KathyD

Hi Janice, This place is great but I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Although my Dad was expected to survive he passed after a sudden negative reaction (4 days in the ICU) so I don't know if it's better to know what lies ahead and brace yourself for it or hope that the outcome will be as planned. Everyone here is very supportive and I do hope it helps you. Kathy

Hi Kasey, I sometimes do the same thing you do to get by - I put on a face and block everything negative out of my mind for as long as I can. But that blockage never lasts and I do experience the pain, the crying, etc. I use my blockade as a coping mechanism, and think that you probably are doing the same thing but on a higher level. Have you considered therapy? I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with you but maybe talking to someone might help because he/she may have more insight and be able to suggest ways in which you can open yourself up more. And if you discover all the emotions you'll have a professional to help you deal with them. I probably will wind up in therapy myself at some point because my loss is so recent and I haven't fully come to terms with it, so I do think if you find the right person she/he could point you in a positive direction. If you don't like that idea maybe check out a few books on dealing with loss? I bought one and it's helped me understand some of my feelings. Kathy

Shirley, I'm so sorry for your losses. There is nothing wrong with you - everyone grieves in different ways. I lost my Dad three weeks ago and although at times I feel "normal" there are days where I feel like I'm totally blank inside. I try to rationalize everything but the memories can be overpowering and rise up suddenly. I also can't really talk to anyone even though I do have people around me...I just can't put on a game face and act like nothing happened. Don't feel embarassed about it, though, because you have nothing to be embarassed about. If someone doesn't understand then they have no idea what you're going through. I'm feeling guilty because I can't bring myself to meet up with my Mom for a movie since it would remind me of my Dad (love of my life). The three of us used to go see a movie then have dinner afterwards, and while I'm trying to be there for my Mom I can't handle the memories yet. OK, ranting now! Just wanted to let you know that grief is normal and everything you're going through is normal. Kathy

Hi everyone, I'm relatively new here but completely relate to what everyone is going through, whether it be a week or years (I'm going on week 3 of losing my best friend, my Dad). Grief surrounds me but it does hit when least expected. I went with my mom today to look at a condo for her and when I realized that all the holidays I spent at my home are gone for good I lost it. I feel like I'm a robot that breaks down without warning. I don't think I'll ever be "me" again and the crying spells come all the time. I try to be strong but how can you be if you've lost someone so close to you? I keep wanting to call my Dad for advice but know that he's not there anymore (it seems silly but changing the phone number from his name to my Mom's was devastating). Since I'm not working it makes things either easier or harder, but the small stuff hits out of the blue. I remember my Dad suffering in the ICU and cry, but when I thought of the bureau he had in his hospital room and the things in it I broke down. That's not really normal thinking! It's so hard...my friends try to be supportive but unless you know the pain they can't be. Sorry for rambling - just a tough time today and wanted to let all of you know that I do understand.

I think family members believe that being together should help people get over their mutual loss even though everyone has to do it their own way, whether it be alone or with others. It sounds like your family just doesn't understand your needs - it's as though they think since being with family on Easter helps THEM it should help you too. While I don't have the same pressures or have family calling me and being short with me, there's sort of silent understanding that I have to be the rock for my Mom (my Dad - love of my life - died 3 weeks ago). My brother has told me this and my Dad even wrote in his last letter that I have to do whatever I can. I want to, but I'm trying to cope and deal with my pain and sometimes feel that no one understands. So...I think that despite pressure you should do what is best for YOU and keep your focus on that, since you're going through your own grieving process.

Thank you so much Sean! "Trying" is most definitely harder than coping. I have a letter my Dad wrote to me a week ago before he passed where he wrote "I love having a 35 year old daughter than I can talk and talk and talk with. We had the chance to have an unusual relationship, and I obviously love you." Please don't take his words the wrong way - me and my Dad just used to be able to joke about everything and discuss things in the news the way he was never able to with the rest of my family. I haven't gotten to the missing him so much I can't stand it point, but I'm glad I signed up for this board since I now know that I'm not the only person who cared a great deal for a parent. Sean...I would give anything for that parental hug too and understand you perfectly. Thank you. Kathy

Hi everyone, This is also my first post and I hope I didn't accidentally delete anyone's since I always have trouble registering/signing in. While I don't face the exact struggles that everyone else is facing, I lost my father last Thursday and have been a complete emotional wreck. We had a very close and rare relationship and I keep thinking that he's not gone then look at the obituary and know that he is. This turns on the waterworks immediately and I've not yet gone to either the funeral or memorial (the funeral is tomorrow). It doesn't help that I've suffered from major depression for years! I know I'm being a downer, but the feelings that we all are feeling are real and although they are part of the process I feel like telling the process to take a hike. I empathize with everyone because the emotions are undescribable. My brother leaves in two days which leaves me to deal with my Mom and eldery Grandmother...I don't know if I can take it on top of the loss of my Dad. He literally was my everything. Sorry again to be a downer but a friend sent me this link since she thought it might be helpful. I hate to see anyone suffer. Kathy