional theater. I think in time I will get used to them. Maybe a month. If they would help your hearing, I hope someday you can get them if you wish. Peace to your heart today,

Mary

[missing him]

Mary - I have been thinking about a support group through Hospice. My only concern is the hours. They are either in the morning (I would have to miss work) or in the evening and I hate being gone all day leaving our dogs alone for 11 hours and coming home and turning right back out the door for another couple of hours. Our dogs had their "daddy" home with them all day as he was too sick to work. They are adjusting better.

I don't belong to a church. I went to check out one last Sunday. I loved the music. I was a crying mess. The service wasn't that great and the minister spoke a lot about needing money for the church - I don't believe that is the reason to go to church.

The Quaker service sounds nice and what a sad story about her losing husband and then son I don't know how you can deal with the cold weather. I couldn't. I love the warmth. I do like when it cools off a bit. It can get to 120 degrees here in Arizona.

Hope you have a nice day. Missing Him

[missing him]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAY! Sorry to hear that you are sick and that your mom thinks you are your sister. That illness has to be difficult to understand. I had a nice visit w/my dad. I managed to cry there too talking about things. Don't over due anything since you are fighting something. Hope you feel better. Missing Him

[mfh]

Mary - I have been thinking about a support group through Hospice. My only concern is the hours. They are either in the morning (I would have to miss work) or in the evening and I hate being gone all day leaving our dogs alone for 11 hours and coming home and turning right back out the door for another couple of hours. Our dogs had their "daddy" home with them all day as he was too sick to work. They are adjusting better.

I don't belong to a church. I went to check out one last Sunday. I loved the music. I was a crying mess. The service wasn't that great and the minister spoke a lot about needing money for the church - I don't believe that is the reason to go to church.

The Quaker service sounds nice and what a sad story about her losing husband and then son I don't know how you can deal with the cold weather. I couldn't. I love the warmth. I do like when it cools off a bit. It can get to 120 degrees here in Arizona.

Hope you have a nice day. Missing Him

This is just my opinion but I think your dogs would be just fine anf that attending a support group is really important for you. I hope you seriously consider getting something for you. In the end, your dogs will also benefit. Mary

[Wifflesnook]

I had a dog related thing today that I hope now has a happy outcome. My Kelbi is a field spaniel and has always been what we have called a 'challenging' dog. She is very boisterous despite being seven now and a terrible thief. Well to cut a long story short on Friday she behaved very badly and stole my friends sandwiches and when I tried to sort her out she growled and then when i grabbed her and tried to get the sandwiches she bit me. This was a horrendous shock for me. I knew that I was not alpha in our house. In fact I knew that I wasn't dominant enough. But this was just awful. I thought I would have to find her a new home if she was to turn on me like that. I was VERY UPSET. anyway I thought I must get professional help. I managed to find a dog trainer and he said he would come this afternoon. He did and I liked him a lot. I explained that Pete had a stroke last November and died in May. That for all that time Kelbi had been having a difficult time, as whilst Pete was in hospital I was hardly at home and neighbours were letting Kelbi out in the garden etc. and when Pete came home for five weeks I neglected her because I was looking after Pete. And then he died and she went into kennels for a whole month, and since then I have not been my usual self (understatement of the year).

Well he met us and Sussed out the situation quickly. Kelbi is an attention seeking dog and grabs everything she sees in order to get my attention. I can't leave anything hanging about anywhere and she doesn't take enough notice of me. This chap said she is a lovely dog and has a lots of excellent points but I need to change the way I relate to her. Losing one of the pack will have upset her. And I am probably making more fuss of her now and that may not be good for a controlling dog. And she is at the moment more in control of things than i am. He recommended an aerosol spray which just releases a freezing blast whenever she grabs things she shouldn't (it doesn't hurt her, just makes her realise she is doing something unacceptable). He also gave me a load more tips on training. He thought she would be easily turned around. This is such a relief to me. I love her and she is a very affectionate dog. The bite was an awful shock but partly my fault for the way I badly reacted to the situation (I am sure that those of you with dogs will now be thinking that your dog would never bite you and I daresay you are right). But anyway we have always known that we had an alpha dog but have allowed her too much of her own way. So I am retraining myself to be a dominant person (nor easy). So that was my day today apart from trying to sort out some of my clothes (a hard thing because when I look at certain clothes I think about wearing them when my Pete was with me). If its that hard to sort out my clothes I can't imagine how hard it will be if I ever sort out Pete's, which are totally untouched apart from the ones that didn't get washed and that I cuddle up to.

Well sorry for this long post but its been a traumatic day (what is new!).

Dearest Kay I hope you are having a good birthday. I find your posts so helpful. Jan

[mfh]

Hi Jan, I am so glad you got the trainer in. When Bill died, my friend/groomer/trainer was at our home after the funeral and a crowd of people were there. It is funny what I remember from that day. Bentley was curling his nose a bit when I told him to sit or whatever. My friend said he was challenging me as his alpha was gone and he was grieving also. I immediately got him into two rounds of obedience classes and it turned him around in regards to knowing I am the boss. I am a fairly assertive person and he still challenged me. But I know he was also a lost soul as well as I was. This is a great opportunity for you to be more assertive now in all of your life. It was a happy accident. And you followed up perfectly.

Bentley started Canine Good Citizen today and the instructor is perfect. An RN at the UW and then does this for fun. Bentley's groomer/friend is also in the class with her new little Luna and volunteers at this Humane Society (sponsoring the class) and knows these folks. Next Sunday a second instructor is joining us so we will get tons of time. The gal we had today said Bentley has the most important characteristic needed for therapy dog...he loves to be handled/petted/seeks it out. Why am I not surprised. Firs the is a Golden and then he has grown up with Bill and me. We could not hug each other without him getting between our legs. And we were really huggers and touchers. His rambunctious approach is something she will help me with and she said it will be easy with him. The gal coming next week for the rest of the classes is an evaluator and trainer for ALL of the therapy dog organizations in the area and Pam said she will really be good at helping me with Bentley and prepare him for evaluation and knows the rules of all the various organizations (Delta, Dogs on Call, Pet Pals, TDI etc.) So I have renewed hope about this happening. I think it will be good for Bentley and for me. I still have to deal with the full bath within 24 hours of visiting a hospital. Bentley's fur is REALLY thick. There are 9 dogs in the class and two instructors for 2 hours. Both of us (Bentley and me) are wiped out...

Jan you might consider a group class just for the socialization part of it...meet some people.

I am laying as low as possible this week. Last week was way way way too busy. It is not my style.

Peace

Mary

[Queeniemary]

Mary, your tree is just beautiful. Our colors are not changing much yet. We have a cemetary in our town, "Maplewood", which has many lovely Maple trees, I hope they are at least half as lovely this year, as your tree.

Kay, Happy Birthday, I hope you had a wonderful day.

Mary (queeniemary) in Arkansas

[mfh]

Mary, your tree is just beautiful. Our colors are not changing much yet. We have a cemetary in our town, "Maplewood", which has many lovely Maple trees, I hope they are at least half as lovely this year, as your tree.

Kay, Happy Birthday, I hope you had a wonderful day.

Mary (queeniemary) in Arkansas

Thank you, Mary. It is looking sort of sad now...about a third of the leaves are on my grass. I have a guy who mulches some and takes the others to recycle. I will wait another week. He usually has to do two rounds. I hope your trees are awesome. Mary

[kayc]

I am so glad you sought out a dog trainer, that sounds very helpful. I can relate as my Arlie is not easy either, but I love him to pieces. I have to get tough/stern with him sometimes, it is for his own good, but still he misbehaves sometimes. A couple of days ago he ate my chicken off my plate on the counter while I stepped outside for one minute. He knew better, as he immediately ran and hid with it when I came in. I got onto him right away, made him sit behind the couch, he knew he was in trouble. But then I worried about the bone as he ate it too. So far he's okay, I hope it passes through alright, they say it can take a few days to. It's stuff like that which makes me realize the imperativeness of him minding! It's not always just for our convenience, sometimes it's for their life!

Thank you all for your birthday wishes. I got up at 4:30, fixed breakfast, took care of the animals, then chopped kindling for 1 1/2 hours before going to church. (I sat in the back and came in late so I wouldn't be around anyone.) I had a quiet day, did some dusting and read the newspaper.

Mary, I'm glad the hearing aids are working out. They aren't like our original ears, but they sure beat not hearing!

[enna]

Kay,

As I said in an e-mail - happy, happy birthday - hope you don't have to suffer through a cold this early in the season.

I wonder who has to rake all those leaves at Mary's house. he he

[Wifflesnook]

Oh thank you so much for the remarks about Kelbi. I nearly didn't share this even though it was so important for me as I felt kinda ashamed on her behalf and my own. As I said it was quite traumatic for me. It had been building up for some time (not the biting but the dominance) and in a way I'm glad it happened as it needed to be dealt with. I feel quite confident I can sort it now. The trainer will come back after my holiday if I want him to and I may well ask him. Mary, we did take Kelbi to classes when she was a pup but we had to drive for almost an hour to reach them and the same back and when we got there all we did was walk round and round this big room and we on,y kept it up about six weeks. One of the penalties for living in a remote area. Anyway this is a new challenge for me. Neil suggested that when I wake and let Kelbi out of the crate in the kitchen where she sleeps I don't greet her but just lead her out into the garden to wee and then I fuss her. I did that this morning and it was rather hard but I must follow his advice. I have to let her know that I am the important person in this house and not her. It will be worth it but it goes against my normal reactions.

Kay When I shout at Kelbi she doesn't get all sorry but reacts rather challengingly. She is a very assertive dog said Neil. And she was trained to be a working dog and f course she doesn't work! I have a way to go, but I am determined to change my habits. As Neil said its me that has to be trained. But I love her so much and since Pete died she has saved me in some ways because I would never walk out on all these lovely walks around here on my own. So now I have had help (and thankfully so quickly) I feel more optimistic about her.

I wish I could post pictures as I would put one up of her. Don't know how to do it. Wen I look along the bar I can't see anything that says add images.

[enna]

sounds like you are having a great time with Kelbi!!! Have you ever heard of the 'Dog Whisper"? I guess they say it is the owner who needs training. I hope your holiday will be relaxing. We'll help you with those pictures. Miss you until you return from your visit. Thanks for your PM. I am trying to be open but sometimes it is hard to be on the site - I feel so vulnerable and I know I shouldn't. Anne