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About shebert56

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    Advanced Member

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
    Wife to Stephen
  • Date of Death
    August 10, 2018
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:

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  1. Jame, I understand intimately. Stephen made his transition August 10. I have managed and struggled. This week I spent each day making little stocking ornaments for my Christmas tree out of Stephen's two favorite pair of socks. Crudely hand sewn, but with all of my love. Darrel, my heart is full reading you are able to release this. No one is guilty, but it sure is hard to make your heart feel that. I never felt guilt or anger. For me it serves no purpose and in the afterlife we are not judged. You gave Cookie the greatest gift of all. The gift of caring and loving her, and with grace, knowing when to give her back to the light. I did the same with Stephen. We will always miss our other half. It's just the road we travel, bumps and all. But we keep moving forward. As we all struggle, in our own way, to make it from one moment to the next, my heartfelt wishes to all of you is peace on your little bit of this earth. ~Shirley
  2. Just received an invitation to attend Stephen's company's annual holiday dinner next Friday. It was so nice of them to include me, and for that I am grateful. But I declined. I made it through Thanksgiving so much better than I could have imagined. But this event, not four months out from Stephen's transition, I cannot do. I'm not sad about not doing it. I'm being protective of me. ~Shirley
  3. Gin, I imagine the walls are closing in, but do be careful. Rethinking what we do, and how we do it... I'm just learning that. I am still wearing my Supergirl cape, but it's a little frazzled so I make myself try to rethink before I do. Can't imagine dealing with snow, much less ice and the dangers that provides. I hope you're doing okay after your slip. Hugs, Shirley
  4. Jack, I am so sorry for your loss. We've all been where you are now, so we feel you. We feel it intimately. I remember joining, then finding it way too painful to read posts here, in the early days. However, this group is now a godsend for me. Reach out to us, day or night. Come back to read, vent, cry, scream - we validate your grief and are living it with you. Hugs, Shirley
  5. shebert56

    It hurts so bad

    So so true. I've learned that you cannot just ignore the waves and try look the other way. You must ride them, then come out on the other side. Even though they're painful. We're here for you Amy. ~Shirley
  6. Amy, everyone's grief is so different. But I can tell you the coming in huge waves is very normal. I'm three months out, and for me, it's softer. Shane's love will always be with you. And his spirit will always be connected to yours. I had Stephen's ring resized and wear it next to mine. ~Shirley
  7. An excerpt from "It's OK That You're Not OK" I find profound: "My fellow widowed people, my fellow grievers, the other broken hearts - together we knit a story of survival inside pain that can't be fixed. And we did it, simply, by telling the truth. We accepted the immoveable reality of loss. We stayed by each other inside it. We acknowledged each other's truth. That's the power of acknowledgement: it comes up beside pain as a companion, not a solution. That's how we get through this, side by side with other devastated, broken-hearted people. Not trying to fix it. Not trying to pretty it up. But by telling the truth, and by having that truth witnessed, acknowledged, heard." I acknowledge all of you and hear your pain and your truth. Hugs, Shirley
  8. I've always had the tradition of addressing Christmas cards over Thanksgiving weekend, then mail them the first week of December. I woke up and decided to carry on this tradition. I went right out to pick up cards and signed them Shirley & Stephen, with Stephen's name surrounded by an outline of a heart. He still is, and always will be, a part of my heart, and I intend to acknowledge that for him and for me. And when I was finished, it just felt so right. ~Shirley
  9. shebert56

    It hurts so bad

    Amy, I just wanted to send you a warm hug. We have walked the path that you are on now. Come back here to this wonderful family to share your feelings, vent, cry, ask questions. Anytime, day or night. This community has been a godsend. You will find unconditional love and support here. We are here for you. ~Shirley
  10. Oh sweet Gwen, Steve knows. He really does know.... ~Shirley
  11. @Mitch, dear close friends of mine lost one of their sons six or seven years ago. A month ago, while they were in the kitchen, their son's wallet that has been sitting on a shelf quietly for years, sudden slipped off the shelf and fell on the counter. They laughed, said hi to their son, and put the wallet back. I have learned through my process that there are no coincidences. ☺️
  12. Stephen pinged me this week. Twice while the television was on, the cable box turned off on its own. And my cable box, TV and sound bar were all out of sync. This morning they all synced again. Our loved ones are now pure blessed energy; it's one of the easy ways they can reach out to us. I thanked Stephen for saying hi. I heard a trueism recently that just as you wouldn't want your neighbor knocking on your door all day long, you really wouldn't want your loved one doing the same thing. If you feel in your heart and soul you are receiving a sign of love, trust that it is.
  13. @kayc, what a great outlook. Of course we miss their physical presence. George's spirit will be with you just as Stephen's will be with me. The spirits of our loved ones will be with us all. 💗
  14. Blessings to you Katie. And Blessings to us all. ~Shirley
  15. I made the call to have Thanksgiving lunch (mid-afternoon) at a restaurant with a single neighbor. She's the one person I can let my hair down with. I was invited to numerous neighbors, but you know, it's their time with their family. The lunch I could easily cop out and say no. So easy. But I'm going and will try to have a descent time. I've been pretty house bound, and the walls are closing in. I'm not a shopper, definitely not at this time of year, and parks and such I wouldn't go alone. Gotta break up the rut I'm in. ~Shirley