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Hard Day


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Today was a hard day for me. I didn't think it would be, because my mom and I didn't really celebrate Memorial Day..... at least that's what I thought. I didn't realize that after my dad passed, we'd go to his gravesite and put flowers for him. And sometimes we'd make a small dish of BBQ for us.

It didn't occured to me until I saw family and friends visiting others in the neighborhood. And could smell the BBQ. Then it hit me hard. My mom is really not here and we can never do those things again. It just hurt so bad, I couldn't stop crying. I spent the whole day home. I feel like no one understands.

I miss her ! :( Did anyone else feel that way?

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Yep sure have had days like that....

I walked past someone in a store and a woman was wearing my mom's fav. perfume, it was terrible, I could feel my eyes welling up with tears and I just had to vacate the store.... cried all the way home...

Wish she was here.... she will never get to see her grandchildren get married, no great grandchildren....

Something as simple as seeing her favourite flower sends me spirally out of control...

You aren't alone... wish I could change that for you...

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My dad was an avid golfer, and had been since his twenties. Anytime I see or hear anything about golf, I think of him and tears well up. But, I'm trying to smile now when I connect something (doesn't always work!) to him, thinking it's more like a special memory and should be something happy to think about. I cry more than smile, but I have actually managed just the smile at times, so I'm hoping it will get easier.

Hope things get easier for you, too,

Shell

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For me its flowers. Mom loved to garden, and so did I. My only recourse to gardening now is the cemetary (plus some indoor gardening, but how hard is that?). I think one reason why I planted everything in the cemetary when I did (May 10th) was to avoid all the rush around Memorial Day because anticipating something similar to what shubom said. But I went anyway (on Sunday, right after the polka music program on the radio was over. Mom loved polka music, too. And strangely I've developed a recent interest in it... :blink: )Anyway, back on topic here... . I biked all the way to the cemetary, and there were people all over. I didn't really have a bad reaction. Maybe it was the physical exercise in needing to bike all the way there (much uphill). But I was OK with the whole thing.

But I have had days like whatvyou all have posted here. Something would remind me of Mom and I would have a grieving moment. I use it, get past it and miss my Mom. Its a little reminder of the love.

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I had a tough time yesterday too, Shubom. During the summer my Dad would fire up the Weber grill for burgers and when I saw people in my complex heading out for picnics I had a few good cries since I knew I'd never again ask Dad what flavor of wood chips he was planning to use. I tried to go to a small picnic but couldn't handle it - everyone laughing and enjoying themselves while I kept thinking that Dad should be here. And enything having to do with golf does me in because my Dad was also a big fan of golf. I can't even look at a golf green without tears rising in my eyes. Like Shell, I try to picture happy memories but it's only been two months and it will take a lot of time before I'll be able to connect golf, BBQs, etc., with a smile. But we'll get there eventually.

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I'm having a touch time right now too. Memorial Day wasn't huge at my parent's house but we would get together and put something on the grill and just be together. Yesterday evening as I sat by the pool watching my new husband, my daughter and my 3 step-sons laughing and splashing, I couldn't help but tear up as I longed for my Mom to have lived long enough to see this. My husband was also my high school sweetheart and Mom really loved him. 20 some years later we finally married. I wore her garter from when she married my Daddy in 1950 and I pinned her pearl and rhinestone brooch onto the center of the ribbon bow on my bouquet. That and the candle burning in her memory was the only way I could have her there. I needed those tangibles since I couldn't hug her and laugh at the beauty of finally marrying my first love and the one she had always thought the world of....

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Oh Shell, I hope so. We were married in December and I remember the few minutes I had alone just prior to the ceremony I talked to her. She and I were so very close...best friends after I reached adulthood. I remember asking, "Mom, are you here? I feel as if you are. God I hope you see this. I'm marrying Steve!"

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Thanks for all your responses. They bring tears to my eyes. Picnics.....dads BBQing on the grill.....golfing......new marriage......mom's garden......flowers....the smells..... I can relate to all of it. :( Just being together with my mama is what I miss the most. I don't think I can stand any more holidays without her.

I cry everyday when I look at her rose garden. They have grown so much and are so beautiful. I remember her pointing to them and telling everyone to look because they are so beautiful. They were iddy bitty things back then, and now 5 months later, they are tall and beautiful.

This morning as I left the house, I had to stop and smell them.....I wish she was here now to see them......it's truly amazing.......

I miss her so much.

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I was closer to my grandmother (nickname Bah) than I was with my mom, because she lived with us when I was growing up. I was 16 when Bah died. I can remember all of the holidays and how hard they were for me without her there. I am now 37. Recently the loss of my wife have brought up those old memories and feelings, specially since I have a 6 year soon to be 7 on June 6th. So I know what you mean when you talk about her not seeing the events (In person) that go on in your life that you wish she could be there. I can say this about the loss of Bah, the feelings will always be there, specially around the holidays, but with each year the deep sadness and longing will get less intense. Now if I can only apply that in my life right now with the loss of Karen (My wife)I would be doing great. Right now it is painting on a face everywhere I go and pushing back the emotion.

Derek

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Derek,

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know exactly how another death brings back all of the deaths you have endured through life. I realize that with a child to raise, it is hard to let your emotions emerge, but please find some time alone to do that. Stuffing them down will only make it harder in the long run. I wish you the best in your healing.

Shubom,

I think the roses are so beautiful and grew so well because it is a message for you from your mom. She wants you to be happy.

Hugs (to you too Derek),

Shell

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  • 2 months later...

Hi All,

It is so hard to deal with emotions that I am going through because after the deaths of my mom and dad I moved in with my sister and her family. My sister has a six year girl, four year old boy and a two year old boy and when I have a hard day and feel like crying I try to find somewhere to hide and be emotional. This is not easy as the children seem to find you where ever you are. I try to stop if they do find me but it is hard to do. I know cry in the bath tub where no one can hear or see me. I know this is not good but I do not know what else to do. Take care All and God Bless All Shelley

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