Marj37

That is really a tough emotional ride now with your Granddad passing away. I'm sorry you had that dream and had to wake up and find it was a dream. Some of our dreams do that and it is so difficult on waking. I usually have kind of a sick feeling all day after that type of reality feeling dream. Take care.

At lunch I was listening to Public radio. They were discussing PTSD and the vivid memory images that are part of it. . And the night I had to let Gb go came into my mind like immediately switching on the tv. The doc had him partially wrapped in a towel. And how frail Gb looked and how he sniffed my hair. I could barely swallow any more food. Really hard for me and the tears turned on.. Once again my mind must be processing all this. I know I do not want to lose the memory of him sniffing my hair; knowing it was me. It is still raw . Better I "talk" this out and not repress. I'm lucky to live alone because i can cry away or curl up if I need to without anyone commenting. Hamish is napping under my desk on a towel where Gb laid.

Mary - Some vets are more happy to explain than others. And some are more informed. when you think of all the types of "parents" they have to deal with I think sometimes they just want to give the minimum. And some are afraid of being sued. I sincerely hope you can get clear explanation. That helps even when it is not happy information. Marj

Mary - even if you don't get answers you will know you pursued it. I'm glad you did that step. Same as when I had to ask my vet twice to get the test results from that ER. I just wanted to know that what I heard in that whole traumatic event was correct and hopefully my vet was honest in her response when she replied that he had very little healthy lung tissue left; filled with tumors.

Thanks, KayC----I am starting to understand that more now. Understanding it more than just say "process the loss" - but allowing body, mind & spirit to attempt to do that. This state of living is so opposite to the world around us. That's why it's an extreme gift to have a grief place like this site and people take time to read what we feel and support what we are going through. I loved my Gb; I love him now. I miss him terribly. And I will attempt to hold that up as an honorable place; not a negative place. As i do that perhaps it won't feel so dark.

\Beautiful!!!!! What a gift.

Hi James - loved reading about your sojourn in the fields and finding the feather . And I hope for dedicated loving hands to attend to your kitty that is ill.

Hello ..... Every Sunday seems to feel so sad as it is the beginning of when i knew Gb HAD to go to that speciality ER. And I watched him that day breathing heavily until my son got off work so he could take me as it was far from my home and in an odd place (we even got lost out there-- thankfully I have OnStar) I even started the day in a different way this morning---- I went to our island state park on the Detroit river a few miles from my home and walked awhile -it was beautiful and quiet.

Hi KayC That is so dear and appropriate

Thanks much, Mary. I sure wish the same thing at times. Yup, if he'd been "just a cat". However, he was a soul-kitty and a wonderful companion and so interested in all life around him. So here we are, Mary - mourning my Gb and your Allie. Wishing you and all a portion of Peace this day.

Love that name of "King George" That is so horrible when there is so much misdiagnosing going on. I remember years ago when a vet told me Mr Purr was behaving weirdly because he was old and went ahead and gave him some vaccines. A week later Mr Purr was back in the office with the other vet who told me he had renal failure. The vaccine must have really spurred the renal failure into full fledged disease. He lived about a month after that. It's such a risk. I thought it mostly happened with cats; but from being here in the group I understand it has happened with dogs also. I think we have to be on our toes at every office visit...........watch closely and ask all the questions we can think of. My heart is with us all as we lean on each other for our daily support.

Hi - here's my memorial spot in the living room( 2nd pic) . I don't think I posted it as yet. And the small Rosie Rat was one of Gb's favorites - I has just ordered 3 new ones recently. Working on pictures in my digi cams today.......that is an extremely tough job as each one brings back strong memories. And wishing Gb were still here to purr and snuggle with me. Wanted to get them off the cams so as not to lose them. The first one is like many others I have at other windows........together they looked out on the world. I have "watching" spots at every window in the house.

Thanks, Kayc --- I've cried all afternoon. Missing him of course - and what a strong guy to stay that long . But I am glad to know --- I needed to know that I was remembering correctly from that xray I saw and the trauma of having him "snatched" from me that night and then 48 hours later having to make the loving decision. So glad we all have each other to "lean on" as the song goes. f there is a load you have to bear That you can't carry I'm right up the road I'll share your load

Hi... Today I had an email from our vet....... They have sent me all the images--ultrasound and radiographs. Not only do the lungs look like they are full of tumors, there is almost no healthy lung left. I think Gb stayed with you for as long as he could. He was a great cat. I wanted her to look at them because that was such a trauma during the 48 hours he was in that ER and even the couple days prior. I didn't even know if I was hearing right. My poor baby . In a way the information is helpful - I needed to know exactly - but I am so sad to have lost him. I miss Gb so much. And Hamish looks for him during the day and still naps where Gb napped that last week.

Hello - what an adorable princess. So sorry for your loss. We have these very special companions that come into our life. And it sure does hurt when they must leave. You have come to the perfect place. because we all are with you in the ongoing grief.

Thanks for the link, Mary.

Mary --- I love what you have done. Beautiful tribute and a great way to have it so you can look at it. And the stones with the words and flowers are perfect. And where did you get the round one with those wonderful words.

I must say how much I miss the tactile experience of my Gb. I know his spirit surrounds me but how to get used to not having the touch of the body ---- like I usually lay down to read in the late afternoon and the two furkids would always end up with me . Hamish does now but I so miss Gb's body feel on me or next to me. He always wanted to touch my body with his - whether I was reading , watching tv or anywhere. That is such a loss. It really hit me this afternoon. I feel lonely for him. As would everyone who has lost a close human or animal companion. I cried too much and Hamish left this afternoon. I'm sure it was because my body was shaking.

Your Arlie is dear......I saw the pictures. Time goes way too fast it seems to me in the middle of this ongoing sadness. Gb has been gone since May 26 and it feels like yesterday - raw and sad and I miss him. And then can hardly believe it has happened. I told my older son yesterday that 15 years of memories are in my heart and all around my house. He misses him as well since Gb always went to the door when he heard Mark come. And they would play a bit - Gb inviting him.

This new different is so difficult. Sigh! And for my Hamish also as he looks or listens for Gb.

Thanks, Mary --- been looking online. Then I remembered I do have battery candles that I use at Christmas - they are plain and will work well. Sometimes i find it difficult to think.

That's right - thanks!

I love the idea of that candle. Do you know where it can be purchased?

Thanks so much for posting that. I cried all the way thru it . It is beautiful. And today I watched the video that you posted to honor your wonderful Beringer. Beautiful and tearful.

Oh yes. I have a chain necklace from Etsy that has a little cat in a box. Gb always sat in every box I brought in the house. Always. And I ordered another one that has a cat and locket in which I'll put a bit of fur. I sure like Mary's stone idea with the violet.