rdownes

I really like the quote it hits home it is just so hard to picture a path without him now.

I want to thank everyone for their words it is a comfort knowing people understand how I feel though it is a terrible common bond, right now my guilt is so overwhelming why did I let the stresses of life change me why did I just not appreciate him being here and that be enough, now I can not change it and it will forever eat away at me, today is my four week mark, I do not like Tuesday anymore I am scared facing the world alone he was my future, I try not to look past today but it is hard even just getting through the day takes so much energy, being in a world full of people who have their soulmates not that I would wish this on my worst enemy, when I hear about people passing now I feel pain for the people left behind something I never really did before people tell me they are sorry but they don't understand that doesn't help me it doesn't help my pain a co-worker about a week ago who I talk to alot but not necessarily a friend asked me how was I feeling and it annoyed me all I kept thinking was I don't have a cold my husband is gone, or when people ask me how you doing it drives me crazy it is lik what do they expect me to say. I say surviving but I want to say I am empty,sad,lonely and lost I just want people to stop asking me like I am gonna ever be ok I am different now I don't know how to move past my guilt I did not deserve his unconditional love but I got it and I was lucky to have him in my life.Thank you for listening

I lost my husband almost four weeks ago he was only 47 we have been together for 26 years we have seven children,and six grandbabies, I feels so empty and alone,I miss him so much, I remember the paramedics telling me I am sorry mam those words will forever haunt me, everyday the loneliness gets worse, he was my world literally I stopped talking to my family because they did not like him,he was a great man and the guilt eats me up everyday I took him for granted that he would always be there the last few years the stress of life took its toll,he had bipolar and didn't work,so much stress was on me that we argued alot he tried so hard and he loved me unconditionally and now he is gone all I can do is hope he sees my tears and knows how sorry I am, was he taken to punish me it hurts so bad, my children are here for me but our losses are different they will move on with their husbands or wives or find their soulmates which they should mine was taken from me and at 46 I face the world alone,I see his face all day and talk to him in my head all day mornings I wake up and reality hits he is gone, I then go into function and numb mode,I come home from work and reality hits again he is not there, go to bed tell him I love him and I made it through another day go to sleep and wake up to do it again, life has no joy anymore how can I do this the rest of my life it hurts so much,I do not spend all day crying anymore it comes and goes but sadness is always in my heart I just want to shut myself in the house away from the happy world, my life has become a nightmare that I will never wake from. I feel like he never had a chance in this world his father died when he was 14 and he had a hard life, back in 2004 he was diagnosed with bipolar he took a whole bottle of Tylenol to end his life he flat lined twice and they brought him back why was he spared when he wanted to go only to be taken 12 years later when he didn't want to go I don't understand, I spent so much time back in 2004 talking him into staying in this world because we needed and loved him he used to tell me I would never understand what he felt well now I do he loved nickleback,creed,shinedown,three doors down it all told his story of a sad man who tried so hard I don't know how to go on without him I need to wake from this nightmare