goldsunshine897

Thank you kayc. I'm still in the marriage and I'm planning my exit strategy. I believe that with God's guidance, I'll get out of this the best way I can.

I feel so strange writing these words after reading what I wrote years before. But nothing stays the same forever in life and I will embrace this change. Apparently I was wrong about the previously mentioned relationship. I believe that I went into things too quickly and didn't understand who I was getting involved with. This relationship has become abusive and I am currently seeing a counselor to help me deal with effects and to see what my options are. I wonder if the loneliness I felt at the loss of my mom left me vulnerable to this type of treatment. But nevertheless, I'll let this be a good lesson to me to take my time when it comes to starting a new relationship while you are still grieving someone's loss.

Thank you very much Kavish.

I wondered how many more years would go by before I would get to write something like this. I looked forward to the day that someone would want to share their heart with me. I believe I have finally found that person. To backtrack, I lost my common law husband to cancer 6 yrs ago. Then I lost my dear mom suddenly 7 months ago. I'm a pretty shy, introverted girl and my whole world consisted of only those 2 people. I prayed night and day for God to bring someone into my life, and its so ironic. He moved into my mom's old apartment. He's really kind, helpful, and we don't mind putting up with each other's baggage. For the last six weeks its been sort of a world-wind romance, we seem to innately understand each other. I didn't come here to brag about this to anyone. It's not my intention to make anyone feel small, only to uplift people. If someone reading this has lost their significant other, please know that if a shy loner like me, who hasn't dated in years could find someone, anybody can.

Hi everyone! I just wanted to send my wish that everyone has the best holiday season they can under the circumstances. I know that some are dealing with deep depression and so I will say a special prayer to my entire family here. (I believe we're all like a family). It's been 3 months since I lost my mom, and the only thing that brings me comfort is knowing that she's in a better place. While my mom wasn't a sickly person per se (heart disease but she seemed ok), the truth is she didn't enjoy living life that much. Her whole life was very hard- lousy childhood, she lost her mom very young, so she didn't trust people very much. As close as we were she still had a wall up till her dying day. After retirement she became more sad. She had no savings, no close friends, depressed about all the weight she gained, bills, pills, no car, etc. I was the optimist who always tried to cheer her up, and she was the pessimist who told me,"You just don't understand." I always helped her financially but she felt bad taking money from me. I believe she's in heaven now experiencing true joy and peace for the 1st time. If I could have my mommy here for a little while longer, I would. But not unhappy. I'd rather that she be there and happy, than here and miserable. And that helps me deal with the holidays- I don't have to worry about my mom anymore. May 2010 bring love, comfort, and peace to you all.

It's been about 5 weeks since my mom's passing. It's hard to believe how quickly time is passing. The anxiety I was feeling sleeping alone at night has subsided a little but I think I should still see someone like a counselor to talk things out. I can get a few sessions with someone thru my job. Now the thing I have to do next is return her keys to the landlord. They have finished painting my mom's apartment and getting it ready to be rented again, and now its time for me to give the keys over. But everyday I keep putting it off. It's not because I want to go inside- I feel uncomfortable when I go in there now. It's just that when I give back her keys, that means its really over. I won't be able to go in again. I think its kinda silly for me to worry about this because I took out everything of hers that I want to keep. There is plenty to remember her by. It's going to be esp hard returning her mailbox key. I take out all her junk-mail and bills and throw them away. Postal service says that it will take up to 3 months to cancel all her mail. In the meantime I don't want a stranger getting their hands on it, even if it is going in the trash.

Hi BevR. Welcome to our group and I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers at this time. Please know that everything you are feeling is normal. We all grieve a little differently from everyone else. I guess that no one can really tell you when you should go back to work, because there are obvious reasons you should go and reasons you should wait. If it were me, I would just pray about it and maybe talk to a therapist too. Coincidentally, I'm getting ready to take advantage of counseling through my employer to help me deal with similar issues too. I hope everything works out well for you. Take care of yourself.

Hello Jessy, I will pray that God continues to help and heal your heart like He has done for mine. May God bless your family.

Hi young friend! Please believe me, there is NOTHING WRONG with you. Everything you've written about is very normal. Crying is normal, and not crying is normal too. It's harder for some of us to cry than for others. I noticed that when things in my life got quiet and there weren't anymore people coming and going, that's when my tears began welling up. (Then the phone rang and my tears went away again). It's all ok though because God knows how much I love my mom and how much I'm going to miss her. If you feel you can't cry in front of others, then let it out when you are alone. Don't force it, but don't stop the tears either. If you need to write to any of us we are here for you. You'll be ok.

Hello DebFromLodi, Everything seems to be fine on my end. I think the site is working.

Thank you so much for your kind words, actually you give great advice because you are here in this with me. We have a lot in common. I don't have a strong need to look at my mom's pictures like I did days ago because it is painful and uncomfortable now. I'm still nervous at night and the little sleep I get is with the lights on. It occured to me that I may have to move out of this building. I thought I'd be "safe" from painful memories as long as I stayed downstairs (she lived upstairs), but it isn't true. This whole building is flooded with her memories or rather her "presence". I don't look forward to the hassle of moving but it may be the only thing I can do to feel more comfortable. I'm withdrawing from the online classes I was taking because obviously I can't concentrate on them at this time. I re-registered for the Nov term- I'm hoping I'll be ready for classes then. I've been praying for strength and I believe God answered my prayers. It feels like I have accepted her death now which may be why I don't want to get but so close to the memories.

I wrote previously that I was feeling numb when my mom died. It took about 2 days for the reality of it to hit me. I kept walking around to my mom's favorite stores and grabbing every picture I could and making extra copies so that I wouldn't be left with no pictures of her. I came home to the silence of my apt and broke down. Who am I going to talk to now? I can try to get closer to her other relatives that I never met but it wouldn't be the same- they don't know me. It's not like talking to someone who you have history with. And now I notice that I feel a little uncomfortable looking at all these pics of my mom. It's like, my soul has accepted that she's not here anymore, but the photos make her seem real close. At night I feel nervous and a little scared because I live alone. My mom lived in the apt above me so I rarely felt this alone before. But now I can't sleep unless all the lights are on and the tv and radio too. Mom and my sister were never that close so she's having an easier time with this- she can't relate to what I'm feeling. I'm thinking crazy thoughts about how to cope with this void, like running off and marrying the very next man I meet; just to fill the void. Or I could do something more realistic like adopting a pet- it would be great to have something to hold that would be comforting. I don't know.