I am watching my girlfriend's life unravel!

[ChinUp54]

Those of us that come from toxic families understand completely and feel for you.  You have to protect yourself first when it comes to family. There is a reason I live in the middle of the country while the bulk of my family is on the west coast, Arizona and Michigan. I too am happy for your sister's pregnancy and for the good relationship the two of you have.  One step at a time and one day at a time. Wishing you the best.

[I Don't Believe This]

Her phone is completely dead and since she is a modern woman there is no land line, no internet connection in her house. Everything is done through mobile data on her phone. Thus no skype, no facebook, and so on.

It is technology enforced no contact. But it is ok.

We spoke on the phone Friday before her phone died, and then I got an email from her at work saying it was dead. The battery burned up and fried the whole phone.

I did call her at work for about 30 seconds on Monday to tell her about the my sister's pregnancy.

But today we talked for about 15 minutes. I had work news to catch her up on and wanted to tell her more about sister's baby beyond the quick YAY. Plus I have a series of business meetings in Orange County to schedule for next week. Orange County is where she is from and where she owned her own business for many years. So we talked about all her favorite places to have business lunches. 

I did ask how she is doing, her answer is "I am upright" and then she said, "I had queen - another one bites the dust - stuck in my head and it made me cry for three days" 

Apple "Sent" her a new phone but yesterday all that arrived was an empty box. So she had to go to her office, get apple on the phone, cancel the first request, make a new lost phone request and she will be without phone for another week or so. 

No Contact sucks. It sucks more when you are not really no contact and just trying to manage contact to minimize stress. 

[kayc]

Gosh, what happened to them overnighting a phone?!  I remember the day...

For someone to be without their cellphone in today's day and age really grinds them to a screeching halt!  So much for Apple caring.  Well I hope she gets it SOON!  How do you send an empty box?  They don't weigh them when they go out?

It's particularly hard given all she is going through.  

Good luck in Orange Country...L.A.?

 

[I Don't Believe This]

I don't know why they won't overnight. I didn't ask. As far a receiving an empty box, phones get stolen.

I am not a member of the Apple cult and use Android phones on Verizon network. When I have a problem I go to the nearest Verizon store and they sort it out right there.

[I Don't Believe This]

UPDATE

She has a phone again. Communication is back on. She is talking very vaguely about the future. It is encouraging to hear her talk as if she can see beyond what is happening now. 

We accidentally stumbled into a conversation about the future. Planning some future dates in Southern California. I was there on business and she was guiding me to some of her favorite places. I asked her to save some for when we can go together and the conversation kept on moving. After a few minutes I stopped the conversation.

While she was a digital exile and we could not contact each other I sent her a card, a short hand written letter, and a little drawing I made for her. She has not received them yet. It was mailed Monday before I left Oregon and should arrive tomorrow. The letter is short, the card is a simple sympathy card in which I wrote a Tennyson quote, and the drawing is birds, she loves birds. 

No one else has passed away in the last few weeks, but life is still hard for her. She told me today that she is considering a entering an inpatient mental health facility for 30 to 60 days. I support the decision, but I also know it might be 30 to 60 more days of no contact. 

I am in Florida now. Farther away from her than I have ever been and I am so sad. I still cry for her every day and I have not slept a full night in almost three months now.

[kayc]

I'm glad you have contact again.  It's got to be difficult to grasp so much going on at once.  Where will her little boy be if she enters a facility?  I'd be concerned about his well being, being gone so long, esp. with his dad not doing well.

My heart goes out to you, I know this is hard.  At least she hasn't broken up with you, that is optimistic!

[I Don't Believe This]

She found a facility that will take her and her son. They would both be going together.

She hasn't decided yet though. 

[ChinUp54]

So happy to hear communication is back on! It sounds like she is making healthy choices for herself and realizes she needs some expert assistance.  As for you friend, I remember the days of crying and not being able to sleep. Are you caring for yourself?  As difficult as it is, and we've all been there, focus on joy and what makes you happy even for moments at a time. Allowing ourselves to feel what we are feeling is important in healing, as you well know. We are here for you and rooting for you both!

[kayc]

ChinUp,

It's good you have your love of horses to occupy your time and give you a passion.  

Don't Believe This,

Has she gone into the facility yet?

[I Don't Believe This]

She has not entered the inpatient program. She is waiting on clearance for FMLA from work, insurance paperwork and so on. It may be a few weeks. 

She has been talking a lot more the last few days. Outwardly she is doing better. She has been calling me and I can hear it in her voice. She no longer has a monotone resignation when she talks.

Getting back to our call schedule is nice. She calls me on her way to work in the morning and on her way home from work in the afternoon. Those are the two times she is alone and can talk. The remainder of the time she is at work, or making dinner for her son or otherwise busy. She texts when she is doing other things. 

Texting has increased a lot too. She is asking me more about my work. I am sending her pictures of strange swamp bugs and critters to show her son. I got a few up close gator pictures too. 

I am much more confident that she is going to hold on to our relationship. This confidence spurred the really big conversation below. She is starting to talk about kids again. Not in terms of when or planning one for us but just in general and how they are important to her. She is also starting to talk about the future with her son. Such as teaching him to drive and things she wants to do. She is also excited about my sister having a baby. She loves babies and is aware that if things went as originally planed she would be an aunt for the first time. I am not sure how this fits in with losing her sisters, one of which was trying to conceive when the cancer diagnosis came in.

I do take care of myself. I walk 4 miles to a gym, workout for 90 minutes and walk 4 miles back. It is a total of about 4 hours of activity a day. Without it I would probably not sleep at all. 

We were talking ever so gently about the future. I have been very careful to try and keep all conversations day to day but she had been leaning that way in talking. I said to her, "I am trying to be very conscious of what I say, and not pressure you or say things that will bring on more grief feelings. Sometimes I have difficulty with this and I need feedback from you to know if I am screwing up. - Am I screwing up?" She replied, "No."

And this brings me to the really big conversation. I finally had the chance to, in detail, lay out what I do for a living. We have known each other for almost a year and either due to time constraints or situation my work is complex and my conversations about work has always been in bits and pieces. 

What follows is not an exaggeration and I think I may have accidentally put some pressure on her but I couldn't cover the subject without this level of detail. I also know that this is likely an extension of the grief problems and relationships not likely seen on these forums. 

She is a businesswoman and entrepreneur who ran who her own business for six years. She had 10-15 employees, successful operations and the 80-100 hour work week that comes with operating a small business. When she became a single mom she realized that the lifestyle of being a businesswoman was not really conducive to her new role in single motherhood. She took the experience and bartered that into a very well paying state government job in her field where she has a 40 hour work week, fantastic benefits and retirement, and, in her words, she is someone else's HR problem.

This is one of the many things that really attracted me to her. She and I have both got the same financial views and goals but she has a strategy that minimizes risk, I have a strategy that maximizes opportunity. Having the same views is critical to a relationship, but our differing strategies create a win-win team situation where she can hold down the financial fort while I take on the business world. In addition she has skills in wealth management, finance, investment and so on. Her mother is a professional financial adviser.

In the first couple of months of dating I discussed projects. Armor project, server farm project. and so on. I gave her enough information so she knew it was real, but to get into details really does take hours. Since this ordeal started in April, we just haven't had the hours to sink into this sort of talk. Throughout the briefer talks in the past, or through out the usual how was your day talks, I have mentioned to her that a future together is likely to be highly successful and we would not have to worry about money. She had already brought up a prenup because she has significant assets of her own and we have both already agreed to certain financial concessions regarding marriage. 

So last night we had the business talk. She and I had been talking around it and I asked if she would like to hear everything. The whole big picture. I am only going to go into bullets here but it was about three - four hours of me explaining over text. She was totally silent. (We communicate a lot by text, before her dad fell we would send about 50 - 60 texts a day to each other)

• I have four partners - she has heard me talk about them but I explicitly described each of them.
• We have built a huge network (1000s of people) of young executives, investors, economic development agencies, market resources, university labs and government labs.
• We identify early stage technologies in labs, form agreements with the labs, pull the tech into a start-up, use our network to fill the company with executive team, investors, engineers and reach out to our marketing network
• The five of us are the primary strategists. We each specialize in different areas - Talent Recruiting, Finance/Investment, Marketing/Sales, Negotiations, Science and Engineering (ME).
• I am the gatekeeper reviewing every single technology we consider and we operate with labs globally. In the last two years I have reviewed over 20000 pieces of technology around the world. I work remotely in Europe, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Russia and more. I know where technology is being developed, who is developing it and where the front bleeding edge of technology lies on the entire globe.
• Each technology I approve of we pass through to the company building process. Each project she was aware of is actually a new start-up company.
• In two years we have built about 40 companies and have 30 more in cue right now and should be at 100 started by the end of 2017
• Each technology that I approve of I own 5% of the equity in the new start-up.
• We fully expect a percentage of these companies to fail, but they are set up independent and if one goes down the rest continue forward.
• The probability of all of them failing is essentially zero.
• Of the 40 companies in our portfolio nine will be releasing products in the next 6 to 12 months. Two are being nibbled on for acquisition. We are in weekly talks with companies like Google, Microsoft, Boeing, Airbus, Lockheed, Dow and Dupont, GE. 
• All we really need to do is keep turning the wheel and ride this bus forward.

To get a picture of the scope of this

One of the companies, I own 5% of, is likely to hit 10 billion in cumulative revenue over the first 10 years. That is Just one of what will become hundreds of companies over the next 3-5 years. 

So last night after detailing all the bullets I told her. 

"I know that I have spoken of projects and I know you understood that they were real and I was doing real work. Meaning I wasn't some unemployed person lying to you about some crazy stuff I am involved in or trying to sell you a pipe dream. But I am telling you all this because I want you to know just how real and how big the scope of what we (my partners and I) are doing. I want you to look forward to being my lifetime partner on this journey with the understanding that there is the very real and not far-fetched possibility that I hand you a multi-million dollar check to put into a fund for the both of us and ask you to manage it."

She was completely silent for a long while and then I heard

"I am still chewing on this." 

And eventually, 60 minutes later

"It is late, I need to sleep, I will call you tomorrow." 

I know she was overwhelmed and will need a few days. Even if there wasn't grief she would have likely been overwhelmed. 

She called this morning. We had a good conversation - the same as we have been having. She will call again on her way home.

She knows that what I was saying was not me asking her for an answer regarding the future, but me stating my intentions and vision. I won't pressure her for some sort of decision. I should also add that last weekend I offered to cover living expenses if she decided that she simply wants to take a year off work. She loves her job and she doesn't want to, but knows the offer is there if she decides she needs it. I don't think during that conversation she realized exactly how I could take care of that.

So anyway I do have some challenges.

She is independent to a point of fault. I admire her strong independent nature, but she will fail to accept assistance when she obviously needs it. I am not talking about taking a year off or going into an inpatient health facility to deal with depression, that is for her to decide if she needs it and she is doing that. I am talking about simpler day to day stuff. I need to get my pets washed, do chore x, do chore y. I say I can help you with some of that and I almost always get - Its not your problem I don't want help. Even though I know one of the things causing additional stress during these times is simply managing day to day life. I cannot do anything to make her grief go away but I could eliminate sources of stress.

How do I help someone who is so fiercely independent realize that asking or accepting assistance and partnership isn't giving up independence or becoming dependent on someone?

I know she fears being dependent on someone. I know she is doing the calculus in her head, while checking off boxes - Good dad, loves me, etc and now has to add to that stupidly successful and needs to reconcile this with her thoughts on independence. 

Is this the type of thing that could or would be addressed in couples counseling? I want to suggest it but not until after she goes through the inpatient program and I am back in the same state of course. I also thing couples counseling would help me better understand her grief.

She has (in the past) told me that she needs something to do for work and she cannot simply be a stay at home mom. This is something I never asked of her, but she volunteered that she just needs a daily activity to keep her mind active. While we were blissfully planning the future she had given me some ideas as to what her dream opportunities would be. I am going to let this sit for a while and not talk about finance again until after the inpatient time.

But how would you wiser women of these forums suggest that I approach her on maybe pursuing something that is more of a dream than a job (which she does enjoy) that is primarily to support her and her son.?

Her job deals with workman's compensation claims and she has to deal with claims of people dying on the job and I know she struggles with that aspect of it. I want to be able to let her have the opportunity free herself from that and do something she truly loves. She is a type one diabetic and one of her "dreams" was to be sponsoring research into diabetes and diabetes technology. I can very easily make that dream a reality for her.

I wish there had been a better way to bring this up with better timing. My life is hurtling forward fast. My partners and I could be selling two companies in the next six months at which point we will be fully capitalized and the machine will start accelerating. I can dole out some information to my girlfriend slower, pick and choose my moments, but there is a certain level of urgency to what I am doing in my business life that affects my personal life. I do believe that she is intelligent and strong enough to be able to suppress her grief in a manner to handle short conversations about the future. For instance last night I just told the story of my partners and I, and then at end gave one brief paragraph of where she fit in. 

One final thought.... 

Marty - sometime in the next year or two your website will get a substantial donation

ChinUp - What are your favorite horse sanctuaries?

This goes for you too Kayc. Do you have a favorite place that could use a donation in the next couple years?

[ChinUp54]

I Don't Believe This~

First of all - wow! I'm attempting to absorb what you've written and can understand her needing a moment to take it all in, but I'm sure she will.  Your future looks very promising and I'm happy for you!

Let me speak to the question about her independence.  I too am independent to a fault, but have had to be as I too am a single parent. When my BF and I got together he insisted on paying for everything, always, even at the grocery store when I'm buying dog food for my 3 dogs or household supplies.  And there were times I refused to let him pay because yes, it was my responsibility and I can take care of myself. Over time I learned to accept more of his generosity because that made him happy and is a huge part of who he is.  I've supported myself and my daughter since she was in kindergarten and am by no means needy in any form of the word. That independence and self-sufficiency is a big part of who I am.  Someone told me at one point to get used to him insisting on paying for everything and simply enjoy it, so I made an effort.  Also, when he would visit me sometimes he would vanish and just fix things like my mailbox and the hinge on the back door. He didn't ask permission just did it. It's who he is. I believe that if you tell her how much you admire her independence, but also explain that it is very important to you to help her out in whatever manner you see fit and that's you simply being you, it would mean a lot to you to be able to step up and help here and there. I hope that makes sense.

As far as horse sanctuaries, you just blew me away with that question.  There are several that come to mind.  Most recently I have been working with a nonprofit group Colorado Miracle Feedlot Horses that rescues horses from a local feedlot who are at risk of shipping to slaughter in Mexico. The website is www.coloradofeedlothorses.com.  This amazing group has morphed into a rescue as well which is run by my friend Taryn -- High Hopes Ranch & Rescue in Commerce City, CO.  This facility is only roughly six months old and is a work in progress. In 2015 our group saved roughly 5,000 horses from slaughter and will exceed that number this year.  I'm happy to give you more information on that if you are interested. 

The second one that comes to mind is the sanctuary at which I keep my own personal horse - Steps Foundation Sanctuary for Horses and Humans in Longmont, Colorado.  At this facility they offer workshops for people who have suffered trauma through their program "Horses Mending Hearts" and also programs for veterans with PTSD through equine facilitated healing.  They do amazing work and it is life-changing to say the least. 

The last one that comes to mind is Sacred Peaks Equine Sanctuary in Flagstaff, Arizona which is run by my friend Kathy Oliver. She rescues horses through the feedlot group, rehabilitates and re-homes them.  She also takes in neglected horses locally in AZ. Most recently she took in a severely neglected horse from the Havasupai Reservation in the Grand Canyon who, along with several other horses, were not fed or given vet care but worked daily carrying packs up and down the trail in the Grand Canyon. He is underweight with sores on his back from being forced to carry packs.  He now is safe with Kathy's rescue being fed well and cared for like he deserves.

These women I mention are living the life I only dream of - having their own property to rescue and rehab horses.  We love the horses (all animals actually) and it is so important to give a voice to the voiceless. Being part of this group is what has helped me move forward more than anything. So as I always say - focus on joy.

As far as your GF you mentioned she loves horses too - what else is she passionate about?  I recall asking my BF one time if he could do anything he wanted for a living what would he do and he told me he would build custom motorcycles.  You mentioned your GF is a type one diabetic, as is my daughter.  Sponsoring research into diabetes is very needed and I know my daughter applauds anyone who gets closer to a cure for her. It's an unforgiving disease and very hard on everyone if not handled well.  I believe you're asking the right questions and will likely find more than one dream for her!

My response is longer than I expected. My apologies. I hope this helps.

[kayc]

I think the more it sinks into her that you are able to support her and want to because you truly care about her and her son, perhaps she will be more willing to consider accepting help from you.  I understand her desire to be independent, especially if she's always had to or never had anyone she could trust before.  Part of marriage is learning to lean on each other and not thinking of your collective assets as his or her's, but as ours, that is, being a team that pools together to achieve common goals.

My true love is animal rescue...that's why I think the https://www.aspca.org/ is so good.  They do amazing work.  My dog was a rescue.  My neighbor rescues cats.  A friend rescues anything that needs it.  That's where my love lies, animals.

In reading about the bugs you found, I can imagine her little boy finds that really fascinating.  Does he have a microscope?  My son got one we he was about six, he loved it!

I'm glad you guys are able to talk about everything, that's so important!  I'm amazed at what you accomplish and still have time to spend four hours a day on exercise!  I used to spend a couple of hours a day on meditation/prayer and another two hours on exercise, that was in my forties.  I'm afraid I don't begin to equal that in my sixties.

[I Don't Believe This]

The help I was talking about wasn't just financial. Even just doing things, like fixing hinges, ruffles her feathers. It is a bit frustrating to know that I could be making her life easier and giving her more time to focus on healing but she refuses out of stubborn independence. It is important to note that I have not confronted her or tried to bring it up at all since April because it would make things worse. I am just trying to figure out how to help her transition to being a member of a team.

In March we discussed this and she admitted it would be hard for her to have a real partner in life because she has never had that. Her ex-husband was clearly never a useful member of the "Team". She also takes her independence so seriously that she never asks members of her family for help and finds help intrusive.

As far as her dreams. 

She loves gardening. She has told me she would like to be the head gardener at a big public garden. I have always wanted to build my own custom home in the country on acreage - she has as well. This will be one of the first things I do in the next couple years. A couple weeks ago I designed a passive solar heated green house that can survive Montana winters and keep temperatures comfortable inside to allow growing year round. The greenhouse can accommodate hydroponics and solar panels to operate pumps. 

For the diabetes research when she said she always needed to work, I asked, "Well what would you do if you won a massive payout in the lottery?" She outlined the following path.

• Go back to school, get a degree in medicine without going for being a doctor
• Start a non-profit diabetes research foundation
• Use her medicine knowledge and business knowledge to run it

I can make that happen - I can put her gardens and green houses at our future property and help her establish the foundation she wants to run. 

Things are lean right now. My partners and I are operating completely in the red and have been for two years. We have burned through about 5 million getting this operation going. But the light at the end of the tunnel is here and it is not a matter of if but when. And WHEN it happens I plan to offer her that path. I am concerned about scaring her away with such a large opportunity.  

I am finding bugs, toads, cranes, gators, armadillos, flamingos and many other critters. I don't think her son has a microscope - yet. I have all sorts of science stuff when we integrate families. 

An important date is coming up. Next Monday is a milestone in our relationship that eliminates terms of her custody agreement with her ex-husband. We will have been together long enough to scratch some of the more offensive and controlling terms off the list. I have flowers scheduled to be delivered at her office on Monday. 

 

[kayc]

5 hours ago, I Don't Believe This said:

Next Monday is a milestone in our relationship that eliminates terms of her custody agreement with her ex-husband.

That is great news!!

What would she do if you were married and she had something debilitating happen and NEEDED your help?  Doesn't she understand this is just what people DO that love you?  Maybe some couples counseling would help the two of you through this hurdle.  This is important not only for her, but for YOU.  I would suggest both of you read "The Five Love Languages" (can get it on Amazon).  It's a very short and simple book that is essential that couples read.  They talk about the five love languages, it's important to know each other's primary, secondary, and even third way of showing love, and even more important that you be speaking to each other in the OTHER'S love language.  Yours could be service (doing things for her and if she refuses your help, you can feel stymied when it comes to loving her.  I was so fortunate when George and I were married because we spoke each other's love languages so we each felt loved.  But even if a person doesn't have the same love language as the other, they can learn to show it in the other's language so they feel loved.  When I was married to my kids' dad (23 years) we had different love languages and neither of us felt loved.  What a difference this book could have made to us back then!

I sense some frustration...I hope she understands that by her refusing your help, it can feel to you like a rejection of your love.

[ChinUp54]

I sure would have loved to have someone around to help when I had to replace my garbage disposal myself recently.

And I agree with Kayc - fantastic news! It's going to get better, I can just feel it!

Cheers!

[I Don't Believe This]

2 minutes ago, kayc said:

What would she do if you were married and she had something debilitating happen and NEEDED your help? 

She has actually addressed this. She flat out told me that if she got cancer she would not want any help and want someone to leave her and not waste their life watching her decline. She would rather die alone than let someone watch.

[kayc]

4 minutes ago, ChinUp54 said:

 

I sure would have loved to have someone around to help when I had to replace my garbage disposal myself recently.

 

Well they're BOTH out of my league!  I have a hard time figuring out how to replace the string in the weed-whacker!   I'm a great Office Mgr. and Bookkeeper, but anything with more than one part and I'm in trouble (NOT mechanically inclined)!

[kayc]

Okay, counseling...you just can't do that to your spouse.  Marriage is about interdependence.

[ChinUp54]

Oh Kayc - I surely didn't enjoy it but had to get it done. A repair person came out and quoted me $449 to replace it. Ridiculous.

 

6 minutes ago, I Don't Believe This said:

She has actually addressed this. She flat out told me that if she got cancer she would not want any help and want someone to leave her and not waste their life watching her decline. She would rather die alone than let someone watch.

As for this - does she really mean that? My guess would be not really. Would she leave you alone in a reversed situation - I think not. Again I agree with Kayc - at some point counseling on this type of issue may be beneficial.

 

[I Don't Believe This]

The way she pushed for space through everything recently I think she might actually mean this. She asked me to leave Montana because she felt guilty I was there to support her. She has also asked if I would "Put a bullet in her" if she was sick enough. She really does not want to be a burden to anyone at all, but it limits her. 

She can't see that the strength of the team exceeds the sum of its parts. 

I do expect to ask her for couples counseling before we actually get married.

[kayc]

I would take her seriously on what she says.  I think these things need addressed before going into marriage.  Before George and I got married we went through a type of premarital counseling with a book "Preparing for Marriage" by Dennis Rainey.  It's Christian based but I'm sure there's non-religious materials out there.  It covered everything so we wouldn't get caught off guard.  Things like where you spend holidays, who disciplines the kids, whether or not there's drinking, smoking in the home, who handles what chores, paying bills, etc.  It's good to address the things that could come up.

[kayc]

I remember reading something years ago about synergy (in a relationship), it made sense.  Two people together can do so much more than two people separately.

[I Don't Believe This]

1 minute ago, kayc said:

I would take her seriously on what she says.  I think these things need addressed before going into marriage.  Before George and I got married we went through a type of premarital counseling with a book "Preparing for Marriage" by Dennis Rainey.  It's Christian based but I'm sure there's non-religious materials out there.  It covered everything so we wouldn't get caught off guard.  Things like where you spend holidays, who disciplines the kids, whether or not there's drinking, smoking in the home, who handles what chores, paying bills, etc.  It's good to address the things that could come up.

We were heading down that path before dad fell in April. We had discussed discipline, chores, holidays, neither of us really drink or smoke so non-issue. We didn't have a prenup drafted but we had major terms considered. I had agreed to adopt her son after his dad passes away. 

The big thing left really was money management and what I do for work. I just never had the chance to reveal all that to her. 

[kayc]

Well she has to know you can't put a bullet through her if she gets sick, it would be unfair to ask it of you as you'd spend the rest of your life locked up.  Oregon does have  assisted suicide laws so that's an option if someone is terminal.  Still, there's times someone needs care.  I have a friend dying this week from a very aggressive cancer.  She has no choice but to rely on help from others.  This hit so fast and so hard there wasn't time for her to make choices.  If my George were alive and needed care, I would WANT to help him in any way possible and I know he felt the same way about me, that's part of loving each other.

[I Don't Believe This]

Coming together as a team will be our challenge and our one incompatibility. 

I may have said some of this before.

We were in a whirlwind romance. We feel completely for each other within the first two weeks. Our first date turned into 48 straight hours together. We both knew what we wanted in a partner. We both grilled each other for compatibility. We are both intelligent and simply listed all the questions we had for each other over a period of weeks and answered them. After a a short time together we both re-evaluated our views on soulmates, something we both assumed as skeptics that there was not really a single person for each of us. 

The compatibility is unimaginable.

Opinions, Interests, Family, Children, Education, Wants for the future, everything is the same. She has been introduced to a few of my friends and they comment how she is like a female version of me. There were many guy jokes about how if we get married its like the ultimate expression of narcissism. 

Food - We like and eat exactly the same things. Not just we both like potatoes or we both like chinese food. But we order a cheeseburger exactly the same - Lettuce, Mayo, Double Cheese, Double Onion. We order pizza exactly the same. We can look at a menu at any establishment and choose each other's meal. I was able to go into a grocery store and choose all her favorite foods within the first week of knowing her because I just picked mine. On the times we have had takeout she calls me and says order food I will pick it up. She never tells me what to get her.

Politics - we are identical on all issues. We even asked each other questions like - ME: What do you think that I would do to solve the California water crisis? and she would list 8 to 10 bullets and then come back with - What do you think I think about nuclear power? and I would answer correctly.

We went onto OKCupid and made profiles so we could answer their questions and see what the match algorithm came up with. 3000 questions in 99% match 0% not match. It never gives 100% due to round down and a max of 99.99%

When I went with her to her dads while she cared for him in his final weeks we sort of melted together. We spent two weeks living together in his house. It was easy. She took care of her dad, I took care of her and the house. We had nothing to fight over, no arguing, no adjustment to each other. We were together and it was familiar and comfortable. She even mentioned how strange it felt to be so comfortable with each other under such stress when other relationships she had in the past were never so easy.

When I am near her I feel complete. My blood pressure goes down. My heart rate slows. I become healthier physically. I sleep better

From 2500 miles away I have declined. My blood pressure was 120/85 in Montana and would go lower when she was near. (She joked - if I die grind me up into blood pressure medication) I checked it yesterday 150/110. I feel lethargic. I feel physical pain every day that I didn't feel before. I feel broken.

I never knew before that a person could have that affect on me.