3 Mos Today

[lorikelly]

Well it is 3 mos since my mom is gone and i feel really sad today. i am not crying alot , i just feel so sad. i feel alone even though i have my husband and my boys i feel alone. i can't explain it. i keep wishing the days away hoping i will feel better. i sit on here almost waiting for something but i can't tell you what. i feel like i a have to do something but not sure what, i can't stand the time when i just sit . my mind just wonders even when i am busy. i almost feel like i am losing it. i feel anxious but not sure why, i sit here and worry that i am going to get sick. not really sick just sick with a cold or the flu, isn't that weird. my therapist says it b/c its the one thing i can control and i had no control over moms death. i am also missing my spanky who is now gone 10 days. i just feel sad and like i am waiting. WAITING FOR WHAT i wish someone could answer that. when does it end,. thanks for listening lori

[strength-seeker]

Oh Lori, I ache when I read your post. It sounds so familar. I've also had/have that waiting feeling. For me, I feel like I'm waiting to get things right. Waiting to know how to handle it, how to move on. Waiting till I feel normal again... I don't know if it ever happens. Maybe it's us waiting for that person to come back. Waiting for the hurt that is so deep inside us, so much a part of our very core to go away. I don't think it ever does.

I think death is like a burn mark on peice of beautiful wood furniture - at first it's all you can see, but then you realize it's just as beautiful and still works like a charm, yet that mark never goes away.

[STARKISS]

Hi Lorikelly,

After reading your post I had to write this for you, I can not even remember how I was at this part of the time frame for my mom... It is all so weird right now I feel much better about it but I do remember that I did alot of crying.. I hope this helps, God Bless You and I will keep you in my prayers Take care Shelley

[jkw]

I love your comparison about the wood furniture. "At first, that's all you can see"...and may I add that is all you can think about, and you are so mad! Then, you realize, like you said, that it's still just as beautiful, but it's not the same as it used to be, and we just have to learn to live with it, in the new way. Someday, we'll learn to live with the death of Mom, and realize she is still just as beautiful, in our hearts!

Thanks for posting that! I like that.

Sincerely, Kim

[Trudy1964]

Lorikelly,

That is how I felt at two months. Is that what I have to look forward to every month anniversary of her death. I don't know if I can handle this over and over again. I had a pretty good weekend. Yet, this afternoon, I feel my self slipping down into sadness again. Even after 2 1/2 months, sometimes I ask myself is it real. I'm afraid of what it is going to feel like when it becomes real. And when it stays real. On the bright side, at least I had 3 good days. Thanks for listening.

Trudy

[shell]

Lorikelly,

I can't believe you brought this up because just yesterday I was thinking the same thing! I realized that I feel like I'm waiting, but for what I don't know. Unfortunately, I think I'm waiting for the next blow! It's like life is just one day at a time, one moment at a time and it IS like you are just waiting! It's so hard to explain, but I honestly know what you are feeling!

I also worry about getting sick because I am terrified I won't be able to take care of everything. Like your counselor said, we have no control over that. I am taking extra vitamin C and drinking those "good bacteria drinks" and stuff like that to try to ward off any illness....like you said, even just a cold or the flu.

To say the least, your post struck a deep cord with me! The only thing that helps me is to try to tell myself that I have to just plug along and live life. Sometimes then I don't feel so much like I'm waiting...

Hugs,

Shell

[LoriW]

Lorikelly,

I feel for you. I think I was in about the same place as you were at 3 months. I know how you feel about feeling alone. Even though you have your family around you, it's just a empty sadness of missing and longing for the woman who has been there since your birth. I too have a husband and 2 daughters. All loved my Mom very much...but my girls being 10 and 7 were sad and deal with grief differently at a tender age. My husband loved my Mom too, but this was my Mom. It was my 39 years of memories and love....and I am sure all of that stuff floods back to your mind too.

Let me say this. Last Saturday was 10 months that my Mom passed away. I used to count the Wednesdays from the day she died. (She died on a Wednesday) Then I lost count of them. I have been conscientious about the 30th always....I am not looking forward to the 1 year mark, I know that I am the type to relive the day over in my head. Whatever you do, don't force yourself to not feel the sadness, the loss, the not knowing which way is up. I felt like you and for me the spirit is resiliant and in general my days and nights have become better and yours will too. You are and we all are trying to find a new way of life without someone we have loved. Take care.

Lori

[STARKISS]

Hi Lorikelly,

I can not believe that it has been 18 months for my mom it just seems like the other day... I have good days and I still have a few bad ones.. It has also been 14 months for my dad and that I can not believe either... I have good days and bad ones too... For the most part I miss them and wonder what my life would be like if they were still here and than I think of how much my life has changed since they have been gone... So Three months is just the start and It does get better trust me... Take care Shelley