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Maybe at some point I will seek out a counselor but right now I can't this is my cross to bear and well deserved I was so unappreciative of him. He tried so hard and I never acknowledged that he deserved so much more and know it is to late.I know you are only trying to offer advice on help and I am thankful it is just not an option right now.

I was looking for poems to read on the loss of your spouse and I came across a site that said " you can and must move beyond your grief" it upset me I do not like feeling alone. I do not like crying almost half the day, I do not like feeling like my life has no meaning. I do not like missing Kevin every second of the day but who is anyone to say I must move past it right now it is my life and I don't like it but I accept it, I miss him. I love him. I feel regret beyond words for my actions.I am an empty shell one day I might be in a position to move past my grief but maybe I won't. But who is anyone to state what I must do. it was my soulmate who was taken away and my heart that feels like it is dying inside it just frustrated me.

I can not imagine handling another loss, I wish I could remove all our pain. I know they did not want to leave you I could not imagine having to deal with another loss without my Kevin wishing you some peace this night.

I understand how you feel and I can say how I feel bad youhave to be here, I have a daughter your age, I thought I was young having to deal with a loss of my spouse at 46, everything you are feeling is exactly how I feel word for word my grief is still new to it has only been six weeks today and it is so hard sometimes I don't know how I make it through another day but somehow I do, I talk to my Kevin everyday, and cry more tears than I can count everyday, but I can say that at least today I thought of him and smiled once, people will never understand our pain unless they have gone through it and most people haven't I never understand until six weeks ago. I wish I could offer more but I am new in grieving to but this site has helped me feel I am not alone so post to get out your feelings I do alot, you are not alone in your pain

Even though I hate what brought me here I am grateful for everyone on this site, it's hard being in this world now, he was such a strong man he always had an answer for everything, it is just so hard because each day the loneliness sets in alittle more, my daughter found a voice message he sent her on here phone so now I have a voice to go with the pictures yet it only makes me sadder thank you to all for your kindness.

I am sorry for your friends response I know it is hard when people don't understand I know me personally I will never get over and move on I love my Kevin to much

I don't want this anymore the hurt,the loneliness the feeling like I can't do it when I am not working all I do is stare at his picture listen to his music and cry, I feel like I can't breath without him yet I do. I feel I can't face another day yet I drag out of myself out of bed, I feel so empty and alone yet I have a family who loves me I feel like I am moving backward not forward everyday. I want time to stop I want no memories without Kevin yet from here on out he won't be in any of them I don't want this anymore

I truly feel your pain and understand I lost my husband almost six weeks ago we still don't know what he passed from it is so hard I wish I had some advice on how to cope I am not in that position myself but I want you to know you are not alone in your pain

I was at work the other day and a woman came through my line and told me my necklace was pretty I noticed her necklace and it was just like my son's my husband Kevin was cremated he wanted to always be with us we got necklaces to put his ashes in mine never comes of like my ring. I thought she has been through this and I wanted to ask her of course I didn't though, later that day a co-worker asked me about my necklace when I told her it was my husbands ashes she looked at me like I was crazy, people do that alot now when the ask me questions and I answer I get a look like ok what's wrong with her if people don't want to hear my answers why ask, I also notice that I am looking at peoples fingers looking for wedding bands, if they have them I think about how they will feel one day when the spouse passes and it saddens me. If I see people without rings I feel sad that they never found there soulmates. Sorry to post so much it is just this is the only place where people don't give me the crazy look.

She sounded like an amazing person I am sure she felt lucky for having you , you both brought joy to each other. I was lucky for my husband he loved me unconditionally when I didn't deserve it. We were all truly lucky and blessed to have our soulmates.

I know that my faith is not completely gone because when I talk to Kevin I talk up to the sky it is just alittle damaged right now the unknown seems scary now three of my children have had what they consider signs from their dad I plead and begging my Kevin to somehow give me any sign that he can hear my sorrow,knows how sorry I am, a sign to know that just because I can't see him he will always be right by my side I haven't seen anything I miss him so much.

I am trying so hard to believe like I used to it is just so hard, I am so terrified of not seeing him again when I leave this world, Mag what you wrote hit everything right on the nail. Ineed to believe that our love story will continue when we reunite it is just like you said he feels farther away day by day and it makes me feel so lonely and lost I miss him so.

As the days go by the loneliness sets in more , everyday I realize even more empty I feel without Kevin. The house is not the same he brought such life to the house, he was my crazy man, he was my wild child. He loved rock and roll fast cars he would defend his family with his last breath he could make you laugh, now the house is so calm and lifeless, I remember telling Kevin I just want a nice quiet life, well I have it now and I miss my crazy man, I feel so empty without him, my one daughter said to me mom you have us,I told her I know my children don't realize it's not the same I love them but no one can fill this whole or mend my broken heart I am confused in that all my life I was brought up in religion and now I doubt everything I talk to Kevin but what if he truly can't here me and he does not see my tears or know how sorry I am with all my heart, it's all I have to keep me going but I have such doubts now. I guess I will truly never know I just want to call out and get a response. I feel like I am losing it.

I am lost without Kevin he could fix anything a week after he passed our car started acting up my youngest son and his brother both looked on it my son's learned alot from dad on fixing cars and dirt bikes but they weren't figuring it out I remember asking Kevin in my head to help them figure it out, I do that alot he had an answer for everything you are right it is not fair

I can tell from your post you truly loved her and she was a special person I feel for you loss and understand.

My first name is Robin. I try the only getting through today but that 20 years from now keeps popping up we were gonna move into a camper when the last child moved out now I have no desire to even function of course I do my bills won't pay themselves maybe my cross will lighten as the years go by it just feels so well deserved right now I want to thank everyone for listening it helps to express my thought to people who feel the same pain

I do not know how to be gentle on myself all I have is my pain and guilt to show him how sorry I am I did not deserve his unconditional love yet he gave it I still feel to some degree he was taken for that reason I wish I could forgive myself like others but I can't because he can't I know this is affecting my children they are used to a strong mom and now that person is gone I don't know how to breath anymore yesterday was our first father's day I cried so much I told my son I can't do this but what choice do I have taking my life is not an option so here I sit with my cross of guilt to carry around until I see him again

I am sitting here today and it is kind of a remember dad day we have all been outside almost all day listening to his music all his songs tell a story of what he was going through and feeling, I know everyone grieves differently and is trying to heal but I want no part of smiles my life feels over I have no reason to be happy and no one sees or understands I am broken an always will be.

This guilt will always be here, I was horrible the last few years, obviously it was not always like that he did not work due to the bipolar, about four years ago he started developing swollen lumps under his body the kept growing and multiplying he was more tired losing his appetite,he never went to the doctor I just kept nagging about a job money about laying around he would try so hard and I never appreciated it so it is not just normal arguments and I can't fix it now he had an unconditional love that I don't feel I deserve so my guilt will always be here how do you forgive that. I hope he sees my tears and hears my pain it is the only way to show my sorrow now .

Maybe I will seek counseling at one point right now I just can't see the benefit, nothing makes me happy my soulmate is gone,I can never undo how I treated such a grate man who deserved so much more I can not picture feeling so lonely for the rest of my life, thank you for the information.

Thank you for the prayers and thoughts. I have thought about a counselor but I think I know what they will say I need to except the loss which is hard to explain I saw him in the casket and his ashes are on my mantel he wanted to be with us forever, yet I still get the disappointed feelings of him not being there when I get up or come home from work, I have no idea what a counselor would say about my talking to him in my head and my guilt is forever I had unconditional love and I didn't appreciate him for years until it was to late, I read your post Mitch and could totally relate who wants to live in this pain, but I would never harm myself I could never do that to my children I am very grateful for this site yet hate what has brought me here I will do my best to comfort my son and be there but definitely let him know he is loved.

I find comfort in this place because everyone understands your pain and I hope to learn from others from their journey I like the sign idea except mine would say please don't ask me how I am doing maybe one day it will change but right now it feels like a forever sign.

I am sorry to post so much in such a short time I have been reading through posts today and they all touch my heart, we are a group of people who shared an amazing love and must now go on alone,I hope one day to be able to have words to help someone in their dark,lonely times my son who is only 17 asked me mom I don't know what to do now, I said take a day at a time that was all I could say I used to always have positive answers but now I am lost to, I do not feel I will ever be truly happy again. I can barely deal with my days I am over run with guilt and loneliness, he needs me to give him direction and it's hard because right now I feel my life has ended. Today was not really a sad crying day it was a lonely empty day, I noticed the crying is not all day everyday anymore but the loneliness, guilt and emptiness are everyday, I do not know what to say to him to help him thank you for listening

I wish I had answers to coping with lonelinessI wake up missing him all day just want to sleep and not face the world, everyone's story touch my heart.

Margaret you are right about the bipolar he was so smart he had an answer for ever problem and could fix anything I was blessed to have him