4 months and it is not better

[Gin]

My husband has been gone 4 months and some days it seems like yesterday.  Anything out of the ordinary sets me off.  I drove my daughter to her job after she visited me today.  I got lost coming home and got very upset.  She has a new cell phone and I did not have her new number in my phone.  I had absolutely no idea how to get home.  I pulled into a shopping center and could not park. I asked 2 people and they were not sure.  I always counted on Al for directions.  Finally a nice man figured out how I should go.  I will never go out of the neighborhood again without a detailed map.  Things that would be a nuisance are now a calamity.  I was crying because I was lost and crying because Al was not here to help me.  I am really bad with directions and should probably stay home.

Gin

[Gin]

One good thing.  My daughter works with disabled adults.  Group homes and workshop.  Most of  these people have almost nothing.  We packed up a few bags of Al's shirts, shoes and coats to give them.  They were so excited to get some "new" things. She sent me a picture of one of them wearing Al's coat.  This one has to wear a protective head helmet.  Al would have liked that.

[KarenK]

Gin,

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sure it was frightening. Although Phoenix metro is a huge area, I rarely leave my Scottsdale neighborhood. I do not have a GPS so if I am going somewhere unfamiliar, I google map it beforehand. My biggest problem is that my eyesight is not the best, so I really have to look at the street signs. All in all, I get around okay.

What a good idea to donate Al's things to these people in need. I gave most of Ron's things to White Dove Thrift Shop, associated with Hospice Of The Valley. I took all of the unopened insulin, heart meds, etc. to the St. Vincent De Paul Clinic. Opened ones went to the local hospital for disposal.

IMHO, 4 months is too soon to get "better". I don't think any of us will be better, just somewhat accepting of the terrible tragedies we have endured. I no longer wait for Ron to call from the family room asking me to see something on TV or for the weekly telephone call from my daughter saying "Whatca doin', Mom". It still hurts just as much now as it did in the beginning.

Peace to you,

Karen

[kayc]

Gin, I hope you can buy a GPS because it'd be worth it's weight in gold.  I'm okay in this area but if I go to Portland or the little back woods towns like where my son lives, it really helps.

I'm glad you were able to do something with Al's clothing that HE would have liked.  I did that with George too, gave them to Sponsors, I know he would have wanted that, he always cared about the down and outers that needed a hand up.

Karen, at least Phoenix is laid out in a grid that makes sense, here in Oregon, everything is designed around rivers and mountains and NOTHING makes sense.  Add Eugene to the mix and you have all these one way streets invariably going the wrong way, taking you way out of your way!

BTW, in my opinion, "getting better" is a relative term...we won't ever be the same, but we can "get better" than we felt at first!

[mittam99]

Gin...

I'm at 11 months without my dear Tammy. There is no doubt in my mind that for those of us madly in love, the pain and sense of loss never goes away. All you can do is take one day at a time.

[Gin]

Karen, thanks for your thoughts.  This sure is a hard journey for all of us.

[Gin]

Kaye,. Thanks for your suggestion about the GPS.  I actually have one, but I was not going that far and thought I would be OK.  I was going to the town where  my other daughter lives.  Somehow, I got all messed up.  Brain fogged up.  Did not even know which direction I was going.  I will always bring it with from now on.  We are on a hard road with lots of bumps in it.  

Gin

[Guest Janka]

On ‎7‎.‎2‎.‎2016 at 1:03 AM, Gin said:

My husband has been gone 4 months and some days it seems like yesterday.  Anything out of the ordinary sets me off.  I drove my daughter to her job after she visited me today.  I got lost coming home and got very upset.  She has a new cell phone and I did not have her new number in my phone.  I had absolutely no idea how to get home.  I pulled into a shopping center and could not park. I asked 2 people and they were not sure.  I always counted on Al for directions.  Finally a nice man figured out how I should go.  I will never go out of the neighborhood again without a detailed map.  Things that would be a nuisance are now a calamity.  I was crying because I was lost and crying because Al was not here to help me.  I am really bad with directions and should probably stay home.

Gin

Dear Gin,

I´m sorry for such troubles as you had!

Hugs from Janka

 

[hollowheart]

On 2/7/2016 at 6:03 PM, Gin said:

Things that would be a nuisance are now a calamity.

This spoke so much truth to me. You hit it square on. This is a pre-text to how I will be when I get my car. When I had rented a car my sister was here. I'm verrrrrrrrrry late in learning how to drive and had just gotten my license. I had rented a car and had it less than an hour when I swiped the back of a parked UPS truck. We had to call the police and everything. I was glad she was with me, and told her that, I was scared and very nervous.

I will more than likely be driving alone now (as a NEW driver!) and it does terrify me. I know had I been in your situation with her we would have laughed about being lost and probably found some new places along the way and stopped and shopped, lol. But being lost would have been a mild annoyance, as you said. Now, it's like a missile strike coming. She was also my protector and just someone to help me figure things out.

Now we're just flailing on our own and it's not by choice. It's very frustrating.

[kayc]

Gin, I leave my GPS in the glovebox...visibly they are an attraction some will break in to the car for, so my son taught me when I am not using it, put it out of sight and lock my car.  I get it out whenever I am going somewhere I am not familiar with.

HH, George used to take my mom with him so she could have a ride and get out, and she'd be wondering where they were going if it wasn't someplace SHE was familiar with, and he'd answer, "We're taking the scenic route, mom!"  and that would satisfy her.  So now I'm older and haul my sister around, as she no longer drives out of town and she gets that same worried look my mom used to and I tell her, "We're taking the scenic route!".   Think of it as a chance to explore and learn new places!  There's no place driven to that you can't get back from.  My son used to tell me (re: the computer, years ago), there's nothing on it that can't be fixed!