Margm

Tied a record of 2011 today, it was 106. Fires starting toward the Texas line. Starting small, hope they can get them fast.

Yes she is my only sibling and labor with me was such a trauma for my mom she waited almost 10 years to have another child. She was always more my child than sister. Can you imagine though, those states wanting a 10-year-old to go through labor and have a child. Rape would scar a child for life, but to put her through 9 months of body changes and then, while still playing with dolls, she is thrust into the horrible pain of childbirth, and can only pray she will get over the child abuse. It would not be fair for a child. We were not real close growing up, but our relatives have all passed away and she is my child again. I wish I could have gotten her to quit cigarettes. She was a beauty queen. Hurts my soul.

I don't know how the humidity mixes with our heat but I think Marcy cannot breathe in the humidity. On August 2nd, it was a record of 106, some 105 days and it is strange, it gets hot at 7:30 at night. Now at 9:00 p.m., it is 93. All triple digit highs since the last of July. Climate change? I don't know, but if I take my sister to grocery store, doctor, or get outside, I have to change clothes. I take showers and before I can dry off, I am "glistening" like a 200 watt bulb.

I'm so sorry about the teeth. Now feel fortunate mine were so bad they all were removed when I was young. Worried still about Gwen. Wish we had some word. After the Maui fires, nothing is taken for granted. Kay, find a way out of the inferno if it comes too close and it honestly sounds like it has been too close. We used to have two people on here, she lived in Maui, ran a restaurant, I think "he" moved her to Arizona. Have heard nothing for years, but hope they stayed in Arizona. I know some will know who I'm talking about. Time passes so fast. She may have had family on Maui. Some of my son's high school friends were worried about a "Steve" and actually saw him safe, interviewed on TV. So easy to forget Hawaii is a state, just like mine is. It is cooler in the mornings but still in the triple digits at 7:30 p.m. If this is climate change, it came on like a lion. Stay safe Kay, the smoke is dangerous too. Seeing my "little" sister trying for air is torture. But, I took her to buy her cigarettes anyhow. The damage is done.

Good luck Kevin. My granddaughter has been seeing them off and on since she entered her teens. Now none. Their message was always "you've got to learn to love yourself" but with the mental violence that comes toward her, she only feels safe in her room. She has not gotten out of the house in at least three months. She has tried all the mental pharmacy. She is no threat to me; she is one of the sweetest persons I've ever known. At age 24, I can do nothing. She is so hauntingly beautiful that all she has to do is go out in public and strangers will try to talk to her, they even compliment her, and that scares her so much. I am too old to "put my foot down" and an institution would destroy her. I can only hope I live long enough to see her get help. And, I do protect her. No more mental violence, and that source can still find ways to try to get a kick in and follow her on social networks, if she even gets on one. So she hides from them too. She has one good friend, has been for years, but she lives a couple of hundred miles away now. Her bio-mom took all street drugs until she was born, and when adopted (by daughter) she was Billy's greatest love for a grandchild. She has stayed with us most of her life, but when she was not, the mental abuse was enough to keep her in hiding from people. I have no answers and if suggested, we've already been that route. One day I will be gone, and she says she will live on the streets. I know what is there, and that would destroy her completely. Drugs and alcohol are not part of her life. Her bio-parents lived that life, both of them. Really, some parents do not understand, their own mental problems can destroy the most beautiful things. I wish you and your wife the best and so glad you are there to help your wife.

Mama called cigarettes "her friends" and they were the only friends she had. She had an old bumper sticker "I smoke, and I vote." I cannot tell you the many times she tried to get me to smoke. Smoking would help me lose weight. Smoking would make a smaller baby and childbirth would not be as bad. Marcy weighed 6 pounds, Mama smoking. I weighed 8 pounds w/o Mama smoking, and I nearly killed her. Both of mine were 8 pounds 2 oz. I tried twice to smoke but inhaling hurt my lungs so bad, I didn't try again. Mama always said she'd buy our cigarettes. I had no desire. Marcy has emphysema so bad she has to quit coughing to breathe. She agrees she feels better w/o them but cannot quit them. I can do nothing.

Nice to hear from Kevin. Sounds like he is keeping very busy. They first scheduled us off electricity for an unknown amount of time. My sister lives off oxygen now. The heat here in Louisiana (and lots of other places) is hard to take. You cannot raise your windows, even at night, you let in the heat (and yet we all lived at one time w/o A/C.) They were telling us days, but our little town of close to 12,000 kept us updated on the social networks. Finally settled on fixing it at night, for the comfort of the citizens and the electric workers. I bought a large amount of camping equipment to keep cool, fans (loads of D-cell batteries), lights, (not risking heat of candles). Turned A/C down so house would stay cool as long as possible. They had it fixed in three hours. My sister went to my son's with an almost stop at the ER, anxiety mostly. I picked her up yesterday morning. She was able to get the oxygen cylinders and the backpack for her trips outside her apartment. She feels better not smoking, cannot use the patches. But her anxiety will make her smoke. I can say what not to do, but I've never had this addiction. My once beauty contest winning sister is down to 90 pounds and fighting to live, and I am 10 years older and am not a spry chicken anymore. Shorter and double the weight.

My positive was a sandwich with pimento cheese. My negative was, I can have cheese in small amounts, but 0/none pimento. I added another cross in front of my necessity. (I think I have thirteen), unlucky number. I said to it, I promise God, I will never eat pimento again. Sometimes you can get by with things, sometimes not. A big positive: A fire hit one of our transformers and we were informed it housed Minden's grid. (Whatever that means). My sister, on oxygen, was a nervous wreck. We are having ALL over 100 degrees weather, Louisiana is humid, she cannot get outside. We were told the whole city (about 11,000 to 12,000 people, were going to be without electricity, imminent, for unknown period of time. We don't live in the old timey dog-trot houses with high porches, high ceilings, trees all around. Some of us now live in apartments where we do not open the windows. We keep up with updates on the computer. Just told us no outages were planned. With the spring storms, some of those big, nice houses had those big trees fall on them and destroy them. They were w/o electricity for weeks. Makes you wish for that sweet cool mountain air. I guess that comes with the negative of forest fires and smoke. But for now, we have been granted a reprieve and the A/C is working fine. So, that is a positive. I remember waking up to damp sheets in the morning when we had no A/C, but window fans blew in the cool morning humidity. Those were good days. Hope your ankle keeps doing better and better. There are so many "down" days, we do have positivity sometimes.

Well, of course we are worried about Gwen. She was on here nearly every day. Worried about the condition she was in and the help she was given, and the help giver. I hope someone that might have a direct line to her might check on her also. Kay, I hope you only have a sprain, but it needs taken care of and it seems as close as the fire is, perhaps your church will know of places you could get away from the fire. That is very close. You help so many people, I know one has to be there to help you. Looking for updates. My heart and hopes are with you. Karen, hope you are fairing better from your dental work. Please let us know.

I go to bed each night. Only one night sleep was interrupted. It was only yesterday I went to bed making plans for the future. The future is what I'm living in. I know a lot of us go to bed knowing we have outlived so many people we loved. I'm not finished yet, cannot leave my granddaughter until she can get a life. The counselors all say "don't push." I don't push. If Heaven was like I wanted it, then all the Arkansas mountains would be there for us to hike again and the next day other places, again. We have that quiet fear of hearing the footsteps behind us. “Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.” ― Mark Twain

I'm writing another "word salad" in book form this time. I have a few questions, some things I just woke up and tried to figure out myself. Thankful I can still do this. How long it will last, I don't know. Karen, I listened to the news talking about the high temperatures in Phoenix for probably a record number of days. My sister woke me up yesterday to let me know she was in a hospital room at our local hospital, and bless her heart, she gave me plenty of time to sleep. It is prudent that she call the ambulance when she cannot breathe. They are there immediately (less than a mile from her apartment) with the type of oxygen she needs and this is the third time in as many months that she has had to call them. Our air is like a clear thick soup. I think if Phoenix had some of this humidity, it might cool off some. I gave up my meteorologist leanings many years ago. When she goes into the ER they treat her with steroids, somehow in aerosol form, I guess. This time she has a bacterial infection too. My daughter is off to Arkansas (as far away from our help as she can get). She has a teratoma on her brain stem, has had it before and the Cleveland Clinic did a gamma knife removal. This time she will have something like three months of radiation. Will stay at a friend's house in between treatments. Of course, I am worried, especially since she could get the same treatment where we could go take her each day and she could sleep in her bed each night. She pulls away from family because her mental condition has made her disconnected from her daughter, who lives with me. She has to have counselors for the things that have been said to her, bio child of a drug mother. Unrelenting mental abuse from mother. I try to stay out of the nuclear fallout and the granddaughter deletes each message w/o answering. Somehow that makes it worse because a useless fuss is wanted. Granddaughter is afraid to leave the apartment, won't leave. Now, to myself. Of course my main happiness is gone, will be eight years in October. Tomorrow is his birthday, and he loved getting presents. I lost more than just him when he left, I lost my natural sympathetic, empathetic feeling. I will talk to my friends and relatives on the phone, but I do not want to visit in person. I have great grandchildren I've never seen. My first was born about 20 years ago. I've never met her, but when I had "feelings" I remember crying when I saw her picture. I remember typing this many years ago and it must describe me, the way I am now. This is not how people who used to know me would imagine me now, but I just seem to have a "flat affect" and remember my grandmother walking around at each family gathering like a zombie, and I fear that is who I am now. I want to be there for all these people, and I will, but they have to see part of me is still missing. I grieve for Billy, but after this length of time, it seems like it was someone else. I am not suicidal. Like Robert Frost said: "But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep," He will always be only 75, in the real world.

Gosh Kay, sometimes it seems if we didn't have bad luck, we'd have no luck at all. My sister insisted I take her car, so I am paying her for it. It is a 2020 Corolla with 20,000 miles on it. I need to get it "detailed" I'm told, but I'm not sure what that is. I spray it with the car Febreze once a day, but still the cigarette smell is prevalent. Then comes another old adage, "beggars can't be choosers." The insurance money for my Yaris would buy nothing less than a used car approaching, or over 100,000 miles. It will pay for the monument to put on our burial plot and one for Billy's brother and a sister he never knew. Louisiana silt covers her little flat concrete monument from about 1939. I will put brother on one side and sister on the other, large enough that the silt won't cover it. Billy never knew her, but Lonnie was 13 or 14 when she died of one of the diseases, we have protection from now soon after a child is born. I never thought about turning down a vaccination. I'm sorry about your car. I have to take Marcy's (mine on the title) to the Toyota place to get it caught up on all the things she could not afford to have done. I take her everywhere anyhow. Yesterday was really hot and humid and it never dawned on me to take her prescription into Walgreens. (Car lines are too long). She said she had to stop four times to catch her breath before they took it and when she came out to the car, she looked like a kitten saved from drowning. It was less than half a mile to her apartment and I took her there to get on her oxygen immediately. I picked up her prescription a couple of hours later (when they said they would have it done.) We have many doctor's and laboratory appointments for her. It hurts her tiny arms when they draw blood, and I can see my dad in her face as she directs hatred toward the poor phlebotomist. She is up to 102 pounds. Surely people can see, if not understand, climate change now. I don't know what we can do about it though. Wish we could personally check in on Gwen.

Gin, so good to hear from you. I guess tornadoes are new to y'all, but it seems it goes on all year here. Anyhow, glad the weather didn't get you, but your probably used to weird weather, I don't guess they call it the windy city for nothing, and I know winters are cold. Keep safe and let us hear from you.

Do not know. He was vaccinated, I think rabies show up a little later, but it was obvious the raccoon had some madness illness, or he would not have tried to attack a human. Bear, in his superior intelligence, would not let Billy or Scott get around the raccoon after he had killed it. It was 30 miles to closest vet, and Bear never showed signs of being sick. He was just gone, overnight. We had a man that kept poison out to kill animals less than a mile away, so the raccoon may have just eaten it and Bear may have been exposed to it when he killed the raccoon. He saved my mom's life.

When we lived on the lake, there was a big fence between one house and us. Houses were not close. Our dogs would growl and try to fight between the fence. "Bear" was a black Chow that belonged in northern climates, but Kelli brought him to us as a baby. He was not ours; we were his. His personality was something I had never seen in a dog, and I loved it. He would only be petted, just when he wanted to be loved. Then he would throw himself against us, let us love on him for a while, then he decided that was enough. He would walk away, almost embarrassed that he had let his guard down. He loved us. The lady next door brought her dog over to let us know our dogs did not get along. (She was drunk). The dogs fought, she put her leg between them and got bit. We were supposed to keep Bear inside for a couple of weeks. He broke the window and through the screen when we were at work. He would not be caged. Mama was going to the dock to fish and a rapid raccoon ran out from under a house to attack her. Do not know if it was rabies or not, but the raccoon was ill with something. Bear got the raccoon and killed it. He would let no one get close to the animal. He died the next week. He never showed illness. When we would go walking after he had passed away, I could hear him still following us. My imagination. I would never again have a Chow in the south. He would wade out into the lake almost all day to keep cool. Anyone that came to the house, he would position himself at top of steps and would not allow anyone to come in, except us. As a guard dog he was the best. I loved his personality for when he wanted loving on. He could be dangerous to other people or pets, but he never was to us. We were his. Again, would not recommend this type of dog, but do not think I've ever loved one near as much, except Ty. Never had a "guard dog" before, always dogs Billy would train as bird dogs or Labs, which were very friendly. I think Iris is suffering "widow's brain" along with her own maladies and has no time for an animal for a pet. Staying penned up all the time probably makes him desperate when he is freed, and she needs to let another family adopt him. Her mind is not allowing herself to worry about a pet.

take 2 tablets every 8 hours while symptoms persist do not take more than 6 tablets in 24 hours, unless directed by a doctor. For a long time, probably 2-3 months, I sometimes would take up to eight tablets of 500 mg a day. I still take a couple of 500 mg tablets a day. My blood work is done every four months and so far, so good. Diabetes is in front of me, and I hope each time I have avoided it. The doc here in Minden takes my blood work because of the low moisture diet. I can eat all the bad foods, not many of the good ones. Potatoes, chicken tenders w/gravy, I eat a sandwich often (one a day) and like smoked turkey. Ice cream and plenty of flour made foods. Have to stay away from fiber rich foods. My cholesterol was below 200, which was good. The sugar levels are borderline. The results of the ultrasound were mailed to me. "appears to be probably benign (probably not cancer), however, we would like you to return in 45 days to confirm that nothing has changed." I'm not worried, even after 45 days they will not put that part of my anatomy in one of those compressing machines. I will be 81 next month.

Of all the non-steroidal drugs, the only one that ever helped me was Aleve (naproxen) and I cannot take any of the non-steroidal drugs. I can only take Tylenol (acetaminophen). I never took more than two at a time, (500 mg each). I have Factor IX blood and cannot take aspirin, although that was all I ever used to take. Kelli got the real bleeding one, from me. I guess I am just the carrier. They said Scott had some X chromosome that eliminated him. My cousin and I tried to trace bleeders in our family and cannot find them. But I didn't know I had it till 2014, many surgeries, two children before diagnosis. I can have blood draw and it is one tiny speck on the gauze. Kelli has to take certain meds before any procedure. Families are odd. I'm proud of all of mine, but my grandmother had my kind of cancer and then it skipped a generation and Marcy and I had it. The essential tremor started when I was in the 6th grade, started later for all the rest that had it. I worked for Neurology awhile and they assured me it was not Parkinson's, that was not inherited. I retired the first time in 1997, they found out that year that possibly it was. My grandfather and his brother had it at same time. He died at 56 in the state's hospital for mental disorders. He chased my aunt with a knife. My aunt and dad had the essential tremors, also called familial and congenital. None of my kids have them. I cut out coffee but did drink 1/2 cup (with the rest creamer) yesterday and had to take a Xanax. No more caffeine. It was not this bad until after 2014, which might prove the head bone is connected to the tail bone.

Looked it up and I think he was trying to get rid of me. No, actually, he saved my life in a very unconventional manner. You're not supposed to take more than 4000 mg a day. I get numbers mixed up that I just read five minutes ago, but I distinctly remember him telling me I'd have to take more than 11 a day to ruin my liver. I took eight some days in desperation for the pain, and the fever. They do things so different now. Supposed to let fever run its course, but I've seen my granddaughter go into a seizure with high fever. I did also as an infant. They also believe if you have chills to rid yourself of any cover or heavy clothing. They tried doing that on me in the hospital and I pulled all my clothes up from the bottom and was flashing anyone that came in. That one will never work with me. I might not be helping get rid of the chills with heavy blankets, but my brain thinks I need them anyhow.

I had not finished getting rid of the sepsis from the colon rupture and my temp would go to 101 each night. Heating pads, cold pads, nothing helped. I had the drainage bag which was nasty, but Billy never minded changing it. (He really could have been a nurse). I would hurt so bad I'd get in the street and walk from one driveway (long way) to the next. That and Tylenol was all I could do. I told him I was going to ruin my liver (doc) and he told me I could take up to 11 a day before that happened. There were days I would take 8, but didn't go over that. Billy would watch me from the front door trying to walk the pain off. Finally, after GYN visit, all the sepsis drained away and then no fever. Pain was gonna stay awhile, but I took the Tylenol to keep the temperature down. I'm glad Tylenol helps you, but darn if I am going to take 11 a day.

He will drive me for the cataract appointments. My regular doc is only a few blocks away. I'm actually not worried about it. I cannot take chemo or radiation and probably not surgery either. They would have to give me pain medicine and then it would affect the colon. Gonna go one way or the other. I don't want to go sitting on my necessity.

I go to my regular doc next week and will schedule an appointment. Right now they are worried about my right breast and what they see on ultrasound.. Heck, I had a collision that made me hit the windshield and that poor old air bag was in pieces and the seat belt did the rest. I just had a hematoma that has taken from May 22nd go from my clavicle down to my mid breast now. If they think they are going to put it in the compressor, they have another think coming. I have some appointments for my sister and then I will do it. Still have minor discolorations. My son is going to take me.

Karen, I am definitely a "wimp" about getting my cataracts seen about. Afraid of anything I take by mouth bothering other systems that are so injured, they cannot be fixed. I will have to "gut up" and pull up my big girl's panties to have it done. I talk big, live small.

Scott wanted to come over and comfort me yesterday. I went from a fun loving young person to a cranky old lady that enjoys her own company. Maybe I feel Billy with me more. Yesterday was our 62nd anniversary. Yes, I'm a widow, but my ring is on my wedding finger and my mind and heart are still married to my best friend. May have put this picture on before, but I really feel we were "out standing" in our field. (As an edit, I meant to put this on the "Going through hell" site. My fingers do not agree with my mind sometimes.

We lost our electricity in Arkansas living between two "mountains." We had a clear pond way in back of the house and Billy and Scott took turns bringing buckets to flush the commodes. That was right after Christmas in early 2000's. It was an ice and snow storm. Our fireplace was made so electricity would blow the warm air out. No electricity. A water pump run by electricity. We were flatlanders but Billy (and today is our anniversary), he thought he was Jeremiah Johnson and loved it. Now in Louisiana, no air circulating in the house will kill my sister. Some in Shreveport are still w/o electricity. This is serious. They are not worried about the cancer, think she is in remission, but her emphysema is making it where she can't go outside. She was going to take the car and go get groceries, but just walking to the car made her where she could not breathe. They are supposed to get her one of the purse kind, but I don't think she will live long enough for it. Certainly not if she goes outside. We have temps in the triple digits and it is so humid. Today at Walmart, I always get a parking place in first 2-3 parking lines. I had to go to #11 to find one. I checked myself out. People were in the aisles waiting for the checkers. She could not have handled it. (I'm knocking on wood), but our time to be out of electricity has be very short and minimal.

I think she has formed a connection with this Dee character. We want to "save" so many people (not just this forum, but family too) and sometimes we have no control.