LostmyHoney

Melina, Im so sorry your feeling this way but You are not alone. Ive been trying to plan my move back home and it has proved to be very stressfull, I just feel like giving up. I cant even seem to leave my house lately except for work. I got a post card from my oldest son today in wich he quoted me..."life is too tiresome to waste energy being angry" he was such an angry teenager/young man(28 now) and to know he heard me, left me balling like a baby. My Honey always told me that he would come around on his own time. Rachel

Melina, It seems that just a few months ago you were wanting a dream so desperately. I am so very sorry that it was disappointing for you. Rachel

Hi Di, I dont think we forget memories, I feel that they come and go as we need them. In fact I have just begun to remember some lil things like: One day I was staring at my Honey, he noticed me and said that made him feel uncomfortable. I said to him "Im sorry baby I dont mean to make you uncomfortable but...(broke into song, Frankie Valley and the four seasons) Your just to good to be true! Can't take my eyes off of you! Your like heaven to touch, I want a hold you so much..." He giggled and said "Now come over here and give me a snuggie!" I hadn't thought about that since the day it happened, and had this memory on monday, been humming and singing this tune since. Rachel

Thank You for sharing that Carol Ann! Rachel

I am so very sorry you had to go through all of that, and to loose your love at the end. My Honey also had a drinking problem, congestive heart failure and psorosis of the liver when I met him online. After I had fallen for him, he told me the doc said he only had a year to live. I lived 3000 miles away and 3mo later I was here with him for a weeks vacation, that was the first week in Dec. 2006. By the end of May 2007 he had come to get me and we drove back together. I was very bleesed to get 3yrs and 3mo of time with him. It was more than I had thought but not as much as I had hoped. The few dreams I have had of him leave me to belive he is waiting for me with my dog Buddy, and many other family members. He is heathy now, no more demons tormenting his mind, he has forgiven all earthly grudges, and is at peace. My Honeys phrase was "Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive!" Rachel

I think being numb helped but the hard part was greating customers with a smile "Hi how ya doin today?" when all I really wanted to do was scream or kick something even someone, just didnt know who I wanted to kick though. Good thing too cuz I probly would have done it. Rachel

I miss you, and Love you, more that you could ever know ! All My Love, Rachel

My hony left on sept 2nd and I had to go back to work on the 7th... Rachel

Gail, I loved it thank you so much for sharing! Rachel

I had a dream a few weeks back where my Honey was driving and I was in the passenger seat. We stopped at a red light and I leaned forward to get a better look at someone. I couldnt see my Honey at this point, but I felt his hand on the small of my back. later in the dream I was climbing a fence and someone took my arm to help me over and I felt nothing. Many times I have had dreams where contact was made but never felt anything, but emotions. This was the first time I had ever felt something physical in a dream. I feel it was my Honey with his hand on the small of my back like he used to do when we were sleeping. A week or so later I was half woke when the bed was jiggled, just like when he would come to bed after I had fallen asleep. I live alone and can only figure that I was not startled or frightened because I knew who jiggled my bed. Rachel

That sounds like a wonderfull idea!!! Im happy that you came up with a plan that will bring you comfort. We all so need a lil comfort in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Rachel

wmjsca, Belated wishes of peace for your birthday, and the rest of the year. Rachel

My Honey had a thing for the # 37, stems from a joke he heard when he was young. At 37 days gone I was too much of a wreck to even know it had been. This morning when I woke my first thought was "Happy 137 days Baby"... Happy? Dont know where that came from. My Honey used to say stuff like "And when they do show up ther will be 537,000 of them can you imagine that many?" or "We'll have to pay 37million dollars" of course thease probably dont mean much to you all cuz they are just punchlines. I miss my Honeys sense of humor, I wish I could duplicate it for you all but I just dont remember specifics. Rachel To my Honey: I hope the last 137 days have been better for you, then they have been for me! I will love you with all my heart for eternity! All my Love, Rachel

Im so very sorry for your losses, I don't think God is mad at your family, but I can relate to feeling that way. As time goes on you will adjust. You have found a safe place to talk about whats on your mind. The people here are all going through some kind of loss just like you and we understand your pain. Keep coming back and even if all you do is read the posts of others thats ok. Just know that any time you need to vent we are here for you. Rachel

Oh Carol Ann I understand your pain. Freedom is the essence of our being, I want you to know that my heart aches for you. You are not alone in feeling grief over the loss of freedom. I wish I could say something that would help you to feel better, but... Just know that we will all be here for you. God Bless You! Rachel

"peaceful warrior" I like that, I will keep that in mind while I adjust to my new life in my old hometown. (when I get back there) Rachel

I think that what ever is right for you is what you should do. As for being wierd...well if you are I am too. I often set a beer out for my Honey when I have one, he so loved his beer. Ill even fix a small plate of food for him sometimes, especially when Im having pizza. I really should have cooked for him, I think he left me feeling as though I would starve without pizza delivery. Take care. Rachel

Tears streaming...Im right there with ya! Thank you for sharing that, I hope it helped you to get it out. Rachel

Carol Ann, I too feel so blessed because my Honey loved me, He taught me that I am worthy of being treated with respect and kindness. You have given me much from your postings. I hope that all goes well for you today! Rachel

I can totaly relate to everything you have said. Rachel

Martina, I am so very sorry for your loss. It has been 4mo and 6days for me. The day my Honey past I made the mistake of getting his stash of pics out from under the bed while his sister was there. I was in such a daze I wasnt sure what all she took, saying she was going to get copys made. When she returned the pics there were only a few...anyway I have enough to keep me happy. I just got home from the goodwill where I donated my Honey's new shoes his jeans and button up shorts. His sweat pants, strechy shorts and t-shirts Im keeping as I can wear them and often do. I may not have done any of this if I wernt planing to move back to Nevada at the end of March. Three months will be over fast and Im trying not to let it snowball on me. I just do what I can even if I have to cry while doing it. I hope you can find some peace. Rachel

Thank You for that thought, Carol Ann! Rachel

I think it shows great courage to own up to your wife. We are only human and NOBODY is perfect. Rachel

What He said! Rachel