babzz Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 i don't even know were to begin. my cat wasn't just a pet to me she was the closest thing i had and probley ever will have to a child of my own. she started getting sick. i should have seen the signs. i thought she was eating and just not gaining weight. and drinking more water then eating. then she started going down hill fast. the last day my baby girl was with me i woke up and she could only lie on her left side. she couldn't move her back or front left legs at all. it was like she was asking me for help. i made the decicion to put her to sleep that day. as i was waiting for the ride to go i asked her to just go. she could go....please don't make me make this decision. but she wouldn't leave on her own. and i feel guilty. i feel like i murderd my child. i don't know how to make it right with my concience. because of me....because i gave money and signed a piece of paper my child no longer has a heartbeat. logically i know it was for the best because she was parylized on her left side. she was hurting. i could see it in her face but my heart....my heart is sick in pain. i have days were the logical side kicks in for a longer amount of time but my heart still hurts so bad. idk what to do. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodney Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 Dear Babzz, I am very, very sorry for your loss. I am the last person to offer you advice because I am still unable move on from my recent loss of my best friend. I know the feeling you have is extremely painful and unfortunately there is nothing I can say to help that. Even though it was a very difficult decision that you had to make, it was a necessary one to give your baby peace and rest. I wish I could offer you some comfort, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Rodney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babzz Posted January 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 dear rodney, im sorry about the loss of your best friend. and thank you for taking the time to read my post. i miss her so so much im just glad i finally found a place to talk through my guilt. and sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 22, 2013 Report Share Posted January 22, 2013 babzz my dear, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved cat, but pleased to know that you've found your way to this warm and caring place. If you spend any time reading through some of the threads in this forum, you'll soon discover that guilt is probably the most common reaction in the grief that accompanies the death of a cherished animal companion ~ most especially when euthanasia is involved. We cannot take away the guilt you're feeling now ~ and we wouldn't want to anyway, because you're entitled to your feelings ~ but bear in mind that feelings are not the same as actions and behaviors. Simply because you're feeling guilty does not make it a fact that you are, in fact, guilty as charged or that you've done something wrong. Because it is so common and so challenging, I've often written about the topic of guilt, and I invite you to read some of those (and be sure to follow the links embedded in the articles, too): Loss and the Burden of Guilt Guilt and Regret in Grief Guilt in the Wake of a Parent's Death See also this beautiful piece by my dear friend Rita Reynolds: Euthanasia: The Merciful Release And listen to this radio interview: Segment on Pet Loss Grief and Guilt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 I only know you made the decision out of kindness to her and you have nothing to feel bad about...I also know that doesn't alleviate your feelings of guilt and this immense pain. I am so sorry you lost your baby, it's very hard. I hope you will go to the Rainbow Bridge and that it will bring you some comfort. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw&feature=player_embedded Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodney Posted January 23, 2013 Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 Dear Babzz, I was just wondering how you are holding up? I hope you are doing okay. Rodney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babzz Posted January 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 23, 2013 thank you marty for the blogs. they helped alot. even though tears are running down my face right now i know i helped my baby out. i didn't think about it at the time but she gave me a direct sign that she was ready and wanted my help. still hurts really bad that my baby is gone. i told her i was with her every step of the way but i was in a different state of mind that day. i was panicking and when it came to the last shot i turned away i couldnt watch my child take her last breath. what kind of mom am i for turning my back on her. kayC thank you for the video. its beautiful. hey rodney. im holding in their. my days are getting better. im alot better than i was a few months ago. a few months ago i was so depressed... i was lost. it wasn't until i wrote a poem for my baby that i started feeling like i could breath again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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