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I know how you feel Marita I wish I could fix this for everyone, the last few days have been almost as hard as when he first passed I know it is reality setting in more, it is my knowing everyday that this is all real he is gone, I guess I am coming out of the fog and it hurts. Mitch you have away about you. You have such hope through all you sadness and a true way with words I have learned so much from everyone, I am doing even the one moment at a time sometimes nothing helps and I guess I need to accept that, I will not give up though I need to find my way, Steve I always talk out loud alone, don't want people to think I'm crazy hugs to all!!

Stephen and George thank you for your words Stephen I talk to Kevin all the time it does help sometimes because I feel he hears me other times it makes the pain worse , well since I know my love for him will never die I know I will always feel sadness, I know it is only the beginning and I have so much to process and learn it is just way to overwhelming some days. George I try to live in the now but that is one of my biggest obsticales because I only want what I can't have the past. I have so much work to do in this process you are right George the way I am today is not the way I was three months ago I am trying that is all I can do right now. Today is alittle better but not much but at least I was granted this day.

Amazing song brings tear to my eyes I miss my Kevin down to my soul it is by Josh Groban To Where You Are.

I have to let it out I feel like I am drowning. I feel I can't do this, I did not ask for this or want this none of us did I am so tired of feeling empty and alone of feeling lost and broken so tired of thinking I am doing better and then being knocked right down to day one feeling. Today I asked my Kevin show me a sign as to why I should not be where you are around you again them I passed and thought oh yeah death scare me more than my pain and anquish but I will never see him again until my time and that feels like an eternity, I want him here yet he is so far away, I am stuck in the past because it is the only thing that brings me peace, I know I must keep going, I must feel it all I must be here for my kids and my Kevin. I know baby steps but it is all so overwhelming, I wish I could stop this pain for us all with all my heart I truly do, I don't want to end up the angry widow like my grandma. I want to feel my Kevin's presence and know he is only a breath away I am just beyond overwhelmed hope tomorrow is better for all who are missing their soulmates

It is definitely scary to face the unknown I can not even think about being alone all the time, five of my seven still live at home, but you can do this you are not alone.

Gwen I am so sorry you are having to deal with all this medical stuff alone it has got to be hard .HUGS!

So sorry I didn't see the post until now so Happy Belated birthday Dale I know he was with you and he knows how much you love and miss him.

Like you it has been almost three months for and like you I still cry everyday and feel sad, your friends and family will never completely understand unless they have been through it and even then everyone's grief journey is their own I do not think we need to pretend to be anyone than the grieving people we are, I will not fake anything for anyone I do smile now but it is genuine not forced. You take as long as needed it is your loss I understand and feel your pain you are not alone. Robin

I have been wanting a dream of my Kevin and now that I had one do not think I want anymore, I had a dream last night that I went running up to my Kevin kissing him and he was grinning I told him your here I thought you were dead. He did not say anything he laid on the ground looking for something under the door but it was pitch black under the door again he said nothing, we went to the kitchen and my son was there with bread in his hand I said to him how come you didn't tell me you opened the bread three days ago then I would have know dad was alive. I then woke up and I remember looking around for Kevin then it hit me oh yeah he is dead. I then felt horrible and felt horrible all day, I thought a dream would make me feel better but all it did was make the pain worse, I smile at my butterflies though I don't get it boy does my brain hurt today. I miss him down to my soul.

I am obviously not even close to the amount of time as all of you are so I still feel my Kevin everywhere, but I am gonna make sure I never lose the feeling of him being here with me, that is why I stare at his pictures listen to his voice mails, listen to his music and talk out loud to him even if he can't answer back , I am sure years from now it will be harder for me to feel him but I think I always will because I will always remember how he loved me more than life his self and will never truly leave me in spirit but I guess only time will tell, I am no where's near attempting new things or figuring out who I am without him that will come slowly and in time but whoever I am or whatever I do I will always be Kevin's wife till my last breath. I went to the beach today with my daughter and grandson first time out anywhere since Kevin passed and I saw my butterfly so my Kevin will always be not so far away, I guess I am lucky to still have my children around they still keep me going hugs to all.

I feel your pain I understand. I am almost at three months and and the loneliness seems to be settling in, I hate the new normal but I have accepted it. I miss my Kevin down to my soul, does it hurt yes,do we want to rip our hearts out to stop the pain yes. Grief just sucks, I will not not talk about time because I don't know if time is what we need I think at least for me personally I hold on to hope. Hope that I will find my peace one day, hope keeps me going. I will not let grief win my Kevin loved me more than the world and it is also that love that keeps me going everyday know matter how hard of a day I have. So many times I have said I give up I can't do this but I find my hope. I post and these amazing people reach out and offer their support even though they are suffering to I am here for you and feel all your pain and having a little one to take care of has got to be hard but your child is also your reason to keep going and don't give up just take it one breath at a time if needed it is hard and it may get harder but we can do this and go on with their love in our heart hugs to you.

Butch am so sorry for your pain, I am so knew to grief going on almost 11 weeks but I have hope of being able to find peace and some sense of happiness just in a different way I know we will get knocked down and days we feel like giving up because the pain is so bad but I am making a choice that grief will not win. I will find my way with Kevin in my heart no matter how hard it is I hope you are able to have some peace. I am still pretty young I am only 45 so health issues I really don't think about much but I am sure it will be hard when I have to.

Very true words I don't know where I would be right now without this place from everyone sharing their pain and stories with me and words of hope I feel like someday their is a chance for peace. I feel different from the first day I came to this site but in a good way.

Kathy I am so sorry you are having such a hard time you are so right grief is exhausting it is so hard to miss someone down to your soul yet we must go on our soulmates would not want us up their with them before our time no matter how much we miss them, one day we will see them again when it is our time until then we are going to have to do the best we can to deal with the pain and hold on to the good memories I wish I could just take away the pain.

The last two days have been pretty ok I think about Kevin and feel lonely but it had been pretty bearable I think the loneliness is so hard, I mean I have my children but they have their own relationships, I really miss that feeling of having someone who puts your needs ahead of their own and just knows you completely I think I am getting used to Kevin being gone it just hurts. I need to figure out how to find some sense of peace and joy again but I know baby steps just glad for the dealable days.

Gin, Polly and Joyce so sorry it has been a hard week for you. It kind of scares me to think that a year from now I could feel like I did when it first happened, I know it is the price we pay for love and I wouldn't have traded Kevin's love for anything it is just such a long lonely road sometimes I just have to keep pushing forward and sharing because I know you guys understand I just miss him beyond words. Hope everyone finds some comfort.

Today was so hard it was nothing but a roller coaster of sadness no matter what I tried, I had of of both jobs so lots of thinking time ,I tried taking a walk, playing with my grandson nothing worked to ease the pain, I don't want to be stuck in the past but it seems like only the past brings any comfort , I can't and don't think about the future right now but sometimes just the moment feels like to much sometimes even though I know I need to feel the pain not ignore it I just want to rip my heart out, I thought I was doing better then it slaps me in the face I found a song by three doors down call "Let me be me" I was out on my porch crying telling Kevin I was sorry I did not let him be who he was (I know just when I think I'm over apologizing) I look up and say a yellow butter fly (not the first time for the yellow butterfly) it made me smile and I felt like he heard me. I know this is only the start of my journey but sometimes I don't know how much I can take it has a way of consuming me I know you are all suffering and have no magic words to take away my pain it just sucks!!!!!

I can only imagine how hard it will be for you my thoughts will be with you I am sure your Ron is right beside you knowing and understanding it is what you feel you need to do.

It is just scary to me I don't understand how being so sad can cause your own death

I was on the internet and say something about broken heart syndrome I guess people really die from it is anyone familiar with it, is it from the stress we are under from losing our loved ones? Pretty scary to think your grief can cause you to pass away.

That is an amazing picture Steve it truly radiates your love, I feel the same about music Kevin's music tells his life story,a couple of times I have heard songs in places and started crying, I was thinking the same thing Kevin will forever stay 47 and I will get older. I honestly thought for a moment would he still love me being old. if I can't start sleeping I think I will have to do something I just don't like drugs, last night I guess the weeks of no sleep hit me I told Kevin I love and miss you but I can't do this tonight and I crashed at 9:30,Kayc I pray you are right, my grandfather passed when I was 10 and I can't barely remember anything.

Very nice picture of your Mary

I always look at my picture of Kevin I have to do it, his picture is on his shrine it gives me comfort.

I feel your sadness and love it is so hard without them they took a piece of our hearts with them and it gets so hard your bride loved her groom.

I know I need more sleep but it is like I need to do all the things I do everyday I need to never forget his voice what he look like, I need his music to feel like he is here, I know everyone says I will not forget but I need to make sure I don't.