kevin Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 My solution to peace in the Middle East 20 years ago was for each of the major Auto firms, GM, VW,Toyota, Fiat,Etc build plants throughout Gaza, Egypt, Jordan and the Sinai. Provide employment and Stability to the people of the region.Any place where the youth have 25% unemployment fosters anti everything....... The business case has always been there,(cheap and skilled labour, location, super low taxes) but the whole terror/powder keg mentality dissuades everyone from taking the risk. With the millions of refugees ,it is strange how quiet Saudi Arabia is...Good news today, drove down and bought new battery....900 cold cranking amps...this will start in the North Pole..... have a good evening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Kay, I got conned by a guy who professed to care about Steve like a brother. The details are not important, but it amazes me that people can be so heartless. I have not spoken to him since and never will. We are vulnerable in the shock phase and that I trusted him says more about him than me. He has to live with himself. The sad part is people like that can. Brad, that old saying keeps coming to mind about grief rewriting your address book. Deedo was there for people and they in return did not reciprocate. I have a list of them. But there are others that have come thru I had doubts about. I take what is given with heartfelt gratitude and try not to think of so much that was said after his death that has vanished into the wind. As time pass we find who will treats tsp road with us and who says the 'right things' but are if no action. Not that I required them to do anything, but I did winder why they bothered except maybe feeling it was expected. My appreciation now is of the people that honestly admit they cannot even imagine what I am going thru. Yet, they are there with a hug. It did break my heart for a long time when people disappeared. I wasted a lot of energy on that instead of tending to my broken heart. The way I see it is when we lost our partners we did become vulnerable. Part of learning to live on without them is protecting ourselves now without their help. It's a tough thing to do. I know that is why my computer hit hacked for example. Steve would have saw it coming. I trusted the wrong people. It's eye opening how we depended on that 2nd pair of eyes or gut feeling. I know I did the same for Steve in some circumstances and he was grateful to be saved from something I saw he didn't. So we grieve and we learn. Learning is good, but in this circumstance, it renews the pain. What a Catch 22. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 This guy (John) said he was George's friend, he called a week after the funeral. Makes you wonder! He was "there for me", listened. Looking back I realize he preyed on me, he specifically picked me, he pretended to move here, married me, immediately moved back to Portland to his old place (I realize now he never gave it up), and kept telling me it'd change, etc. He set me up. He used my credit to the tune of $50,000.00 then quit his job and went into hiding with his girlfriend...I caught him living with two different girls (separate times) in our short marriage, but he never did live with me. It was all about using me. He was so good at it though, he knew exactly how to act, what to say, etc. and pretending to care for George was his way in. I was so lonely and desperate for someone to listen and care! I felt incredibly stupid afterwards. Of course, it'll cost me $150,000.00 by the time I pay it all off with the interest, it'll take me until I'm 80! Meanwhile I live like a pauper, barely eating, and it's ruined any chances of a decent retirement. I would have thought they could have got him for fraud or something but because we married, they wouldn't do anything, not even after I filed for divorce and he came back and stole from me while I was at work! It's the most embarrassing part of my life, even though I know it's his bad, not mine, I was the stupid one that fell for it...I was so overcome with grief and loneliness and anxiety, I was ripe for something like this to happen. Maybe if all our friends hadn't disappeared after George's death, maybe if my son wasn't in the service, maybe if my daughter was around...but that isn't what happened, so I guess it's a moot point now. I've warned others away from doing the same thing, hoping that will at least give meaning to my lesson learned. He seemed so nice before we were married and even kept up the pretense the first year, he could talk his way out of anything, but the second year was pure hell and I couldn't get out of it fast enough! His first GF stole my identity, she was a member of the EK (white supremacist gang) so now I have to carefully guard my credit the rest of my life! My advice is to let yourself grieve, give yourself ample time, and if you do see someone, run them by your family/friends in the very beginning and really listen and heed their feedback! If there's any red flags, run! What you need is not someone in your life, but time to grieve. There is no way to circumvent grief, but we have to go straight through it. We have to fully let ourselves feel the pain and experience it. It's the only way to heal! Spend time volunteering, see a grief counselor, join a grief support group, get a dog, learn to live on your own until you are used to it and comfortable with it. You will never feel the same as you did when you had your spouse, but you can adjust to it somewhat. I've fully adjusted to living on my own now and can appreciate solitude...I will never stop missing George, but I've adjusted to this life about as much as is possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 KayC....you could write a mini series on that experience...And you having the courage to share this so commendable. It will save at least one of us a similar fate. This is pretty powerful stuff...thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Gwenivere, I can relate to what you said about people disappearing, breaking your heart and wasting energy on that. That is what I'm doing right now and I'm realizing it's a waste of time. While I try to get that others aren't expected to grieve as long as you do (which is the rest of your life) and they get back to their own in tact perfect lives, I still feel that good friends can check in every now and then. I do have 2 or 3 who do and I tell them I appreciate them still checking in on me. It feels good to just get a 'hey, I'm checking on you, I'm thinking about you. How are you doing?' Some have disappeared and when they do pop up it's about something random and nothing about how I'm still coping. Your Steve was similar to my sister. I'd go straight to her about any snafu for advice or to just fix it. My mac got stuck on the start up screen and I texted and she came right over and told me what to do and that fixed it. I might have figured it out myself, but I'm sure it would have taken hours and tears and frustration with no one else to ask. She was so much to me, and definitely that support and protector and someone I depended on for advice and help. Now I feel so alone because other family members come to me (especially older ones about computer issues) and I can help some, but it was always great to have her by my side to know what I didn't or to just give input and advice. Now I'm expected to fix everything and of course those I'm helping are 100% clueless and can't offer anything. It does make me feel stressed and vulnerable without my sidekick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Kayc, I can't believe the story you just told. That is devastating but I'm glad at the end you shed some hope in that you have adjusted to living on your own and are continuing to do so, even while you miss George dearly and daily. That scum that preyed on you will get his karma one of these, even if you are not around to see it. I'm just so very sorry that you have a reminder in the way of debt of the disgusting thing he did to you. There is no end to some peoples motives to get money. He put the long con on you and I'm sure he did it to someone else. Any of us would have fallen for it. When people are nice and saying what we want and need to hear at the time, we accept it because we are good people and are not expecting our grief to be taken advantage of, of all things! I hope he gets his. Could you file for bankruptcy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Oh Kay. My lovely lady. I want to hug you so much. What evil doers there are in our midst. You wrote with such honesty I could seriously take a noose to the guy (and I am someone who has anxiety swatting a mosquito). Karma will come around and I wouldn't want to be him. I can so see why, when vulnerable as you were, it is such a relief to find someone who will listen to you and seems to be saying all the right things. Shame, shame on him and his 'girlfriends'. I wont even go into the 'White Supremacist' thing...hardly supreme acts were they? I am in shock that no one could help you in authority. This man was a con artist. Simple as. Did you sign documents? I don't know a whole heap about this but under UK law for example, a man - 'husband' - that didn't live with you would be hard pressed to prove he had rights over your property/savings/material goods... Kay, if I win the Euromillions (now at nearly 167 million euro) I will find a way through this site to set you up, My wish is that you would never have to worry again. Lord if I could win it I would know exactly who to help. Oh I know these are pipe dreams but stranger things have happened. I am so worried about you barely eating. Can your daughter or son or both not help you just a little bit ? Some dollars a month would surely help? Yes, you were taken in but without strong friends around us that could be any of us. Still could be with weeping hearts. Your honesty is wonderful. I can truly say I think of you as a good friend. How do I possibly feel this of someone I have never met? Because I miss you when I have had enforced breaks from reading your words. No different to listening to or seeing someone in my book. It is your honesty that always shines through, that and your wish for better for others. Your sage advice is borne out of suffering and experience. You give us all your heart. My lovely Lady. George remains and only George. This was never intended for you, of this I am sure, a life of deprivation. But you give us on this forum such truth and love. That you are not bitter is a miracle. I hug and hug and hug you xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2015 Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Oh Kayc it breaks my heart that you taken so badly. It's a shame that there are people who will take advantage. You are remarkable in sharing this warning to others Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 Kay, I can only echo what everyone else has said. So sorry this happened to you and the courage to express it. That was by far a most cruel thing to do to someone vulnerable. That people can value money above a human being is something I will never understand and hope not to. It's sad we have to learn to protect ourselves from such vermin. You have a good heart, so even if you had to go through this, hold onto that. It is something precious in this big world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2015 > One last thought - If you all would have Mac OS there wouldn't be the consternation over Windows - Windows has always been a pretend wannabe to Apple since the beginning. so tell me, Brad, why did so many Mac users buy Windows for Mac? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted November 21, 2015 Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Gwenivere my beautiful fellow Blondie others may say different but when you 'use Mac there is no going back' it is more expensive and surely more streamlined and more beautiful BUT in my experience more flexible and fast...oh and did I mention...sweet? BUT Window (copycat of Apple) is mighty fine too. All that matters is we are in contact xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2015 Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 One last thing. In all of my years using a Mac I have never been hacked and that's without security software. Nuff said? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 2 hours ago, Brad said: One last thing. In all of my years using a Mac I have never been hacked and that's without security software. Nuff said? Ok, so first you are smug and then you have to rub THAT in? Humph. Cruel, Brad, very cruel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted November 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Debi, you are right. At least we are all in contact. Since I found this place, I don't know what I would do without it, even at the times it makes me sadder. Just to know we are not alone is so validating. Of course while I have come to appreciate you all, had we never met would mean so much less suffering for everyone. But life does end. To be able to share that with others that truly understand is invaluable. I say hugs all around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 21, 2015 Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Brad, The same can be said of Linux. Alas my old laptop died and I had to get a windows one, but at least it is Windows 7. I wish I hadn't upgraded to 10 on my PC! And I am vigilant about updating my AVG security. You know, we all share in this journey together, that's what makes it bearable. The Bible says to "bear one another's burdens", that's what we do here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 21, 2015 Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 BTW, The karma is that his GF (the one he left me for), who was 16 years younger than me, died of liver failure due to excessive drinking. I actually feel sorry for her, he never bothered to pick up her ashes. His mom died. He got throat cancer. Even though he's in remission, he doesn't have long to live. And the GF he's with now...she's seen him through the cancer treatments but if she's looking for love and appreciation, it'll never be found in him. He is a narcissist and incapable of love. He doesn't even have the ability to recognize a good thing when he sees it. You asked about bankruptcy. I could have filed at the time, but I chose not to for ethical reasons. My creditors extended credit to ME based on MY honesty and credit history. To screw them out of their money after they trusted me, just because I made a bad judgment call, doesn't seem right to me. I remortgaged my house, which I'd already remortgaged when George died, to pay the hospital/doctor/ambulance bills. Right now I owe $86,000.00 on a 37 year old mobile home that I'd previously had paid off. That's why I can't sell it, it isn't worth what I owe and needs a lot of work. I do believe, however, that God will take care of me and I just pray I can get it paid off before I die so my kids don't get hit with the mess. Sometimes consequences are very high and I am living them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 21, 2015 Report Share Posted November 21, 2015 Kayc - To have all of that on top of what you are still going through losing George is so unfair. You are truly an amazing person. You bring so much wisdom and compassion to all of us who are just beginning our journey of aloneness. I had a brother-in-law who sounds like he could have been cut from the same cookie cutter (or die) as your swindler. He died a little over a year ago and it was three days before anyone missed him. He left carnage everywhere he travelled and left everyone he met that much poorer and cynical. But he died alone with no one except my wife to truly grieve his passing. I do believe in Karma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 I believe in karma too, and John is an example of it. But I don't relish in his misfortunes, I still care for the man I thought he was, but that man never really existed. It's weird but when you realize it's an illusion, you have to undo everything, file for divorce, take him off bank accounts, do what you need to protect yourself, but it feels like it's tearing you apart inside...meanwhile they haven't a regard or feeling for you! He is a true narcissist and they are to be run from. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 Oh Kay... Your story brought me to tears.....how bloody awful that this happened to you!!! That man was/is evil, pure and simple! He'll have to answer for it someday....but you, unfortunately, are left with the bitterness of what he brought into your life. I'm glad you are able to write about it here....it definitely serves as a cautionary tale for others. I hope that you will be able, somehow, to get from under your burden of debt, such a high price to pay for trusting someone when you were fragile emotionally. Bless you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 The getting out from the debt is one painstaking day at a time, for many many years to come. If it were not for that, I think it'd be easier to put it in the past and let it go, but it's a reminder each day that I struggle to get by. It's easy for me to see what happened in his psyche...from what I've read, it usually happens when they're a small child, not something they're born with genetically. When he was three years old his dad put a gun to his head (his dad was a Portland cop) to get his mom to do what he wanted. I think that's when it happened. He had a lot of horrid childhood experiences, but not everyone with a horrible childhood becomes a Narcissist, my George had an even worse upbringing and he was one of the most caring people I've ever met! He did get a lot of therapy though and worked on himself throughout his lifetime. It interesting how differently people respond to things. For that matter, I had a pretty bad childhood. We can't ever use that as an excuse, but I'm just saying, I can see what took place in John. He's disappeared from my screen, I blocked him and his GF on FB. Interestingly enough, I recently ran across evidence that he set me up...I ran across it on line...he'd filed a business name, email address, physical address, etc. separate from the "cover business" he'd led me to believe, and that's the one he undoubtedly poured the money into...he did this a year before I divorced him...I was set up all along and didn't know it, although I've long since suspected. I just hadn't realized it was so blatant. This wasn't a matter of circumstances evolving, this was his planning and carrying out using me and my credit for his gain and then discarding me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 Ugh, Kay. I'm angry for you. And yeah, like you said, seeing the debt he left you with is a constant reminder, but at least you are rid of him and he is not having a happy life either, if I remember. It's tough dealing with something so emotional (grief and loss of a loved one) with something else that takes an emotional toll. You want to scream "one thing at a time!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 22, 2015 Report Share Posted December 22, 2015 Yes, it all piles up, doesn't it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now