Thank you, Kay. I have been detoxing from the cancer treatments and trying to get my feet back under myself again in my life. I am still having physical issues from the chemo and emotionally have been up and down a lot. Sometimes sideways...hahaha! You gotta laugh to keep from crying sometimes. Sometimes, of course, crying is the exact right thing to do, but that's not what I mean.
My cancer debacle was just that, and thinking about the shoddy care, medical gaslighting, and incompetence I found enrages and terrifies me. I would never have dreamed that a "team" of doctors would gang up on a cancer patient - and be so deliberately mean - with no real thought to the actual care for that patient - me. The surgeon from my "care team" told me on the phone, "The reason your doctors all treat you like they do is because you're smart, and ask them challenging questions." That is so awful - it's hard to fathom the right words for it, and I have a good vocabulary.
Tuesday was the one-year-anniversary of my diagnosis day, and it was hard to figure out how I felt as the date approached. Looking back, it seems more clear that it's just another anniversary of a loss or traumatic event. Ground Zero in learning about grief. For me, this anniversary has a lot of grief in it, as well as the trauma of the treatment and mistreatment. Looking back brings a mix of anger, angst, and pride in myself for doing my own homework/research, finding and keeping on my own path, and maintaining the many health-related alterations I've made to my life. Looking forward, I want to do just that. Move forward. I'm not sure in what direction, but this next year will be about something else - not like the cancer of last year - next year will be something new. I don't know what...I'll keep you posted