shell

How touching and beautiful. I'm glad it went well and helped you. You are indeed right, you were at the right place at exactly the right time. Shell

Maylissa, I have no idea if these things are legit or not, but there are tons of sites that supposedly can get medical records and all sorts of other things. You probably have seen some advertised, but if not go to a search engine and put in "people search" or "records". It will give you tons of them. Might be simpler than going through the red tape of the regular way. Her medical records should give you some kind of info on her health conditions. I know how mad you are and how hard it is to accept not getting answers. Especially when they concern your health, both physically and emotionally. Is there any one relative that you trust more than others that might be able to give you some of these answers? Good luck with it, Shell

Whoopie, You are in a very difficult situation, to say the least. I again have to tell you that I admire you greatly for taking care of your mom. Lots of people would not step up to the responsibility after all the abuse. You can certainly be proud of yourself for that. Being an animal lover, I would get my dog! Is there any way you could drive to Missouri, pack up whatever will fit in the car, get your pup and go back to Arizona? Could you have someone else watch your mom while you did this? At least you would have some things (especially your dog) to make you feel more secure. Wow, I wish I had some better advice. Try to hang in there. I am taking care of my mom too and know how hard it is to "get away", so I know the struggle you are going through. As I told you on another post, I believe, I love my mom with all my heart and am glad I'm here to take care of her, but there are times I just feel overwhelmed and want to run away for just a little while. I also have had a long history with panic attacks and after my dad died had to finally go on medication. But there are some great sites about anxiety attacks that might help, so if you are interested let me know and I'll give you a couple I found helpful. You can also be proud of yourself for actually getting to your group and participating while having an anxiety attack! You are much stronger than you think, so hang in and try to believe that things will work out somehow, Shell

Maylissa, Well, it seems she's doing better, so hang in there and keep your hopes up. They have such remarkable powers to hang in that you would be amazed. One of my boy babies (he had so many things wrong it was unbelievable!) stayed with me for three years longer than ANYONE thought, with a very good quality of life. I know how painful this is. I know what you mean about being so tired that you can only read! Sometimes I can barely do that without falling asleep. Sounds like you have some great reading material (I've read Final Gifts...found it so comforting). I also know where you are coming from about the constant tests and blood work being so stressful on her. Is there any chance your vet would make a house call? I have found some of my cats react better to a house call and some don't. I was lucky with my boy I mentioned before. One of the vet techs that worked at the clinic would come over and do the blood work. He knew her well (he had a lot of tests done!) and she was so fast at getting blood he hardly knew she had done it. But you do wonder if all the tests are worth the stress on them! You're caught between a rock and a hard place on that! Hugs and kisses to both of you, Shell

Dear Maylissa, What an experience! I don't know whether I believe in psychics or not. I've never been to one. I believe in physchic powers, just not sure about the people who do it as a business. It's funny you bring this whole "trying to get answers" thing up because I have recently been going through the same thing. I have been trying to find out exactly what happened to "the love of my life". He's been dead for 26 years and his death was always a mystery of sorts. I decided to try to find out any details I could and finally put to rest the whole thing in my mind. I wanted to know exactly what happened. Well, to make a long story short, even after talking to many different sources, it is still a mystery. I will never know for sure what happened. I've had to accept it. As hard as it is for me to give up a losing battle, that's all I can do at this point. I guess there are some mysteries in our life that will always remain mysteries. Sorry you had such a bad reading. Maybe it's sometimes best for us to just figure out what we THINK was the case and let it go at that, I don't know. How is your baby doing? Hang in there, and try to put your mind at rest, Shell

Whoopie, I hope your support group meeting went well. I would like to go to one, but around here, where I live, they are all connected with churches, and I'm not a religious person in the traditional sense. I'm spiritual, just in my own way, if you know what I mean. I think you're right....the ride has just begun! Hang on tight, Shell

Dear Candace, I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that you found her and the unexpectedness of it. You have been hit with three devastating events. It is natural to feel as you do, so don't think there is anything wrong with you. Just keep posting here and read some of the other posts. We are here to help each other as best we can and you will get through this. Hugs to you and hang in there, Shell

I agree with Bebekat. I would certainly want to know and I'm sure they would find great comfort in knowing. How terrible for you to have to witness such a tragedy. It would shake you to the core, that's for sure. How caring of you to be with him. He was lucky to have an "angel" with him as he left this world. Good luck, Shell

Hi everyone, I hope this isn't against the rules here, if it is forgive me and let me know! I get this daily email from a site: www.dailyom.com It seems to really address a lot of things that we are going through and is just a really neat thing to read every day. It is not a grief thing or connected to religious beliefs or anything like that. It's just something to ponder and has helped me think of things different ways and has some really good advice about emotional problems. Anyway, thought some of you might enjoy it and it might help you too. Hugs to everyone, Shell

Whoopie, That WAS a fun day dream! We often mention how we wish we could all meet or lived in the same city. Well, at least we have this board....sigh. Shell

Maylissa, That is great news about Lissa! And good luck with your communication with your mom. Hope it helps resolve things for you. Shell

Hi, I'm going to get the book you recommended Paul. I read "Final Gifts" and it really helped me a lot. I think it will help you too, Maylissa. I'm right there with all of you in that I am also the one who has helped everyone else and then when I need help....poooof, I'm all alone! Maylissa, you are so right about people not being able to commit to friendship these days. I don't think most people have the faintest idea what being a true friend is all about. It's disgusting. It is hard to fit in when your whole life has changed. It's like you don't even know who you are anymore, so you are not sure where you would fit in. My thoughts are with each and every one of you. Hugs (and now you have to actually do it physically!) Shell

Whoopie, I am in a similar situation. My dad died a year ago last month and when he died, my mom got very confused and helpless. She is ok sometimes and confused and or angry or moody, etc. at other times. Unlike your situation, my parents were wonderful and I had a happy childhood. I love my mother with all my heart and she has always been my rock. She is having more medical problems and I am so worried and scared stiff about losing her too someday. Having said all that, there are days I want to run away for awhile too and have some time to myself to cope. And she takes out her anger on me too (not physically, just gets mad at me for nothing) and it has broken my heart because this is not her at all. My brother is SOME help, but not much and it is all on my shoulders! So I know how you feel. I keep hoping her confusion and moods are a result of grief and she will get better. In the meantime, I feel overwhelmed sometimes with all the responsibility. Hang in there, Shell

Hi Maylissa, I learned that lesson too...about saving fur. I also have a jar full of whiskers they have shed, of all my babies over the years. I swear, if I could only take one thing out of my house and had to give everything else away, it would be the fur and whiskers. I've never heard of anyone knitting things out of the fur, WOW! That is so neat. Where did you find her? Hugs and kisses too you and Nissa, Shell

Paul, Shubom and all the rest, The one thing that has helped me a lot is this board. I can't wait to get to it and see how everyone is doing! I feel so connected to all of you, and I am in the same position of being almost friendless. My best friend lives far away, and the only other one who I have left is married and so it's hard to get together...don't think his wife would like him coming over to comfort me in the middle of the night! The rest of my "friends" have proved they are not friends and so are gone as far as I'm concerned. Just wish we all lived in the same city, as we've said before! That would be cool. I was reading something tonight on how the universe has a tide and we all will go up and down in life with that tide. And that it does no good to try to fight it or swim against it, that you should just relax and flow along with it. That it will take us where we are meant to go. Hmmm....some good advice, but right now we all feel we're drowning in that tide! Tide....rollercoaster...whatever! I have always believed in fate, but it's scary cause you don't know what it has in store for you. And, of course, right now I feel everything is against me some days (most!) I guess we just have to try flosting with the tide. Hugs to everyone (actually put your arms around yourself and hug and say "This is from my friend Shell". It as good as we can get through the computer! Shell

Your post wasn't too long. I read the whole thing and feel so sorry for the pain (both physically and mentally) that you are going through. I also commend you for taking care of both of your parents after all the pain they caused you. You are truly a giving person with a big heart. Good luck with your support group, I think it will help you a lot. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Shell

Oh Maylissa, how cute! She truly loves her mama. One of my babies bites my chin and nose to show his affection! I wish he would kiss instead. Another one rubs noses with me and some of them kiss my hand or arm, but nothing like what your little one does! I hope you are getting this on film! I wish I had some words of wisdom to make you feel better, but I've been there too many times and know there isn't anything to be said, you just worry, worry, worry. Hang in there as best you can, Shell

Shubom, It was the same way for me in the beginning. It just hasn't been long enough (and there is no timetable to go by) for things to get slightly better. Just when I would feel a tiny spark of hope that I was dealing with it better, the next day (or sometimes hour!) I would feel helpless, hopeless, and in total despair. It's been a year and I still feel that way sometimes, but not quite as often. Just give yourself time, and don't feel rushed. Take all the time you need to take care of yourself. Shell

Your mothers eulogy was beautiful too. Thanks for sharing that too! Hugs, Shell

Oh Maylissa, I wish we lived next door to each other! We are so alike about our babies and could certainly use each others shoulders to cry on! Anitras book is wonderful, isn't it? Have you tried (about giving sub cus) getting a favorite treat (my babes love the meat baby foods...I know, protein is not good for kidney problems, but I've always felt you have to weigh the odds. IF she needs sub cus and it helps, the extra protein is probably ok). Anyway, My mom would sit in front of my baby and feed him baby food on her finger while I sat behind him, with him between my legs, and do the sub cus. It helped to distract him. I also would rub the skin with alcohol first, it's suppose to deaden it slightly. You know, it's funny, but I know a lot of medical info, just like you, from reading it for my babies. So when my mom or dad or anyone would get something I already had a fair knowledge of it, which always surprised the doctors. And, of course, vise-versa...stuff I read up on for my mom or dad would sometimes then come into play with my babies. It does act as a constant reminder of all the bad stuff, doesn't it? How does she kiss you? Shell

Dear Paul, Wow! You have indeed turned a page...congratulations! Maylissa said it all so well I won't add much. I agree with everything she said, including the part about what a great writer you would make! A big hug to ya and a huge pat on the back, Shell

Dear Kelly, I cried when I read your post. I can't imagine a 25 year old having to go through what you have, and I think you are an incredible person. As far as questioning your decisions....don't, please. I hope this sounds right, but death is not always the worst thing to happen. It sounds like both of your parents were in bad shape, to say the least, and an end to that kind of suffering is like a blessing, except for the people left behind. I have to remind myself every day that my dad (who died a year ago last month) is, hopefully, now at peace. There is a wonderful book (which I have recommended several times on this board!) called "Final Gifts". It is written by hospice nurses and gives you a whole different, and comforting, view of death. You might find some peace reading it. I did. I think you made courageous and unselfish choices for both your parents. The more posts you read on this board, you will realize how many of us go through not having people understand our grief and how long it is lasting. Just ignore them and feel what you want to. Take care of yourself and your sis first and don't worry about anything else. I also understand that "bombarded" feeling. Since my dad has died my mom has become more helpless and confused. I live with her and take care of her and am so grateful I can.I love her with all my heart and worry about her constantly. But I have had to take over everything and some days I feel like I just can't handle one more problem, no matter how small or big it is! At those times I try (if I can manage a few minutes) to just go to my room or outside and do some deep breathing. Even if I just get a couple of minutes, it helps a little. I repeat "Take one moment at a time" over and over! Please keep posting. As I said before, you are an incredible young woman. Hugs to both of you, Shell

Maylissa, I have rarely heard of high blood pressure in cats, or at least it is not common. However, one of my books said that it could indicate thyroid problems. Has your little girl been checked for thyroid problems? I know how maddening it is to have to do all the work and the vets get all the money! Or any doctor...I have to do all the research for the rest of my family too. It seems like this is getting more and more common in everything. Nobody seems to know their job anymore and yet there they are, getting paid to be incompetent! Arrrgh! The only peace you can have about losing one of your babies is that you were there for her until the end and she knew that. But don't "give up" yet. Animals have remarkable "hanging in there" qualities. As far as stressing that you won't leave her to take care of your own stuff, I had to almost laugh....you sound JUST like me! In our house, our babies come first, period. I know how terribly hard this is, honestly. My thoughts are with you and your little girl, Shell

Shubom and Hiking, I'm so sorry for both of you. Losing my dad was bad enough, but losing my mom is going to be devastating to me. I worry so much about her that I feel sometimes like I'm already grieving. Talk about looney thoughts. Yes, we all have them. And wanting to run off and live out in the country or some other isolated place, I have had that same thought! I guess all we can do is just face our feelings and cry them out and hang in as best we can. Hugs to both of you, Shell

Sereph, That's great that you are going to get counseling! I really think that it helps to talk to an objective person who isn't involved in your life in any way sometimes. It's been a year ago last month since my dad died (and several other people very important to me all in a couple of months) and I'm doing....ok, most days. When I get overwhelmed I just try to remember to take it one moment at a time. That seems to have become my mantra! It has helped me to get through to this point, so.... thanks for asking. Good luck with the counseling, Shell