Missing Dad Gets Harder

[hokie_erica]

Im nineteen, and my dad died right before this past christmas becuase he didnt recieve a liver transplant in time. It just seems like it gets harder and harder to deal with. I keep getting behind on my school work...and my grades are suffering. I also feel lonely because none of my friends know how to comfort me and they act weird about it or avoid it all together. I cant expect for them to understand how i feel, but it makes it harder. Even my fiance tries to help but he thinks it is bad to cry, and i thought it was ok. I guess he just tries to help me not be upset. I just wondered if any one else felt like this.

[Guest Kristin]

I am 27 and I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack (right in front of me) about a year and a half ago. I still have a hard time dealing with it. I've been spaced out for the last week and half, can't concentrate at work. I think it came up again because my mother-in-law passed away 2 weeks ago. Most of my friends avoided me and some still do. It's too hard for them, especially if they haven't suffered any significant loss in their life. We are both pretty young and so our friends are probably less likely to have experienced death than people who are older.

It IS OKAY TO CRY!! Don't let anyone tell you it isn't. You need that emotional release. I was crying just this morning, in fact, after all this time has passed. And all I can tell you (since I've had a little more time since my dad died) is that, dumb as it sounds, it will get a little easier with the passage of time. It's not particularly comforting to hear, especially right after a death, but it has turned out to be true. You eventually cry a little less frequently, smile a little more, start to enjoy the old things again. But, you'll always have that hole in your heart. At least, I do. And I wouldn't want it any other way, honestly, because I loved my dad SO MUCH and I would never want to forget him and what he was like even if it means there will always be that twinge in the pit of my stomach when I think about him.

Just HANG IN THERE! Cry if you need to, maybe try writing in a journal (if you don't already). Journaling helped me a lot, especially when I was feeling like no one understood. Eventually, this WILL get easier. Don't forget that.

[Daddy's Girl]

I too lost my dad about two weeks before Christmas. I was 23 and he was only 52 (just turned 52). I felt the same way at first. Everytime I went to the house (my parents), it seemed harder than the time before. Everyday that passed made it seem more real. I cried more instead of less. I am a teacher and currently working on my masters degree and at first it was all snow balling on me and I thought I couldn't handle it. I just kept pushing myself through so that way I wouldn't think about it. I haven't decieded yet if that was a good idea or not. Luckily, I have a very supportive husband. This weekend was hard and I cried for about 2 hours Saturday morning and he just hugged me and told me he loved me. Don't let anyone tell you that its not okay to cry. It is more than okay to cry, it can actually make you feel better after a while. My dad had liver cancer and we found out too late. We all found out on a Wednesday and the following Saturday he was gone. There wasn't even a chance for him to discuss getting a liver transplant. Everytime I think about it I feel more and more alone. My birthday just passed and it was so hard knowing that he wasn't going to call me and say "happy birthday." There is nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better. Just know that the pain will seem less as time goes on. There will be major milestones in your life where it will be hard to get through it without him, but you will get through it, even though it doesn't always seem like it.

Good luck to you and remember to make sure you take care of yourself.

Dayna

[Steve]

It just seems like it gets harder and harder to deal with. I keep getting behind on my school work...and my grades are suffering. I also feel lonely because none of my friends know how to comfort me..... I just wondered if any one else felt like this.

my heart goes out to you.

I lost my mom at 17. from a combination of things. she had two heart attacks previously, but also had chronic astma. she died dec 20, 1989. i was 17. in some ways i feel stuck at that age. i know i didnt enjoy college as i was depressed i think, and never had anyone to talk to.

i found out later it is called Complicated grief, and esp. if there are any profound issues re: the loss, it can make it that much worse. i had found my mom, and had to perform cpr on her even though she was gone.

from my own experiences, and after putting some pieces together, i will tell you that if i had to do it over again, i would definitely seek some form of grief counseling or other service. living with things like guilt and other feelings will take a terrible toll on the psyche. and i can attest to that. it cetainly held me back in any number of ways.

God bless. Losing a loved one is somehting we all dread and all have to face one day.

Steve

[Still a Daughter]

We are all on this site because of our loss. I lost my father last Thanksgiving and know all too well the empty and lonely feeling. Father's provide a sense of comfort that no one else can fill. As others have said the painful grief will lessen over time. Not that we forget our loved ones, but the pain becomes tolerable. Don't let anyone ridicule or hurry you in your grief. There is no amount of time that is correct for grief. Allow yourself the time it takes to help you move on to honor and celebrate your dad's life.

Good luck, you are still a daughter.

[Seanboy]

You can come here and we'll all cry together hows that My mom died a little over a month ago and I cry everyday Erica. I still meet moms friends who didn't know she died and without knowing ask me how she is and then I have to let them know. And then we all start crying LOL, and its ok to do that.

Tears are little drops of love my friend, always remember that, pleaase don't ever hold them back.

Huge hugs coming your way,

Sean..........................

[FUNNYFACE]

You can come here and we'll all cry together hows that My mom died a little over a month ago and I cry everyday Erica. I still meet moms friends who didn't know she died and without knowing ask me how she is and then I have to let them know. And then we all start crying LOL, and its ok to do that.

Tears are little drops of love my friend, always remember that, pleaase don't ever hold them back.

Huge hugs coming your way,

Sean..........................

I just opened this site again because I am feeling so very alone.....I have lost both parents this past year and just sold the house I was raised in....went by there today to see what the new owners have done to fix it up and I should not have done that........it just tore all the wounds of losing them open again......it's been 6 months since my Mother died....I have gone back to work ( didn't need to financially) because I thought it would help ease some of the pain....I don't think it matters how old we are or what kind of experience we have had with our parents....when they are really gone..it hurts....even if there was bad blood before their death you knew that you could always try to patch things up another day .....but once they are gone ....that is it....I was lucky....I had 2 parents that I knew everyday loved me and that is what I try to convey to my son.....I don't want him to wonder after I am gone....Did she really love me.....can't believe that I am just rambling on and on......we are all in this together and I have found such comfort here.........