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Lost My Mom


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Hello,

I have just joined the group, having lost my mom very suddenly and unexpectely three weeks ago. She died on my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. I'll warn you now--I can already tell I'm going to ramble a bit, but it feels good to have a place to write.

My mom was only 59 years old. She was busy preparing to return to her high school English classroom where she was getting ready to enter her 21st year of teaching. She started late in her career, having waiting until all three of us kids were in school before she went back.

I've read a lot about the waves of grief, and I feel like they have swarmed me this weekend. My sister had a really rough day on Friday, and I spent Friday night/Saturday with my dad. He's also having a tough time. As for me, my life is so busy with work, college, two kids, a husband, and now watching out for everyone else's grief, I am worried that I really haven't dealt with anything yet, and I'm scared what will happen when the tidal wave hits me.

Anyway, I appreciate all the emotions, support and advice that are posted, and I welcome any suggestions from the rest of you. I also signed my siblings and my dad up, so if you are out there reading this, know that I'm thinking about you, and try not to worry about me :)

Edited by whitony
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Hi Whitoney,

I'm so sorry for your loss. We are all here to support each other, since we're all dealing with losses of our beloved parent's. My dad almost a month ago on his birthday. I really was in shock at first, it was just so sudden. Then I cried like crazy for two weeks, then I was o.k. for a few days, now I'm missing him like crazy and my stomach aches for him. I want to dream about him so bad, or hear his voice again. My mother just like your father is also having a tough time dealing with it, but she keeps herself extremely busy and only has time to think about him at night. I have read many books on grieving, and most say that it's o.k. to cry a lot, because that's a way of healing, although honestly we really never get over the loss of a loved one. We just learn to live with it day by day, until we see them again one day.

Edited by Rayon
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Whitony,

Welcome to the board. I am so very sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing when my dad died. His was unexpected and sudden too. I was so busy trying to take care of my mom, our 11 cats, the house, the legal stuff that has to be done, etc.....that I don't think I dealt with my own feelings until later. My mom has not taken it well at all and that has also distracted me from his death somewhat. But, believe me, you will face it eventually, and when you are ready to. And Rayon is right, crying is essential! It will help you heal, although you will sometimes feel like it's going to kill you instead. Try to take care of yourself (both physically and emotionally) as best as you can. Taking care of everyone else is exhausting.

I think it's wonderful that you signed up your dad and your siblings!

Take care.

Hugs to you and your family,

Shell

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I cry everyday for my mom and i think it doe help. At first i don't want to cry and try to push it down but then it just hits me and i need for it to come out. the nights and weekends are the worst for me, i seem to feel the worst then. the site helps me alot and i come often if just only to read. pls come back and write as much as you want, we are all here to listen and we all feel your pain. lori

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Whitony

Sorry to hear about your Mom.... I lost my mom in Dec/05 and still the emotional waves knock me off my feet... although not quite as often...

Your grief will come and be prepared for it is one of the hardest obstacles that I have had in this lifetime.... rememer when it does side swipe you, you just have to go with it.... time makes it easier although when you get caught in the wave nothing seems to make any sense....

keep in mind we all grieve differently so you may find that your sister and dad find it more difficult to overcome... you may be the strong one in the family and sounds like you have alot of obligations... but please remember to take time for yourself...

It is so wonderful that you have signed up your family to this forum and shows what a caring wonderful person you are.... your Mom is watching and she must be so proud of you and your courage....

you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers

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whitony,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand how it is and what you may be going through. I lost my Mom very suddenly and unexpectedly in November 05. She was 3 years older than your Mom, she was 62.

I know what you mean about helping others in the family through their grief. Right after my Mom died my number one priority was my Dad. It wasn't me. Yes, I was sad and I cried but I think I was a bit shocked and numbed because my poor Dad was consumed with sorrow, and understandbly so. She was his wife and companion for 44 years.

You will have your ups and downs. There is no rhyme or reason for grief when you have lost someone. Cry when you have to, talk about your Mom to your children. I want so much for my daughter's to keep my Mom's spirit alive. I believe my oldest will but it makes me sad that my youngest may not remember my Mom when she is 20 someday.

You have just lost your Mom. Be careful with yourself. I know I appreciated friends who were just willing to sit and listen. Be prepared one day for not so many phone calls from them but have one good one who is always there, maybe someone who has been through something similar. I still have my good friend who I can call when things are really cruddy.

My Mom will be gone 10 months on the 30th. I mourn for because I miss her so much. I also grieve because a part my life that I was so used to.....my Mom and Dad together and going to their home or having them come to my home for a holiday will never happen again. That makes me sad. My family dynamic has changed. I've had to find a "new" normal, as we all have, and that can be unsettling.

I know that when I lost my Mom I lost the single most influential woman in my life. She was my comfort and my biggest cheerleader and it hurt to see her go. My advice is just cry when you need to, remember her often, as I said...tell the stories of the memories you made with her to your kids. I know it's hard and I wish you peace.

Lori

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Whitony

Hey there welcome once again. I am glad that you are here with us we all help each other out. I lost my MOM 5 months ago and I am still numb and I have some good days and alot of bad but from what I hear it is normal and I also like everyone here needs help with this some of tham go to councling and others read me I just stop talking and stay to my self. I don't like talking to people and I hate reading my mind goes else where and we all deal with it in a very similiar way we all come here to talk and cry and ramble on in the way that we need to and its ok by us all.

We are glad that you are with us and now hopefully your family will come also and join in.

Keep your head held high and come and yell scream and cry all oyu want I no I sure do.

Thanks

Haley

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