My Grandmother, My Best Friend

[Sarab100412]

I lost my very best friend last month, June 23, 2013. My grandmother and I had a relationship like no other she was my best friend. I was one of 4 grandchildren but everyone always referred to me as her favorite. I loved her with my entire being. She took care of me growing up and taught me so many things while my mother worked. She protected me long into my life, even after I married and moved away to start my own family.

I rushed to be by her side when she was moved to hospice because I think her and I both knew it wouldn't be long. She had asked my dad to call me a few days before and gave me somewhat of a goodbye message telling me how much she loved me and to always take care of my son and how she wished she could have done more to help me. All I could do was listen and cry. My grandmother never talked about dying or death with anyone, it just never happened.

She had breast cancer about 10 years ago and her entire breast was removed, then this year she was sick with lung problems most of the year and a dark spot was discovered. She feared the cancer was back but was confident about doing chemo and radiation and things being ok. Her health was not good, she had pains all over and she had trouble walking. She would fall easily. She was 82 but wouldn't use a cane or walker..I guess I feel like I saw her "crossing things off her list" things that she could no longer do. But I never thought she would die.

When the doctor told her she might not be well enough to survive chemo she really started to slip. After that my mother pushed for a bone scan and blood tests to see why she was in so much pain, she was moved into the hospital from a rehab facility to do the scans and had only been at the hospital for 2-3 days when she told her doctor that she didn't want the scans...he then told my grandfather that he thought she only had a few days...she told my mom while my grandfather was in the hall with the doctor that "they had signed all the papers and everything was ready and she would be going to hospice for about a week" all without hearing what the doctor prognosis was. She was moved to hospice on a Friday night and passed that Sunday night. She never ate while she was there and stopped taking water on Saturday. She did so much moaning all day Saturday and the nurse said "she's just not ready to go, it's like she has a foot in each world"

I was there all of the days and cried and held her and told her it would be ok. I wasn't ok, I feel like I lost the only person who understands me and loved me unconditionally. I don't feel like my family understands my loss, because my relationship with her was so different. It's a hurt like nothing I have ever experienced. I live in a different state than my whole family and my mom wants me to come home and visit. She wants to see my son, she wants to see me. I just don't know how I can go back and see everything and not have a memory of my grandmother and me. I call my grandpa everyday but I am sure if I saw him all I could do would be cry. Seeing their house and her pictures on the walls. But I know I need to go back eventually..

[enna]

I am so sorry to hear of your "very best friend" your grandmother's death. The love you express for her tells how very much you loved her and she you. I know of that hurt you are talking about. My paternal grandmother was like that to me. I was devoted to her. It was with her that I felt really loved and cared for - not that my parents didn't show us that love, but with five siblings and me being the middle child I always seemed to get lost in the crowd, but not with my grandmother.

Remember, crying is all right when grieving. I am glad that you are here on this forum. The people here are caring and understanding. You will go back when you feel it is the right time to do so. Peace and hugs. Anne

[kayc]

I'm so sorry you lost your grandmother. It is the hardest thing in the world to lose those closest to us.

I hope you will visit your grandfather soon...he needs all the TLC he can get right now. Chances are, he needs someone to talk to about your grandmother, and it will help him to know that someone else things of her and misses her like he does. Crying is okay...it's a healthy release for otherwise pent up emotion...not good to keep it bottled inside.

I hope you will feel free to come here whenever you feel the need, it's a good, safe place to be. Wishing you the best. Kay

[katrina407]

I am very sorry for your loss, i know how it feels to lose someone so close to your heart, i went through it a yeat ago, and i am still going through my grief, sometime is cry my eyes out about her, so as again i am very sorry!

[Guest babylady]

so sorry for your loss. i was very close to my grandmother too. even though she had 10 grandchildren i know i was her favorite. she was delighted when my son was born -- her first great grandchild. she was with me when i was in labor and when we got to the hospital she said "i wish i could go through it for you. she had 7 children -- all born at home. i was a single mom for 9 years and she helped me raise him. she was in her mid-60s at the time. she loved having him with her especially after grandpa passed. she used to say "let him stay with me -- he's good company". my grandmother was the nicest, kindest person i've ever known.

i lost my husband of almost 42 years ago last year. this forum is very helpful. we all understand grief.

arlene

[Sarab100412]

Thank you everyone. I'm really glad I have found this group because things will be pretty hard this year...and maybe always..I just worried that my grandma was afraid of dying, I'm having a hard time picturing her at peace. I also don't understand why she passed so suddenly. I want to see her medical records- I want to understand it and find closure but I'm sure that's probably not going to help. I feel sad at night from a day of not really thinking about her. I can still picture her sitting at home in her favorite chair, my grandpa and I were both able to laugh tonight at her crazy ideas like "drink a coke it cures everything!" But we both have big holes...I feel so sad for him being all alone in the house they shared together..I know I can't really change things..all it does is make me anxious..

[kayc]

I'm glad you saw your grandpa last night...I'm sure it helped him tremendously. It sounds like you guys have a huge gap inside of you. I do love how you laughed at "drink a coke, it cures everything!", that's great.

In the beginning, all thoughts of my George pained me (not like I could stop them though) and all I felt was tremendous pain and sadness...but with time it changed to mostly comfort and encouragement, although when something major happens, it's really tough not having him here any more.

[KATPILOT]

Sarab,

I want to say that I understand the feelings of losing your grandmother. I lived with one who also lost her grandmother. My wife Kathy was always close to her and when she would be down in Arizona visiting, Kathy and her grandmother would talk on the porch for hours. The last time she was down here, she took me aside and said "you take care of my little girl" After she passed, Kathy would often feel her grandma's presence while she was out there alone. When kathy was going through cancer treatment, one night while we were lying in bed, the hall light turned on outside our bedroom. I was truly scared someone was in our house and bolted out of bed only to find the house empty and secure. I went back and looked at Kathy who seemed so calm. She said "Don't worry, it's just Grandma. She wants me to know everything will be okay."

Before Kathy died, she said she would find a way to reach me if she possibly could. The day she left, a lot of lights and ceiling fans turned on in my house. I had no doubts that Grandma taught her how to do it.

I know you feel the loss of the one who truly understands you but I'm betting she is still there watching over you. You are never truly alone. I am so sorry for you and your Granpa's loss. Altough it is not much consolation, remember angels do have to fly one day. And, one day you will have the stregth to go back. Just take it one day at a time and you will know when the time is right.

Stephen