Dear Grief Friends...

[TomPB]

I'm very sorry for my sudden disappearance last spring/summer. I love you all and you have been a great support. Here's an update.

My counselor had told me to try dating after 2 yrs. I was skeptical that I could find another partner after 48 yrs of unconditional love from Susan, but I did feel like I was coming back to life a bit and went ahead. I didn't find the prospect of a relationship with any of the women I met online appealing. Meanwhile I had a friend, Carol, who I always described as "my non-romantic friend". It slowly dawned on me that, if anyone could be a new partner for me, it was Carol. So one night I asked her if we might try being romantic friends, and actually that was what she had been wanting. So, I am part of a couple again. Carol is an angel and her sweetness reminds me of Susan. She also lost a partner of 28 yrs and we talk freely about our lost loves, which I think is essential. She came to my family Thanksgiving. It was like bringing the GF home to meet the parents. Everyone loved her, and she loved them.

I know I am not replacing Susan. This is a new chapter. However I can't help repeating some of the things I'd do with Susan, and sometimes it feels a little funny or awkward. We decorated my jade tree for Christmas, just like Susan and I did. I make her pancakes and we went to Ptown last summer, to the same rental I used with Susan. Instead of going to my raucous family Christmas we'll have a romantic one with just us two, just as we always did. I might even make my cod and lentils. With Carol here I'm not hanging my "Susan and Tom" stocking, which feels a bit disloyal, even tho Carol is amazingly comfortable with all my pictures of Susan. When I asked her about taking my ring off, she said "Why woud you do that?" Amazing. 

I know some of you are in the "No, Never" category on a new relationship. Believe me, I understand and I could have gone that way too, but Carol is a miracle in my life. When Susan spoke to me through Cindi the Psychic she said she would send me a new soulmate, and I believe she did. I continue talking to Susan, tho now it is largely getting her advice on the new relationship.

Best wishes to all in this season that can be so hard...Tom

[kayc]

You might hang the stocking anyway, just talk to her about it. I'm happy for you it is not many that finds love again! Merry Christmas!

[MartyT]

Blessings to you and to both your loves, dear Tom, and thank you so much for sharing your good news with all of us.  ❤️

[widow'15]

Tom:  How wonderful for you to find someone to share your love.   Carol sounds perfect for you at this time of your life.  I also echo what MartyT says, "thank you for sharing your good news".  Good news is always welcome.  Christmas Blessings to you and Carol.  Dee

[scba]

This is very good news! 

You, Stephen and Patty, Marianne, Polly, Brad. You embarked into new chapters and I think I speak for everyone here, we are very happy for all of you. 

[TomPB]

Thanks Friends. It would be nice if this gives someone hope. While being mainly wonderful, it seems very strange and challenging sometimes. I'm a creature of habit and very slow to change, and 48 yrs of unconditional love from Susan has shaped my psyche very strongly. Someone besides Susan calling me 🐼? OMG! Navigating a new sexual relationship at my age? OMG! I ask Carol "Are you really here?" The adventure continues. Best to all for 2020 Tom 🐼

[kayc]

🐼 was between you and Susan.  You will find your own unique way with Carol, which will be different.  Much like my love with Kodie is different from what I had with Arlie.  Arlie will always be number one in my heart, he was a huge part of my life and very perfect for me, but who is to say what will develop with Kodie over years.  I love him for who he is, not that he can replace Arlie, no one could ever do that.