tattoodlb

Since this thread seems to have been smothered in religion, which this site is not about...I feel like I have 2cents to add...what if there is no God? I do not believe in God, I believe in the strength we have in ourselves to get through and overcome...I read the book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" written by a rabbi...and I think it all boils down to simple choices. The choices we make about what we do, who we associate with...every action has an equal and opposite reaction... you are kind to people, people are kind to you. However there are some jerks out there who have nothing better to do than be jerks...so that tells me that nature is random; yet not random. As far as medical problems with our loved ones; we are not indestructable afterall and having been cursed with a finite life, we need to do the best we can with what we have to make every day worthwhile. I would like someone to tell me really, how all of us are descended from Adam and Eve when they had 2 boys...and all that inbreeding, they would not have gotten past 2 generations...the bible is a collection of stories. Society would be a mess without religion (and the catholic church would be poor) I am sorry Maylissa for your troubles with Nis...having a furbaby with health concerns is draining...I have been there myself and it feels like your heart is coming out of your throat all day long.. I did not rely on God to help me through my ordeal...I relied on myself and the fact that time diminishes some pains. Good memories help us relive the happy times and the bad memories put things in perspective and help us learn from those experiences and what we can do better next time. Cliches are just that; to try to make us feel better about things we cannot control. We can only control ourselves and how we act and what we do. I will not pray for you, I will send thoughts of peace and strength to you so that you can have the courage to take care of your ailing furbaby and know that you are not alone. Maybe that is one good thing about religion..it brings people together for the purpose of doing good, for the most part.

Hi Derek and Mayliss...I would like to add that the offers should be sincere...I have had people say stuff to me only to say it so I would feel better. These people do more harm than good. I was happy to hear it, but when I went to take the offer, that person had forgotten or was busy. Mostly my family did not talk to me after my mom died and they still don't really. That is the worst. I would have loved to hear what you posted coming from the lips of my family and have it mean something. I get the feeling that they sort of are upset that they did not belive me when I said she had a problem. At any rate, I will be sure to use these handy phrases and actually mean it when someone I know loses someone; as I know exactly how it feels. Thanks for your insight and always working to make people feel better.

Hi All **GRAPHIC DETAILS, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SQUEEMISH**...I was one of the first people at the scene of a horrible car/motorcycle accident last week while I was on my way home from work. Cooincidently, I don't usually take this particular road home, I usually take the back roads to avoid traffic...unfortunately, this day, I came upon this accident. It probably happened not seconds before I got there. There were 2 other men there (I am female, and happen to work in the medical profession and had my work scrubs on) and the men thought I was a nurse...when I told them I was a certified first responder and knew CPR, they were disappointed and then deferred to an EMT who happened to show up and needed supplies from my first aid kit that I had grabbed from my truck; (as I always keep a first aid kit in my truck). The EMT guy really did not seem to do much of anything except act nervous. I quickly took charge of the situation and told the others not to move the grossly injured motorcyclist from UNDERNEATH the car. His motorcycle was traveling at a high rate of speed I found out later. He was under the motorcycle that was under the car. He hit the driver's side door of the car and had no helmet on and his body was obviously dislocated at the spine and his head was squished. It was pretty awful. His boots fell off and one of the men there was trying to get him out from under the mess of vehicles. I cautioned him not to move anything in case there was any hope of saving this man. I did not think so personally and his pulse ceased while I was there. It was faint at first, but unfortunately, the damage was too great. The passenger of the car had a cut on his forehead. I told him I called 911 and I asked him if he was all right and he said yes...the driver on the other hand was not all right. He was bleeding profusely from his nose and mouth and slumped over his friend's shoulder hanging from his seatbelt. The amount of blood coming out was truly astonishing. I thought he had a broken nose so I was getting gauze packs from my first aid kit and handing them to the passenger so he could do compression...little did I know that the driver's injuries were severe and as the gauze became soaked and I had the passenger change them out with fresh ones, the poor kid passed on. I witnessed the "death breath" and then his eyes were fixed and open when I checked. The real EMTs took over 20 minutes to get to the scene and the boy died as they were arriving. The driver was 18-19 years old and passenger 22 years old. The passenger lived but does not remember anything. As fate would have it, my mother-in-law is friends with friends of the driver's parents and that is how they knew I was there and they expressed an interest in talking with me about what I saw. I told them I did not have anything positive to say except that he did have his seat belt on, but that if they really wanted to hear what I had to say, then I would share with them...I told them I was not going to leave out any details...they have since changed their minds so they have good memories of him, not his last breaths. This has been so hard for me. I am now afraid when I see people drive motorcycles...I am afraid to drive on the highway now and the visions don't go away...I know it has only been a week, but I still see it all. I am sad for the people that died and sad that I could not help more. I am sad that things like this happen. I am also angry that things like this happen and people are impatient and don't care about each other. I am grieving for these two men who I never met and I am upset that I saw them both die a most horrible, painful death. The driver was unresponsive when I got there, so maybe he passed out and did not feel much. The motorcyclist obviously was in pain but again, he was probably unconscious as well. Thanks for letting me share. Dana

I'm sorry to hear of your loss(es)! Our furry kids are just that...our furry kids. Not many people understand, they may say they do, but they don't. My brother was very upset with me for crying more for my cat than I did my mom...he did not understand. I wanted to throttle him when he said that Smokey was "just a cat"....but I just told him that he did not know what he was talking about...and I left. It is a painful thing when your best friend is no longer there to "help you make the bed" by getting in the sheets before you get them spread out....or to "help you put groceries away" by checking out every bag for the special treats he knows you bought for him..! It is also painful to know that you will be on the couch alone...without a little purr machine next to you...(I know dogs don't purr and they also make good cuddle buddies; but in my case, it was my cat). I am still greiving over Smokey and I will for a long time.. I can't watch Animal Planet without crying...he died on September 15.. so it is a long road. On a lighter note, my new kitten arrives tonight. I have been waiting a long time for this little guy and I tell my friends that he is already spoiled and I don't even have him yet!! I am not trying to replace Smokey, just add more love to my life...Animals do add love to your life!

HI.. My first birthday without my mom was rough; she also died quite suddenly, however that was self-inflicted. It seems that it still hurts that she is not here sharing all of my accomplishments as she was always proud of me and she wanted great things for my future...unfortunately, as fate would have it, she is not going to be a part of my future in person, but I do think she is proud of me still as I feel her in my heart. Celebrating your birthday in your way by remembering your mom and all that she gave to you is awesome, it shows that she succeeded in raising a wonderful person and she is proud of you even if she is not here in person; I'm sure you will feel it in your heart as well. Never discount what you feel about your mom (or dad) once they have passed away; they are still with you even if you can't see them. Especially if you dream about them..it is true; they want to communicate with you and when you dream it is then that they do. Good luck in celebrating your birthday and you will find peace in knowing that your mom will be there, even if you can't see her; she lives in you and always will.

Hi Pandora..pain...hmmm...my mom died very unexpectedly 2 1/2 years ago and I was in shock and did not really feel pain until about 6-8 months later, then it hit me and I cried and cried. Before that, my step father died on Thanksgiving right after dinner and my 4-month-old nephew died 2 days before Christmas so in 9 months, I lost some very important people and everything added up and I was a mess for a few months. I mainly kept myself busy so I would't think of it, and now I still think of it but I am angry that things happened the way they did. I don't know if I believe the term "life is short" because it isn't really, it is what we make of it that gives us that impression..if we don't enjoy life and we go on thinking how short life is, then it IS and we have done nothing but waste it. I have actually been stuck thinking of my own death and I get scared and think, Hey, I am NOT going to be here forever! WOW...that is frightening and I have panic attacks now and then and feeling powerless over death is also scary and dealing with so much death in such a short amount of time has lead me to feel these things. I know everyone is different and we all perceive the world differently but when your Parents die, then your own mortality becomes sharply focused and somehow I think that our pain is part of that feeling. I miss my mom, my step dad and my nephew, I miss my gramma and grampa and those who have gone but I also miss my youth and "the good ol' days" yet we keep plugging along, trying to make things better and I think the pain actually dims a bit but doesn't go away because when your parents die, you suddenly "grow up" and realize that, WOW, I have to live for ME and make myself happy and do the right thing for ME..and then the world is suddenly scary because I mean, it is OUR parents here that are Gone, they kept us safe and taught us important things about life and treating others right and having respect for life, so now we have to do that on our own, we have to carry on with what our parents left us and we have to remember them because they were important, they ARE important because we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them...so, I have to say that losing one's parents is hard, damn hard and scary and I think it helps us gain the confidence we need to go on for the rest of our lives and make good choices and honor our parents by living, enjoying this life we have and smiling and laughing and crying if we have to; but our happy memories of our parents is what will keep us going. I made a collage and photo album of my mom and her life and that was a very big help for me. I have a photo and an urn with some of her ashes on my bookcase along with my cat's ashes and I remember them for love and I get sad because they are not here with me, but yet, they are here with me and they come when I remember and they made my life very happy when they were here and I must be thankful for that, because if we do not feel love and joy, then the pain is just too much and it crushes us. I guess what I want to say is that through the pain, you will make it and then the memories will bring peace and happiness in time and as long as you remember, you will be alright. It is not easy, but then again, I'm sure your mom (and/or dad as the case may be with others who are reading this) didn't have it all peaches and cream when you were younger either (as did any of our parents . Take care.

I am sorry for your loss Shubom; and I also have to agree with everyone, especially Maylissa; parents are really bad at taking advice or direction from their kids... My mother also had various medical problems and chose not to take care of herself and that was her thing, but what I also realized is that she liked to blame others for her problems, which did not sit well with me...so, I visited, comforted, and was there as often as I could have been but kept my mouth shut for the most part. If a person chooses a certain path, it is not up to us to interfere, we can suggest but that is it. I no longer feel guilt about my mom's death, but I am angry that things worked out the way they did. She was selfish and unfortunately there is not much we can do about that, either. Pat yourself on the back for the support you did give, but don't beat yourself up for what you can't control, and the only thing you can control is yourself. May peace and happy memories comfort you at this time.

Anniversaries are bittersweet when it comes to marking the death of a loved one (with memories instead of celebrations)...It has only been 4 1/2 months since Smokey passed on, and no, it does not feel like yesterday any more, but it feels like a life time ago. Honestly, I have not been happy since then and I constantly think about death in all aspects and wonder who is next?! That frightens me and I do not feel normal and I am afraid to get another cat although I really want one, (I am waiting for a kitten that I purchased that is not born yet and this little guy is due to me in May) and if anyone thought Smokey was spoiled, they should just wait until they see how spoiled this other kitty will be.!!! My ferrets are very spoiled as well. Losing your cherished pet is having the one thing that means the most to you in the world suddenly ripped from your grasp and leaving you alone and wondering why...why do we love our pets more than other humans sometimes? Because our pets are all the good and love and happiness that people can experience within their lives without depending on anyone else, pets are there for us no matter what and they do love us, they make us laugh and they understand us and they give us the ability to actually SEE and FEEL our own hearts. We get to know ourselves and we feel good when we can share our souls with animals and be accepted.

Hi, I am wondering if you have any news yet? Are you putting food and water out incase she is around your house? Maybe you should put out some of her favorite toys/blankets or even something that you have worn so she can get your smell. Cats have an amazing sense of smell. My thoughts are with you, there is always hope. Have you tried a trap incase she is too scared to come to you?

I am sorry for your loss, I have also had my cat cremated and I have a beautiful urn on my book case. https://bestfriendservices.hostasaurus.com/...ory_Code=MtlUrn You can use this link to urns if you desire. I found it a great site with some beautiful and reasonably priced urns. It is horrible not to know how your best friend died, I know and share your grief. May your happy memories help you in this time of loss.

I have had a very interesting ADC (or so I think anyway) from my Smokey. Since Smokey died, my ferret, Pogo, has been acting weird (for a ferret). He actually acts like Smokey used to by stretching up on my legs, licking me, being very friendly and needy, just looking at me like Smokey used to. It is eerie, and at one point I called him Smokey and he layed down next to me and licked my hand. If anyone knows ferrets, they do not sit still very long, and Pogo just sat near me and looked at me and I thought for a minute that it was Smokey. Maybe I am losing my mind but he totally acted like Smokey used to and I picked him up and cried. Pogo has actually gained quite a bit of weight for a ferret, he is close to 5 lbs, which is unusual in an animal so small. Smokey was 15 lbs and the vet said he was a big cat... Anyway, there has to be a Rainbow Bridge because I certainly want to be with Smokey again, he was my soul mate and a big chunk of me went with him when he died. I just keep remembering the love and friendship we had and I am amazed that animals really have such an overwhelming capacity to make life worth living!!

Thank you for your post and link. It was very helpful, still even after 4 months after my fuzzy boy died. I'm glad that you are in this forum.

I am sorry for your loss of Sookie. I lost my Smokey suddenly like you did and he was only 3 1/2 years old. Smokey ended up dying of advanced primary lung cancer. (!!) I have found excellent healing here and I am also taking the Pet Loss course offered on this site. It is very helpful. Our cats are #1 with us (I have had dogs, and I like them, but my passion is cats) I also have a pair of ferrets and they are neat, but they are not cuddly at all. They help me stay occupied though. I had the same feelings as you did about feeling guilty and not doing enough or knowing sooner, but somehow things are what they are and fresh grief is very difficult and old grief is, too. I also have Smokey's ashes in a beautiful urn on my book case. It has been 2 months since Smokey died and I got every book on grieving; for the loss of your pet; to communicating with your pet that has passed on, (I had a pet communicator contact Smokey), and almost every one in between. I decided that I am going to get another cat and I found one that I want, although it is not born yet I guess you could say that I "ordered" it. I usually rescue animals (the only animal I ever bought was a cockatiel) and I feel good about rescuing animals but somehow this time I wanted to buy one, maybe somehow I think I can "buy" health?! Sounds strange I know, but that is what I am going with now. I already sent my deposit which is nonrefundable so I guess I am stuck. I hope you find peace in your loving memories of Sookie.

I am sorry for your loss. I, too, lost a parent unexpectedly, although the circumstances are different, the pain and grief is the same. I had to keep going on eventhough it was very difficult. I didn't know what to do with myself, I would make coffee and forget the coffee or forget to put the water in the pot. I would get half way to work and realize that I had my slippers on or my pajama bottoms. It sure does take a lot of energy to manage grief and pain, but it does get better. I has been 2 1/2 years since my mom died and really, it still feels like yesterday sometimes. It is best not to make any difficult decisions at this time (like leaving family, moving, etc). Sticking to a schedule and taking care of yourself is important. Sometimes life just does not make sense and really, I never even gave death much of a thought even though I had been to many family member funerals; until my mom died. Then it hit me that "Wow, this is heavy", and then my whole outlook changed. I am "older" as in experiences and feelings and managing myself, and I now realize that I won't be here forever either (which can sometimes induce a panic attack) and when it comes down to it "letting go" is the least stressful course, but the hardest thing to do. I found it helpful to write my mom a letter after she died saying what I could not say in life and this was very healing for me, I have the letter still and I read it sometimes. I guess everyone is different and what may work for me may not work for you. Finding your way through this is hard, but you must because dealing with it once and for all, is much better than putting it off and dealing with it over and over and over everytime you have a stressor in your life. Take care.

[i used to naively imagine that both my kids would just 'get old', never realizing how many things can suddenly go wrong, leaving you unprepared and unknowledgeable when you feel you can't afford to be lacking in resources. In the end, it can be something quite shocking and it really messes with your head and heart to have to face whatever it is. ] Wow, this is exactly how I felt, Maylissa, when my Smokey passed from this earth plane to the next level. WOW...I really find peace here, everyone is so in touch with each other and supportive. Thanks for expressing these thoughts.

Dear Shakita, I am sorry to hear of your loss. You are in the right place, all of us have had your pain at one time or another and many of us still have that pain. The way I coped when my mother died was to just take one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. I found that this approach left no room for stress and no room for those that did not help me. Your children need you now more than ever, they are probably frightened just like you. You mentioned that you did not want to seek professional help, well that is what I have done and it does make a difference. It is not that the counselor did not know your mother, but that you seek help in dealing with her loss and your children may also seek professional help as well some day; counselors do not comfort people in the sense that we know the word; they help them sort through the painful feelings and put things in perspective; your friends and family will comfort you and your children will comfort you, and your wonderful memories of your mother will comfort you. Losing a parent is certainly painful; living the rest of your life without them is sometimes a struggle, yet if you really think about it, your loved ones don't really leave you, they are in your heart and I'm sure if you took a few moments, you would feel your mother's love in your heart and you would know that she would want you to be the best you can for your children, like she was for you. My mother was my inspiration and I still quote her sometimes daily. Your mother left you a legacy for you to carry on and to pass to your children and younger family members; and to those that sadden or anger you, just let them go, there is no room now for that kind of behavior. Grieving is a process, and we all get through it in our own time, peace to you and your family. I hope I have helped in some small way. I wish you courage and strength to face each day and love to give to your children.

Hi Elizabeth, I can share in your painful feelings right now. I know what you mean about "keeping moving", I am keeping myself very busy as well, mainly because when I stop, the feelings flood in and take over and I cry. Mostly, I cry myself to sleep over the loss of my beloved furry friend. He had severe lung cancer (you can check out a previous post so I don't repeat here) and it was so sudden, like a tidal wave. I had absolutely no indication he was sick at all until it was too late, and I am VERY observant when it comes to my furry family members as they depend on us for everything. (my husband calls me anal when I fuss over any abnormal behavior in my pets). I'm sorry for your loss and this forum is an excellent place to be, and you are here with us now because you are meant to be here and there are awesome participants who will offer all kinds of moral support. I also posted here when my mom died a few years back (has it been that long already?!) and I feel very comfortable sharing here and I hope you do, too. I hope you find peace in sharing and reading posts from others.

My tears of gratitude for all of you are running down my face. I feel so connected to you all reading your posts and sharing my own story. Thank you for responding and helping out. Sharing is so important to me right now, I really appreciate it. Thank you for the links to sites and for recommendations of people and books that will be helpful. I have had other pets pass on, but somehow I feel that Smokey was my soul mate (in a cat's body) and he just knew me like no one else did and he accepted me. Maylissa, thank you for your heartfelt reply and for taking the time (you, too Eliza, and Marty). Your descriptions of how you feel about your furry friends is simply love in and of itself, pure love and that is probably why it hurts so much not having our little loves here with us any more. When love is lost in its physical sense (body), it seems to take a piece of us with it. I'm glad for this forum and I am very greatful to you for sharing and making this journey, painful as it is, easier to bear.

Many thanks to you Eliza and Marty, I will certainly take advantage of the information you have provided. I appreciate your support and it is very awkward, but I have MORE grief and tears for my beloved Smokey (cat) than I did for my own mother, whose death was also a shock. My counselor says because the scope of the relationship I had with Smokey was deeper than the relationship I had with my mother. I feel guilty somehow for feeling so depressed for Smokey after not having the same depth of feeling for my mother's death. I was in a state of confusion with my mother's death, but now with Smokey's death, I am despondent and I cry frequently. I also had to put down my dog 2 weeks before Smokey's death, due to tongue cancer with possible metastasis to her brain, she was just not the happy dog I had had for 10 years. So, cumulative I lost my dog on Sept 2, Smokey on Sept 15, and my mom's 2 year death anniversary was August 23; it feels that I am being smothered by emotions and trying to sort them out and deal with them in a constructive manner. I eat healthy, I exercise daily and I am planning on taking the course Marty offers for pet bereavement. I have been trying to get my hands on as many helpful books that I can. My current book, Why Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner is very enlightening. I am enjoying this book, and I recommend it to those whose faith waxes and wanes with things that happen in their lives.

Hi Eliza, I am wondering if you could give me the name of the animal communicator and the books you were reading on communicating with animals that have passed? I was enthralled with your story and the story of Sabin that I feel I should research this and maybe try to communicate with Smokey. I know how your grief must accompany you as mine does accompany me. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Smokey. I too, have also seen him and heard the noises he makes. I was sending my story to Cat Fancy last night and while I was typing away in my office, I heard the door open and shut as if Smokey was asking to come in like he used to do. I looked and then it stopped. I have also had the sensation of him on my bed with me. Thank you for sharing your story. I will read more of the posts so that I get the whole thing. Peace DB (tattoodlb)

Eliza, Thanks for your very comforting reply. I feel I need to reach out and tell Smokey's story, because there are animals out there that show their love so much and having been the recipient of it, I wanted all to know how special he really was. I think he thought of himself as a very hairy person!! He wanted attention and I gave it to him, and animals are very smart and very perceptive. Feel free to e-mail me privately if you wish to chat or share your story. I'm finding it important to find people who can understand, because not many do. Thanks again. I appreciate your reply.

Smokey died at 3 1/2 years old of advanced lung cancer. The vet (whom I trust) was just as shocked as I was as he explained the chest x-rays to me. Initially, Smokey had some swollen feet and enlarged lymph nodes, which the vet looked at and gave Smokey a steroid shot for the swelling. He then prescribed an antibiotic for the feet because they were splitting and bleeding and he did not want any infection setting in. After a few days, Smokey was acting funny and collapsed one night on his way to come see me. I immediately rushed him to the vet who checked him over and did not find anything immediately wrong, and wanted me to bring him back in the morning for blood work. That night, was not good for Smokey, he spent the night behind the couch, which is extremely unusual for him. That morning, when I was getting him ready to go to the vet's, he collapsed again, not being able to breathe. I was heart broken as I knew in my soul that something terrible was wrong and it was not just a reaction to the meds, like we initially thought. It became an emergency and I rushed to the vet, who took Smokey in for observation, blood work, and any kind of test I could think of to name ( I am a medical language specialist and I know about many tests used for diagnosing medical problems), so I had the vet check for liver disease, diabetes, Lyme disease, Ehrlichiosis, and any blood disorders, but it was the simple chest x-ray that told the whole story. I got a call from the vet later that afternoon imploring me to hurry up to get there. When I got there, they had Smokey on oxygen and he was not doing very well. The vet was explaining the chest x-rays to me and my brain and heart were very fuzzy as alls I wanted to do was go to Smokey who was lying on the table, weak and scared. I listened as patiently as I could and then went to Smokey, who recognized me and tried to come to me, but he could not, so he put his paw on my hand which was the best he could do. I was seeing that he could not breathe and he was so weak, I was sobbing and my husband was crying, it was so pitiful to see my boy Smokey trying to breathe through the fluid and cancer. My heart broke at that point because I knew what I had to do. The prognosis was poor as he had no normal lung tissue left on the x-rays, they were full of fluid and disease, there was no hope for any kind of recovery. The vet said he had not ever seen anything like this before in such a young cat. I have been despondent ever since, it seems unreal that Smokey is gone, my best friend. I cry frequently as I can remember every detail of my poor boy's last minutes and I can't seem to get that out of my mind. I have been keeping busy with my ferrets and our new puppy...Did I mention I put my dog down 2 1/2 weeks before because of a tumor on her tongue? I lost 2 very dear pets in 2 1/2 weeks. I rescued my dog as well, when she was 2 years old. I had her for 10 years. I rescued Smokey when he was 4 months of age, and I had him for 3 years and a few months. That was the best 3 years of my life. He was so fun!! I will always remember him and I plan on getting a tattoo of one of his photos. I loved my dog, too, but to me, Smokey seemed more in tune with me and I think that is why it hurts more with Smokey's death. Thanks for listening. Pets are truly amazing and they are very special for the love and companionship they show us, regardless of our faults.

Hi, I know how you feel, my mother died suddenly, drug overdose and my sister stole the only thing I wanted from me, to know how she "really" died. She stole the ability to get the toxicology report (she was the administrator of the estate); she said she did not care how my mom died so I should not care. I'm sorry your dad had an alcohol problem, my mom did, too. Drugs suck and they rob happiness from us and the ones we love get taken from us too soon. Unfortunately, the drugs are so powerful, the people under their control don't know they are being controlled until it is too late. I hope you find peace in knowing he is in a happier place now; for me, I cannot imagine how awful it must be to have to drink or take drugs to get through life; that is not life...

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Grandmas can be like parents (they are your mother's parent). I too lost my Grandma in 2001, she was 82. Somehow life does not seem the same after your gramma is gone. I hope you find peace in your memories of her and you are a good person for helping to take care of her during her dementia. I know that is a hard thing to experience especially for so long.

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Losing someone close to you, especially at such a young age is difficult. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago and really, I do not feel 37, but I feel like a lost child. We all need our moms even if we are older and losing them hurts just the same. I hope you take advantage of counseling at school or if your family has health insurance, you might want to ask about seeing a counselor to talk over your grief and finding positive ways to handle it and work through it. The worst thing you can do (or anyone can do) is turn to drugs and/or alcohol to try to "numb" the pain. It does not work that way. Feeling your feelings is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Crying is normal and you may cry for many, many days (I still do) and that is OK. Write how you feel down, like in a journal. If you are religious, talk to someone in your church about what has happened. I'm sure you are strong and you will live on to help people remember your mother and you will remember her in your heart like we all remember our mothers and fathers whom we have lost. Peace be with you in this difficult time.