shubom

What you all have said has brought tears to my eyes. I lost both my parents too, and I'm barely 30 yrs old. I'm single, and at times feel like I have nothing to live for. It's only been 3 months, and it's been tough. I'm constantly trying to deal with my loss. I'm trying to find a firm ground/foundation to stand on. It's hard, and any slight change can throw me off and set my emotions flying. I'm always striving to have a normal day, but I'm not even sure what normal feels like anymore. Sometimes I believe in some form or another, that I'm avoiding or denying that my mom died. I...I....I... just can't get myself to bare it. I go to counseling and I read forums, but I just still can't swallow it. No way.....not my parents ! Something like this can't happen to someone twice ! We were just starting to have a 'normal' life after my dad died. Looking forward to possibly having kids so my mother wouldn't be lonely no more. But nah, just didn't happen. Dreams were crushed. I just don't get it?! I miss both my parents !

So sorry about your loss and overwhelming emotions. I know the feelings all too well. My mom passed away a few months ago in her sleep at 56. I'm devasted. I lost my father 6 years ago, so it seems like this grief will never go away. Both of my parents?! Wow.....isn't this just a lovely place?! My emotions are hard to control. Sometimes I scream and sometimes I just sit and stare. It's just so hard, I miss her so much. I miss them both! For me too, I agree, no matter what job you have, or anything, loss is felt all the same. I got so angry when my mom died, I just wished I could throw all my education out the door ! Didn't do me any good telling her to watch what she ate and did, in the end she died anyways. We all lose ! So what's the point of anything?! The textbooks try to help you by describing the emotions, but those little scribbles are nothing compared to what you're really feeling. Yes, they helped me when my dad died, but now that my mom is gone, I need something stronger ! Oh how I wish there was a "feel better emotion pill" to make all the hurt go away.......

Jaime, Sorry for your loss. So sorry. Like Shell said, take it one moment at a time.

Maylissa, I agree with you. That's cool that you were able to control and manipulate your dreams. I'm trying to do that, but it's really hard. I've read lots of books on controlling dreams and Astral Travel to the other realms that you are talking about. I find it fascinating but at the same time difficult to do. Usually in my dreams, when something out of the ordinary happens, I just note it, and then move on with the dream. I may say, "Gee that's strange". But then it's like "oh well" and keep dreaming. LOL For example, there's this little kid that keeps popping up in my dreams. I don't know who he is, but at the same time, when I'm dreaming I never really ask him? So who is he? I'd like to know. I've read if you want to be "Aware" in your dreams, you have to practice 'Awareness" throughout your daily life. You have to constantly "live in the moment". Meditation helps too, but that is something hard to do. But I'm trying, because I want to be able to control my dreams also ! I heard it's much fun ! Thanks for the advice, next time I'm in that state, I'll try to become aware that I'm dreaming. I'll try to control it, instead of waking up in fear at the realness of it! LOL That's interesting you felt your fur-boy tromp your hair. That had to feel really great ! That transition state is the key. I remember when I was younger, and even recently, as I was in that transition state/almost waking up, I heard my name being called. It was so subtle and low, but it woke me completely up. A few days ago, I thought it was maybe my mom, but I don't know. Someone told me it was maybe my EGO. LOL ! My ego calling my own name? Hmm...?! Ya, I'd love to read your post in the Pet Forum about your experience! Paul, That was definitely a weird twisted dream you had about your Teddy. LOL It could have been influenced by evil forces. Next time try to control your dream and get Teddy back !!!

LOL I laughed too when I read it. But I know what you mean about the nightmares. I've had a few myself. My sibling and I are pretty close, but after my mom's death, we started arguing and bickering about all sorts of things. To add to it, my friends weren't being supportive, which pissed me off even more. They let me down when my dad died, and again when my mom died. So I severed the ties. Well I had a dream one night, that my sibling and I, and those friends were all hanging out. Something happened, and all of a sudden they gathered around me and started attacking me verbally. They were provoking me to start a fight with my sibling. I got so angry and screamed at them to leave me alone! But they wouldn't! Next thing I know, I started yelling at my sibling and chasing her, and when I caught her, I hit her so hard she fell to the floor. I looked at her, then screamed, "What have I done?!" Next thing I know, she gets up, and I think she's going to hit me back, but instead she runs to me, crying and telling me how sorry she was. I was shocked and stunned, that I woke up crying and confused! I just couldn't believe how angry I got and how the emotions seemed so real when I hit her. This morning as I was waking up, I thought of my mom, and for a split second between the sleep state and the awake state, I saw her physically in my mind, clear as day. It scared me that I jumped up. It was so weird. I heard that if you are fully aware in your dreams, you can control them and make things appear. I don't know. Dreams are definitely a mystery. I think the dream you had about your sibling taking your Teddy Bears comes from all the emotions that you are going through in your current situation. But I'm not sure why your Teddy Bear appeared defective. Poor Teddy....LOL Ya, dreams are a mystery.

Sorry to hear about the loss of both your parents. I lost both my parents too, and it’s hard ! My dad died 6 years ago at 47, and my mom died 3 months ago at 56. They both died unexpectedly. I still can’t believe it, and I’m not even 30 yet !!! They didn’t even have a chance to fight, and thinking about it just hurts my soul deep down to the core. My sister and I are the only ones left in our family, and it hurts so bad just thinking about it. We have relatives that we are not close to also, but they have stepped up to really help us. Losing both parents is hard at any age. But especially for you and your sister, with her being only 15 yrs old, and you having to take care of her. I feel so angry with your relatives for talking to you the way they did. Maybe they thought they were doing the right thing, but how could they, if all they did was rag on you and bring you down when you are going through such grief. I have relatives like that too. It bothers me so much, especially since they do not understand what we’re going through. I think you are really mature for your age. I think counseling would be good too, for both you and her. Are you really close to your sister? I hope so, because I believe that’s what your parents would have wanted. Hopefully she understands that you and her have to stick together. That’s very hard to realize being so young. If it wasn’t for my sister and I talking to each other about our feelings, I don’t think we would be that close. I think it’s a process to realize this. My sister and I are so different, and after my father died, we became closer. I would always tell my mom and my sister that we had to stick together because we are all we had. For 6 years I stressed this, and it changed us. My sister changed, my mom changed, and most important, I changed. We met each other half way. Now my mom is gone, we are trying to keep that closeness. It’s a little different not having a parent there to mediate when we argue. Now we just have to rely on ourselves. Maybe talk to your sister about what happened. Explain to her that you didn’t like being bombarded like that. Tell her how you felt about everything they told you. Make her understand that you are trying your best. It may take a while before she understands that. Ask her what she needs and then tell her what you need from each other. Try to meet each other halfway. It’s going to be tough, but I think after a while, hopefully, both of you will realize this together. As far as your relatives, I don’t know what to say. I guess the best thing to do is, take your sister and stay far away as possible. Still accept their help, but make sure exactly what sort of help they are giving you. I have relatives just like that, but the key is to keep a strong foundation no matter what, so they can’t negatively affect you, etc. Your sister at the moment may not understand this, but you do. Realize that you are more important, and you know how you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Even though my father wasn’t treated well by his mother/family members, he would always tell my mom to never sever ties with family members, because you never know when you’ll need them. I guess he was right, because now that they are both gone, my grandmother and my aunt are the only family we have. I could only wish I was married with a few kids, because they would be my family. But, nah, reality hits hard. We are by ourselves, and we need them. They have really stepped up to help us. Seems like they are trying to correct what wrong they did to my father through us. My father never involved us in their disputes, so I know this is what he would have wanted, as long as it was positive help. I have hope for you and your sister that someday she will understand, and the two of you will meet each other half way. Communication is the key.

Ya, I also agree that some dreams are just our thoughts and that some are our loved ones. When my dad died, our family had dreams about him that same night. Very lifelike. He appeared younger and happier. But, when my mom died, it took 2 weeks before our family dreamt about her. Before those 2 weeks, I cried so hard because I wanted her to come back, but she didn't. It also made me doubt the dreams about my father. But then 2 weeks later, the dreams came, for all of us. The was strange. I also have re-occurring dreams where I visit my parent's old apartment. This happened after my dad passed away 6 years ago, and we moved to another place. Because of this, I've taken interest in dreams and have done a lot of research. There is so much more to sleeping, dreaming, etc. So much goes on that we don't know about. Some could be our memories, and some can be visits.

So sorry to hear about what happened to your aunt. That is so horrible. Sorry to hear about all the losses you and your family went through. I lost my dad 6 years ago, and I just recently lost my mom. I'm so sad. They both died suddenly. One day they were there, the next day not. I try my best not to obsess or think about death in general. I try my best not to think that it could just happen to anyone, anywhere, without any warning. But just when you think you've pulled through the hurting and thinking and obsessing, it turns around and happens again. No matter how alert we are. Ugh ! Hopefully one day we can live peacefully, happily without experiencing such pain.....one day.....

Having feelings of running away….. I’m having a hard time dealing with the loss of my mother. Most of the time I feel sad and lost. I try to go through each day as best I can. It’s been hard, but lately I’ve been doing much better. I’ve been able to do the normal everyday things. Like go to work, school, and smile every now and then. A schedule is what keeps me intact. But the moment that schedule changes, no longer can I cope and my emotions run wild. There have been many times this has happened, but yesterday was the worst. I’m currently staying with my aunt, instead of the home my mother and I shared. It’s just so empty there without her. Staying with my aunt and her grandson has helped me get back on track. Without them, I would have NEVER made it into work. I would have just laid there and died. Well after my class, I went to my aunt’s house and noticed another car in the driveway. I was a little startled at first, because this was out of the ordinary. I then realized it was my other aunt and her boyfriend’s car. That’s when I started losing it emotionally. So many questions went through my head. I didn’t know why they were there, or what they would think if I walked into the house. What would they say about me staying over there? I hadn't seen them much since the funeral. I just didn’t know what to expect, and at that moment I wanted to run away. I felt so overwhelmed with emotions that I stayed in my car crying for 30 minutes. I didn’t want to go into the house; I just wanted to run away. I wanted my mommy! I wanted control of my emotions. I wanted to feel normal! Again. Has anyone else felt like this? Where any change can make your emotions run wild?! How long will that last ?!

Last night was strange dream again. I have dreams of trying to save my mom. This time I dreamt I was in my parents old apartment, and my mom was sick and couldn't breathe. I called 911 and the dispatcher asked me if I was the same person who called a week ago about my mom. I told them yes and we needed help again. The weird thing is, my mom died the first time I called. So how could I have called a week later? IWhy do I keep thinking I can save her, when she's already gone and never coming back !!! I miss her sooooo much !!!

Sorry to hear about your mom. I know what you are going through. I lived with my mom too. When my father died suddenly of a heart attack, at 47, our family took it really hard, especially my mom. She was so hurt, cried and depressed for months. I was so worried about her, and I tried my best to comfort her. I was only 23 and the oldest, so I really stepped up and took charge. My mom became my best friend, and we did everything together. 2 months ago, she went to sleep and never woke up. She was only 56. She was ok the night before, but the next day she was gone ! Some days I get soooo upset that I scream at the top of my lungs, WHY! Other days I get so sad and weak and just scream, "I want my mommy back." She was all we had left on this crappy planet ! The only one who cared about me uncondionally. I also have dreams about saving her too. Last night I dreamed that we were at our old apartment and that she couldn't breathe. I panicked and called 911. The dispatcher asked me if I was the same person who called a week ago about my mom? I said yes, can you help her again? Which was weird. How could I help her again, when she died the first time I called 911. I came home and found her on the couch. She was cold and already gone. So there could never be a second time I'd call to get her help. But in my dreams I keep thinking I can help her !!! But I can't do anything ! She's gone ! Right now I'm upset. I hate this place.

A child? Being how old? youth, teens, 20's? Also where do we send it too?

I miss my mom so much. I don't know what's going on. Last night was a strange night. I'm not even sure what I was dreaming about, but everytime I woke up, I saw something that reminded me of my mom. On one side of the room is a big closet, and in front of the closet are clothes stacked on top of each other and the kids toys. Every time I woke up facing that direction, I could have sworn I saw my mom's favorite red couch holding up all the clothes and toys. I kept thinking to myself that I didn't remember my aunt having red couches in here. I was half sleep, half dreaming I guess, so then I'd just go back to sleep. This happened many times throughout the night. The tv was on, and other people were sleeping in the room too. But I was a little afraid to get up and really look, so I just fell back to sleep. Later I woke up facing the other direction. This time, I stared at the edge of my pillow, and swore I saw my mom's fingers and finger nails with red nail polish, like they appeared at her funeral. It was at the edge of my pillow. I couldn't believe it, so I woke completely up and got a closer look. It turned out to be red flower decorations on the pillow. I was so hurt, that I threw the pillow down and just cried. I miss her so much. I just can't believe she's gone. The next morning I woke up, and got a good look at the clothes and toys. I noticed there were stacked on top of brown boxes. Why in the world would I think there were red couches in there?! I don't know. Maybe subconsciously my mind is trying to deal with my mom's death. And I was in and out of the dream state. I don't know. Has anyone experienced something like that?!

Ya, I cry every morning too. Especially on the way to work. And I cry at night too, before I go to bed. Ever since it happened, I try to change my schedule/routine up as much as I can. I don't want to do anything like I did before. Because, there's always constant reminders of her being there. Like, the first time when I went back to work. I had this overwhelming urge to call her during lunch break. It hurt so much knowing I couldn't! It felt like some sick practical joke. It took me a while to get over that. So now I try to change my schedule so that everything seems new. Some times I wish I could just be some one else. Just walk away and start over! I miss them so much. I cringe at all the years I have left to be here without my parents. I feel lost. And you are correct, no one cares. Absolutely no one.

Wow, I am so sorry to hear about all that you have went through with your mom and family. That is really tough not to get the answers or receive help from your mom even when you need it the most. I believe a little about psycic readings, but sometimes have a hard time believing accuracy. I have read a lot of books and I have been to a lot of seminars where mediums have demonstrated psyhic powers. I like going because it brings hope that someone can see and hear spirits. I always think about it, but I guess for me, what it really comes down too, is that my mother is not physically here and that's all I know, and can see. So I leave it at that. But back to what you were saying. Accuracy plays a part in knowing if you were really communicating with your mom, etc. You say she's been accurate in the past, so hopefully this time you were really communicating with your mom. Also I heard that the spirit keeps their same personality even after gone from the earthly plane. My mother would always tell me this story of how she contacted her mother and grandmother years ago through a medium. She said her mom was real nice and generous, but her grandmother was really mean and strict. Well, when the contact was made, her grandmother jumped into the medium's body before her mother could. Even though the mother was called first. They were all shocked, but knew that's how her grandmother was when she was on earth. From there they believed they were really talking to the grandmother. So if the personality came out, then you were really talking to your mother. I'm not sure why she wouldn't give you the answers you needed. That's a good question. You'd think that once they left this plane (the selfish human plane), that they would be spiritually growing and would want to help someone who needs them. I don't know, I guess that's where it gets confusing with me. I don't understand. I rack my brains all day thinking about my loved ones in the spirit world. Sometimes I just have to let it go. I guess what it comes down to is, my mommy is not here. And I try to leave it at that. I don't know. I hope you find the answers you need. It seems really tough even after so many years to still be wondering about the mysteries.

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious mom. I also lost my mom. It's been almost about 3 months. Sometimes I wish the months would go by faster. The faster I get away from that day, the better for me. I lived with my mom. I came home from work and found her dead on the couch. She appeared sleeping at first. And I got upset, because it was almost 4pm. I always worried about my mom. Especially after my dad died. She was so sad and I tried my best to comfort her. She would sleep late some times, and it would worry me. It was normal for her, but it made me worry. I worried about her health, I worried about her well-being. I worried...I worried...I worried...I worried...I worried ! Sometimes she'd laugh saying I'd drive her crazy. My dad went into the hospital for chest pains, the next day he died. IT was so quick and sudden, and ever since then I worried about everything. Especially my mom. She was the only parent I had left. So when I saw her on the couch, I worried that something was wrong. So I stared at her chest to make sure she was breathing. (Something I always did). I thought I saw her chest move. So I put my backpack down and was about to head upstairs to my room. But something made me turn around and look at her again, and this time I said her name. She didn't move ! So I touched her and she was sooooo cold ! I knew she was gone. It was so shocking. She looked like she went to sleep. She was my best friend. I still can't believe it ! We don't know what happened, she was only 56, with her b-day just around the corner. These days get harder and harder and harder. Because I know that she is really gone ! Why did she have to die so quick. Her friends also saw her the night before, and she was talking, eating and having fun. She came home about 10pm that night and I saw her. I didn't really talk to her, because it was getting late. She had just parked her car and I watched her walk to the mailbox and check the mail. I watched her (something I always did) just too make sure she was ok. I held the door open for her to come in, and then I told her I was going to sleep because I was tired. She said ok. The next morning I woke up, her bedroom door was closed, so I knew she was sleeping. I left for work. When I came home, she was on the couch. So apparently she had gotten up and came down stairs to the couch, where she died. I don't know. THe memories and thoughts play over and over again in my head. Life is so cruel. What in the world? To lose both parents so quick. I'm shocked and don't understand. This nightmare is reality ! I cry everyday ! I cry hard ! I sit at the gravesite just talking to them. I feel so sad. I can't go home, because it's so lonely in that house without my mom. There's furniture older than I am in there ! Everytime I look at that stuff, I can't stop crying ! It hurts so much ! I miss both my parents ! So I know exactly how you feel losing someone so quick, without any notice/warning, etc. One day they are here and the next day not. So many thoughts go through your mind on what exactly happened, how they felt, etc. I get so angry sometimes, and sometimes I just cry and cry and cry. My dad.....my mom.....life is cruel. It really is.

I'm sorry, seems like you went through a lot with your mom being sick. For me, it was different. I came home from work and found my mom had passed. She went to sleep and never woke up. It hurts me so bad when I think about. I always worried about her and tried my best to take care of her after my dad passed. Moms are irreplaceable. I miss her so much. Her b-day was hard. Family came over to celebrate even though she was gone. I bought a card and a b-day cake with her name on it. I was trying to salvage what was left of her memory, because next year I know won't be the same. It never is. I often wonder too if I'll be ok someday. I'm just not sure.....

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. My mom died about 2 months ago and I'm sad everyday too. I still can't believe it has happened. It's shocking. Check out my post under topic, "Still going nuts after 4 months". Everyday seem like it gets harder for me. She died 1 week before her b-day. It was painful having to cancel all the plans she wanted to do. It was real painful.... Contiue to post here. We are all here to listen .....

Thanks for your advice and comments Paul. I agree with you, I could only wish I had a significant other or friend that I could spill my guts to. My soul hurts down to it’s deepest core, and there’s no one that I can release this pain to. I think the only people who understand the pain are the ones who’ve been through it. I’ve been to a few therapist. Some are good, but some just eerk me when all they do is spew out textbook information, especially when they haven't went through it. My father died when I was 23. I went through all those emotions already. Now that my mom’s gone, I need something stronger that will help me through this pain ! I’m looking for answers that I know I will never find, and this hurts me bad. Sometimes I just cry like a baby because I miss my mom so much and I don’t know what in the world is going on?! The life I built with my mom and my sister was my foundation! No matter how horrible life was on the outside, at least I had a welcoming home (strong foundation) to come home too. I felt safe. Well that’s no more. Now that my mom is gone, I feel so lost and so hurt. Where is my foundation? Where is home for me now?! What do I do? I can’t stop contemplating this over and over again. I also want to thank you for recommending the book, “Grieving the Death of a Mother", by Harold Ivan Smith. There are few things that are helping through this pain of losing my mom that I didn’t do when I lost my dad. Talking to others who've been through it, reading this board, and also reading books. Thank You for recommending it. Shell Louise, I really like what you wrote about what her mom would have said, “You never walk alone……you have a life to live, I don’t want you to be sad and cry forever……I know you’ll be sad at first, but I want you to go on and live your life……” That sounds a lot like how I thought after my dad passed away 6 years ago. After my dad died, I wanted to quit college, but my mom convinced me not too. I then became real gung ho about finishing and making him proud. It felt good and at least my mom was there. But now that she’s gone, I’m not sure if I think that anymore. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever be able to think like that. I’m more or less confused now. I don't understand "life" itself, so I’m confused about what it means to “Live Your life”? Shell, I like what you said about the Universe being like a tide. And it's better to go with it instead of against it. I agree. Seems like that’s all we can do. Wherever the tide goes, we go, because obviously there are many crappy things we have no control over. Maylissa, I like what you wrote about how you’ve helped friends in the past, but haven’t had it reciprocated back. I felt the same way, especially after I lost my father. None of my friends were there for me, not even my extended family. I learned a valuable lesson about friends, which lead me to the realization that there were millions of more people in this world, that I can become friends with. I made new friends, and guess what, after my mom died, those new friends have been more supportive than my old friends ever were. It makes me so angry when I think about all the times those so-called friends ate at my parents dinner table. It annoys me that they couldn’t be there for me in my time of need. So for me, Right now, I'm lost, hurt, and confused. I feel like I don't fit in. I have this big problem weighing me down, and every little step I take gets harder and harder. I feel like the whole world is staring at me because they don't know what to say. I don't blame them, because they are just as bewildered as I am. (See, most of the people around me have at least 1 parent left). I feel needy because I'm scared and want someone to tell me everything will be ok. (I know no one can do this, but my parents. But they are gone, so now no one can).I cry at the drop of a dime. I constantly wonder, Where's my mom? Where did she go? she would have never left me. I find myself constantly thinking about the days when we were all together. Seems like yesterday.....when we were all sitting around the dinner table laughing and joking....my parents, my sister and I.....shucks I'm not even 30 yet, so I guess it was just yesterday. These days I try to carry on as best I can, because that's what life's all about....job, bills, etc. I worry about my sister, but not really.....she has a wonderful boyfriend in her life who I know will take good care of her. A good guy. He got to know my mom a few months before she passed. The poor thing, I guess he never really thought he'd be taking on such a big burden. He doesn't seem to mind, which breaks my heart. (See there are some good souls out there). All I can hope for is that someday I will feel like there's a purpose to continue on. That someday I will find my inner strength again to keep moving. I'm trying my best to find my place in this world again. But right now, I'm still lost, hurt, and confused.

Thanks Shell, for your advice and support. Some days I feel like I'm getting stronger, and some days I don't. Today was one of those days, I woke up crying and I didn't want to get out of bed. If it wasn't for my aunt encouraging me, I would just laid there forever.... I feel so tired and emotionally weak all the time. This bums me out because I want my inner strength back, and I can't find it !!! I found out long ago after my father died, that you can only depend on yourself, because friends,etc, always fall short. I lived like this, and was happy. Whenever conflict came about, I was able to stand strong and keep my head up. and now it's gone !!! I want that inner foundation back ! I find myself crying and feeling vulnerable at the drop of a pin. One of my co-workers is leaving for a new job soon. I've known this for weeks. Yesterday we were hanging out and talking. It felt good, until his wife came to pick him up. I just felt this sharp pain of abandonment again ! Like he had someone to go home too, but I don't. I then wished I was married or had at least a boyfriend to help me through emotionally. This bummed me out. Then this morning, my aunt's daughter told me that her mom (my aunt) will retire next year and wants her to move out of state with her. My aunt has told me she's moving, but for some reason it didn't really hit home, until her daughter said it. Maybe 2 people saying it became reality, and I felt like I was being abandoned again ! I hate feeling like this. When will I find my inner strength again? When will I feel secure and safe in this world again? Both my parents are gone. I just don't know.....

It's been over 2 months since my mom passed, and somedays it's ok and somedays it's not. But overall I feel that it's slowly getting worst each day. I miss her so much. I'm sitting at my desk at work right now, and I just can't stop crying and shaking. I miss her so much ! :(

I use to see numbers as signs before, but I've learned to tune them out, thinking that maybe I was just stuck on that particular number. So at this point I really don't remember. All I know is that there have been 2 strange coincidences since my mom has passed. I use to belong to a Church study group, but when my schedule got too hectic, I stopped going. Well after my mom died, I sent out an email to the group letting them know what happened. I didn't know how they'd respond since it had been months since I been. What was shocking was how I saw them a few days later in a store while out shopping with my friend and her family. I was having a horrible day, and to see them was shocking. They were comforting and supportive and asked when I'd go back. It was such a weird coincidence because in my mind, I felt like God was telling me everything is ok. Another incident occurred when some friends took me out to dinner. As I was leaving the restaurant, someone tapped me. I turned around and it was my mom's good friend. I almost choked. It just broke my heart. Seeing these familiar people or strange occurences makes me cringe. I miss my mom so much. I really don't want to see any of her friends ! I don't want to see our next door neighbors ! I don't want to see the mailman, the trashman, the landscaper ! All these people knew my mom, and they loved her ! The memories hurt so much and seeing my mom's friend was torture to my heart. :( She started crying and didn't know what to say to me. It was so intense that I felt like my mom was still there. Like she set it up or something, however I know that's not true ! I don't know what to think. Has anyone had any strange occurences like that?

Wow, your story does sound a lot like mines. Your mother's eulogy was really beautiful and heart warming. I miss my mom so much. I have dreams about her, which helps me get through this. It's really hard. I also believe it's not the last time we'll see them. I try talking to my mom like she's still there, but sometimes I get so frustrated when I realize I can't touch her or see her physically. It hurts so much, I just want to get in my car and drive far far away! You are correct, we are still here! And I have to take care of my sister too. Lately my emotions have been out of wack, and I feel like I'm pouting like a big baby ! I realize that I have to find my own peace, my own way through this grief. It's going to be a tough rode, but I need all the help and support I can get. Thanks for your stories and words of encouragement. It helps me get through the long days. It's relieving to know that others feel the same, and that I'm not the only one missing my mommy and daddy.

Shell, I know what you mean. I really enjoy this site too. It really helps me talk to other's who are going through it. Right now my emotions are so wacky, I don't know what to do. This morning I was feeling ok, but now I'm feeling like crap. I'm telling you, I cannot imagine 5, 10, or 15 years without my mom ! What the heck is this kind of place?! I really hate it here. I know what you mean about grief counseling. Sorry that the ones near your home are all through the Church. That can be frustrating. Where I live, there's grief counseling through the Hospice which is a good thing. Maybe you can find something like that. But ya, good grief counseling is hard to find. Don't know why, because logically everyone will go through it in their lifetime. So you'd think it would be important. But no. Anyways, I'm just really tired today. Doing ok this morning, and now I feel like crap. I want to go home and just sleep. But can't because I have no home without my mother there. I'm staying with my Aunt. But my aunt's house is not really my house. So basically I have no where to go. So I'll just sit here......I really miss my mother !

These past few weeks I've went to the bookstore and just read books. All kind of books on how to deal with what I'm going through. I'd spend hours just reading. A lot of the books are interesing, but a lot are conflicting. It drove me up the wall. I got to the point where I didn't really care anymore. I eventually came to the conclusion that who really cares, where's my mother?! I want her back. This just sucks.