How to approach first holidays

[shebert56]

While picking up a prescription at CVS, I had to pass the Halloween display.  Immediately that sent me to tears.  It was a favorite of ours.

For those of you who have traveled this path, what helped you get through the first holidays without your loved one?  I intend to travel to be with family for the big ones, but even this small holiday is raising jitters.

I know, live in the moment, but sometimes the mind wanders aimlessly.

Thank you.

~Shirley

 

[iPraiseHim]

Shirley,

My mind still wanders after 3&1/2 years.  I find it is part of this journey.  I am still caught by surprise and find myself tearing up.  I am learning to just accept whatever feelings arise as they come.  There is no timeline on grief and our healing journey.  I was in such shock for a long long time.  Don't let anyone or yourself "should on you".  I have learned that FEELINGS are not always FACTS but they will eventually lead me to the truth. Each of us learn what life is to unfold on this journey.  I always plan that we would enjoy life together until the sunset of our lives together.  Life doesn't always turn out the way I dreamed it would.

I found by sharing here, reading, studying, and learning grief tools help me to not hide/ignore feelings...  Yes i cried a lot and still do at times.  I miss my beloved wife, Rose Anne,  everyday.  Her love and the wonderful memories of us together for almost 26 years carry me through each day.  You are on the right path and have found a caring, empathetic place where those of us who are "left behind"  continue to move forward each day.  😎 - George,  Shalom   

[Kieron]

3 minutes ago, iPraiseHim said:

Don't let anyone or yourself "should on you".

This is good advice.  I'm shoulding a lot, for some reason.  It dawned on me yesterday... there is no due date for accomplishing steps on this journey.

[olemisfit]

3 hours ago, Kieron said:

This is good advice.  I'm shoulding a lot, for some reason.  It dawned on me yesterday... there is no due date for accomplishing steps on this journey.

You're so right Kieron with your "no due dates" comment. I find myself just getting up each day and doing what feels right to me. When I feel myself getting into one of my sad and/or depressed moods I get the picture album (my memories book) and my journal out and allow my mind all those good times. I don't have any kind of routine or ritual as far as how I get through this now. Nor do I have any kind of target date for when I expect my grieving to be over. It's possible it will never be completely over and, if need be, I am okay with that.

One foot in front of the other...

Darrel

[kayc]

It helped me to have my kids home for the holidays, but since my son got married six years ago, they have their holiday plans and my daughter no longer comes here, so I'm usually alone.  I've gotten more used to it, about like one gets used to pain, but it's still hard to get through and nothing like it was.