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Thank you Kaycee it is about two hours away I will miss my grandson, I only see my grandchildren once a month now if I am lucky it makes me sadder they bring me a sense of joy with their innocence but it was bound to happen I just have to get through it like everything else I guess.

It is crazy last night we were actually all talking again the kids seem to have issues with each other alot I have expressed stuff to each of them about difference in grief about anger not bringing dad back I know it is hard and none of us have dealt with a loss like this maybe some time is needed my daughter is moving with my grandson she said she has to get him away from the sadness which really means me I am doing better is spending time with him but I am no where near the person I was and I won't be am I sad yes and that will never go away. No one is in counseling yes right now stress is bad on me on top of trying to stay afloat in bills now that Kevin is gone I have the stress of what is going on in the family on top of dealing with Kevins passing it is all so much hugs to all

Well it is going on almost three and a half months since Kevin left us and instead of getting closer it feels like we are falling apart at the seems. Out of my seven children five still live at home only one is a minor. My one daughter posted on her Facebook talking to her father telling him that the house is a train wreck since he left us that he was the glue that kept us all together. When Kevin first passed everyone was so close and doing things for each other pulling together now the longer he is gone the more it is changing back to the old ways I won't go into it to much but let's just say living with a dad who had bipolar was not easy they picked up alot of his angry ways of coping in just a few weeks we are losing the closeness I am not saying I am perfect but I am not angry at anything I don't have the energy anymore but yes I am sad beyond words my it just feels like we are falling apart my one daughter used to come over with her kids once a week when her dad was alive with her children now its once a month I know we all grieve different and are affected different but I truly thought the closeness would last.

You have to do what is right for your family and I wish I was strong enough to make any decisions my Kevin passed alittle over 3 moths ago and I really do not have the ability yet to make decisions yet, I think you made a choice that was good for your children I am sorry it was so hard going back to your old house we will always have things that are hard to deal with, I am sure he is with you and your children and and he is proud of you hugs to you.

Let me start by saying I feel for your loss and what brought you to this site, like Marty said we are all in our own grief journeys that are our unique to us I lost my husband alittle over three months ago I am the opposite of you I cry alot though it has eased alot since day one but I do have seven children who all are handling their fathers passing suddenly one in like me , four are alittle less of the emotional griever, one is a talker she reminisces alot to cope,my one son grieves like you he only cried on the day of the funeral and that is alright, how ever we grieve is ok.Some people are able to adapt easier with the loss and celebrate their loved ones life I wish I could do that sometimes all the tears takes its toll but know you are normal in how you deal with your loss, welcome here and please know you are not alone

You are do right all I do is ask why bother, Kevin is just gone and never coming back no matter what I do I will always be minus my other half so why try. I feel like no matter how much I don't want grief to win it seems to be winning every battle lately, I miss who I was and I don't know how to get that back. I try and keep getting sucked back into the black hole I know no one can end this pain for me anymore than I can anyone elses it just hurts beyond words I know Kevin wants me to stay here and be here for our kids and grandkids I will try some of your suggestions. Thank you

So sorry for everyone's hard days I know I am still the newbie to grief but I need to believe at some point it will be more dealable, more manageable I don't like the person I am becoming I need to find the new me while holding on to Kevin I am only 46 have so many years to go I know what I want to do but can't seem to find the way I just keep getting sucked back into the loneliness and sadness, but somehow we all need to find our sense of hope and peace or soulmates would not want us miserable.Hugs to everyone.

Sorry yesterday was so hard, I can only imagine I haven't hit the first of many firsts I am sure anniversaries are so hard I am sure your Connor was with you in spirit it is an amazing photo shows your love hugs to you

I am continuously making mistakes or forgetting things from a day ago it is supposedly a normal part of grief,I feel for both of your losses I do not think that knowing the end will be coming necessarily makes it easier I know that nothing would have made it easier for me. I feel for what you found out before he passed but at least he wanted to work on it until he got to sick, I am getting to the point I feel like I am just going through the motions at work and why bother, but then I remembered oh yeah no Kevin bills need to get paid I don't think you need any brain tests grief is just hard.

I have been trying so hard just seems like this week is an everything seems pointless week, I can't have what my heart truly wants none of us can anymore I keep on trying I guess is all I can do even my kids have noticed a difference this week I am trying sometimes just forget why.

This has been a strange week have come out of the gut wrenching sadness when I posted "need to vent" but this week has been weird I usually look forward to listening to Kevin's music but this week when I listened did not feel the comfort I usually do did not feel the closeness just kept thinking he is gone Robin this won't bring him back, I have slept alot this week and still feel drained like all I want to do is sleep, I have zero energy I don't know where this is coming from feels like falling into a daze again.Hope it doesn't last long hugs to all.

So sorry such a hurtful thing was said to you but yes you have to think about where it came from people with mental issues say alot of things they truly don't mean, I know Kevin was the king of angry words at times but I know he truly felt bad I think that is one of the things that kept us together my ability to overlook things that were the disease not him, at least you started saying no good for you, right now you have to think about you first and people need to accept that, that is a huge problem for me I always have come last your Billy would want you to come first.

Butch hope you made it through the night. I am sure it will take some getting used to but you will still see your family I am sure your Mary knows and sees all her precious grandbabies she will be right there with you guys always hugs to you love the pictures to precious

I love listening to music to think of my husband I listen to his music and it tells the story of his life he loved nickleback,three doors down shinedown and metallica I also look for songs that express how I am feeling about him being gone I feel like it is my connection to him both songs were very good.

Gwen I can totally relate to the addiction part,all I can think about is Kevin, he has consumed my every thought now that he is gone, this addiction is so painful at times though but it does bring me comfort when I think about him so it has its positives at least for me.

Tideland I feel for you loss I am sorry the doctor maid his last bit of time on this earth so hard, it is not your fault. My husband passed on May 17 2016 I still don't know what caused it,it was totally unexpected, I am sure you will do a great job of celebrating your husband's life you seem to have a very good attitude,I wish I was where you are I am forever broken, you will have alot of support here hugs to you.

Marg I think to some extent we all feel like a shell now without them,and I know right now I am just existing, one day I hope to do more but for me that is enough right now, when you post I feel a sense of strength in you, you give me hope, I know how you feel about needy people in your family and never saying no out of my seven five still live at home only one is a minor I still have so many stresses on me on top of Kevin being gone my son doesn't work and never has, I know tough love but that is not me my children have always come first I think we do need to learn to say no and put ourselves first sometimes, me and Kevin never talked about death to me he was my Mr. Invincible I don't think any of us have any answers, something's we will never know but I think we are all doing the best we can you are in my thoughts

I feel your pain it does stink and hurt beyond words my kids are older but it is still just as hard on older kids because they had them in their life longer, there is no easy way out of this we will struggle everyday now but it is the price we pay for love, I have had some really bad days lately just coming out of them but if it meant not having my Kevin in my life for the time I did to avoid this pain I would take this anguish anyday he showed me what is was like to be unconditionally loved, try to hold on to the love I know it is hard since we can't see them or talk to them anymore, or feel their touch anymore but I truly believe they are only a breath away I hope you find a sense peace hugs.

Mitch of course we will always have the sadness our soulmates are gone I smile very rarely now only because am always sad I know we have to live each day and try to find our peace but it is not easy for any of us I think we do the best we can and it is all we can do, we will have good and bad days but one day we will see our soulmates again. I know your words have personally helped me through many a hard night I know your Tammy is smiling down on you and proud of the caring person you are.

Gwen I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as to no complications I would not want to be in a hospital alone I hope you get well.Hugs!!

Thank you Marita I truly did and still do with every breath.

I meant to say disliked, once again talking like he is still here guess my fog is still alittle here

Kaycee one day I hope to be at the place where you are not that you don't feel the pain but you seem to have found your way as well as we can with what we have to deal with.

I don't have many pictures of Kevin he dislikes photos have none of me and him, he was so handsome could never figure out why he chose me to be so blessed