Stallyn

Hi Guys, Well I think this is a interesting topic, I am in a evolving situation with a gal from overseas, I jumped on the dating sites within a month of my loss due to the pain I felt, and met alot of bad apples (my fault anyways) I been corresponding for a long time now and last month I would've dropped it but now I feel comfortable to a degree, though I wish my Myrna would've discussed with me her thoughts but things went down too quickly, since now its always a open wound for me. How did you feel with another woman? Was guilt a factor or feeling odd? Sorry I am a newbie at this stage but I don't want to be alone forever, but will wait however long it shall be. William

Thanks Guys, I think a post-it on my forehead makes for a splendid idea, I think I overlook taking them is a problem but your solutions are better than what I have been doing. Firefox is much safer and stable in my experience, nice alternative to the big business one, Your friend, William

Suzanne, Through my loss I became distrustful too due to the issues with her friends stabbing me any way they can, I been thinking of a will also since I am not really 100% healthy, been debating what to do, I might give all my assets to the cervical cancer research or something of the like, my family won't get a dime. I agree, the widow/widower is too negative a word, what about survivor of a loved one? I even thought, perhaps if there is a beneficiary, they don't need to know that. Hope that helps Your friend, William

Thanks my friends, that is something that I will do, perhaps put the pillbox in the bedroom and something cherished next to it Suzanne, I don't know how the estate process works, but could you retain a probate attorney that will step in, or a trustee? Someone you trust completely? would that relieve the pressure with that? William

I am a worrier also, mostly keep it inside, I know thats not very healthy, I was inspired again by the passage, God addresses anything our hearts may seek. about the spell check, I been using firefox for a long time and it spell checks within the browser, a nice alternative to MS and its free, Derek, I been on the meds for 2 months and recently found it makes me lethargic but I rather myself to be that than spending $5 a pack of cigarettes and getting emphysema again When I skip my bipolar meds I sink down with a ligering depression that my wife used to buffer, been missing my doses alot, anyone have a idea how to remember? Blessings, William

Oh yes I meant you Wendy, It's not boasting, you indicating the experiences you have had and enduring, It was hard selling my wifes car too, she loved that car! Someone will appreciate the quality and love that bike has invested in it good nite all. William

Derek, by chance did you take the new drug chantix? I tried the patch to no avail, I could not see myself going without God and this site together, anything else than that would’ve been despair beyond the help of any medical doctor. I am saddened by what happened with you and Karen, Suzanne, thank you and what such a beautiful gesture towards your husband, since you mentioned it, I feel like a connection has been made with us here, Never really thought it was likely but its like sitting down and sharing the innermost feelings between us all here. Blessings, William

Suzanne, I had to make the decision to put Myrna in hospice and at the last moment force my self to let her go to her homeland to pass on, Though time passes we think we made bad choices but our love for them guided us to make the best decision possible, I regretted for months and concluded that it was love and the best for her. Such choices are so far and few between that makes it difficult. Derek, I have done the same, started smoking heavily weeks before her death, and became reckless, it was tough for me since I am alone, but I tried to think to myself, would Myrna approve me doing what I did, and last month I sought treatment for smoking. thanks for telling me what you did, I don't feel as crazy as once thought

Derek, I admit I done some stupid things days after, I tried to kill myself and ranted to a former friend, whom turned me in to the police, then I took her shoes and purses to a yard sale he was having just to get ripped off by him, I lost my patience with him and we no longer talk due to the incident which I thought was disrespectful of my wife. I haven't found myself quite yet but I renewed some old hobbies to keep me out of the mental heath system. Suzanne, I can relate to the disappearing acts of those we thought we knew, their TRUE selves show their colors at the worst time in our lives, I don't interpret you having a short fuse, you are human and expressing how you feel here, thats OK, you are doing good with yourself here Smile ok?? Blessings, William

Karen, your experience gives me wisdom, its awesome to know more about you Derek, you are so right, I don't know what came into me to do what I did, perhaps it was desperation, if I only knew six months ago William

Hi my dear friends, well I rid of her clothes and knick knacks too soon, a week after her death as it was unbearably painful except I kept a few shirts she loved and some shoes, which I now regret, I hardly touched her bathroom, the tub still has her stuff in it and the metal posters she loved, with the refrigerator magnets still in place. Oh God our song came on the radio right now, wouldn't be nice if we can forfeit Christmas and other holidays for awhile than to live through the memories which are only so? I sold her car a month after and sold my car few weeks later and bought a truck, but still seems shes sitting with me, its such difficult having one choice to move on and nothing else, Wendy, you and I have the same month to contend with, I pray that it will be so far away from us to think about right now. We have each other and that is a huge blessing, such wonderful we have such a small world her to gather around and share our hearts and sorrow without shame or rebuke, I pray right at this moment that we will find the peace that each of us needs so much and continue our journey with each others support and love, Your friend, William

Wendy, I still find myself looking at the pictures at times, I worry forgetting her, I am terrified of the holidays, I still live in the apartment where we lived for 4 years and thats been difficult too. But I think so much can be done at this junction unfortunately, I miss the love and companionship too, but we will be good to ourselves Blessings, William

Thank you Wendy, Yes I have exactly the same thing, 2 days ok then I think I took 5 steps backwards, have you experienced the "haze" effect since that time? like being out of body and forgetting what day it is and just a funk all the time, I get happy at times but nothing like it used to be, not something we really can't change I suppose? your friend, William

Teny, You are stronger than you believe yourself to be, we always have to remind ourselves through the most difficult time in our life with all the issues with it that we can cry, feel lonely and its OK, you are here to make a difference for yourself and others, you came here with a need and I know it important that the first step reaching out makes it easier. I feel exactly the same as you also, but I don't have many options but to survive and attempt to grasp the love that "seems" so far away but never is really far. Kayc, I think most servers limit uploads to 1 MB but I can see it better now May peace follow you, William

Hi Sarah, Interesting, how things come together without ever really seeing the person in the beginning, I guess love is blind, the chicken soup was the promise of love eternally, such a cool guy..Nice to meet you also, William

Kayc, Derek, thank you, it is very encouraging, I am blessed to have you as my friends! Indeed someone is watching us maybe the angels with amazement.. William

I been that route over and over Wendy, my faith has shot down to a 1, happiness is elusive, and every other night its the same thing, tears and pain. I was the cook in the house as my wife was the earner since I am disabled, its hard to think that instead of throwing in a pound of beef, or 2 cans of corn, now having to portioning everything that comes from the store! How unfair is that, everything packaged is for 2 people or more dont you all feel like rubber bands at times, being stretched so much and rebounding back with a whammy? Imagine gazing at the stars and thinking that our spouses are looking at us, a mystery if they know how we feel, but perhaps they comfort us at the worst times with a butterfly, a wisp of perfume, or a nudge on the shoulder. I believe not to doubt the unknown if we do not understand as it still occurs all around us. Truly, William

Kayc, that is so awesome and sums everything up in one word, if you somehow get it larger I would like to print a copy myself as a reminder that we are NOT alone.. Blessings, William

Hi Wendy, I was thinking the same too, how the bad brings bring us to the same forum and place is comforting. I met her on the internet in 1998, I was on a dating site back when it was in its infancy, and didn't have to pay and it was safer , She responded to my ad, and we got to talking by email 3-4 times a day everyday from Guatemala city via internet cafe, I think it went on for 8 months, and she decided to come to the US since she had a fulbright scholarship and a past residence in Iowa, the process was simple enough that we planned to meet at the airport a month later, and we got along ideally in person also, but she went back for 2 weeks to sell her possessions and say goodbye to her family and friends, upon her arrival I asked her for marriage, we had a simple union at a wedding chapel and been married since then. It was 8 Years Jan 29th and had only 2 months left of it to end suddenly. The hardest thing I think is the time and effort in the beginning and have it all taken away within months, and not being able to be there at her final hour. I still struggle with it. and the inability to visit her grave. I hope this finds you well tonite, Your friend, William

Hi Wendy, Sorry for your loss, I lost my wife to cervical cancer on March 2nd, she was fine for months and within a week she went downhill so suddenly, She was able to return to her homeland just to pass a 1.5 days later without me at her side, our crosses were heavy to bear but being here will lighten the load a bit, you are at the most accepting and wonderful place here, welcome! Blessings, William

Kay, I empathize with what you said, I also had a very good marriage, we never spent a day apart in the years we were married, I just thought how the pain is more intense with that, unfortunately some people don't have a good marriage, but far and few between, All of us here have had a good bond with our mates, You know what bothers me too? The fact if it IS possible to attain that kind of relationship again, I don't think so, if love is being given again is a mystery, but I don't want another heartache to find out. My friends, old and some new, it seems easier now with your posts and experiences, some new as mine, and the responses, wow an answer from God! We probably wouldn't fare as well with out each other I believe, of course I waited several months before I came on here and wish it was sooner, the compassion, love, communication is something special to me and its OK to express myself here without rebuke. I still cry myself to sleep, and I really don't fit in my place anymore, I feel like I am living someone else's life and more dependent on my faith to live, if I had a choice, I would not, but I don't know what really drives us to survive this catastrophe. Is it honoring the memory of our spouses that keeps us "living". My heart is with each one of you, I pray that peace abundantly fills your hearts as you comforted me. Your friend, William

Does it really get better or does it just linger for so many years? I dare not think thats something to contend with my health the way it is, Suzanne, I am sorry you had the experience and yes you comfort me please know that, I am more of a man to come here and have such peace the world doe's not offer, I often think this is a stepping stone for each of us to evolve further and higher, not so much human but closer to our creator. I wish peace for all of you that feel the pain as I do, and always a big hug to you all! Your friend, William

The big "6" I wasn't aware it is the hardest, lately every night I cry myself to sleep, thanks for showing me that some progress has been made, I wouldn't look in the mirror and think that, is it true that it can linger for years? Blessings, William

I feel so, I still think shes here at times, thanks for the affirmation, I guess I still have the path to finish yet.. Truly, William

Karen, thank you, that means alot to me, you have been resourceful, 2 years, I can't imagine, but you doing it, you know, today I went to a local Target and saw a guitar on clearance and debated if I should buy it and learn, of course I hesitated to grab it, I felt my wife's blessing and words in my heart telling me to learn something new. I know what you mean, I been up and down with my moods and I really need to do something about it. Thanks for guiding me! Your friend always, William