Boho-Soul Posted October 13, 2022 Report Share Posted October 13, 2022 Been trying to manage my feelings of intimate or emotional loneliness, the need to have a close partner or confidant to share my private ideas or feelings with. I’ve made a few new friendships through my church, so I’m feeling well with my relational or social needs for quality friendships and support. But I still get triggered by loneliness because even though I have new friendships and an awesome support network, I still feel empty because I don't have someone I trust enough to share my deepest fears or thoughts with. Not much else to say, just needed to type that out. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V. R. Posted October 13, 2022 Report Share Posted October 13, 2022 3 hours ago, Boho-Soul said: don't have someone I trust enough to share my deepest fears or thoughts with Oh how your words resonate, Boho. Like we say here: "Ti dò la mano", meaning "I'll shake your hand" for this statement, as I agree totally. That is the hardest part of this loneliness, something I'll never have again. I don't want to burden my children, they have their own lives, they've already suffered enough, I can't share my inner thoughts, worries, fears with them, it wouldn't be fair. They have a right to enjoy their lives, like we all did (I wish to think this is the case for everyone here) when we were in our 20s. Every day, from the moment I get up to the moment I go to sleep, I don't know how many times I say in my mind: "my husband would know what to do now, he would surely advise me in the correct way, we would discuss this and that and come to a conclusion together, or even just unimportant events that I would tell him about, make comments about, and so on. I still tell him all these things but I get no feedback, I imagine us conversing and I force myself to think what he would be saying. I'd have to write a book to express everything that goes through my mind but I've never been good at finding the right words. On the contrary, my beloved husband excelled in this. We knew each other inside out, knew what the other was thinking, what we were about to say, complemented each other, he was the extrovert and I the introvert. He helped me come out of my absurd timidness, I gained more confidence, believing in myself, became more courageous and outgoing, in fact, it's thanks to the way I have changed (for the better) spending my life with him, that I am able to share my thoughts here with you all. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 13, 2022 Report Share Posted October 13, 2022 Me too, Boho-Soul. I lost my bestie of 13 years when I found out everything he told me was a lie, it knocked me for a loop! Also my best friend of 10 years moved away over ten years ago to TX, no one has replaced her. I've tried building other relationships but they're not the same. I have one friend but he only talks maybe once every week or two. I found Covid really did a number on my social network. I'm very much alone. I thank God for my puppy, I couldn't live without him! But sometimes you just need someone to talk to that gets you, someone who is an active listener and we can share back and forth with. Not a "fixer!" It has to be that good blend... 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boho-Soul Posted October 13, 2022 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2022 7 hours ago, V. R. said: I don't want to burden my children, they have their own lives, they've already suffered enough, I can't share my inner thoughts, worries, fears with them, it wouldn't be fair. They have a right to enjoy their lives I'm the same, I share some things like updates on how the sorting is going with my daughter, but not my inner thoughts, worries etc. like you say. 8 hours ago, V. R. said: He helped me come out of my absurd timidness, I gained more confidence, believing in myself, became more courageous and outgoing, in fact, it's thanks to the way I have changed (for the better) spending my life with him, that I am able to share my thoughts here with you all. That's a blessing of a true connection, when they enhance you and your life. I love that your husband fostered that confidence in you. My Michael was supportive early on, encouraging and supporting me when I went back to achieve my double diploma studies. 3 hours ago, kayc said: I found Covid really did a number on my social network. I'm very much alone. I thank God for my puppy, I couldn't live without him! But sometimes you just need someone to talk to that gets you, someone who is an active listener and we can share back and forth with. Not a "fixer!" It has to be that good blend... Yup, me too. Covid deleted a lot of my friendships. I so agree with your comment about just wanting someone who is an active listener and not a fixer. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxi Posted October 13, 2022 Report Share Posted October 13, 2022 I miss too that kind of istant connection with my love...i miss the freedom to say to him what i don"t want to say to anyone else, the things i hidden in my soul...and he listened and he understand... Where i can find someone else i can trust so much ? Without him i am silent...and of course sad 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted October 13, 2022 Report Share Posted October 13, 2022 12 hours ago, V. R. said: don't want to burden my children, they have their own lives, they've already suffered enough, I can't share my inner thoughts, worries, fears with them, it wouldn't be fair. They have a right to enjoy their lives, like we all did (I wish to think this is the case for everyone here) when we were in our 20s. Theirs is a different grief anyway. The loss of a father is another beast. I lost my mother first and it tore me up. I trusted her with just about everything. But she didn’t leave me in total loneliness. I wouldn’t have been a. burden on her if she was here. This has made me long for her. Her generational upbringing prevented talking about intimate stuff, I had girlfriends for that occurrence.. I could be way off base, but I think you all talking about this wonderful ma would help you all. We never had children, so our furry kids provided much solace until I lost them. Now I have a counselor but it’s not even close to talking to someone in my life on a daily basis. She is a widow and friend, but it’s a professional situation when it comes to that. We’ve talked about it outside counseling, but she keeps boundaries. For you, you have a support system, unless there are problems between you. I truly hope you can all lean on each other and how it affects each of you. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 14, 2022 Report Share Posted October 14, 2022 17 hours ago, Roxi said: i miss the freedom to say to him what i don"t want to say to anyone else, the things i hidden in my soul...and he listened and he understand... Yes! I could to my sister Peggy, but she died the end of March. Grieving again... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Posted October 14, 2022 Report Share Posted October 14, 2022 On 10/13/2022 at 10:43 AM, Roxi said: I miss too that kind of istant connection with my love...i miss the freedom to say to him what i don"t want to say to anyone else, the things i hidden in my soul...and he listened and he understand... Where i can find someone else i can trust so much ? Without him i am silent...and of course sad This is exactly how I feel. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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