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About shebert56

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your gender
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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife to Stephen
  • Date of Death
    August 10, 2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. Tom, this is exactly how I feel. I embrace this enlightenment! The only difference is that I don't think about the "what if's," again, as I can only move forward. I have recently moved from a state of grief, to one of acceptance. I still miss Stephen, but I can think of him and our times together with joy and a smile instead of pain and tears. I have also picked up my first non-self-help book (serious sci-fi is my thing) and am enjoying. I haven't read a book since Stephen transitioned almost six months ago. And at the end of the day, I don't move into a shock or surprise that I haven't grieved for him. Or thought of him every single minute. I know he's busy, and I've got living to do. He certainly wants that for me. I've moved on to another level spiritually again. My heart and soul are coming into sync, and I'm feeling more love and grace and gratitude. I step lighter these days in that my feet don't feel so heavy carrying my hurting heart. I wish moments of the same for all of you. ~Shirley
  2. Darrel, your post made me smile. When Stephen and I were dating, we watched the superbowl together one year via phone and webcam (in that we lived two hours away from each other). It was one of the most memorable days, and we talked about that for years. That silliness bonded you two eternally. I have watched just bits and pieces of football this year. Stephen was counting the months before football season. I know he's enjoying it though! ~Shirley
  3. I cannot recall Stephen's voice. Other than a short video I have as well (instructions how to start the generator), I have zero recall. And it sometimes haunts the heck out of me.... I can recall his laugh though. And in hindsight, that should be more comforting to me. The joyful laugh. Like most of us, we want to hear from them vocally. Blessed be those that do. I do hold out great hope that I will when the time is right for it to happen. ~Shirley
  4. I have to share my afternoon. Late morning, I began to grieve. I've had partial days of grief since I return home Sunday. When checking my mail, I found a card taped to my door from a neighbor. Inside was written "Whatever soothes your soul and gives you peace and happiness is wished for you this year." Then when needing to get out, I drove to Walgreens. Browsing the Christmas stuff, I ran into a woman who had me laughing with her sense of humor at picking up something that obviously wasn't supposed to be on the sale shelf and how this would go down when she checked out. After a few moments, I told her that I lost my husband four months ago, and that it is said angels come in all forms, so keep your eyes open for them. I told her she was my angel today. She then chuckled and said honey, I had a lung removed due to cancer 13 years ago, and here I still am! I find something to laugh about every day! To top it off, we parked near each other. She actually came over to me and gave me her name and phone number. She said if you need to talk, or to laugh, call me anytime. Wow. So remember, angels are everywhere. We sometimes just don't see them. ~Shirley
  5. Indeed I did! So thoughtful, thank you! And this starts my new day off perfectly! Although tradition in my home dictates that the holiday tree and lights are up until January 7, I took the tree down yesterday. The outside lights come down today. I'll start back up with the tradition next year. January 7 is my next challenge, as that is Russian Christmas. Stephen was Orthodox. I do have perogies in the freezer that Stephen ordered last year. I'll celebrate him with these. ~Shirley
  6. Such a wonderful and inspirational sentiment Darrel. I really needed to read this today. You have no idea how you've uplifted my spirit! Hugs, ~Shirley
  7. I don't doubt there is a reunion ahead. I don't doubt that Stephen is still with me. I miss his physical presence horribly, but my soul knows. I arrived home yesterday after a two-week trip to spend holidays with family. I was absolutely stricken by grief coming home to a house without Stephen. This grief was as intense as the day he left. I went outdoors at one point. When I came back in, my computer was at the start screen with Stephen's name up. This has happened for no known reason a few times recently. I know with all the faith that I have, that he was telling me he's here. It didn't remove the grief, but softened it. I am only four months into my journey. I try to find at least one good moment in every day. The only path for me is forward. My love to you all, my online family. ~Shirley
  8. Blessings to all of you for Christmas. I chose to drive four states away to spend Christmas with family. I have to admit, it's been quite emotional. I'm happy to be here, but in some ways sad to be away from home. This being my first without Stephen, not sure what I was going to feel. The normal quiet is filled with constant stimulation, and it has been overwhelming. Whatever we do, wherever we are, Merry Christmas and peace to all. ~Shirley
  9. Jame, I understand intimately. Stephen made his transition August 10. I have managed and struggled. This week I spent each day making little stocking ornaments for my Christmas tree out of Stephen's two favorite pair of socks. Crudely hand sewn, but with all of my love. Darrel, my heart is full reading you are able to release this. No one is guilty, but it sure is hard to make your heart feel that. I never felt guilt or anger. For me it serves no purpose and in the afterlife we are not judged. You gave Cookie the greatest gift of all. The gift of caring and loving her, and with grace, knowing when to give her back to the light. I did the same with Stephen. We will always miss our other half. It's just the road we travel, bumps and all. But we keep moving forward. As we all struggle, in our own way, to make it from one moment to the next, my heartfelt wishes to all of you is peace on your little bit of this earth. ~Shirley
  10. Just received an invitation to attend Stephen's company's annual holiday dinner next Friday. It was so nice of them to include me, and for that I am grateful. But I declined. I made it through Thanksgiving so much better than I could have imagined. But this event, not four months out from Stephen's transition, I cannot do. I'm not sad about not doing it. I'm being protective of me. ~Shirley
  11. Gin, I imagine the walls are closing in, but do be careful. Rethinking what we do, and how we do it... I'm just learning that. I am still wearing my Supergirl cape, but it's a little frazzled so I make myself try to rethink before I do. Can't imagine dealing with snow, much less ice and the dangers that provides. I hope you're doing okay after your slip. Hugs, Shirley
  12. Jack, I am so sorry for your loss. We've all been where you are now, so we feel you. We feel it intimately. I remember joining, then finding it way too painful to read posts here, in the early days. However, this group is now a godsend for me. Reach out to us, day or night. Come back to read, vent, cry, scream - we validate your grief and are living it with you. Hugs, Shirley
  13. shebert56

    It hurts so bad

    So so true. I've learned that you cannot just ignore the waves and try look the other way. You must ride them, then come out on the other side. Even though they're painful. We're here for you Amy. ~Shirley
  14. Amy, everyone's grief is so different. But I can tell you the coming in huge waves is very normal. I'm three months out, and for me, it's softer. Shane's love will always be with you. And his spirit will always be connected to yours. I had Stephen's ring resized and wear it next to mine. ~Shirley
  15. An excerpt from "It's OK That You're Not OK" I find profound: "My fellow widowed people, my fellow grievers, the other broken hearts - together we knit a story of survival inside pain that can't be fixed. And we did it, simply, by telling the truth. We accepted the immoveable reality of loss. We stayed by each other inside it. We acknowledged each other's truth. That's the power of acknowledgement: it comes up beside pain as a companion, not a solution. That's how we get through this, side by side with other devastated, broken-hearted people. Not trying to fix it. Not trying to pretty it up. But by telling the truth, and by having that truth witnessed, acknowledged, heard." I acknowledge all of you and hear your pain and your truth. Hugs, Shirley