Jackie - Richard

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Oh i see, my Winston Churchill photo - slogan was posted by Kevin May 6th 2016...oh well, we have it again...as they say " great minds think alike.."

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Our title topic is springing to mind a quote Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill ( 30 November 1874 – 24 January 1965 ) was a British politician, army officer, and writer. He was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945, when he led Britain to victory in the second World War, again from 1951 to 1955, once said.. " if you are going through hell, keep going "

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Della... ...i have not been through your loss so i cant claim to understand the loss of a young child-a baby...( my sudden loss is my partner of 20 years, Richard ) but, as a 68 year old with a daughter soon to be 50, a grandson 31, and a great grandson soon to be 4, you could be my grand-daughter if i had one, in age, and all i want to do right now is give my virtual granddaughter, a virtual (( hug )) if i may..i think you are desperately needing one... Well-done on kicking the bottle habit...my own daughter too has a bottle problem, been going on and off since her mid teens, i shan't go into the whys... Jackie...

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Kayc... ..i have a small glass trinket jar bought some years ago with Richard at a craft fair stall which i now hold some fur from all three of my babies inside...I will cherish this forever...I opened it the other day and touched all three furs..i know which belongs to who by the colours...touching their fur is keeping them alive even if i want the real thing, their breathing body...Oh i am not saying this was an easy thing to do, i was still crying as i kissed each pieces, tiny bunch i can just hold between my fingers and thumb saying " i miss you so much, i love you, " before placing it back.. Jackie..

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Yes i too was alone until we first met in later life, our 40's and 50's, then we had 20 years together, now i am back to being completely alone again, this time i do not have my health, i have PP-MS..Oh yes, i am going through the worst nightmare of my life... Thank you Richard for the years you have provided for me, and still providing for me even after your death...Sorry i am now crying again as i type...i so want our life all back, you, me and our three dogs...I am missing you all terribly...Not one day since 11th April i have not cried...I just want our old life back...I am so lonely and so frightened of my future without you in it...I need you, i want you..i love you, always have, always will....Mommy is missing you too, my Petra, Megan and Benji... Benji your master is now with you, please give him a kiss from me...he was always giving his mug with the print of your photo etched on the side a kiss, he tried to do this in private but i caught him doing it...I know how much he was missing you, i always had told him you was his favourite dog but, he always said to me, all three are his favourites...he would always deny that you was, but i know you was deep down...maybe because you was the only boy, he just had that special bond with you..as my Megan had that special bond with me, now my Petra had that bond with the pair of us although originally she was my dog before we set up home together, she loved us both... Oh how i miss you all, i so wish we could all be tucked up inside our old house again...just the five of us, in our younger and all healthy days..Oh just to come downstairs, open that door, and see three happy to see me waggy tails...then the first morning cuddles and kisses... Jackie..

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Gwen...All... ...i hear you, my life now is nothing " normal " my " normal " life is now in the past...and believe you me, i am so scared of my " new " future...I am not even sure with the way things are going, my stress level ( everything concerning the loss of my Richard that i have done, am still doing ) and my PP-MS, i am even going to make it...a future...nor am i even wanting one, just everything has been getting me so down..I post on an American seniors site, have been a member for ten years, and they keep pushing this " stay positive " word " they dont entertain, they avoid " negative " postings...well this is so bugging me...Of course we want to keep " positive.." but try as we might, life - situations, still doesn't turn out in a " positive " way...we cant stay positive all the time.. On this seniors site over the ten or so years, we have lost so many valued members, our forum site is just a shell now, same longstanding members but, we have lost so so many... Many endured a long battle, ( yes this " stay positive " word was often used, ) others a sudden death, others just fades away and stopped posting, where we had just found out they had passed away some time ago...I was once on their card making team, producing and posting on our forum Birthday - Condolence - Bereavement - Anniversary cards, but the team disbanded several years ago due to health issues, hospital commitments etc...they just gave up one by one due to not having the time, our forum was once such a thriving and fun forum, now it is just a shell, baring in mind i am still one of the youngest, with some members in their 70' 80' and 90'...Even our dear moderator, the lady who set up out forum recently passed away, although she had not posted for some time, she had also set up another forum...christian site...this too has become a shell. Sadly also the forum had to start up from scratch when we had lost everything, a three or four years ago by Pat our founder ( just recently deceased ) and we had to start all over again, so lost many of those cards and photos of our now deceased long standing members, team leaders and moderators...along with those, were their obituaries..their life..their large photo to remember them by, in their younger, healthier and happier day.. I know in this world, nothing good lasts forever but, we never see this day coming, it is always a long way away, we dont even worry or think about, but boy, does it reach us sooner than we imagine... As for me, i am going through this " fight or flight " period...the do i have the stamina in me to carry on, what is the end result i am aiming for...or do i now want to give up and just rot away, my MS is causing me more damage...to be honest, where i am living, if i was to rot away, no one would even know, as no one even cares to come check up on me..I am alone now and i will be just as alone when i am dead...Richards ashes were sent back home ( 140 plus miles away ) by his sister, age 83 to be with his brother and both parents at their local crematorium... i shan't even be with him, nor who is going to release my three dogs ashes with mine, Richard was to do this as i was meant to go before him, this was how it was meant to be.. Four and a half months now ( 11th April ) since i lost my Richard and i can hand on heart tell you, there has not been one day i have not cried...

My late father often would say...." what goes around comes around.."

Can we have it all again or do we only get once chance in life...of happiness i mean...

Gwen... ...you are right, nothing will ever be " normal " again, whether old or whether new..

I feel exactly the same...i dont want this " new normal.." i want my - our " old familiar normal" back...

We here in UK have just ended our last of the year Bank Holiday weekend yesterday, and the weather has been dry and sunny and gotten most people out and about but as usual not me, as i have been stuck inside my home ( MS) and continually talking to my Richard he died in our home 11 th April just coming up to 5 weeks ago now...

Kayc.. ...this was the same with my darling Megan cocker spaniel, i let her go far too late..i too let her go far too thin ( cancer )..we finally made the decision a few days before a Christmas.. I didnt know the right time to part with her, yet we knew there was no hope, told she had 2 to 3 months..well the truth is i didnt want to let her go..