One long nightmare

[AB3]

Does anybody else feel like they're in one long nightmare that never seems to end? Everyday I feel like I'm in a daze...like this cannot possibly be reality. I go to sleep and wake up constantly reliving the pain, realizing that my best friend and soulmate is gone....really gone. Days seem to drift together and honestly I feel out of touch with reality and the world in general. Nothing feels real to me anymore just a dream I can't seem to wake up from.

[MartyT]

My dear, you are barely two weeks into your grief journey, and if you're like most of us, you're still in that initial state of shock and numbness. Think of it as Nature's way of cushioning the blow. The death of someone you love so dearly is one of the most difficult and painful experiences you'll ever know. This has turned your entire world upside down. Everything you were hoping for, planning for, counting on has evaporated. Is it any wonder that you feel "out of touch with reality and the world in general"? Everything in you is shouting "NO! This cannot be true!" This is a reality that will take time and a lot of work before you'll feel as if you still belong in this world without your beloved. Sit with your pain and feel whatever you need to feel ~ and be very, very patient with yourself.

[WolfsKat]

30 minutes ago, AB3 said:

Does anybody else feel like they're in one long nightmare that never seems to end? Everyday I feel like I'm in a daze...like this cannot possibly be reality. I go to sleep and wake up constantly reliving the pain, realizing that my best friend and soulmate is gone....really gone. Days seem to drift together and honestly I feel out of touch with reality and the world in general. Nothing feels real to me anymore just a dream I can't seem to wake up from.

What you describe is VERY real.....and something that so many of us have experienced, especially in the early weeks/months.  It is like living in a fog of grief that obliterates all else in your life....I know that I felt dazed/confused/detached....just going through the motions.  It was very hard to concentrate on anything, I'd forget simple things....everything seemed to be "too much" to deal with...even something as common as bringing in the morning paper....I'd sit and stare for hours at a time. Marty is correct....you need to be very patient with yourself, and very kind, as well.....you've endured a major shock and loss. Check out the many articles that Marty has provided links to on this site....I found so many of them to be helpful.  Keep coming back here to both read posts and to write your own, as well.  This is a "community" of caring souls who very much "get" what you are dealing with.  We can't  "fix" this.....but we will listen, understand, and encourage you as you deal with losing your beloved. I hope to see you post again, soon......please take care and know you are not alone!

[Guest]

AB3...Wow, but do I ever know just where you are at and what you're going through. The end of my first year will be here in just a couple of days. I had to take my "everything" off of life support on New Year's Day. I spent my holidays last year visiting her every day in the Critical Care Unit, not even able to kiss her on the lips because of those infernal tubes. Then the c diff got hold of her, and my world came crashing down around me Jan. 1st. We were together for 41+ years, and we absolutely were everything to each other. So, do I ever know just what you are going through and feeling now. That empty hole down there in your core. Those lethargic feelings...feeling like there's no point in getting up off the bed in the morning...no energy to even begin those chores or tasks that are normally just second nature to you. I mention all this just to help you to not feel like there is something wrong with you because you are feeling these things so intensely. You have strength in numbers here. We as humans are given the wonderful opportunity to give and receive and feel this great thing called LOVE. But we have to pay a price for it. This is the other side of that coin. But, you know what? When the time is right for you to be ready to say it or just think it or just know it, you will admit that in spite of this grieving side of the coin, having that wonderful person in your life the way he was even for a brief time was worth all this you are going through now. Be patient with yourself. Time heals all wounds.

Wrap your arms around yourself and pretend its comforting hug from a friend who cares.

[rdownes]

AB3 I feel your pain I wish I had some magic words to take away your pain but unfortunately there is none, it feels like just yesterday I was exactly where you are and I know from the bottom of my heart how hard it is, I am at seven months and am just coming out of the fog , sometimes I still feel like I am living a nightmare everyday, for me time hasn't healed anything but I have learned to live with my loss which is a big step for me I have along way to go  but I am trying it is all I can do, it takes time and alot of work yes unfortunately grief is hard work it is one of the hardest things we will deal with, we have to feel the emotions good and bad to be able to get past them and it can be hard somedays you don't know how much more pain you can take, but there comes a time when a thought of them brings a smile to your face not only tears and I cherish those thoughts now to you will find your way at your own pace in your own time grief has no time limit so be gentle with yourself try and think of the good memories though I know it is hard my heart truly aches for you because I know how hard this is hugs

[iPraiseHim]

11 hours ago, AB3 said:

Does anybody else feel like they're in one long nightmare that never seems to end? Everyday I feel like I'm in a daze...like this cannot possibly be reality. I go to sleep and wake up constantly reliving the pain, realizing that my best friend and soulmate is gone....really gone. Days seem to drift together and honestly I feel out of touch with reality and the world in general. Nothing feels real to me anymore just a dream I can't seem to wake up from.

AB3, please understand that many of us have gone through and still going through what you are experiencing.  I called my experience "SHOCK and AWE". I likened to a neutron bomb that disappeared my beloved wife and left me and the rest of the world standing.  What comforted me most was to discover this caring group of friends who listen, care, love and share their experience.  It has helped me to realize I am not going crazy, alone and isolated.  This group gave me helpful suggestions that began the process of grieving and working through this grieve.  MartyT, has some great insight, information, that really helps us.  Please continue to breath, sleep, relax and hold on as we all go through this together.  Great love lost is now expressed through our grief.  - Shalom, George

[kayc]

Yes, in the beginning it is indeed very much shock, surreal, like this can't be happening.  It takes a long time for it to seep in little by little and absorb this new reality.  It took me probably three years to process it, everyone is different.  It does help to know you're not alone in this and that there are other people who have been through it and understand...this is such a place.

[KATPILOT]

Kay is right about every one being different but in the beginning a state of shock is quite common. Your internal clock stops working. You live in a kind of confusion between what is real and what you knew before and that takes time to sort out. I used to think of that time as a nightmare but looking back it was surreal. It was a dream . AB3 it took me two and a half months to find reality colliding with memory.  For me that was just one more step on my journey, one you will have to make in your own time and in your own way. If we can be gentle with ourselves and allow ourselves to hurt we can find a peace in our anguish...............................one step at a time.

We can't see the changes for they happen so slowly. Grief softens in time but you have to compare how you feel now as to how you felt a year before or two years before. That's when you realize that you have grown. For now we must just hold on to ourselves and allow the support from others get us through. One day your nightmare will change into a bad dream and then soften even more. Sadly there is just no quick end to what you are feeling.  One night before you go to sleep you will think about how you laughed more than you cried. It will happen one day.