Sensitivity training

[kayc]

6 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

Why do we have to be politically correct?  Who made the rules?  

Who says we have to be politically correct?  If someone asks/answers questions stupidly I have no problem setting them straight!  

[Widowedbysuicide]

Thank you Marie Lee. ?

[iPraiseHim]

9 hours ago, Widowedbysuicide said:

Why do we have to be politically correct?  Who made the rules?  

Isn't it enough that we are suffering each and every day since our loved one died? Knowing that whatever the future holds we will not be together with our partners as we were here on earth.  I have a hard time believing that what is to come will be heaven on earth but that is my pessimistic way.  If my luck wasn't bad I would not have any luck at all.  Sorry for the rant  - today I had a sister-in-law ask and answer ignorant and hurtful questions.  I just wonder why I feel that I haven't suffered enough and I need to deal with the abusiveness in a graceful manner.  Today I wasn't so kind because I couldn't handle the increased pain.

...well I don't know why you still feel that way.... like I want to pull the covers over my head, go to sleep and never wake up.  It's because the good memories are fainter than I would like, they almost let me feel happy but the horrible memories are more recent and very vivid. ...Well maybe you can talk to someone about it...  I have talked to a grief therapist.  Didn't it help?... Help what... I'm grieving, it's not something that can be fixed or ignored, this is my life right now.  I get up every morning wishing he was here with me and at night I go to bed wishing that I could join him soon.  Thinking of his suicide and the despair he must have been feeling will haunt me until they don't haunt me.  

I know it was her brother.  I know she is grieving too.  Her grief doesn't involve being his life partner for 35+ years and having a child with him.  Her grief is for a person that she didn't really know as she visited only every few years and saw only what he allowed her to see.  

I do need some help, learning how to put myself first is the most important thing right now.  My husband's family have never made me feel as a part of the family, but since his death a year ago and the recent death of his mother in December, the feelings of rejection and disapproval have multiplied ten fold.  How can I forgive them for my years and years of feeling unworthy and inadequate due to their thoughtlessness and cruel treatment of me?  Do I have to forgive and forget in order to heal?  

Having reread this post I want to delete it but I know that for myself I need to get it out. Thanks for listening/reading.

 

 

 

You speak well and from the heart!  Few people can know and understand our deep pain and grief.  It is not like a cold that you can just get over and move on. You like everyone of us here have no control when our life partner dies.  If we did, they would all live as long as we do.  It is this deep pain of grief that drives us to seek out the truth. People can not fully understand what they have never experienced. Each one of us experience grief in different ways but there is a commonality that we all understand. 

I have learned many lessons from this journey that I never chose.  At some point I realized that I needed to take care of myself as well as I take care of the ones I love.  That is quite a challenge for me because I was taught that it was selfish to take care of myself... it's a lie.

I don't put myself above everyone else but I need to love and take care of myself, physically, mentally, etc... because I have to live with me for the rest of my life.  It takes time and I tell other people like it is without trying to strike out at them.  Some people just don't get it so I don't bother expending the energy trying to explain it.  

You are welcome to go back and read my or anyone's post in this forum in our early grief days and see that you are not alone in your grief.  it helped me to express it here in a safe place where like-minded people understand, listen, and care.  Please share, it will help you in ways I cannot fully explain,  but it truly does. My prayers are for you. - Shalom

[Cookie]

On ‎01‎/‎19‎/‎2017 at 4:53 AM, scba said:

I want to be politically incorrect and reply "I'm fine, I have been on a spa called Grief&Hell. They do an amazing facial. You are heartbroken but you look normal as before!"

 

 

Love this...might use it

[Cookie]

On ‎01‎/‎18‎/‎2017 at 0:15 PM, kayc said:

"How are you?"
"Changed, as can be expected."

Like this too.  Looking for good comebacks that educate and make me feel okay.  I'm fine never feels good.  Today when I was talking to another widow about still being haunted by my husband's suffering for so long before he died, she immediately took this reprimanding tone, saying, "well, you can be comforted knowing he is in a better place and not suffering anymore."  I felt reprimanded, then angry.  Yes, I'm glad he's not suffering, but the better place would be here by me...this all feels so hopeless sometimes....Cookie

[MartyT]

27 minutes ago, Cookie said:

Looking for good comebacks that educate and make me feel okay.  I'm fine never feels good.

Lots of suggestions here, Cookie: In Grief: Responding to "How Are You?"

[Widowedbysuicide]

Thanks for the kindness George.  I so hear you with the guilt about caring for ourselves part.  That is why I find myself overwhelmed and depressed.  I can't seem to say no to anyone but myself...

Thanks for the link Marty