Guest Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Christopher Robin: If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you. Today was not a good day. Deedo I am so sorry but today I was not brave and today I was not strong. Today I was not even smart. Today I cried, and I cried and I cried some more. Today I missed you with every fiber of my being.Yesterday I was brave, and strong, and smart but not today.To steal another A. A. Milne line today I missed my favorite time of day since I met you: "It's my favorite time of day; that time when you and me become we."Not even my talk with you as the sun set and it was spectacular - You did good tonight - helped me out of my funk.Oh well; I'll go to bed early and hopefully sleep and maybe tomorrow I can be braver than I believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than I think. And just maybe I can remember that even though we are apart, you will always be with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Hang in there Brad.....Winnie the Pooh, haven't thought of him for years... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Winnie was a very brave and loving bear, and you ARE being very brave and loving Brad. Don't forget Winnie also said that if Piglet lived to be 100 he (Winnie) hoped to live to be 100 minus a day so he didn't even have to live a day apart from Piglet. You have spared Deedo that. Your beloved wife doesn't have to live a day without you because she is with you, it is you who have to suffer the physical loss of her. You are doing the very best you can. the very best.The picture is wonderful, just wonderful. I ache to see a sky like that. You live in the most amazing country. I am rooting for you Brad, more importantly Deedo is rooting for you and wishing you peace and love, you know that beyond anything else. Below are my favourite Winnie words of wisdom. I wish you a better day Brad with all my heart."If there ever comes a day when we cannot be together, keep me in your heart I will stay there forever" Winnie the Pooh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Thank you Debi for your wonderful Winnie words of comfort and encouragement. Today will be a better day. I will make it a better day. It's nice to find another Winnie the Pooh fan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Trust me, Brad, there are many Winnie the Pooh people out there. My son Ben is 47 years old; he runs an anti-terrorism training camp in Amman, Jordan ~ and he still sleeps with the Pooh bear we gave him more than 40 years ago. He takes Pooh with him when he travels, too ~ carries him in his backpack as he makes his way through the airports. It is quite a conversation piece. Pooh is missing one eye and his fur is bare in places, but he is dearly loved . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Marty what a wonderful picture of your lovely son! Thank you so much for sharing it. I think Pooh bear inspires love and loyalty and he certainly has it from his owner I bet he has a lot of stories he could tell about his travels.As Marty said I think there are a lot of Winnie the Pooh people out there his gentle soul touches all who encounter him. I hope you had a better day Brad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harleyquinn Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Some days are definitely harder to get through than othersToday I definitely feel more like Eeyore than Winnie the PoohI think by the time Saturday comes I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from the week Edited October 10, 2015 by Harleyquinn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 (edited) Debi- Thank you!! Today has been much better than yesterday. HQ - I'm sorry you're having an Eeyore day. Marty - that story and picture are just precious. My Deedo didn't have a Pooh Bear but she did have her Wakey Dog that is sixty-three years old and showing every day of it. Wakey is on the bed as I write. I always knew I had done something wrong when Wakey would show up. Deedo would get Wakey to snuggle with and shed tears with. Edited October 10, 2015 by Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 11, 2015 Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 11, 2015 Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 Oh Brad, that's beautiful! I never thought of relating to Winnie the pooh, but it fits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 12, 2015 Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 During one of Deedo's many hospitalizations we were talking to one of the hospital's chaplains. Deedo mentioned how surreal it al seemed knowing that she had lung cancer and had known for over a year but still how fresh the disbelief seemed when she would think of it. The chaplain replied she had once heard that the greatest distance known to man was from here ( as she touched her head) to here ( as she touched her heart).That's where I find myself more and more. I know Deedo is dead. I was with her throughout the battle. I was with her as she took her last breath. I stayed with her until the gentleman from Science Care ( she donated her body for research) came and took her. I've known it throughout the past seventy-four days. It strikes me and pummels me frequently. But still I have days where everything seems skewed. Colors are quite right. My world appears akimbo. I cry. I carry on. But life just isn't what I remember to be. I know Deedo is dead and yet my heart can't accept it. My heart rejects it. My heart is desperately seeking for something to fill this gaping hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 12, 2015 Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 I'd love to see a picture of 'Wakey Dog' Brad! He sounds pretty special. I love the fact he was your stand in when you had done something wrong! I wish I had met Deedo, she sounds like a woman after my own heart. The Chaplain was spot on. The head and heart are often at great distances and it is for most humans I think to make decisions about life that are heart rather than head driven. Amen to that I say, but the heart cannot accept what it has lost. In our hearts that were once so full, there is a wife sized hole in yours and a husband sized hole in mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Debi - here it is. Wakey Dog! I just finished meeting with both my support group and my grief counselor so today is a decent day. From what I can tell from these posts you and Deedo would have hit it off famously. You can see why Wakey Dog was such stiff competition for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Brad I know it's hard and the hole is deep. It wouldn't be so hard if you didn't love her so much. When I was where you are now on this grief's journey, I felt much the same and somehow I kept going on. Come to think of it, I don't even know how I survived, but one day at a time it just happened . All those memories of her last days haunted me too. It eases a little with time. One day you will find the hole filled itself. It fills itself with you. You are her. Your life together made you as one. Slowly you start to recognize that she is a part of you and you begin to live again. What I mean is that the hole begins to seem smaller. and then you honor her by living on. Not easy to accept right now I know, but it's still the truth.Debi, it's a hole right now but one day you will be able to touch the sides and peak out over the top. You guys, all of you guys, are in a horrible place so new and raw. My heart goes out to you because I still feel it too. I'm just further down the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Brad, does Wakey Dog sleep on your bed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Oh but of course. Wakey Dog would tattle on me if I put him in a closet or drawer and then I'd be in trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 I figured as much. I keep Kathy's bear on my bed too. Her mom had made it for her years ago and it has her initials KAT on it's foot. My wife was Katherine Alice Thomas so the initials KAT which is why I am KATPILOT. All her friends called her Kat and I ended up flying her for the years we were together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 That is so precious! I like that you all keep this going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Love da bear!!! Looks in better shape than old Wakey Dog. Must have been the old TLC from KAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Brad I am SO happy to meet Wakey dog and he has such a strong personality it shines through the photo! He also looks strangely like me when the alarm clock goes off!! It is a blessing he can't speak Brad because if he is a little tittle tattler then he would have told Deedo everything and you would have spent much time on the 'naughty step' I too have a strong feeling that Deedo is a kindred spirit of mine.I have no doubt she would be delighted that Wakey is comfortable and loved. Bit worried about the cord around his neck though Brad.....My son at birth, was given a floppy dog we called Riff Raff because, quite frankly, he was born looking shall we say 'Raffish' I will try and get my son to take a pic and post it here. Riff Raff could get Max to eat his greens when I couldn't. My late beloved Mom even invented a special voice for him and of course he dressed in tinsel at Xmas and wore bells and smart bows at Easter and carried birthday greetings round his neck. We left Riff Raff on a ferry once by mistake when Max was 3 years old but with a little help of P&O shipping company he was traced, having been missing for over a month, and returned after having sailed all around France. Riff Raff never spoke of those 'lost weeks' and we had the respect never to ask him. Suffice to say he looked more exhausted than we have ever seen him and some of his spots were faded....we suspect Paris was to blame...Kathy's bear is very stylish, I love the kerchief around his neck. He looks cheeky as if he knows something we don't. Do you think Kathy told him her secrets? He looks like he would give seriously good hugs.Gentlemen I want to congratulate on your fine choices of bed coverings for both Wakey Dog and Kat's Bear. Your ladies will be so proud that you are keeping their friends in the manner to which they are obviously accustomed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KATPILOT Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 That is such an incredible story debi. and heartwarming to say the least. There is a dog to keep in the family for what stories he can tell. The story of Kathy's bear is that she was given a mink when she was older but Kathy had a thing about animals and furs were not something she ever wanted to have. her mother then had it turned into the bear and Kathy kept it for her mom's sake. While she never cuddled with that bear, she kept it for many years through all her travels and moves. The bear and I call him "Bear", sat in our house privy to our lives and words, quietly taking it in. After Kathy was gone and soon after her mom as well, I kept that bear on my bed often lying with my head against it. It was like a piece of Kathy and the softest piece I could have. I'm glad I have him and take great care of him. It sounds funny and I know a bit silly yet Kathy just loved "Toy Story", and so did I. You never look at a stuffed animal the same again. I wanted to say about the bed covering. Early on my grief's journey, I never wanted to change a thing in my home. I didn't want to lose the memory if I moved anything. I needed it to stay exactly as it was for she decorated well. Things wear out. You are forced to do something when it happens. The first change I ever made was the bed. I did it though and recognized it as something I did for "myself". Sometimes you have to do something good for yourself at least once a day or once a week or once a month. But you have to. And, when I did it I realized that I was not just one person going out and changing his bedding. I was two people. I had been changed by years of living with and loving that beautiful person. Our tastes became the same. She never made a change without being certain we both liked it. So when I did it, I felt damn good. I looked at the bed and I was tickled. I think Kathy was too. That was the start of my being able to move forward. You can let go and still hold on if that makes any sense.Brad, when I look at your bedding, I can almost hear the wind through the pines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 (edited) Debi - Not to worry about the cord around Wakey's neck; it is the leash Deedo placed there sixty-one years ago since she wanted to take Wakey for walks and a dog must have a leash. Stephen- When Deedo passed we had been living in an apartment in Mesa as for several months she could no longer tolerate the 7,000 altitude of our house. The bed in our house was a converted waterbed with a horrible mattress. When I closed out the apartment after Deedo died, I gave everything away except the bed. I didn't need a California King and the bed from the apartment was far more comfortable. I did not want the bedding though as it was a trigger; everything in the apartment was a trigger. So when I ordered the new bedding I went with the moose design since my granddaughter has always called me "Papa Moosie". I don't know where it came from but it stuck. Edited October 14, 2015 by Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Stephen,I agree, I remember Toy Story from my youth, and I personally thought the dolls and animals came to life after we went to sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 14, 2015 Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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