gabrielle_land

cdbaca, I'm very sorry for your loss, it's so hard to lose that someone you love with all your heart.. its a shame you have to go through it, I lost my love 3 months now.. I joined the site a month after and it has helped me, hope it may help you too, as you said "I have yet to share my grief so openly", its such a need to do so, and you came to the right place. Feel free to post anytime ok, we all know what you are going through.. we all try to support each other. You say you write to him in a site, I think that's helpful, I do that too.. It's some sort of therapy I guess.. Maybe some day we will learn how to live with this, I dont know if enjoying our days as we once did, but learn to smile at life again. Take care cdbaca, hugs and blessings, Gaby

Derek, Your words really touched me. You have been, as Dusky mentioned, a good example for us all, for me personally, and thank you for sharing your experiences/feelings with us because somehow it has helped us to deal with our own grief too, and I must say too that this site has been a blessing for me too.. you all are wonderful. I hope you may enjoy your vacation Derek, God bless you, Gaby

Chrissy =) What a beautiful baby you have!! Thanks for sharing a picture with us, he's lovely Taka care ok, hugs! Gaby

Chrissy777!! Congratulations! What a wonderful new!!! I feel so happy for you! Yes, you have been blesses with your little one! hugs and kisses, take care =)

Roslyn, You don't need to thank anything, we are here to support each other... how could one deal with this grief if is not expressing with friends, family or in this case, with people who are grieving like us. I saw Matthew's Memorial site, he was a person surrounded by people who loved him very much and he truly enjoyed life as far as I could see. I'm very sorry for the hard times your family is going through and Betty as well. As you say sooner or later you will be able to be with him again, thats the one thing we can cling on now, I do belive in that that day will come. God bless you, take care, Gaby

Happy Birthday to you and to Jenn as well, wish all the best, and send hugs and love for you both! Take care, Gaby

Roslyn, My deep condolence for you,I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Matthew. I know its hard for you, with the overwhelming feeling that you are dealing with now. How long will it last? such a hard question... I've been grieving exactly for 3 months today and looks like there's still a long path to go through... we all handle our grief as better as we are able to, it's not easy, that's for sure..Will it get better? I hope so.. maybe "better" isnt the word..but maybe less heavy... Though I have had no children yet I know losing a son/daughter is a devastating thing, and I'm so sorry you and other moms have to pass through something like this.. I pray God may guide you and give you the strength you need. Remember Matthew is in your heart now and will always be with you.. I send you lots of blessings, Gaby

Holly, Words will never ease that much pain you feel or express how sorry I am for your loss. It is so painful to know that somebody so young as him had to leave, and as I may only imagine, since I haven't been a mom yet, your dealing with an enormous grief, it's just something no parent should ever feel.. I understand how hard will it be when his birthday comes for you, your daughter, and the rest of your family. I'm sorry you have to go through this, and as you say you have to be strong for you and your family, I pray God gives you strength to keep on guiding your family. I hope this place may be of any help for you, I'm sure you'll find caring people and mothers/dads that as you are dealing with the loss of a child. There's always people that will be willing to read your posts and try to give you at least some comfort through this so difficult moments. Unfortunately, some people think that the grief is shown outside, they don't seem to understand that one deals with it deep inside and can be even bigger than one can take... as you say, things wont be the same after the passing, but hopefuly ( I really hope) in time, there will be a day in which dealing with it will become a little easier, and you are right those wonderful memories you have are yours and nobody can take that away from you, is there is something left here that can be that meaningful is the love you both shared. Take care, and send you lots of blessings, Gabrielle

Garrett's mom, I'm very touched by your words, and so very sorry for your loss, how I wished you didn't have to go through this so painful moment. Tears came to my eyes as reading how you feel... I'm sure he's your little angel watching upon you,and you know, I'm sure he's very proud of the loving mom he was lucky to have. I pray God gives you strength and guides you through this dark path. Don't mind those people who think it's awkward you cry still, I admire you for the strength you have had so far to keep on living with the biggest pain a mother may have and for the love you have for your baby. Life seems so unfair sometimes..I'm sorry once again for your loss and though words can't help that much, just know there's people that care for your feelings and for the love you have for Michael Garrett..you have all the right to grief as much as you feel like. Send you lots of hugs and blessings, Gabrielle

TerryJ, Im so very sorry for your loss... I understand the pain you are trying to deal with right now, as all the rest of the people that join this forum, I think it was a good idea to come here...three weeks...so little time has passed by, Im very sorry once again... I pray God may give you strength through this so sad and difficult moments. I know what you mean when you say that everybody started their normal rutines... one feels as if life shouldn't go on without him anymore. I lost my boyfriend almost 3 months now, he was and still is the love of my life, and I still wake up wondering why the sun comes out every morning... You say you have no close family around, but remember there is still people here that would love to know more about you and the wonderful husband Steve was, and of course how are you feeling by now, please feel free to come and express yourself. I've been here for 2 months now and it has helped me alot. Remember you are not alone. Hugs and blessings, Gabrielle

Derek, Im so sorry you had to go through this day.. I haven't been through that day yet and I can't imagine how difficult will that be, extremely sad... I'm very sorry for everything you are going through. I know words wont make things better but just remember you have our support. I pray God may give you and Carson all the strength you need in these very difficult moments. Take care and blessigs, Gaby

Simply beautiful... thanks for sharing it with us.. it really moved me

Patti and Derek, thank you very much for your words and Derek thank you too, for your and prayers. You both brought a smile to my face, thnx for your support. You are as well in my prayers, blessings to all of you, Gaby

It's been 2 months now since my Chris is gone...days go by, but doesnt take the pain away... This week I finished with my architecture courses, and I have left just my thesis to end university.. I should feel "happy" to be now this close to my last step, but instaed I can't help crying and wishing he would be here with me sharing all this...he was my whole inspiration in keep me going, he was my support, my help.. I admired him profesionally and I always told him I wanted to be as good as he was, he would answer me that he knew one day Id be even better than him...he believed me in me so much. We were waiting for me to end school to marry..now it feels as if I'm about to finish something with a lack of purpose...I wanted him to be proud of me as much as I was so proud of him. It's like I dont want to do things if he's not with me, because it will even hurt to finish and know that he wont be there for the day we both were waiting, or the wedding we were both longing for years..

Derek, one thing I've learned so far is how helpful it is to join this forum.. there's no way I can get any comfort than from those who know what I'm going through.. and by the way, there's nothing to thank for. Just posting here takes away some kind of weight inside of me.. What I have written as signature is "far away from my eyes but always inside my heart" and "I love you my Christophe", which was my sweetheart's name. Blessings, Gaby

Derek, I'm sorry to see you have to deal too with all this suffering... it's so hard sometimes to even come out of bed in the morning and think life has to go on. I know what you're talking about when you say that depression comes at the end of the day and you wished you could be taken with her now.. I guess one pretends to be okay during the whole day, but at the end you can't lie to yourself... Derek, since the very moment you try to keep on going with your life, coming out of bed every morning, you are being strong, remember that. Keep on being strong, for you and your child. I pray God may give you teh strength you need, and remember that hopefully you will be with her again it its time. Take care and lots of blessings, Gaby

Brooke, I'm sorry you're passing through all this...but I trust in God that you will do great with your baby and you will be a great mother as many other girls here who have to bring up their kids without the physical presence of their daddy, but remember, as you said, he's with you the whole time, in heart and soul. I was shocked by reading you speak about your bed shaking, I don´t know if it's ok to speak about this topic, but since Christophe passed away I have felt my bed shaking sometimes, and I know it's him, but I havent said a word, except to my best friend, because people think one makes up things during this circumstances. I know Im not making things up, and so I believe in what you're saying. It's a comfort to know you're able to feel he's around. Blessings, Gaby

Ann, thank you for your words, ur prayers and your support. It does help to know that there is one place whre you can be heard and understood.. Sometimes I locked up with all this inside because there isn't one person around who will really listen or understand.. today a "friend" of mine got upset at me and brought up my boyfriend's topic and said "yeah, yeah, keep on crying for your imaginary boyfriend". That was like spreading some salt over the wound.. I wish sometimes to avoid people.. it's better to stay by myself than listening things that may hurt..

I feel very moved by your poem, Ann..thats the way I feel... it's a pain without end..

Chrissy, I’m so sorry for your loss.. I’m sure Jason is always with you, looking up for you and your baby, I think having his baby is the most beautiful gift he could give to you, and as Patti says, take good care of yourself, for you and the baby that will be a ray of light in this difficult times. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to my Chris, the last time I spoke with him he said he was going to rest cause of a fieber.. and I think every single day "if only I had known that was the last time" How much I would have said.. and knowing once in the hospital he wanted me to be by his side and not been able.. I understand the feeling you're talking about, but remember something, it was not your fault, I keep telling myself that. Jason knows you love him and you wanted to be with him until that very last moment, he knows it, and he loves you. Don't blame yourself for not been there physically, cause your heart and soul were always with him, and so he is now with you. A big hug for you, take care, Gaby

Patti, thanks for your words…I’m very sorry for the loss of your husband… death is such a painful thing.. I had never experienced it until this year, and yes, it was unexpected.. Christophe was diagnosed a year ago with this "virus" in his intestine but we thought it was controlled. He was supposedly cured but he told me he was seriously sick in June 14th, I had no idea… he fell unconscious that same night, visits where restricted, couldn’t see him and after a painful week he passed away June 23rd. I understand when you say that after 20 months it’s him you still want.. I guess time may pass by but love doesn’t.. I’m glad I found this site, hugs for you too and thank you once again. Kelly, I’m sorry for your sudden loss of Josh… I know that non-reality feeling you speak about.. how I wish it could be so, just waking up from a very bad dream =( It’ strange to feel that your life has changed in a blink of an eye.. to feel you don’t know were you’re standing anymore and so scared.. Those thoughts about wedding plans that you speak about, they are probably one of the most sweetest and happiest memories one may keep, but at the same time so painful.. when you speak about the magazines, the dresses, the type of wedding and knowing he wanted it just as much as you did, I think about those memories as a beautiful treasure we both shared. We both worked in the design area, and I remember how excited he was about the engagement ring since he wanted to design it, and for me that was so meaningful, just to think about it brings tears to my eyes… Kayc’s words are beautiful, and I believe it so too, that love doesn’t die and that their love is in and around us always. It’s something that nobody can take away. She’s right those moments will always be very unique and for that reason they are now extremely valuable to me. Kayc, I’m looking forward for the day in which I may start to smile again and learn to live with it. These days have been so painful and confusing, but I know you all understand what I’m going through, you’ve been all here in this same spot and you have learned and accepted it and hopefully someday I will. Chrissy sweetie, I’m so very sorry for your loss, so little time has passed since it. I wasn’t able to be with my Chris when he passed away.. I understand your feeling and how much that has been hurting you, and you’re right, it just doesn’t look as an option to find somebody else right now, when you feel you already found him… a guy told me some couple of days ago “you’re acting weird, just get used to it..” or “you’ll get a new one” some people speak about it as if its something you get in a store, they don’t remember he once lived, had friends, loved and gave you so much happiness.. I’m glad you posted, and as Kayc said, it helps to know one isn’t alone in this painful time, and I’m here to listen whenever you want to share about how you feel, and again thank you all for your support. God bless you too, hugs, Gaby

Deborah, I so share your feeling, and I'm very sorry, though I know words won't ever express or won't lessen the pain you feel..but I just want you to know that my prayers are with you and with Larry. Remember he is always with you. Gaby

I lost my boyfriend almost a month ago now. The most wonderful three years of my life. He died from an intestine infection. He was the light of my days and we thought seriously about marriage after I finished with my studies, we made plans about children, everything a young couple thinks of. Now that he's gone my life seems as empty.. he was my whole life and I couldn't see my future if it wasn't without him in it. I feel as if I have nothing else left now and how unfair can life be. I'm just 23 years old and I know Im young, and everybody keeps telling me so, but youth means nothing to me and the whole life I have ahead when I know I'll never grow old with him at my side, I'll never get to the altar with him or have kids together. The best part of me died and I feel I'm just here without any reason.. I cry and speak to him every day..it's such a terrible pain..I really love him and I dont think I may one day stop feeling it.