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I think I am going to crack. Just 10 mos. after nurturing Paul through a horrific Hospice I am faced with it again with my 95 year old grandmother. She has outlived everyone but me and can't stand that I need to attend my life. Conjestive heart failure has been going on for years. It is totally overwhelming and brings back every bad memory and then some that I have of taking care of Paul (and my mother 11 years ago). At least he showed me he appreciated me, she treats me like her slave. We have a caretaker who has weekends off...I am so guilt ridden i can't even schedule someone to pick up the slack, I do it myself. Yesterday was our anniversary and I sort of slept on Grandma's couch with my dog up and down to the bathroom all night. Hospice has been bad on monitoring this case. I think it's much different with the elderly. They bent over backwards for Paul who was only 51. doesn't change the fact that I'm still in my 40s, a widow and single parent. My son didn't even have dinner until 9pm tonight...I'm so emotionally and physically worn out. Death strikes in so many various ways and blindsides you no matter what. I am sick of it. My life is so consumed in others death, I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening.

Really tired,

KarenH

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Karen,

I am sure you have been told this.....but I caution you to think about taking some time for you. You cannot be a caretaker to anyone and be a mother without a focus on taking care of the basics. Even if it is an afternoon with your son, you owe it to him in order to teach him how you can take care of each other. He is watching what you do as a marker of what behavior is ok and will learn from your dedication to your grandmother that taking time away is important for you to be useful while you are there tending to her needs. Life is so tragically short and your son's life will pass quickly before you know it he will be all grown up......

Much rest to you......

Jenn

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Karen,

I am so sorry you are having such a bad time with Hospice, we had Hospice for my mother-in-law who was in her late 60's and they were wonderful. Have you thought about calling them and requesting a different person to come out? Sometimes a different person will be a change for the better. I wouldn't feel guilty about trying to live your own life, I know this may sound selfish, but your life needs to be taken care of also, because when she is gone you will still be here. I remember giving up a lot when Laverne was ill, but we still made sure to take time for ourselves as well. I know that this is easier said than done. I am sure that this is overwhelming it would be for me also, just remember to trust God give it to him and he will help you to get through this.

Derek

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Karen

Pls take care of yourself or it will destroy you. i took care of my bedridden mom for 18 mos ( i don't regret it and would do it again) but it did take a toll on me and my family. i felt i had to do it and couldn't of done differently. i had no help. now my mom is gone and i still have guilt that i didn't do enough, that i got mad at her, that i was impatient and it goes on. i have alot of regrets. i don't want you to feel that way ever. get all the help you need and can so that you don't become so over burdened. change hospices if you need to .. kept help. lori

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Karen,

I agree that you need to take time for yourself. It is so overwhelming and you will get too emotionally and physically drained. I am a nurse at a nursing home where we deal with hospice alot. I have learned that there are some very wonderful and caring hospice groups and workers. At times we get a group where they visit an actively dying resident very infrequently, and the good group is with people who are terminal but dont need as much support more often. I agree that maybe you could switch to a different hospice if insurance will cover it. Take care of yourself.

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Karen,

I have to agree with some of the other thoughts voiced here...you do need to take care of yourself and your son's needs need to be first, let hospice step in to fill the gap as much as you can. There has to be a balance and you may need to insist on their giving you help. You already have such a full plate in dealing with grieving and caring for your son. I wish you the best!

Edited by kayc
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Thanks to everyone,

You all are great. Today, Monday, is better because I have help. The nurse comes tomorrow and hopefully I can get continuous care this weekend. It's just that with a full time job and the single parenting I really can't do it all, but dorothy always says I should. She has senility, so I can't blame her, but by Sunday night it's craksville. Thanks for your support and caring. I appreciate the warm thoughts. I keep trying to focus on the blessings...be they few and far between. You all are one of them. Thank you.

KarenH

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