Father involved with murder suicide

[russ]

I wasn't sure where to post this.

May 6, 2017, my father shot his wife (not my mother) in the back of the head, then walked over to his favorite chair, and killed himself. 

She was a wonderful person, and although I only had a few brief communications with her, it was clear she had a very good heart. He was a monster who had conned her into believing he was a good person so that she would marry him and support him.

He was dead to me long before he was actually dead, but my struggle is that he took the life of someone who was so very kind, and had a family who loved her.

I suppose I'm also grieving the loss of any possibility of him changing so that I could have any kind of good relationship with him.

I will cry at the drop of a hat, I'm extremely depressed, I'm angry as he'll, and I'm waking up constantly throughout the night in a panic attack, so sleep has been at a minimum.

I thought I could just muscle through this, but it seems not so much. I am now looking for a councelor, and trying to find a way to cope.

I'm not really sure what my point was going to be here. I think I just needed to unload a little.

Thank you for your time.

-R

[enna]

Good Morning,

I am sorry to hear about the tragedies you have talked about, Russ. There are many things going on that you have to deal with.  Not having a good relationship with your father had to be hard and now that he is gone any hope of a change in him is gone for you.  I can understand that you are angry. For your father to kill his wife had to be traumatic. We don’t have answers as to why those things happen. I think that the physical symptoms you are experiencing are normal and I hope you find a good grief/trauma counselor to help you through all this.  You cannot “muscle” through this on your own. Meanwhile, coming hear to "unload" about what you are going through is good. We do not judge ~ only listen.

Anne

[MartyT]

Russ, I'm so sorry to learn of the double tragedy that took the lives of your father and his wife ~ how horrible this must be for you. It's good to know that you're seeking the support of a professional counselor, and I hope you can find one who specializes in traumatic loss. I want to share with you an article that contains some resources that you may find helpful. Although the content is aimed at a woman whose partner was killed, I think it fits your circumstances as well: Surviving A Partner's Homicide. See also Coping with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources. ♥

[russ]

Many thanks for responding, folks. I appreciate your input.

[kayc]

Russ,

Wow, that is a whole lot to hit at once.  I am so sorry for you and for all of the others that are hurting as a result of his choices and actions.  It seems some people just don't know a better way to deal than this, I too have known monsters, I was married to one once when I was young.  I learned the best thing I could do was make the best possible choice I could for myself, and I eventually got away from him.  It seems you learned that about your dad too.  It's got to be hard when it's your dad, I think a part of you always wishes something could change, but this last action put an end to that possibility.  Whatever demons were haunting him are silenced now.  I'm so sorry for his wife.

I'm really glad you're going to get counseling, some things are just too hard to deal with on our own, they'll be able to give you some direction of where to start.  Wishing peace for you...

[Blue Captain]

Dear Mr Russ,

You will be in my prayers.

 

With respects,

Blue Captain