To All Those With Fresh Losses

[kayc]

Lately I have seen more and more of you coming on this site...with fresh losses...I wish we hadn't had to meet like this, it's like you've joined a sisterhood or brotherhood that you never asked to sign up for. But whether you wanted to or not, you have joined the ranks of a group of people that alone can understand what it means to lose your very best friend,your lover, the person you shared your life with...that person that meant more to you than anything in the world, more than your own life and breath. The pain is so acute and raw that nothing compares with it. You have found your whole world turned upsidedown overnight. For some of you, you went into it in increments as an illness and suffering turned into loss...for others the tragedy struck like a lightening bolt piercing your very soul. But however it struck, it changed your world and now you are left feeling alone, wondering why you have to be here at all, why you have to go through this, why you couldn't just join your loved one. And you wonder if you can make it when you feel the wind has been knocked out of you and you can't breathe. You don't want to make another decision, face another choice, another day, another lonely night.

We too have been through this...we too still go through it. Some say it gets better, I don't know, I only know we put one foot in front of another and go on. We grasp for any little tidbit of joy, any glimpse of anything good...a rainbow, a puppie's kiss, a leftover seed of popcorn that brings back memories...and we hang on to whatever tiny bit of bliss we can find. We try to focus on the good, on the positive, on the hope that we have of seeing our loved one again, on the memories of the love and laughter shared in the past...the love that still reigns supreme in our hearts and souls. We haven't stopped loving them, we haven't stopped missing them, they are never forgotten...even when our conscious minds have to focus on things at the office or something demanding our attention, there is still that undercurrent going on in our soul that carries them with us, always. What we do is...we have to learn to live with it. That's all. We have no choice. It's ours now, this life of imposed solitude, this life of aloneness, this life of pain. But we still have our focus...so we focus on remembering how fortunate we were to have that person in our life, how fortunate we were to have ever had them at all...so in essence, we are fortunate that we are missing them now because if had never had them in our lives at all, that would be even worse than this pain that we carry. This pain is a reminder of all that was created between us, the love, the memories, the special bonds we had. So I try to use my pain to remind me of the blessings I've had. Maybe to you that seems hollow...yes I suppose it does when it's so fresh that it's hard to focus, that you feel nothing but pain and anger...but you will learn to live and carry it and we will be here to help you. We share this for the rest of our lives, this sisterhood, this brotherhood, we are in this together.

[WaltC]

.... The pain is so acute and raw that nothing compares with it. You have found your whole world turned upsidedown overnight. ...

We haven't stopped loving them, we haven't stopped missing them, they are never forgotten....so we focus on remembering how fortunate we were to have that person in our life, how fortunate we were to have ever had them at all...so in essence, we are fortunate that we are missing them now because if had never had them in our lives at all, that would be even worse than this pain that we carry. .

Thanks Kay for the reminder.

We could have missed the pain, but we'd of had to miss The dance

[Dusky]

Kayc,

What a beautiful synopsis of the path we are sharing together. You have captured the essence of struggle we all find ourselves engaged. I am so fortunate to have found this grief web site, as well as another in which I participate. The discussions and sharing that take place has been invaluable to me and has helped me realize that I am not alone – that others are suffering this same deep type of loss. The burden is a little lighter when shared with many. Alone none of us could move a boulder – but together it is indeed possible.

This place of sharing, compassion and love has sustained me – and your eloquent description of how your pain can be used as a reminder of your blessings is indeed - right on target. For those in the very early stages of this process that may seem – as you say “hollow” – but pain and joy are intertwined – just like life and death – you can’t have one without the other. Thank you for your thoughtful message to us all.

WaltC,

You never cease to amaze me. I have watched you contribute to these discussions time and again and so often with just the appropriate song. “The Dance” is so fitting to this discussion. Your contribution here is tremendous. I know you often speak of your love for Jeannie and how lucky you were to have her. Jeannie was lucky to have you too – and we are very fortunate to have you as a contributor to this web site. What a good person you are.

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

[Bebekat]

Kayc, WaltC, Dusky,

Thank you for your wonderful insights. You have all done such a wonderful job, putting your feelings into words; something I am not very good at. When I read your posts I hear myself say, “yes, yes, that’s it, that’s what I feel, that’s what I would like to say.”

You are all such wonderful people. I think I would have gone crazy already if not for this site. Thank you, thank you.

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Tom, Never forget I love you.

[Charlie]

Kayc. Walt, Dusky, Bebekat, and all of you on this website, Thank you all for your wonderful decriptions of our pain.

Kayc when I read this last post you put into words that I feel in my heart.

Walt your wonderful songs you send us and Dusky your special popcorn seed, oh how that left me breathless. I look around my home at things that belonged to my husband and know he sat in that chair, read that book , held it in his hands and I know I was so blessed to have him. I will cheerish his memory until I join him.

Thank you all for your insight, how you put these thoughts into such meaningful words.

Grace

Edited March 16, 2006 by Charlie

[ustwo]

So many wonderful people here in pain. Your words, your music most times is all that gets me through the unending days of emptiness. Your moments of strength put to paper give me strength. The music gives me hope. Gene was the part of "us" that could use words of expression so eloquently. There is little most times to be thankful for but I am thankful for all my friends here. I wish we could have all met when life was happy for all of us. For everyone freshly finding their way to this site....we all are here...we all understand...we read...we listen...we all share the pain. We are here when it seems everyone else has abandoned us...when no one close wants to listen...when no one understands. There is support and hope here....so many special people.

Always Gene!

Always!

[ann]

thank u for this beautiful words u shared with us, kayc.

it helps me a lot knowing that there are persons out there who are willing to listen, willing to understand, knowing that u are also going through the same pain that i am going through right now.

it's almost 2 months now since i lost my ex-boyfriend in a motorcycle accident..but i am still hurting..and wishing that he did not die at all. (ive shared my story in 'why do i feel like this?' topic)

acceptance is really hard..

this site helps a lot. like most of us here who finds it hard to sleep at night after a recent loss, reading through the different topics help me fall asleep now.

waltc, just listening to 'the dance' over and over again makes me feel better. 'though i miss him so much, but the song reminds me of the brief moment of dance i shared with him..