My Mom Passed Unexpected......im Numb

[jewel]

Hi Im new and needing somewhere to vent I guess.I have read alot of posts and can relate to most.

I have lived away from my mother for years I have so much guilt,I just dont know how I am feeling...Im really quite numb.

She never met my grandchildren and my heart aches for that...

My brothers who are twins were the apples of her eyes she never left the midwest..I left when I was very young...I have always felt like the outsider.For years I sent boxes at Christmas never missed a birthday and tried to be the 'good' daughter...I never got even a call on my birthday,normally..I tried my whole life to be accepted by her,I was the only daughter,there were only 3 of us..Our father died when he was only 46....

I feel guilty for remembering all the hurt in my life surrounding my family of origin but it crops up just like the tears overwhelm me at times..

I called her on her birthday 9/10/2006 she didnt sound good but tried to pull is off she was fine...she got sick 11 days later on MY birthday and she pastd 10/2/2006...

I just had to tell someone thanks for listening ......I know this will pass I just feel so alone and I do have friends,and family but they dont seem to realize the depth of losing a mom...Its like OH youll get over it....Im just at a loss as what to feel and how to feel better...Thanks..most sincerely jewel

[Leann]

Dear Jewel:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so glad you found us..we'll listen and try our best to help.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

[lorikelly]

Jewel

I am sorry for your loss. i lost my mom on 7/3/06 and i don't think we ever get over it. it has been 3 1/2 mos fo me and alot of days are really bad. someone days i do a little better but to be honest not great. i can understand about the guilt , i have alot. it eats away at you and i am still trying to be able to let go. i hope one day i will be able to place it somewhere. i think it can destroy us if we let it but the hard part is how to let go of it. if i find a way i will let you know. just keep coming here the people are great and it does help to be able to write and find someone who understans. take one day at a time. lori

[shell]

Jewel,

I'm sorry for your loss and your guilt. I think we have all felt guilt when someone dies and it is hard to get over it. But you have to remember that you are only human and that you probably had good reason to feel as you did. The things you did that you think are "wrong" are probably not wrong at all, just a reaction to the way you were treated. We tend to idealize the person that has died and forget their faults and the things that they did wrong. Don't feel guilty. You did the best you could (and it sounds like you did more than most people would have under the circumstances!) so rest easy. It's ok to find fault with your mom because you are still going to mourn her and you still loved her. I think true love is loving someone knowing their faults, and loving them anyway.

Hugs,

Shell

[daddyslilgirl]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that we are hear to listen if you need to talk. Prayers being sent your way...

[Haley]

Jewel

I am so sorry about you losing your MOM I lost my MOM 6 months ago and it is still hard its our MOM and that is the one we go to all the time just hang in there and no that you can come and talk to us all the time I do and it helps. We are all in the same boat with losing somebody.

Feeling alone is I think one of the hardest things to over come, by you just need that someone that will listen to you no matter what. Welcome thats what we are for. Keep your head up and yell scream and throw a fit when ever needed really let your emotions go.

Thanks

Haley