LostmyHoney

I also extend my thanks to all on this site ! Working in retail this last week has been exausting to say the least. All I have been able to do is read the posts here and they have been insperational to me. They have givin me the strength to get through this very trying time. I hope that all here will find some peace and comfort somewhere in this time of stress ! Rachel

I am so very sorry for your loss, she was so young to have had such troubles. Your sticking it out with her is a testament to the type of person you are! Your story hits home with me as my Honey was also an alcholic, though he was 60 when I lost him. I had only been with him for 3 yr 3 mo but it was the best and only time I had been treated as a woman should be treated. I feel that there is a lot of room for love in our hearts, some move on to other loves and some dont. What ever you find to be right for you will be. Rachel

Thank You Carol Ann ! Rachel

Mary, Im so very happy that you enjoyed the party, and the caroling ! Rachel

Melina, Bravo Hope this accomplishment brings much you satisfaction ! Rachel

Hbgirl, Im so sorry for your loss. Im sure your husband Steve, at the very least, loved watching you enjoy the holidays. My Honey was a sick man even befor I met him, so much of the things we did together were more of me doing and him chearing me on. Like when we went to Wilmington for a night just so I could get my feet wet in the Atlantic Ocean. I had spent my childhood on the Pacific coast, and wanted to be able to say I've been in both. And there was the time he booked a hotel room for my birthday, they had an indoor pool. I had mentioned something about wanting to go swimming some time befor so... he was thoughtfull like that. Both times he just sat with his beer and camera and a big ol smile. His sisters still tell me how much he bragged about how he loved to see me enjoy myself, and how much joy he got out of it. I wasn't going to do Christmass either, my Honey and I were finally in a place we could get a big tree, were going to stick with 4ft or so. I kept hearing him urging me to go ahead and get a tree, that I needed to "do" Christmass anyway. I still just didn't have it in me. One day as I was walking thru the Christmass section of the store I work at this tree caught my eye. I tryed to find the box for it but we were sold out, I thought ok not ment to be. The next day there were 2 of the trees on display now, no one knew where the 2nd one came from so they agreed to sell it to me. I felt like I was on auto pilot didn't know why I was buying just had to. It is up in my living room and my Honeys Urn has a good view of it. Hope you find comfort with your family and here as well. Rachel

Me too !

Carol Ann, I am so very sorry that people can be so ignorant and inconsiderate. A few of my Mom's favorite expressions were: "Don't take it too personal kiddo !", "Who ever told you life was going to be fair ?" and "Life is tough !". I can't even tell you how many times I heard these growing up, and always with stern seriousness ! Well, the fair one generally got hissed at me. She really did prepare me for what life was really like, and how cruel and thoughtless people can be. I have realized that I have a "water off the ducks back", "thick hide" kinda thing going on. I wish I could share it with you now ! I hope the memorial helps you. (((HUGS))) Rachel

My Honey had this happen to him. We had taken him to the hospital and were up all night waiting for a room, when he got into one, he was doing ok so I went home to get a few hours sleep and a shower. By the time I got back to the room he had a tube down his throat and he was nonresponsive. I was confused to say the least. Finally a nurse came in and told me he had sliped into an amonia coma, and the tube was so they could give him the medicine lactulose. She also told me his amonia levels were through the roof, the highest shes ever seen and she was amazed that he was still alive. I had only been there for 10 min or so when he opened his eyes and saw me, he smiled and ask for a snuggie, I gave him a great big one ! He did not tell me much about it, it was a very personal experience for him. Between what he did share with me and some of my own non death experiences, I whole heartedly believe in the hereafter !!! Rachel

I hope that I dont offend but...Thank You so much for the chuckle, I really needed it. They have given good advice, and I bet that you would do a fine job getting a car on your own. Whatever you do be comfortable with it, and dont let anyone rush you. Good Luck ! Rachel

wmjsca, I also have those thoughts and feelings, though I know they are of no avail, but still have them. ((((Hugs)))) Rachel

I understand how you feel, and I wish I had some magic words that would help you. I can tell you to keep posting and vent all you need to here, also read as many threads as you can handle. Some days I cant even think to respond to much of what is posted, but reading through it all helps me. At this point my consentration is minimal. Hugs to you patricia ! Rachel

Im so very sorry for your loss. I had my Buddy, got him when he was 4 weeks old, he was more like a son to me. You know the perfect son who never talked back and always wanted to please. The one who was always there no matter what. I had left him with my son to come to NC to be with my Honey, that was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I knew he and my son had a good bond too, and that he would be loved and cared for. 5 mo befor I went home to visit they had to send him home to God. He was just in too much pain and couldn't walk anymore. That was about a year ago. Recently I had a dream that my Honey and I were on a boat and my buddy was there, I didnt see him but I felt him there with us. My Honey past away sept 2 2010, he loved to fish, I kept asking him to come to me in a dream and take me fishing. Well there we were on a boat on a lake and then the boat went into a river where I saw a school of japanese garden fish. My honey told me to just reach out and grab one. So I did and the boat dissapeared and I was floating, like the fish caught me rather. All the while I felt my Buddy there by my side, he loved the water. When I woke I knew that my Honey was there in heaven with my Buddy and other family and friends waiting for us here on earth to join them. Rachel

Tammy, Yes...all of the above is true about me too. Also everything just seems so monumental thease days. Rachel

Im so very sorry for your loss ! I completly understand the relief you are feeling, I too had that when my Honey passed away. Dont think I would have survived without it. Hugs to you ! Rachel

Im so sorry your hurting, I have that feeling when trying to look too far into the future. I had to seperate events even though they were days apart, I took them on one at a time. Didn't even think about one till the other was done. I hope your feeling better soon ! Hugs to you ! Rachel

Your Welcome Carol Ann, I still miss your signature. Rachel

I agree ! No need to be sorry, I enjoyed seeing your signature at the end of your posts. It was a blessing to me, a reminder to think of the good times we had as a couple. I always felt blessed by God to have met my Honey, and had the lil bit of time I did have with him. Rachel

Thank You all for the warm responses. My Honey's sister took me to lunch at the first "Burger King" that He and I ate at together. Then we did a lil shopping, and it started to snow, big light fluffy flakes, I loved it ! My Honey really loved the snow, he would get so excited. Though he was unable to play in it due to his illness. I felt his love surounding me as I walked through the snow fall, and hoped he was dancing around me enjoying the snow himself. Rachel

Mary, Sounds like your positive attitude has already allowed you to have a good time with the preparations. I am so very happy for you ! Hugs to you ! Rachel

I feel and understand you all so very well ! As for the understanding of friends and associates in our lives... I found this quote to be quite profound, and felt it hit home for me. We who grieve have gained sight of just how interwoven our identities are with others. Im just so very sorry that we had to learn this by loss. Rachel

Thank You Nancy ! Hugs back !

Four years ago today I met my Honey face to face for the first time. I saw him from behind, walked up to him and said "Buck?". I can still remeber the look on his face when he turned around and saw me standing there. My plane landed early so he was suprised at first then melted into a very pleased and happy look, I could even see the love in his eyes. We hugged, it felt as though we had known eachother our whole lives ! No awkward moments at all ! I miss him so so very much ! Rachel

Thank you for the chuckle Bill. I agree with what Perkins808 has said. You must be comfortable with any response you might give ! I have felt for a long time now that my Honey was the last one for me. This stems from a re-occurring dream I have had since I was a young teen. I am comfortable with the idea of never having another "love" relationship agian. When people see my engagement ring (which will never come off) and ask if im engaged, I simple say yes. If they then ask for a date I mysteriously reply "When it's time". I have not had it go futher than that yet, but expect it will someday. I plan to wing it from there. Rachel

I have never tryed this befor so I hope it works. I was really moved by this and had to share. Rachel http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D0xwzItqYmII%26feature%3Dshare&h=32e03