Margm

When we lived on the lake, there was a big fence between one house and us. Houses were not close. Our dogs would growl and try to fight between the fence. "Bear" was a black Chow that belonged in northern climates, but Kelli brought him to us as a baby. He was not ours; we were his. His personality was something I had never seen in a dog, and I loved it. He would only be petted, just when he wanted to be loved. Then he would throw himself against us, let us love on him for a while, then he decided that was enough. He would walk away, almost embarrassed that he had let his guard down. He loved us. The lady next door brought her dog over to let us know our dogs did not get along. (She was drunk). The dogs fought, she put her leg between them and got bit. We were supposed to keep Bear inside for a couple of weeks. He broke the window and through the screen when we were at work. He would not be caged. Mama was going to the dock to fish and a rapid raccoon ran out from under a house to attack her. Do not know if it was rabies or not, but the raccoon was ill with something. Bear got the raccoon and killed it. He would let no one get close to the animal. He died the next week. He never showed illness. When we would go walking after he had passed away, I could hear him still following us. My imagination. I would never again have a Chow in the south. He would wade out into the lake almost all day to keep cool. Anyone that came to the house, he would position himself at top of steps and would not allow anyone to come in, except us. As a guard dog he was the best. I loved his personality for when he wanted loving on. He could be dangerous to other people or pets, but he never was to us. We were his. Again, would not recommend this type of dog, but do not think I've ever loved one near as much, except Ty. Never had a "guard dog" before, always dogs Billy would train as bird dogs or Labs, which were very friendly. I think Iris is suffering "widow's brain" along with her own maladies and has no time for an animal for a pet. Staying penned up all the time probably makes him desperate when he is freed, and she needs to let another family adopt him. Her mind is not allowing herself to worry about a pet.

take 2 tablets every 8 hours while symptoms persist do not take more than 6 tablets in 24 hours, unless directed by a doctor. For a long time, probably 2-3 months, I sometimes would take up to eight tablets of 500 mg a day. I still take a couple of 500 mg tablets a day. My blood work is done every four months and so far, so good. Diabetes is in front of me, and I hope each time I have avoided it. The doc here in Minden takes my blood work because of the low moisture diet. I can eat all the bad foods, not many of the good ones. Potatoes, chicken tenders w/gravy, I eat a sandwich often (one a day) and like smoked turkey. Ice cream and plenty of flour made foods. Have to stay away from fiber rich foods. My cholesterol was below 200, which was good. The sugar levels are borderline. The results of the ultrasound were mailed to me. "appears to be probably benign (probably not cancer), however, we would like you to return in 45 days to confirm that nothing has changed." I'm not worried, even after 45 days they will not put that part of my anatomy in one of those compressing machines. I will be 81 next month.

Of all the non-steroidal drugs, the only one that ever helped me was Aleve (naproxen) and I cannot take any of the non-steroidal drugs. I can only take Tylenol (acetaminophen). I never took more than two at a time, (500 mg each). I have Factor IX blood and cannot take aspirin, although that was all I ever used to take. Kelli got the real bleeding one, from me. I guess I am just the carrier. They said Scott had some X chromosome that eliminated him. My cousin and I tried to trace bleeders in our family and cannot find them. But I didn't know I had it till 2014, many surgeries, two children before diagnosis. I can have blood draw and it is one tiny speck on the gauze. Kelli has to take certain meds before any procedure. Families are odd. I'm proud of all of mine, but my grandmother had my kind of cancer and then it skipped a generation and Marcy and I had it. The essential tremor started when I was in the 6th grade, started later for all the rest that had it. I worked for Neurology awhile and they assured me it was not Parkinson's, that was not inherited. I retired the first time in 1997, they found out that year that possibly it was. My grandfather and his brother had it at same time. He died at 56 in the state's hospital for mental disorders. He chased my aunt with a knife. My aunt and dad had the essential tremors, also called familial and congenital. None of my kids have them. I cut out coffee but did drink 1/2 cup (with the rest creamer) yesterday and had to take a Xanax. No more caffeine. It was not this bad until after 2014, which might prove the head bone is connected to the tail bone.

Looked it up and I think he was trying to get rid of me. No, actually, he saved my life in a very unconventional manner. You're not supposed to take more than 4000 mg a day. I get numbers mixed up that I just read five minutes ago, but I distinctly remember him telling me I'd have to take more than 11 a day to ruin my liver. I took eight some days in desperation for the pain, and the fever. They do things so different now. Supposed to let fever run its course, but I've seen my granddaughter go into a seizure with high fever. I did also as an infant. They also believe if you have chills to rid yourself of any cover or heavy clothing. They tried doing that on me in the hospital and I pulled all my clothes up from the bottom and was flashing anyone that came in. That one will never work with me. I might not be helping get rid of the chills with heavy blankets, but my brain thinks I need them anyhow.

I had not finished getting rid of the sepsis from the colon rupture and my temp would go to 101 each night. Heating pads, cold pads, nothing helped. I had the drainage bag which was nasty, but Billy never minded changing it. (He really could have been a nurse). I would hurt so bad I'd get in the street and walk from one driveway (long way) to the next. That and Tylenol was all I could do. I told him I was going to ruin my liver (doc) and he told me I could take up to 11 a day before that happened. There were days I would take 8, but didn't go over that. Billy would watch me from the front door trying to walk the pain off. Finally, after GYN visit, all the sepsis drained away and then no fever. Pain was gonna stay awhile, but I took the Tylenol to keep the temperature down. I'm glad Tylenol helps you, but darn if I am going to take 11 a day.

He will drive me for the cataract appointments. My regular doc is only a few blocks away. I'm actually not worried about it. I cannot take chemo or radiation and probably not surgery either. They would have to give me pain medicine and then it would affect the colon. Gonna go one way or the other. I don't want to go sitting on my necessity.

I go to my regular doc next week and will schedule an appointment. Right now they are worried about my right breast and what they see on ultrasound.. Heck, I had a collision that made me hit the windshield and that poor old air bag was in pieces and the seat belt did the rest. I just had a hematoma that has taken from May 22nd go from my clavicle down to my mid breast now. If they think they are going to put it in the compressor, they have another think coming. I have some appointments for my sister and then I will do it. Still have minor discolorations. My son is going to take me.

Karen, I am definitely a "wimp" about getting my cataracts seen about. Afraid of anything I take by mouth bothering other systems that are so injured, they cannot be fixed. I will have to "gut up" and pull up my big girl's panties to have it done. I talk big, live small.

Scott wanted to come over and comfort me yesterday. I went from a fun loving young person to a cranky old lady that enjoys her own company. Maybe I feel Billy with me more. Yesterday was our 62nd anniversary. Yes, I'm a widow, but my ring is on my wedding finger and my mind and heart are still married to my best friend. May have put this picture on before, but I really feel we were "out standing" in our field. (As an edit, I meant to put this on the "Going through hell" site. My fingers do not agree with my mind sometimes.

We lost our electricity in Arkansas living between two "mountains." We had a clear pond way in back of the house and Billy and Scott took turns bringing buckets to flush the commodes. That was right after Christmas in early 2000's. It was an ice and snow storm. Our fireplace was made so electricity would blow the warm air out. No electricity. A water pump run by electricity. We were flatlanders but Billy (and today is our anniversary), he thought he was Jeremiah Johnson and loved it. Now in Louisiana, no air circulating in the house will kill my sister. Some in Shreveport are still w/o electricity. This is serious. They are not worried about the cancer, think she is in remission, but her emphysema is making it where she can't go outside. She was going to take the car and go get groceries, but just walking to the car made her where she could not breathe. They are supposed to get her one of the purse kind, but I don't think she will live long enough for it. Certainly not if she goes outside. We have temps in the triple digits and it is so humid. Today at Walmart, I always get a parking place in first 2-3 parking lines. I had to go to #11 to find one. I checked myself out. People were in the aisles waiting for the checkers. She could not have handled it. (I'm knocking on wood), but our time to be out of electricity has be very short and minimal.

I think she has formed a connection with this Dee character. We want to "save" so many people (not just this forum, but family too) and sometimes we have no control.

I hope if there is anything out of place, someone will call senior/elder care. She is in such a delicate condition.

I'm really worried about Gwen.

I had no services for Billy, there will be none for me. My friends, many of them, are not even publishing news of their loved ones deaths. I don't want people to write me and remind me of the date he passed. It is tattooed on my brain and I have heard too many well wishers try to help. There is no help. They can say "I'm sorry" and that is all I can do for their loved ones. My very religious uncle and aunt are at odds at age 89 of this. My uncle wants the big funeral. My aunt wants just cremation and quiet. It's like my grandma said "Don't come put superficial silk flowers on my grave." So, we don't. My mother-in-law saved a beautiful negligee to be buried in. It was very tasteful. A friend, beautician was to do her hair. Then they buried her at the feet of her husband's grave, not beside it. We all knew she was going to come back to life and fight someone. Terrible laughing at a loved one's funeral. She didn't like her husband. They did have to come back and dig another hole beside her husband and place her there. We weren't there for that fiasco.

Dear Ana: I know you are much younger than I am. That one sentence struck such a cord with me though. I am going to talk religion, but not the kind where I am trying to convert, because it is scrambled in my brain. Many years ago I did something that was so not like me.Finally, after many years, it let me go. I am so much older than you but no matter our age, we suffer loss and we hurt. How long do we hurt? I guess we hurt as long as we live, sometimes it is easier, sometimes it is worse. I wrote my first note to this group on probably October 20, 2015, three days after Billy left and I turned my back on him when he reached for me. I was not going to let him leave. I gave up my God button that day. He left anyhow. I was not in control of anything. I had beat my brains out trying to keep my grown up and teen children safe. I thought we were indestructible. I was going to keep us all safe. I just found out I was only human like everyone else. I carry my "little" sister, who is almost 10 years younger than I am, to her doctor appointments. I had my car wreck (going to pick her up from ER) when the lady ran the stop sign with only two of us (cars) anywhere around. I'm really afraid to drive, but I'm doing it. So, your first post to this forum was a couple of months before mine. I didn't give you any answers, I'm sorry. I can tell you I have quit asking any questions though. In the meantime, I cling to my mustard seed type of religion and have to say, I have to believe this way. Not for everyone, but this faith is mine. We just have to prod on, because we can't do anything else. I always enjoy your notes. This is just another nonsensical one of mine.

My time was spent in the dentist's chair from the time I lost my baby teeth. By 19, I had almost all of them filled, front top too. Mama said it was because she didn't take calcium when she was pregnant with me. My top's had the roots eaten up by some sort of tumor, not malignant. Had an upper plate after Scott was born, bottom plate in 1998. Trouble with bottoms. A friend had the "screw in's" and let us know each day how it went. No guarantee and the price was in the many thousands of dollars. My friend takes antibiotics (which would kill me) a lot of times and she had a rough time. My cousin has the "screw in's" and praises them. I saw the procedure and you wind up having a sort of "plate" to put over the top of them. My friend had nothing but trouble and pain.. My cousin said it was easy. Personally, I'm glad I didn't have it done. I went to bed with so many toothaches in my teens, I don't miss my regular teeth at all. I wish you luck with that. We do not need more pain.

I have had all humanly possible amount of radiation to the lower abdomen. They cannot do any surgery on me, no stitch would hold and not even surgery glue would hold. Colon obliterated back in 2014. No self respecting polyp would even try to grow. I don't even have to have Pap smears because they said no surgery could be performed. Going on 10 years and that old string I'm holding on to will break one day, but I've had almost 81 years so far and wonder why I'm still here most of the time anyhow.

Karen, I do not see any follow-ups. So sorry about his foot and leg, hope the antibiotics are taking hold. Scott fell off the porch last night while talking to me and rammed metal into his hand, bled a lot. He has to wear a brace after being shot in his leg and takes some kind of medicine to help him feel in that leg. Hit in the femoral artery and "died" on the OR table. With a lot of transfusions, they pulled him through. The VA provides a brace and special shoes. Until then (stubborn about going to doc) he would break that ankle and not feel a thing. He dropped his phone last night and I could hear him cussing. I told him to wash it with antibiotic soap and put Neosporin on it and he teasingly (I hope) said he just rubbed dirt on it. Infection spreads so fast. Good luck for you and your son. Let us hear from you.

No self respecting green plant would live with me. "Weed" or anything else. Kevin, my grandson is back in jail/prison. Fentanyl will kill them fast. It is cheap and they add it more to the other drugs because it is supposedly cheap. That is probably why they keep calling them "accidental OD." Problem with my grandson and prison is he is very handsome and also beat down and quickly becomes someone's girlfriend in prison. They have lost all reason though. His dad stays depressed all the time. As a former addict, he knows that his own dad and his opinion got him off drugs. We gave up our RVing lifestyle to save him and it was worth it 100%. He did all the work, we just gave him a soft place to land, and he wanted to please his dad. We had to move a couple hundred miles from his drug sources, and he stayed inside. Then came the bad treatment, one full year, of his hepatitis C meds. His liver was failing. He snores and it was the most beautiful sound, just because I knew he lived another day.

We are humid and heat index (whatever that is) goes up over 100 degrees constantly. It is the humid heat that exacerbates my sister's COPD. I hope everyone gets to feeling better. Life is strange Kay. Your same lifesaving diet would kill me very quickly. I sure miss cornbread, speckled butterbeans, onions, peppers, and the best thing I ever ate was an ear of corn that had been grilled/steamed in its own corn shucks, then dipped in butter. Nothing corn anything for me, but I can have white rice. Y'all, stay well hydrated.

My "low moisture" diet is not one I would recommend for anyone. If I ate lettuce or raw veggies, or even cooked veggies, I would either die or sit on the necessity until I wished I would die. The pills that would help control my tremor had me on the necessity from 4a.m. until 10a.m. No relief. My diet for eight years, and I pay for it if I eat off the diet, is potatoes, cakes, cookies, anything made with white flour, fiber content as close to 0 as I can get. Nutritionist could not believe it and after talking to the doctor was totally bombed. Said I might could have wheat bread. Complete night and day difference from keto diet. I have probably 10-12 crosses on my wall of my bathroom "Please God, I promise not to eat chocolate again, drink coconut milk", and would not dream of eating a raw onion in a sandwich, it would kill me, or make me wish I was dead. Keeping my blood levels under diabetic numbers is a constant fight and one I'm tested for every four months. They are very suspicious of this hematoma that won't disappear from right breast. Was not there before the airbag and seat belt almost removed the whole thing. I've got to go try to remove the old cigarette smell from the car and three appointments that I would be taking my sister to next week. She cannot afford to pay car insurance and I'm really afraid for her to drive anyhow. If she gets out in this hot humid weather, her COPD activates and trip to ER to breathe. More chemo/immunotherapy next week and her little genius brain is poisoned into submission. She is a walking skeleton, tries to gain weight but cannot taste food. I don't think you ever beat cancer. From personal experience, it takes its toll even 30-40 years after last treatment. They call you cancer-free but you are hobbled with the side effects for life, but you have your life, but you still suffer the cure. (I'm feeling over or underwhelmed today.)

Karen and Dee included. Have not heard from Gin in so long. Many more.

V, my son's birthday is this week. Somehow, I quit celebrating things almost eight years ago. My daughter is peeved with me, which is nothing new, because I do not care to celebrate anything. I'm like my maternal grandmother, it is just another day and I guess I rain on their parades. I buy gifts, but my time of throwing BD parties have long gone away. I figure at 56 (soon) and 61 (this week), they can "throw" their own BD. I hear footsteps behind me and I will see them on their BD, but something is lacking in my celebration mode. The storms left over 200 thousand people w/o power. The heat is so sultry humid, into the 100's, and my sister has been in the ER twice in two months, being unable to breathe. Hope Gwen is okay and not taken prisoner. Maybe her pain is lessened, I sure hope so. V, we move at our own pace with this grief and some actually find someone else to ease the pain, but I doubt the pain ever stops. Finding someone else is a personal decision, and in my case a long expired, never considered decision. I'm cranky, hate car hunting, so I will take control of my sister's car and pay her extra each month, she does not need to be driving anyhow. Still have to take care of paperwork, which I hate, and just getting outside her apartment yesterday put her in the ER last night. I was coming to get her from the ER on May 22nd when the woman ran the stop sign, no traffic, only two cars on the road. I've had a rental (paid by insurance company) as my means of transportation.. Am tired of doing any kind of business except paying my rent, not sorry I moved away from taking care of a house. Take your time, time is not going anywhere. After nearly eight years I can finally look at pictures and have good memories, even if they tinge on sadness. Your still new at this. I would like to say it gets better, but unfortunately Rose Kennedy was right, you just develop scar tissue that can just fall off at any time.

Brianna said we lost it for a few minutes (electricity) and we were without it in the daytime for about an hour. My sister is the one I worry about. She has to have her oxygen. I don't understand the workings of that but know she has lines all over her apartment. I slept through it all. We were lucky. My nephew and his partner are w/o electricity and he's not built for heat.

Sorry, thought you were living very close. I hope he is feeling better. We have 191,000 people still without power with the temperatures going past the 100 mark and hope they have generators. I can tell you if they can afford them, the generator sales are through the roof, unless there are trees through the roof. Hit a neighborhood of really nice homes and trees were through so many roofs. It was a miracle no one was hurt. Daughter went to urgent care with bronchitis and they were full of people needing oxygen and "help" period. Places offering free showers. Some places won't have electricity until the 28th. We were so lucky, but these storms are breaking out nearly every day. Huge areas affected with tornadoes and hail. The straight line winds were hurricane strength. Still have our electricity (knocking on wood), but getting outside, Marty's dad would be ashamed of me. I didn't glow, but I sweated my clothes wet. Hear it is all moving over to Mississippi on to the coast after sitting on Texas, Arkansas and Louisiana.