shubom

This is super hard for me to deal with. I have no mother or father. Today my emotions are out of control ! This morning I was feeling ok. I had a few dreams about my mother that made me smile and made me feel that she was still with me. But then as the day went on, I realized those were just dreams and that she's never coming back ! And now I have a super big headache and feel depressed and can't do any work. I feel like going home and sleeping ! But what home? I have no home anymore without my mom. I'm so sad Today is Friday, and I'm having crazy flashback of what my mother did on fridays. Is anyone else going through the same emotional roller coaster? Everything is so conflicting. I see her in my dreams and she's so real, but then in real life she's not here !

Anymore experiences? This is very fascinating. I really miss my mother. And I hope she always watches over me and I can always feel her around.

You know, I find myself, searching for something each day to look forward too. The only thing that I've found is food. I think about going to my favorite place for lunch and just eating by myself and this helps me get out of bed. How sad is that, that I'm using food to get through this? Next thing I'll know, I'll be as big as a house. How sad? Epecially since I use to be a health nut and exercised every day. Just so depressing.

eaglesoaring, I am sorry to hear about your mom and sorry that you are going through this horrible ordeal. My mom's b-day was feb 10th, and she would have been 57. It hurt so much, because she was planning on going out to eat for her b-day. But of course that didn't happen. Some of the other family members wanted to throw her a small memorial celebration. They approached me saying, "I heard your mom is having a b-day party." When I heard this, I almost passed out. Was I hearing them wrong or what?! I was able to get a grip of myself, and when the day came, I was sort of ok. I went out and got my mom a b-day card and took it too her gravesite to read it too her. It was hard. I didn't do anything like that for my father, but maybe with my mother, I'll get her a card every year if I can. Every day that goes by, I think to myself that it's another day closer to being with her. That's the only thing that's helping me go on right now. I miss her so much. My mom too had dentures at an early age. About a year ago, she busted them, and I bought her new ones. I was so worried about her, because she couldn't eat much of anything. And she cried because she loved food. A month later, she finally got her new dentures and we went to every one of her favorite restaurants to make up for it. We had a great time. I'm telling you this, because my mother's dentures held a lot of memories for me, and I was spared seeing them. Apparently the day she died, she put them on because she was going to the store. But she never made it out. She just laid on the couch and never woke up. If I had seen those dentures, I don't think I would have made it. Too many memories. Just like I'm glad that I didn't save any of her voice messages on my cell phone. I didn't want to hear her voice. She cared about me so much, that hearing her voice would have just killed me. For me, I've actually moved in with other family members and only go home for a few things. There's just too much memories in my home. All the furniture in my home is my mom and dad's, and it's older than I am. I....I guess I don't know what to do. That's literally their furniture....their dishes....their secret compartments..... It's all theirs ! I wish they'd come back and get it ! I'm so sad. Some days I feel I can live with it, and some days I just can't believe that God or Buddha or The World or Life or whoever is in charge of this horrible place, would take my mother away from me, especially after losing my father just 5 years ago. We needed her, I needed her. I am single with no kids. Where do I go from here?! Life to me meant taking care of my mother, my best friend, and spending as much time as I could with her. I've lost her, and my whole life has fallen apart. Where do I go from here?!

For me, I didn't eat for at least 2 weeks and dropped about 15 lbs. But then I back to work, and with all the stresses, I started eating again, and gained all that weight back. Now I fear I'm on an upward spiral that I can't stop. This is just so stressful. I'm trying everyday to get myself back on track with eating right and sleeping right, but it's really tough.

Wow, I enjoy hearing your stories. It gives me hope that our parents are still with us. I miss my mom so much. I can feel her spirit all the time. I just feel bad that we have to be apart for now. I took care of her when she was here. It's just so hard to think that's she all alone somewhere by herself and I can't do anything. She appears happy in my dreams, but even though, I still miss her and wish she'd come back. I feel so sad. Ya, I've heard that kids can see spirits. I'd be really happy if and when I had kids, that my mother watched over them. I miss her dearly. Both my parents, my mom and dad.

Yes, me too, I feel my mom's presence in the middle of the night sometimes, but mostly in the mornings when I wake up. There's been a few times when I didn't want to go to work so I'd just lay. I'd then feel her presence behind me and stuff. It's so comforting. I usually then get up and go to work. I tell you that if it wasn't for her presence, I would never get out of bed. I miss her so much. I've had so many dreams about her, it's felt so good, like she's still there. I miss her so much.

Sometimes I have so many emotions going through my mind, I feel weak. Is this some sort of Anxiety attack? I just feel so nervous and tired and just weak. I'm at work, but I feel like going home and just sleeping. I try to walk it off by taking a walk or sitting in my car for 15 minutes or so. I feel so overwhelmed with these crazy emotions. They make me so tired. I just keeping cycling thoughts after thoughts in my mind and it's making me anxious.

Wow, it's like we all have something in commom. I lost my father 5 years ago to a sudden heart attack. He was only 48 years old. It was hard on our family, especially my mother. If it wasn't for my mom, I would have just quit school and died. I was so hurt. It took a while and I was finally able to cope with the loss of my dad. However my mother just passed away last month, and now I'm feeling the loss of both my mom and dad, my parents. And I'm still in my 20's ! I'm so shocked and speechless. To stay strong, I try to draw on memories of what my mom wanted me to do after my dad passed. It hurts and everyday I wonder why I even wake up? I am single with no kids. My mother was my life and now she's gone. It hurts and I'm lost. I just want to stay to you that I am so sorry for the loss of your dad and all the horrible things that come with that. I know and it sucks bad. I also want to say I'm glad your mom is still around. Hold her tight, comfort her and the rest of your family. Stay strong as best you can.

Hi Shell, Marylissa, Thanks for regularly posting too. I enjoying hearing the different opinions. I find this better and more helpful than some of the grief counseling sessions I've been too. Do any of you go to grief counseling? I've been to a few group sessions as well as one on one sessions. I'm still trying to figure out which is better for me. I like the group sessions a lot better because I can hear other's experiences. I try to avoid one on one sessions with counselors who have never experience the death of a loved one. I've had a few of them, and I've found it a waste of time with them trying to quote sayings from various books.

I got cold too in the beginning, but that's because I did't eat or anything. Right now, I've been crying all the day to the point where I get horrible stress headaches and feel extremely tired. I haven't taken any medicine for the headaches, I just sleep and feel better in the morning. I think stress plays a major role in body changes.

Hi Shell, I know exactly what you are saying, but it's really hard to go on and feel happy knowing that my mother isn't here to share that with me. This morning I woke up, and I just kept thinking to myself, there's no way I can go on without her. How could I? After my father passed away, I made it my life's goal to take care of my mother and spend as much time as I could with her, because that's what my dad would have wanted. That was my main goal/purpose, and I did the best job I could. And now that she's gone, I feel like my world has been crushed. I soul searched alot for life's purpose, and that's what I came up with for me. And now that's gone. So I have to make up another life's purpose? What if that gets crushed? I'm so afraid. I like how you are looking at old photos and trying to find yourself again. I've done a few things too that's made me feel like my old self. I started reading books again and watching my favorite tv shows. It's calming, but at the same time very sad. Sometimes I think I'd rather not go back to my old self. I just want to change completely, be someone different altogether. That old life hurts so much without my mother in it. Again I'd like to think she'd like me to go on. But at the same time, go on to what......? What is more important than spending time with her? At this point, absolutely nothing. I'm single and have no kids. It's like I have a blank slate to write out anything I want.....but the only thing I want is my mother, and I can't have her. It makes me sad. Now I have to search out another goal in life.....and I'm afraid.

Hi Maylissa, Shell, I feel exactly how you feel. I feel like life is pointless too. I lost both my parents and it sucks. For me, I wanted to make my parents proud by going to college, and getting a good paying job and helping them out financially. My father had a hard life, and I didn't want him to ever work again if he didn't have too. It was my time to take care of him. I never got that chance. He died before I even graduated, and never saw me off to my real professional job. I wanted to quit college, because life seemed pointless. What's the point, my dream was killed. A part of me died. Our family was broken. We had to find a way to hold the table up with one person short. It was horrible. At that point, I realized that the most important thing to me, was to spend as much time as I could with family, especially my mom, since she was hurting so much because she lost her companion, someone she knew even before I came along. She became my best friend and we did everything together. And I was happy. I just wanted time with my family. And then last month, my mother passes away. I'm so shocked and can't believe it. Now what I lived for, just got killed again. You see? Right now, life feels like it's not worth living. I am single with no kids. My mom was the only parent we had ! Broken Dreams makes me feel like life's not worth living.

I'm not sure. One day I woke up and it was freezing cold. But nothing like what you described. I'm having a horrible day.

I am having a horrible day today. I just can't get myself together. The last few nights I've been dreaming about my mother, but last night I didn't. So I woke up this morning feeling hurt, angry, abandoned, depressed, sad. And I did not want to get out of bed. This whole day has been horrible. I went to the gravesite and just screamed my lungs out, till I felt like I was going to pass out. My mom was all we had....and now she's gone. I'm so angry ! Words can't express what I'm feeling. There's no word in the world that can sum up all the *excruiciating pain and hurt* I feel. I find myself avoiding everyone and giving everyone the mean eye to avoid me. Get out of my way, leave me alone. I've started a hunger strike and find myself crying and driving at high speeds. I just can't take it no more. So if you see me on the road.....I'm sorry...