momoftwo Posted March 13, 2015 Report Share Posted March 13, 2015 I met Keith a little over 4 months ago and we got close very quickly. He was one of the most amazing men I had ever known. He was amazing with my boys, taking them in as his own. Monday march 2nd Keith passed away at his home by himself from what they are calling a g I bleed. I knew he had not been feeling well since the Friday night before his passing but he told me it was a stomach bug. I'm just have a very very hard time with his passing as I never got to say goodbye. When I'm by myself I have such a hard time not crying myself into a stupor. I'm tying so hard to be strong for my little ones but it's so hard. I miss him terribly. His family has taken me in as one of their own but none of them know what I'm going through, he was my love, my everything. I just keep thinking about the what its... If I had gone to check on him that night and I know I'm just working myself up with that thinking but I can't help it. I just don't know what to do. I just hurt so bad right now. Knowing he died alone in that house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted March 13, 2015 Report Share Posted March 13, 2015 I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you have found this place to come and share and read what others are experiencing. My husband also died suddenly and they said it was the same thing. He too had a stomach ache the night before. I know you have all the what if's. I am not qualified or able to give you advice but I can say I am going through this too so I do know how devastated you feel. I am sorry for the little ones too. I can say just take one day at a time and be patient and kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. This is not easy, there is no way to rush your feelings. It will take time. I hope you continue to visit here and post when you are able to and read about other people's journeys. I find it a comfort and also validating. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 13, 2015 Report Share Posted March 13, 2015 I am so sorry you lost this amazing man that you had quickly come to love. I've learned it is not length of time that determines our love, but quality of relationship. George and I had only known each other 6 1/2 years, were married only 3 years 8 months, relatively short in the grand scheme of things, but I don't know how I lived without him before I met him! It's different now, because even though he is gone physically, he is in my heart and memory and I know for the rest of my life that I experienced the greatest love anyone could ever have. Knowing what he'd say to me in any given situation, brings me comfort and encouragement the rest of my life. I am sorry you have little ones also experiencing the loss. Have you looked for children's books (ask your librarian for suggestions) to help them assimilate the loss of him? It can be a difficult concept for them to grasp how someone can be here and then not...it helps to explain they went to heaven or something to that effect as it's easier for them to grasp. You didn't say if you'd sought grief counseling but it might be of help. I think all of us go over and over those last moments, wishing we could have been there (for those of us who weren't) for them. It helps to know that they KNEW we loved them and would have done anything for them! I console myself somewhat that George could focus on going to be with his Maker without the distraction of worrying about me, which my presence might have brought. It took me a long long time to think of it that way, because I wanted to have been there for him as he made that transition...we were always there for each other through everything in life. But he knows how I feel about him and my faith has to carry me until the day we can be together again. I hope you find comfort and encouragement here as I have. This place is a godsend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momoftwo Posted March 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2015 I saw my doctor today and got the number for a grief counselor I go on Tuesday for the initial visit. Will see if that helps. My nights are always the worst when I'm alone. During the day the kids keep me busy. I am just so thank full they are to young to really understand what is going on. They are 1 and 2. I miss him on such a daily basis, just the littlest of things make me think of him and then I lose it. I took a picture of the boys last night and my first thought was I should send this to Keith. Sighs. I just feel so lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 14, 2015 Report Share Posted March 14, 2015 I'm glad you have an appt. with a grief counselor, let us know how it goes. It takes a while for it to sink in that they're really gone to the extent that we don't forget for a moment, bringing it all soaring back with a vengeance. It catches us off guard for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momoftwo Posted March 27, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just feeling so lost right now. I miss him so much. I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry and cry and cry. It's not fair. I needed him. And he was taken from me. I can't pretend it's OK. Or even going to be OK right now. Honestly if it weren't for my kids... I just I don't know. And my family doesn't seem to understand. He was my everything. If there is a god why would he do this? Take someone so incredible and loved by so many people! Just not right. Everything reminds me of him. And if not for the meds I'd be bawling all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mittam99 Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 Just feeling so lost right now. I miss him so much. I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry and cry and cry. It's not fair. I needed him. And he was taken from me. I can't pretend it's OK. Or even going to be OK right now. Honestly if it weren't for my kids... I just I don't know. And my family doesn't seem to understand. He was my everything. If there is a god why would he do this? Take someone so incredible and loved by so many people! Just not right. Everything reminds me of him. And if not for the meds I'd be bawling all the time. I lost my Tammy 3 weeks ago today. I know exactly how you feel. You feel lost, overwhelmed, everything reminds you of Keith and the tears just flow. And the truth is, unless someone in your family has lost their significant other or spouse they really don't understand what you're going through. The loss is so profound and life changing. Tammy and I thought we would grow old together but she only made it to 45. I've found this forum to be an amazing resource with some incredible people. We are here for each other and it really helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 27, 2015 Report Share Posted March 27, 2015 Momoftwo, I am glad you have your kids. Please believe me when I say it won't be this level of intensity forever. Gradually we begin to adjust. We never stop missing them, but we do learn to live this different life that we have now. Two months out is not very long, it's natural that you are feeling as you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brnagn53 Posted March 29, 2015 Report Share Posted March 29, 2015 I too understand your pain. I lost my sweet Kermit just over a month ago. The pain is sometimes overwhelming. I too feel a huge void in my life. Kermit was my best friend and we did everything together the last three years after his retirement. We had an amazing 21 years together. I would not trade one moment of that time. Because those memories help remember him. My grief feels so deep that I don't think I will make it through. But then the grief eases up a bit. I was shocked a couple weeks ago when I actually laughed. But it felt so good to do that. I am beginning to feel like a surfer with wave after wave sweeping over me. But the time between the waves is when I actually see my progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostwithouthim27 Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Hi I'm new here. I just am having a very difficult time after losing my husband to cancer. It's been 2 months I am so lost without him. I was also his caregiver at home until his last breathe. My mind is going a thousand different ways. I am totally lost. He was only 51 yrs old. We were together for 31 yrs. Much appreciate any help with the grieving process I know everyone is different but I so am lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Lostwithouthim27, I am so sorry you lost your husband. Two months isn't very long but it probably feels like an eternity to you, since you're going through it. My husband was also 51 when he died, only I was shocked by it, it was heart. You've spent your lifetime together and it's going to take some time to process this and let it sink in, let alone get used to the changes. This is a good place to voice yourself, I've found it helps to express what's going on inside and get validation that you've been heard and understood. Have you seen a grief counselor yet? Having been his caregiver brings with it more adjustments. I guess one of the most important things I can say is to take good care of yourself, be understanding and patient with yourself as you would him...and he you. Take one day at a time and remember to breathe! Try not to worry about the rest of your life, just get through today, this hour, this moment. We're here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lostwithouthim27 Posted April 5, 2015 Report Share Posted April 5, 2015 KayC, thank you. I have not seen a grief counselor but I am looking into it. I guess I was just being so over whelmed with all the things I think I need to get done since he has passed but I know Rome wasn't built in a day. It's baby steps. Thats one thing I sometimes forget to do is breathe...Have never been so alone even though I have great family and friend support. Trying alone to change my daily routine from the last 5 months I was taking care of him is very hard but I am making progress with that. I know I need to be patient with myself its just a tad hard will continue to work on that. All 32 yrs it was always about my family and now the sad part is it is now all about me. My children are grown and out of the house. Yes there are days that go by and I don't eat nor drink I forget about me. I find this site so calming for me so I'm not so anxious from the minute I wake up. I have to learn to live for this day . Thank you again Have a Happy Easter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 5, 2015 Report Share Posted April 5, 2015 I find this site that way too, I think the connectivity helps. The couple of times the website has been down has been upsetting to all of us, although it's been quite a while since that's happened. A grief counselor is good to meet with in the early days, it helps you with dealing with the grief and changes that have come into your life. Later on maybe a grief support group but I think that's recommended after three months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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