Stallyn

Corrinne, I am at a loss for words of you witness such a horrible experience, I believe personally that if one is suffering, something humane must be done. As a mentally ill person with depression, I've grappled with that issue most of my adult life, I don't recall the bible stating a person goes to hell, or never will see their loved ones, I wanted to die when I was married, because I am sick, mentally and physically and think Myrna would've been happier without me being a burden, for a 40 year old. I can think of many reasons to quit my existence, tramatic loss of my one true love, the endless depression and the attempts at suicide. Being diabetic, chrohns disease, among other slow dying processes of the body. Myrna had a better chance at life, she did not complain even to the end that she was dying, I was willing to barter God for my life for hers, only to be mislead by blind faith, prayers for miracles left unanswered daily, witnessing the quick demise of once a beautiful person. Today, tomorrow, is no reason to "live" as in the past, a loved one's passing is also a passing of our soul methodically ripped away bit by bit but this in my opinion is heaven and hell. truly, William

Teny, I am living the same ways daily, I wish I could offer you some wisdom but 7 months for me and its difficult, its hard to see you suffer like this, its is in my perspective to live a "normal" life through all this pain and memories, just memories gosh, the standards which we measure our lives with is different and we are hard on ourselves at every opportunity. You are closer to us with the miracle of the internet, and such a blessing, Hugs to you Love, William

Karen, I have a sense you know where I am coming from, I feel a connection with you, indeed your experiences help me and many others, thanks for being a friend and a mother in a sense Derek, What a sense of humor huh? I really thought you had a flat, sometimes it take me awhile to figure it out, thats one side efx of the medications, slows my logistics down. Glad you got a chuckle out of it. I agree with Karen, she knows what shes taking about, you are a good father to Carson and he will be all right as time chugs along, I think well, theres Karen living inside your son, her love her traits, must be awe inspiring.. Oh yes I took my meds today!!!! a shocker! Love, William

Karen, You are right, most of us mentally ill don't communicate too well w/o meds, I been a hermit for 7 months and feel "dead" within myself, I don't know why I forget as much as now, when my wife was alive I always took them so I can function with her stress free, you really understand the disease, very few do, I don't mind you asking me, you are like a mother to me, and that really helps me alot. To know someone cares about me somehow keeps me going since I haven't felt loved or wanted since Myrna passed. I am welling up with tears now, why does this sorrow persist??? Love, William

Karen, I do but I get up and hurry myself for nothing, I am going to have a person check on me daily next week, you are dear to me too Wendy, ah boyyyy, I though he really did, I lost my humor 7 months ago Corrinne, I ahhh I feel foolish..

Corrinne, I am not sure, eeek! I think I did... Hugs, William

Derek, I can't believe a idiot would do such a thing, what does it accomplish is beyond me, I think this world is going downhill fast, I hoe you all are doing ok, I am ok pretty much it.. Blessings, William

Uh oh, I guess he be stuck home for awhile LOL, Home is sweet home and it don't cost anything Have a peaceful evening Gals or I come after ya this time...

Suzanne, we aren't alone for sure, sure beats the bars or coffee shops LOL, I used to carry the pills in a small container but some of them are horse pills making it hard to keep in small pockets. It is a good night, cooled down a bit here, Corrinne, just thinking Derek chasing me with a 4K Lb vehicle gave me the willies LOL. I don't think being flat with treadmarks on my body would be appealing to the eyes

Texas is a nice place, well we can run but never hide LOL, I nearly forgot my meds today but took them shortly ago, There was another post where religion was dragging on too much I think, I personally felt getting out of there and being here where its more open and positive in my opinion; God does care. I wish I could sit down and read again for a change instead of grinding my gears everyday. hugs,

I can surprise ya with how fast I can go with it, and yea you have to sit on the handlebars, Derek, are you a california driver? LOL if so I won't bother running LOL, well I am going to call it a nite too, have a good nite OK? and hide those car keys Oh I will make sure the meds are taken Love, William

A runnin I go......LOL..........whew!

Bob, I know, its like a catatonic shock where reality and dream intertwine, you know I was so tired and couldn't do anything for my wife, felt so helpless since everyone around her took over. We didn't have a discussion about her dying, never knew why, all she said to me was that shes losing a part of herself of me, in a way deep within it was the end. It was stressful for me, I couldn't even lift her anymore. though I believed she was getting well.

I love all of you also, I guess we should take our meds and double check or we will have a sore butt! You too Karen, you made me smile Love, William

Karen, you are definitely in better tune than myself, I "see" more than experience the presence, a tune up is in order

Ohh my dear, I didn't mean to forget ya!! blame it on senility OHH Boy I am feeling really bad about this, you of all people should get recognition did you take your meds already? Luv, William

Edit.

Derek, Corinne & Suzanne, thanks for reminding me the way you do, I had some near misses with bipolar going bad, I feel the same Suzanne, church to me is not a building but the body we carry around with us, some of you are lucky with a good church, In Phoenix where I live, I seen only mediocre or lukewarm ones. Well Like I stated earlier, when God came to take my wife it was in plain view of her friends and family, I wasn't there but she came to me twice by the mercy of God, now that may be debatable but Karen, you feel it too, so I can't be too crazy?? A HUGE HUG to my dear friends! William

Welcome Bob, sorry for your loss, I lost my wife to cancer March 2nd, she was 37 I read your post about faith and religion, too many times my self I measured God by the so called Christians, churchgoers, and had alot of the dogma and politics crammed down my throat, even when my wife was dying, I never seem so many hypocrites around her than ever in my life, but importantly before she died she opened her eyes and said "God" as a bright light was in the room, thats a little consolation that gives me hope, she had alot of faith and never went to church either, I don't go now, can't stand the snoot suits and fake persona's. I admit the only reason I am alive is Myrna wants me to live so I can see her again in paradise. anything else doesn't matter anymore... Please share your feelings here and know you ARE accepted, this is the most powerful and wondrous place to be P.S. My dear friends, I did take the meds today William

Good to hear that Wendy, may there be more days like that..whew! Kay, I still feel married and often refer to her as passed but not really gone, no one has the power to take that away from us anyways

AHHHHH BOY! I been so god until today, SO are you Kay, you are a awesome person! Hopefully our minds will ring home soon.. Hugs, William

God bless you Derek, nice to have someone around to remind us the scriptures OOPPS... Me bad, I promise to take them tonite and tomorrow, have a good nite Corrine.. William

Derek, I didn't want to admit to myself that it is the "fact" sometimes I want to blame someone other than Satan, he has enough attention already. thank you for assuring me that the Devil did not take my wife, been such a long time since I heard that passage, I did forget to take my meds today again, I guess i like the pain. I don't remember much either, must be the grief? With love, William

Wendy, you have alot on your plate too, I wish there was to way to rach to the heavens and tell them how much we miss them, our kind of sorrow is too much at times. Hope you feel better tonite, I know it squeezes alot of energy out of ya, Love, William

Friends, I do remember most of your posts about the subject, I had my last straw with him several days ago, just can't take it anymore, thinking about getting therapy for it, I even bought a bike as it was a passion of mine for 22 years, and maybe just maybe I will feel better about myself again. I became a Christian in 1989, some time after, I lost my job, became semi homeless, broke and it was the precedent of my ongoing battle with depression, I went to church, prayed daily, cleaned up my life, seen many supernatural things. I know God doesn't favor anyone, but it seems the devil does not die or relent, probably has too much freedom anyways. you know the anguish, frustration, confusion of why God does the things he does, though I am very angry and had bad thoughts of doing things I never ever done in my life to get back at him, somehow I cannot successfully do such things as "something" holds me back, Indeed the good die young and the wicked live 90 years! Am I evil or wicked to be still alive? I didn't choose to be born to this kind of life, and cannot take it either. At the end of the day is silence, no love felt close to myself, just numbness, still thinking my Myrna is coming to save me from myself. I love you guys, I know that, and hope shimmers here with your compassion, love, empathy and wisdom. My apologies for a long post With love,