Dear Harry, It sounds like the email has triggered some pretty strong emotions: anger, guilt, regret, sadness, helplessness, impatience.....and that is understandable considering all you and your beloved Jane have been through. You say you feel emotionally responsible for Jane's death--hindsight is such a compelling mind-teaser; Usually, we make decisions based on the information we have at hand. We look at the doctors as professionals who know, yet, we sometimes discover that their knowledge is limited, biased, or just plain inadequate. We take responsibility for the death with mental constructs that include a lot of "if only I...".or" I should have...."or "what if we....." thinking....all with the bias that any one of those decisions would have changed the outcome we despise. Yet, we really don't know if it would have at all.....when it comes to illness or dying, there are many unanswerable questions. Agreeing to stop life support for our loved one is the most difficult decision of all, even when we know that is their wish. She trusted you to do what you both knew she wanted if she could not do it herself. She counted on you to do it, knowing that you loved her so very much. I think that it is good that you received the email from the 26yo woman. She reached out to you. She is still hopeful, and she is now receiving the care she needs. You are realizing that change is slow, yet every time you share your experience and knowledge with someone or a doc, you are planting more seeds of awareness and the seeds will grow. It sounds like your Jane was a positive motivator. Remember her "can do" spirit when you respond to the email. She lives on through your memories and will continue to work through you and others who experienced her wonderful spirit. Every positive connection is a "winner." Warmly, Dee