LostmyHoney

Cheryl, Im understand how you feel about not being able to say good bye...Im so sorry! Rachel

Jay I love this...left me speechless! Thank You ! Rachel

Thank You so much for sharing that it touched my heart ! God bless ! Rachel

Ok friday I have to go to the clerk of courts with my Honey's daughter, so I thought I would check out the lay of the land. Was'nt even thinking about the fact that the road I was on became a one way street. After I found what I needed I went back to the street I came in on and realized I could'nt do that. I stayed calm and thought I'll just go up a block on this other street and mabey be able go the way I need to there. No such luck... about the time I was going to panick I heard my Honey say "you know what to do just fallow your instincts" so I did and I made it whew. Rachel

Happy Anniversary Perkins808! May Jeff's arms hold you always! God Bless! Rachel

One of the things I like to do to get through a work day is show off pics of my Honey, I have 5 I carry with me, one from 1970 when he was in Vietnam with the 101st Airborn division. When I got back to work from my bereavement leave there was a man who came to me and earnestly said I have missed you and Im very glad your back!. I got the feeling that he knew why I had been gone, but also knew how raw my feelings were so that was all he said. When I was showing my pics to him today and explained all that he said he too had been with the 101st Airborn and at the same time (though there were A LOT of them there) and he asked what my Honey did. I told him he was the one who guided the copters to the pickups and drop offs safely. He said he may have been on one of my Honeys flights. As he walked away he stopped and said Tell him thanks for me! I said I will. A short time later my brain started to wonder did he really know my Honey was gone? Well instead of letting it eat away at me Ive learned to confront such things, so the next time I saw him I took him aside and said I have to ask , you do know my Honey past away dont you ? He got the strangest look on his face took a step closer and leaned over a bit and said But you still talk to him dont you? I said Oh I do I do! he said In answer to your question yes I know, Im sorry if I offended you that was the last thing I wanted to do. I explained that he did not offend me and I had felt that he did know but that my brain gets in the way sometimes, thanked him and walked away feeling rather understood. It was a good feeling even though I was on the verge of tears. I then went home for lunch and had a good cry with my lil stuffed family. Thank you for listening and God bless ! Oh and I did tell my Honey that he had said thanks twice once through my sobs and again when I calmed down to make sure he understood what I had said! Rachel

Thank You All so much for welcoming and input! Being here has helped. Thank you nirac this coment gave me a lil chuckle, my Honey's sister was the one who made me feel unsure of myself. I really do appreciate the support from all who have posted, thanks again ! Rachel

Hi to all, something positive for me today is reading thru thease post made me feel good for a bit. Thank You Jennalee! Rachel

You are not a week person!!! The fact that you get up every day and go to work when you should shows great strength! I spend my workdays greating people with a smile and a "hey how ya doin?" hearing a "fine thanks and you?" responding with a simple "I'm ok is there anything I can help you with today?". I thought it was helping to convince myself that I really was ok but it seems to be haveing some side efects. I feel like crying all day long but can't. Some times I just wast to break something and have got rough with some of the carts we use slaming them into the cardboard bailer, running into other carts ext...Just generally feeling like hurting someone...though I never would. I also feel numb and empty, break times were my time to call my Honey and just chat, now I just feel ill every time I have to take a break. I want my Honey back but I know I cant have him! I've had a feeling for a long time now that he was my last love, and have no intention of getting involved with another. My family is 2,958 miles away and I will close that gap sometime after the 1st of the year. I left both my parents, a brother and my 3 grown sons to spend a very happy 3 yrs 3 mo with the last love of my life. Truly the only love of my life as the 1st and 2nd were abusive control freaks! Though I wouldnt change the first cuz he gave me my 3 handsome loveing sons! Dont think of what your feeling as a sign of weekness but as a sign that you have just been strong for too long. I wish you peace and God bless. Rachel

Cheryl, I am sorry that you had to go through a tramatic event like that but am glad to hear things are a little better. Have your dogs ever done that befor? Im asking because I believe that our pets can feel the loss of a loved one as well. The change in the family dynamics can also trigger behavior problems with pets. I pray that all goes well with your family and healing. God Bless You! Rachel

Thank You BW ! My heart goes out to all !!! This is a thought I had of how my Honey "Buck" would want me to feel, in the form of a conversation between the two of us. It starts with me and I titled it "Whisper" Whisper in my ear, whisper something clear. Whisper in my ear, whisper something you hold dear. If I whisper in your ear of something I hold dear. Will you hold it dear to you as I have held it dear to me? I shall hold it dear to me as I do everything you’ve given me. All that you hold dear truly means the world to me. Then I shall whisper in your ear, Ill whisper something very clear. Ill whisper in your ear of the one thing I hold most dear. Whisper in my ear, whisper something clear. Whisper in my ear, whisper something you hold dear. …..Rachel…… By Rachel Brown

I too have been asking my Honey "Buck" to come to me in a dream and take me fishing. He loved to fish but by the time I came into his life he was sick and didnt ever feel up to it. We did other thing around the house, like a role playing game online and shooting pool online. We took a trip to the coast so I could say Ive been in both oceans, and one to the smoky mountains to ride the rails. He was always worried that he wasnt enough fun for me but I finaly got him to understand that he was just what i needed and wanted. He was perfect for me! I have had some dreams where the person I saw didnt look like him but when I woke I felt so peacefull, content and satisied that I knew he had been there. That was how haveing him here with me made me feel. Rachel

Thank You both for your replies,they have helped me. My prayers are with you and all who have lost a loved one!!

I lost my Fiancee 6 weeks ago, we had him cremated. A couple of weeks after he passed I began to bring his urn to bed with me. He sleeps with our lil makeshift family of stuffed animals on his side of the bed. Sometimes Ill put my arm around his urn and feel very peacefull and relaxed. I just cant help but wonder if this is a sign of some sick and twisted problem with me? He was sick when I met him and I knew I wouldnt get much time with him, but we conected so deeply that I had to be with him. I met him online shooting pool in a game. I moved from Nevada to North Carolina and I was blessed with three years and three months of pure bliss with the love of my life. He brought our lil family of stuffed animals to life for me and told me of ther antics every day, they too have been a great comfort. I miss him deeply! The pain I feel now was worth the short time I had with him. Rachel