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I Recently Lost My Pet, But My Parent's Don't Understand


it hurts

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I'm fifteen.I just lot my beloved chihuhua Marco, who was only two years old, by accident. He was killed by the neighbors dog. we tried to press charges, but there were no witnesses. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, so he was a major source of solace for me. I try to depend on my mom, but she is always cranky, or frustrated at me about something. I am having such a hard time dealing with the grief, as this only happened a few days ago, but my mom is just being cranky again, saying that I am wearing her down, and "don't you want me to live a long life too?". I feel like a freak. The rest of my family have moments of happiness and seem to be over it by now (which they really shouldn't be considering the time frame). They say they aren't over it. My dad says I am being selfish for making others put up with me.I feel like a burden. I've talked to a therapist and a priest already, which did help some. But I want to know that I will see him again someday, and that we will be reunited. I don't even know how i am going to deal with school. I have talked to my teachers and councelors about already though. I just wish people weren't so frustrated with me. My disorder does cause me perseverate on things. Do you think I will see my little Marco again?

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I cannot tell you for sure if you will see your dog Marco again, but I can tell you that I believe we will. I have always felt that our pets are there to meet us when we cross over, and that makes me happy.

You can always come to this website and post whatever you feel you need to say, and we will all listen and will not judge you.

I know how hard it is to lose a pet, as my oldest doxie just passed away on May 1st. It hurts!

Take care, and write whenever you feel you need to!

Take care,

Kim

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Dear ithurts,

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your beloved Marco and about the sudden and violent accident that took his physical life from you. Of COURSE you're having a hard time right now! You loved Marco and now he suddenly isn't there, at least physically. You are absolutely normal and the loss of a loved animal is NO different than any other major loss, even IF it's not recognized as much as it deserves to be in society.

I'm also terribly sorry about the way your family isn't being at all supportive of your grief but am glad you have already done some proactive things for yourself, talking to those who WILL listen, and coming here for more emotional support. The things your parents have told you are downright insensitive and cold and it is quite obvious you can't rely on them to provide you with anything helpful and understanding right now. (but I know the type...my father was like this, too, as was one of my brothers - both did and said awfully hurtful things during 2 of my losses in my early years) Please do not allow them to make you feel like "a freak" or "a burden", as YOU are the more sensitive (and I'd say more balanced and normal!) individual here, and YOUR emotions are valid and perfectly reasonable and understandable. As they say, a loss is a loss is a loss, and it is how we FEEL about our loss that is what really matters. Please share with us ANYTHING you need or want to and know that it's safe to do so here.

If you wish to do some reading that will help you believe in Marco's eternal soul and existence, see if you can get a copy of Kim Sheridan's "Animals and the Afterlife", as it's a wonderful book about that very subject. Although I already was taught by my first fur-boy, when he passed, that they DO indeed survive, I'm still reading this book, just to give myself more comfort after the loss of his sister only 55 days ago. If you are worried about his existence, I wouldn't be at all surprised if Marco makes his continued presence known to you...you need only to educate yourself about all the ways and means they can use to communicate with you from the spiritual planes, and this book will do that for you. You will love it, trust me on that.

As for school, be as discerning as you can about who you share your grief with, as you don't need others adding to your sorrow by being insensitive or uncaring. If you have even one good friend, test the waters with them, to see how they might respond to your grief. Or see if you can find out who else may have also lost a furred or feathered friend and whether they'd be any good to talk with. You might be pleasantly surprised to find someone who kept their thoughts and feelings hidden, also thinking no one would understand. You might also try to find out if there is a pet loss support group around in your area and if so, go to a meeting and see if it's a good fit for you. (or ask your school counselor if they can find out for you) And of course, you can always keep coming back here, to read &/or post as you desire.

Since this may be your first major loss in your life, you owe it to yourself to seek out and find as much support as you can, as first losses can 'set the stage' for how we handle ALL subsequent losses in our lives, so for this, you'd do yourself every favour by getting as much support and guidance as you can. It will be well worth your while. All you have to do for this on THIS site is post some of your feelings and thoughts and someone will almost always respond and share back, and that is how we find it helps. Your feelings can be acknowledged and validated by others this way, and you can learn so much about grief, grieving and the commonalities most of us share.

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Dear it hurts,

I hope you are finding comfort. Loss of our loved animal friends is very, very hard.

Please remember that all of us deals with grief in different ways. I suspect your folks are dealing with the loss in their own way.

I have no doubt that we will be reunited with our animal family members after this life.

My prayers are with you.

Fern

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Dear One,

I, too, am so very sorry to learn of the death of your precious Marco. To lose any cherished animal companion is heartbreaking, but to lose one in such a sudden, unexpected and violent manner is terrifying, and I cannot imagine what this experience has done to you and your perception of the world around you.

There is precious little I can add to the wisdom that's been shared with you already, but I'd like to offer some resources that may bring you some comfort. Just follow the links I've listed below:

Rainbow Bridge (Flash Animation)

Do Pets Go to Heaven?

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

Dogs Have Souls, Too

Dog Heaven

Gone to Dog Star

Heaven's Playground

Light A Candle

Pet Loss Quilt

(These and many other wonderful sites are listed on the Pet Loss Links pages of my Grief Healing Web site.)

Finally, my dear, there is not one of us who can take away your sorrow and your pain at losing your beloved Marco -- but we want you to know that you don't have to bear your sorrow and pain all by yourself. We are here for you, all of us, and we will not let you walk this way alone.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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I too want to add my condolences to the loss of your precious Marco. Two months ago I lost my precious dog, Tawny, who wasn't even quite two years old yet. She had kidney failure and there was nothing that could be done(although we tried,) so we had to put her down. The loss of a pet at any age is devastating, but I think part of the pain of losing one so young is the total shock and unexpectedness of it. It just doesn't seem fair, does it? I also understand and share your concern about where is he now and will you see him again? But all the wonderful responses you have had here and that others have written to me have helped me to believe that I will see my dear Tawny again and that wherever she is, she is fine and happy.

It is true (unfortunately!) that none of us can take away your pain, but in an ironic sense, feeling this pain will help you to heal. It does take time, but it does get better, trust me. The first few days are the worst, when the pain feels almost constant and never ending-at least from my experience. But I also found that with each day, the pain, although as intense, did not come quite as often. Now I think that for the most part, I am over the worst of it, but then there are still those moments when just thinking about Tawny brings tears to my eyes and deep pain and sadness.

I am so glad that you found this board and that you are able to write about your feelings. Be assured that we all understand and that we do not take any of your feelings lightly by any means. Although I suffered many losses over the past year and a half (including the loss of both of my parents) the loss of Tawny was by far the most devastating.

I hope that you will keep coming back for the love, support, and understanding that you can find here. And I wish you peace and healing in this very difficult grief journey.

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Hi Inhurts,

I am very, very sorry for your loss of your beloved pet. I am so very sorry that your family is not being there for you... It is so very good that you found this site and please keep posting on this site... Posting on this site will help you with your grief journey.... Take care and I will pray for you Shelley

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I feel so sad that your family ... who should be the biggest support would not support you through your loss. I am a firm believer that when you lose a special dog that dog's spirit does return to you in some way or another. Recently I lost my dog Zephyr to illness. He was 13-1/2 and I contacted an animal communicator who was able to communicate with him. She told me that Zephyr was happy and well in heaven and if he did return to me it would only be because I needed him very much. However he would visit me from time to time and let me know he was around by talking with my new puppy Cadence.

I hope that you will be able to cope with your loss. Sometimes a close friend who has a pet can help you get through this. Maybe adding another dog into your life in the future will help as well. I certainly hope so.

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