shell

Mayliski, If you ever visit your friend in Georgia, you better come see me too! Shell

Mayliski, It IS like old friends sitting around the kitchen table! Sigh, sigh, sigh....Well, maybe that can be a new "hope" for us....somehow all getting together someday somehow!!!!! I, too, have parted ways with several people over their lack of support for me through this whole thing. And I didn't have THAT many friends to begin with. I'm glad you understood how I felt about my exs brother. I just don't know what to think or do or feel. For now, I'm just letting it slide until I get a feeling of what I should do. Too many loses. I'm so tired of it. Hang tight, Hugskis, Shell Funnyface, Thanks for jumping in! Shell

Amanda, Thank you for the way you feel about Americans. I am so glad your mom got good care and help. Your husbands feelings are not unusual, believe me! There are several posts on the board about the exact same subject. It just seems to be a common reaction in a lot of men! So frustrating, isn't it? Don't let anyone make you feel that it has been "long enough" for you to grieve. Everyone has their own pace and it sometimes takes years to come to grips with it. My dad died a little over a year ago and I am not through grieving and still have days I feel like I am just going to fall apart. The best advice we all seem to give is: take one day, or even hour or moment, at a time. And please continue to post on this board. It has helped a lot of us more than we could ever explain. You are stronger than you think. Hugs to you, Shell

Funnyface, I live in Alabama. Wish we all lived in the same place too! And yeah, chocolate cake would be great! It is strange how much many of us have in common! Not just ordinary things, either. Wish we could all meet, Shell

Maylissa and Paul, I almost hate to break into this "conversation" between the two of you! I'll be quick and to the point, as I can't wait to read the next installment. The woman with cancer is not a huge issue. I understand what she must be going through (although she has stayed cheery and positive so far, but I'm afraid that's going to come crashing down on her eventually.) I also think her husband hasn't told her I called....he's somewhat out of it. The other person is another story. I won't go into long details about our relationship, but the main point is that having contact with him after so long was like a lifeline for me. Just thinking I might see him at Christmas actually got me through Christmas without falling apart completely. And he is such a sweet person that I can't imagine him just "dropping" me. Also, I have something kind of important to tell him, that I didn't the first time, but would like him to know. It's all very complicated. Anyway, it just feels like almost another death, like I've lost him too. This probably makes no sense without the whole story, but anyway, I just feel so hurt and lost about the whole thing. Paul, as usual you have given me my laugh for the day! "My give a dangs broken". What a great quote! I laughed for five minutes. That's just the way I've been feeling lately. And yes, the serenty prayer is something I try to remember. That's all from me....let the story continue! Hugs to ya both, Shell

Jamie, This is the place you can come to and "ramble", although I didn't think you did. I think you have already realized the most important key to you getting through this. And that is that you have been strong and not allowed yourself to grieve. So from this point on. please allow yourself to grieve...cry, rant, rave, feel sad, feel lost....just feel. Let it come and get it out. and come back here and "ramble on" as long as you want! I'm so sorry about your great grandma. You have my heartfelt sympathies. Hang in there and grieve your heart out this time around, Shell

Maylissa, I'm beginning to think we were twins that got seperated at birth...haha. I am so glad I found this board. It has helped me tremendously and I can't wait to get to it at night. It's like visiting friends and feeling understood and wanted and cared about! Like you, it sustains me more than anyone could know! Big hugs, Shell

Ann B., Yes, going somewhere and screaming helps! I've done it. I feel so badly for your loss, you have my deepest sympathies. Almost all of us have experienced the "two week support". That's why most of us are on this board. We found a place where people we don't know care more than the people in our own lives! And isn't it weird how greedy people get? It's disgusting, isn't it? Sorry your grandfather is being such a ...well, you know! I know the feeling of grieving and then having to deal with all the "legal" stuff at the same time. It's very, very hard and draining. All you can do is try to take the best care of yourself that you can. Hang in there and keep coming here, it's a great board with a lot of nice, giving, caring people. They have helped me tremendously. And go someplace and have a good scream. Hugs to you, Shell

Paul S., You ARE humorous! Never doubt that! I can see how scary the dream would be. I have had so many weird, terrifying dreams that made little or no sense and would sound tame if I retold them, but were so scary. I'm just glad to know Smokey is with you! And it's nice that he has another little bear to hug, so you can say you took the bear home for him. See, your "manhood" is intact! Hope you have peaceful, serene dreams tonight, Shell

Hi everyone, I have one thing to say (and I will admit there are a FEW exceptions out there): men just don't want to deal with anything emotional! And, frankly, I'm just sick to death of it! Here we go again, Maylissa! You gathered from my post that I, too, am a worry-wort and for the same reasons. I had to laugh when you said you have "tested" out the being positive thing and had it blown up in your face, because I have done the same thing with the same results! We truly are destined to worry for the rest of our lives. I think you're right about the generational (is that a word?) thing. Our parents were a lot tougher than we are. But, like you said, it's not good to stuff. Maybe one of us will figure out how to stop all this maddness! I'm working on it, but haven't progressed too far. I truly wish we could all get together. I feel like all of you are about the only real friends I have now. It is such a relief to be able to talk about our grief and know that you really, truly understand! Thanks to all. Huga all around, Shell

Maylissa, This is getting really uncanny! We seem to have yet another experience in common! A semi friend (someone I knew through other friends) got breast cancer a couple of months ago. I used to run into her at the grocery store every week and we would talk and seemed to be getting to be better friends. When I found out about her cancer (her husband is also very sick with liver problems) I called and we talked and I have called her several times since. She always said to come and see her and seemed glad to hear from me. Well, the last three times I have called, I have gotten her husband who says she's sleeping. I know she's having new problems with her treatment side effects and probably IS sleeping, but she usually called me back when she felt better. She has not called back and I don't want to keep calling if she doesn't want to talk to me. But, like you, I'm wondering why she doesn't want to talk to me all of a sudden....what did I do? Also, I contacted the brother of a man I loved very much who died about 25 years ago (long story, I have writen about it some on this board) and he was glad to hear from me and still comes through where I live on occasion and said "our paths may be crossing sooner than you think". This was shortly before Christmas and I thought he might mean at Christmas because they drive through here on the way to South Carolina to visit his wifes parents (his are both gone). Well, Christmas came and went and nothing. About a month ago I left a message on his work phone about some pictures I had of his dad that I wondered if he wanted. No answer. I finally emailed him with the email address listed on the college directory. No answer. Now, I could maybe think the email didn't make it or something. I also called his home several times and always got the answering machine and as I HATE leaving messages on those darn things, I didn't, just kept hoping someone would answer the darned phone someday! I, like you, feel totally rejected without the slightest idea of why! I'm torn between continuing to try to reach both of these people just to see if my feelings of rejection are real or if something else happened that makes all of it make sense. Maybe they aren't rejecting us, maybe they never got the messages or have been gone or God knows what, but I don't want to feel like a complete fool either. I'm already in enough emotional turmoil. Weird how our lives mirror each other, isn't it? By the way, how is Lissa doing? Give her a kiss for me! Hugs, Shell Sorry, hit the wrong key...how is Nissa doing?

Wow, Maylissa, what a great point! It is comforting to hear that, isn't it? Thanks for passing it along. Big hug, Shell

Kelly, Like Maylissa, I can't believe a woman your age is so mature. Like Maylissa also...I would have been screaming at her and telling her off to totally. You have some problems you have to work on? Honey, I am 52 years old and have problems I need to work on! We all do, so don't put yourself down for that. You are headed in the right direction just by admitting and recognizing this. As far as the weight goes, I think almost everyone on this board would admit to gaining weight at some point in their grief. I lost a lot of weight in the beginning and finally gained it back and believe me, gaining was better than losing and not being able to eat at all. So don't worry about that either. Maybe you could get your sister to some kind of counselor...maybe someone at her school? I think it is wonderful of you to care about her having someone to vent to, but it would seem healthier for BOTH of you if she did it to someone else besides the wicked cousins! She is one lucky little girl to have a sister like you! Hang in there and go easy on yourself....you are going to have ups and downs. Hugs, Shell

It's amazing how many of us feel the same. Alone, overwhelmed, angry at others for their indifference, and last, but not least, like a big black cloud is following us around! I realized last night that I am afraid to feel hopeful about the future, like if I do, even the slightest little bit, something bad will happen. I'm afraid to try to be happy. Does anyone else feel this? Remember the title to that movie "Waiting to Exhale"? That's how I feel. And you know that lump you get in your throat when you are going to cry or are scared? I feel like it's there all the time. Hugs to all of you, Shell

Angela, I think you are right. I think some dreams are just our wishes, but I do believe that some dreams are visits from loved ones.

Angie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad over a year ago and still have feelings of loss, loneliness, unreality, and all the other emotions that grief brings up. And that feeling of being alone is VERY common, just read some of the other posts. So don't think you're going crazy or anything. You say you don't want to bother others by talking about your feelings. I think sometimes everyone affected by the death feels that way and so no one talks about their feelings! Just try talking to the one you think would be most receptive and see what happens. They may be glad you said something and want to talk too. If not, then maybe going to a grief support group or counselor would help. And keep coming here to post your feelings, it really helps and people on this board really care. My deepest sympathies, Shell

Ligh Trio, I'm not a counselor or professional, but I'll give you my opinion. First, you are so young to be taking on the responsibility that has landed in your lap. From the posts I've read by you, I think you are doing one hell of a job! It is natural to feel the way you do right now, about losing your job, and you are still suffering from grief. I would like to slap your cousins. How dare they lay all this on you! I wouldn't give them a moments thought and I would try to keep your little sister away from them, if you have that kind of influence over her. You are worth a thousand of both of them put together. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like this. My best advice....stay away from them and do what you think is best. Hang in there and hold your head up high...you are a remarkable person to be raising your sister and trying to keep everything together. Hugs to you, Shell

I've decided to keep the hair from the dryer lint trap and someday make a pillow and stuff it with the hair. It would be so comforting for me to put my head down on a pillow that had all my babies hair in it. Shell

Kayc is absolutely on the mark. We all have to "get selfish" and take care of ourselves, and believe me, it's not selfish! And there are periods (not just days) where I am so nice to everyone and want to help them and do for them, etc. Then I hit a period where I'm fed up with helping everyone else and I retreat and take care of me. So we have to remember that this whole thing is a rollercoaster and you just have to ride it up and down. Hopefully, as time goes by, we'll have more ups than downs. Hang in there everyone! Shell

Shubom, I have had similar dreams. I think it's just wishful thinking, so to speak. The desperate desire to have been able to do anything to save that person. Hope you have a peaceful sleep tonight, Shell

Cynthia, I agree completely with what Maylissa so beautifully said. Follow your heart. And I have read Final Gifts too and, like Maylissa, wish I had read it BEFORE my dad died. It is a comforting book that will give you a whole new thought about death and is also invaluable information on what the dying are trying to tell us before they go. Good luck, Shell

Pennylane, That is horrible. What a thing to go through! And it just adds to the grief you're already going through. I had somewhat the same experience when my dad died. We lost him, my uncle, my moms cousin, a good friend, and one of our fur babies in two months. It was overwhelming and we are still "shaky" a year later. Don't let anyone tell you to just get over it. Feel what you feel and take care of yourself. Hugs, shell

Dear Spela and Goldsunshine, I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but I lost the love of my life 25 years ago. We were both in our twenties. I finally went on with my life, although it took me years to cope at all with his death. I even married twice. I am now 52 and realize he is still the love of my life and always will be. But I think my point is, they will always be the love of your life, but you will move on, so to speak, and love again someday. Maybe in a different way, but a good way. Hang in there and good luck with your healing, Shell

Maylissa, I forgot about the new privacy laws, although I shouldn't have, considering all the junk you have to fill out and sign now when you visit a doctor! That would put a stumbling block in the whole process. I think you should definitely be able to get access to your parents health records after they pass on. It's ridiculous! Of course, I think the whole medical field is getting ridiculous! Wow, the readings with your mom are really fascinating. Frustrating for you, but fascinating. Have you talked to your doctor about all this? Maybe he/she would have some suggestions. I'm thinking there might be some tests or something that could rule out (or in) some of your health concerns. Or maybe they could request your moms records for you in some way? If they have reason to "suspect" you might have something, then they may be able to get access to the records. I don't know, I'm just throwing ideas around! You sound so much like me. I, too, cannot let go of something that I feel I have to know to "set myself free", so to speak. I am like a dog with a bone when I'm trying to find information. I'm very persistent! So I also know how maddening it can be to not be able to settle this. Keep thinking, and hunting, and trying different avenues! Good luck, Shell

Marty, I'm so glad to see so many animal lovers on this site. It's a relief to connect with people who understand how they are like your children and when you lose one, it's a major grief like anyone else you lose. Thanks for the list of sites, I can't wait to check them out. When I wash their blankets I, of course, get a ton of hair on the lint screen. Do you think that would be able to be used too for getting the yarn? Thanks again, Shell