Marj37

Hi Priscilla, Such a wonderful spot to come and share your feelings about the losses going on. And I send my heart full of sympathy on losing your Rosie..........you had her love and loved her for those wonderful years. I know - I just lost my Gb kitty after almost 15 years. Keep this group in mind as we send our care thru the cyber waves.

Thanks, Kay ((((((hugs)))))))))

3 weeks ago tonight I had to let Gb go...........I am just crying my eyes out..........I miss him so. And I can so clearly see his beautiful face raised up to me when the doc brought him in wrapped in a blanket.. Oh dear --- I don't know what else to say. This poem below has beautiful lines in it......but I do weep. And I keep remembering these lines from Ecclesiastes ----a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die. By Mary Elizabeth Frye

He looks so happy running, Kayc!

Maybe someday I'll be there, Nancy........

Hi Mary---- I agree - that is definitely the way it "should be" for our companions. And I love what you have for the doggies. Yup - Gb was just like Allie. He was a great one to sneak out the door if I wasn't watching or paying attention ---zoom, he'd hear me open the door and out he'd go. I would get so exasperated. And boy do I miss all his little quirks of fun he had. Living in SE Michigan - we have had rain after rain after rain!!!!

That is all so true, Mary. Thanks. Gb was a joy and a happy kitty. Now it's like a pall hangs over the house.........Hamish is a lovely kitty but he is laid back and of course a senior kitty. Gb never behaved like a senior kitty. Makes my senior self even sadder. So much of myhouse is geared to hose two.........wanted them to have enenvironment that was stimulating since they couldn't just go outside any old time. Like a wood stepladder on my little back porch for them to be on and look around - kitties liking to be up high.. And Gb loved to race up that and sit on top watching whomever came to visit in the yard or the birds at the feeders, just as an example. How can one help but cry when it is all so fresh.

I am trying to be kind and gentle to myself. I was reminded to do that reading my mediation book by Pema Chodron. It is soooooooo difficult. I still feel so raw and like a part of me has been wrenched away. But I tried for 15 mnutes. Having my Gb separated from me so fast and then having to let him go in a matter of 48 hours still is so vivid. And last night was awful......at 3 am I was up trying to open some benadryl to get to sleep and the pills are tightly in plastic. And so today my body was way out of gear just to begin with. Take care all you soft people. The light in me honors the light in you.

I also bought the book to read on my Kindle reader. I haven't been able to get thru many pages.........and I cry heaps as I read it. It is beautiful , even tho so painful to read as I'm missing my Gb kitty so much. And I am glad to have it even tho I have to go slowly in reading it. Such an empty spot in this house where once there were two.

My darling furry clown Thanks

Feel so sad today. Miss Gb so very much. Here's another pic of the boys..........Gb on the right..........as they would meet me when I returned home.

ER had done an echo on his last day and said it wasn't heart failure. But his lungs were full of all kinds of spots and wispy stringy things on the xray and that's why they guessed cancer most likely; whatever it was he was never going to be able to breathe outside he oxygen cage because they tried ---- plus he wouldn't eat even with the appetite med.. Yes, cats do get pneumonia. They never were able to draw his blood as he got too stressed and the ER doc made the decision not to try anymore after she told me what was happening and I agreed. Poor little guy. That also makes me sad when I think of the time he had to spend there. If I tell my story a million times perhaps my feelings will get softer.........i know that is what is encouraged with trauma victims. Time will heal me a bit I hope. Writing will. prayer will. Meditating. My Yoga practice helps a bit when I can concentrate on my breathing.

Oh Kayc --- I am so hoping he is finding comfort that way. He curls up so pretty - and it makes me cry to see it. Neither him nor me can erase almost 15 years of bonded living.

Hi Mary - sure does hit home. Only a few times did I have trouble telling them apart --- from on top when I would pick up Hamish to give him Gb's meds by mistake === but I knew as soon as I picked him up because sweet Hamish does like to growl when he is offended Iti's so soothing to hear others say that some moments are better than others. Thank you.

I'm glad to see this. Been reading your posts , Mary. Sad about Allie. I have to ask my vet AGAIN what her take is on the chest xray of Gb that was done inthe ER facility. I asked her to call me and nothing happened. I don't even know if I have enough energy to do that anymore. I just really would like to know why his xray looked so awful . I understand he would never be able to breathe outside the oxygen cage. But I'd like to know what all that was in his chest.

Thanks, pals! It's like peeling layers of an onion. New sadnesses come to the surface . And bam! Pow! The bits of the whole. Just came back from my volunteer time at the library ---- no one comes to the door anymore ;((( Gb was always the instigator and Hamish trailed along. And last night Hamish was laying under my computer desk on the towel over the heating pad I had there for Gb back when he started not feeling good and I was trying to nurse him. And Hamish didn't come to bed for the longest time. He's eating good again today which is good. He must get comfort from napping in these places where Gb was. I miss Gb so much.

Wed. afternoon. I have another precious picture of the guys to share. There is a bed behind my computer chair and they were always there when I was up here - either napping , looking out the window at the back yard or, like this picture, where they are waiting for dinner.

Oh Kay---- so glad you had that experience. And thanks for telling me.

Thanks, Kacy. I steeled myself t his morning to return Gb's unused subq supplies . That was a challenge for sure. I ended up saying one sentence and rushed out the door. When I'm crying so hard and feel so raw I sometimes think it would be lucky to have my brain wiped clean -but I really don't want that at all. I want to know & keep the wonderful memories of Gb and all his antics and loving ways and games of chase they used to play----thumping thru the house even at almost 15. . I'm sure you want those lasting memories of Allie & Lucy. But I don't like that he is gone. Not one bit.

Thanks , Kay. Tuesday evening, almost 9pm I had to post right now. It is two weeks ago at this time that I let Gb go. Oh, how I miss his love and affection; his funny little body next to mine on the pillow or piled on my lap with Hamish when I watched tv in the evening. Or following me around the house - he loved to be with me. I keep saying to myself , "How can it be?". All I wanted was a simple life with my fur kids and pursue my other interests. Nothing fancy........ I know it is normal for the situation. A really hard evening. I'm glad my older son was here for dinner --- we sat at the kitchen table and watched all the birds at the feeder and a baby bunny hopping around. And i shared a few Gb anecdotes with him. And my Hamish finally ate a decent meal----I had stewed a chicken thigh for him. Bless you al for being there and having been there.

Thanks, Marty-------you are an angel to host this whole website and especially to include our fur companions as a separate "room". I almost didn't say a thing to my son about that as I am so worn down but what he said was not unexpected - I decided to speak up so that any other people he encounters will perhaps benefit in the future.

Thanks, Kay! Sadly he has no clue--- even tho he has a publishing house on the side - LovingHealingPress - and publishes all manner of healing type books. It's such a paradox. I am doing my sad journey with the support of your all here - and an e-pal that is very like minded and she and her two kitties are like me and mine. Bonded from head to toe. Thanks for letting my tears drip here.

Amen to that LadyCarrie!

Carrie -- you are so welcome. i walk around the house singing that song..with tears flowing...along with you I picture them singing their hearts out. So glad you listened to it.

Hi Mary---and anyone else reading this. I am so hoping they are happy. I sure miss my rascal Gb. My younger son apologized for taking my grief time so lightly. I was glad of that. He had made a remark about Hamish being king of the castle and didn't ask how we were doing at all. Just said he hurt his back. So I wrote back and said Hamish kitty and I wer having a hard time. He doesn't live nearby so he had no idea of the daily routine and life I had with the kitties. He never asked and looked bored if i started telling him. So there we are. I need to order some of my digi pics made into photos. Especially the ones of the two of them. Above is another precious one from a cold evening in the winter. Marj & Hamish missing our Gb May tomorrow be softer May our soulmates stay close