Feeling Lost And Empty

[Haley]

To All:

I am starting to have these weird feelings going on with me, I can not figure it out and have nobody to talk to. My MOM left me 6 months sgo and than my sister moved away and so did my grandmother I am alone and these past week has been weird I am feeling so lonely and empty I keep catching my self and wanting to call my MOM but I can not and I keep trying to talk to her but she not there. I do not want to talk to anybody else I am shutting down real fast and I am hurt all over again. I don't talk to anybody I just fight and talk back and negetive help please I just don't no what to do I am hurting so bad.

I feel like I have nothing nice to say to anybody I just get smart with everybody and silent. I have gained weight and drink and I am lost I hate the feeling that I am not needed or wanted. My MOM needed me and I was there along with my sister and grandmother but now they left me so who do I have nobody. Wait I have my kids but its not the same I love being there for them but they do not understand what its like to miss there MOM I want her back.

I am dreading these next few months the holidays are here as we all have talked about in other dicussions but man it is hitting me like a ton of bricks I don't feel good about me or my life or anything and I am lost.

Has any body else felt that way and if so how long does it last and how to you over come it?

Thanks

Haley

[Leann]

Hi, Haley:

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time right now. You're in my prayers this evening. Please know that we care here. After my Dad passed away, I was angry at the world; I was generally pretty crabby (still am some days). One minute, I wanted to be around people, not wanting to be by myself and the next I wanted everyone to go away and leave me the heck alone. I just kept telling myself that this wasn't my friends' fault and they didn't deserve my wrath. It is so strange that at middle age, I feel like an orphan. The world is a a lonlier, less safe place these days and I've been on my own since college. My Dad and I talked daily; I've found myself picking up the phone to talk to him and then remembering that I can't. Everything I've read so far about coming to terms with the death of a parent says these feelings are normal. I feel as though I'm in a fog right now, moving forward very slowly, while trying to sort out this new "terrain." Sometimes I feel like I'm outside of my body, watching myself slowly explore my new world. Everything looks soooo different. I guess the best advice I can give you is do what you feel you need to do. Rest when you need to, be alone when you feel that's what you need to do, be involved in the activities that you feel you have the energy for, and come here and vent to us. You don't have to explain anything to anyone...just take the best care you can of yourself.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

[daddyslilgirl]

I know what you are feeling...A couple days ago, a older friend said he had something for me if I wanted it, and after he told me what it was, My first thought was...I can't wait to call my Dad and tell him...Alas, I can't..I miss him somedays so much, I can't breath.

I spend most of the day alone anyways, so that's ok but there are times I wished I could go curl up somewhere. All I can say is you are in my thoughts and prayers and keep talking, that helps...

[Haley]

Thanks All

I really love coming here and talking to you all it helps. Trust me when I say this I only talk to you guys I have claimed up to everybody else I am not a people person at all and I am not a person that can be in a room where there is alot of people and I get feelings from people before I even talk to them and I am a very quiet person.

I am having another sad day today adn man I am lost still I see that everybody says that it takes time fine I can handle that part but I also hear that they the ones that we lost will always be there for us I have yet to see that I am trying so hard to be patience totalk to MOM but its not helping and I can not get past the hospice lady telling me that my MOM will wake up and talk to me for 30 minutes like nothing is wrong and than she would probly say good by and than leave me good thing I am not holding my breathe huh.

I really owe you all alot in life just for listening

Thanks

Haley

[lorikelly]

Haley

I can definitely understand how you feel. i to feel lost and alone. i have my husband and children but still feel alone. i miss my mom alot and i find myself still yelling at her why did she leave. somedays i waited praying that she will just talk to me, i know rationally that she can't but my heart wants is so bad. i think this is normal, i hope so. i think the holidays are making it worse and for me the weather is getting cold here in NJ and getting dark so early so it makes me sadder. i just pray that we all get through this and God gives us the strength we need. you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Leann]

Anytime, Haley. That's what friends are for.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Leann

[curlyredheads]

Hi All,

This is the first time I have written as I just found this group but I can so relate to how many of you are feeling. I lost my mom three months ago after her four year battle with kidney cancer. We knew she would eventually die but the time came so fast once it did. She was doing so well, up talking and eating with family on Wednesday night then by Sunday she was gone. I am still having a hard time coping with the fact she is gone. This month has been particularly hard. I have seen many that have said month three is hard and I am into month three. I think the approaching holidays are not helping either. I am also feeling so alone with nobody to talk too. My friends and other family were a comfort to me early on but now most have moved on with their own lives and have forgotten about me and the pain I deal with on a daily basis. I am crying daily and going on with my daily life is hard. I do have two girls and they are the reason I am getting out of bed in the morning. I have been invited to various things by people but many times I cancel in the end because I do not want to be around people. I just want to be alone with my pain. I am hurting so much. Many days too I am angry at God for taking my mother away. She was my best friend and I miss her so badly. It is just not fair.

[shell]

Hi curlyredheads,

Welcome. I think most of us end up on this site because we feel we can't talk to anyone else! I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. And it is so hard to lose them so quickly. My dad got sick and died a month later (cancer too). And I think it adds another level when someone has a long illness. It's like they have survived longer sometimes than expected, and you can't believe they couldn't survive anymore, if that makes any sense! I too want to be alone with my grief sometimes, that's prfectly normal. Keep posting.

Hugs to you,

Shell

[curlyredheads]

Hi Shell,

Your response did make perfect sense. I do wonder why she could not fight it any longer especially since my brothers and their families as well as mine had taken a trip with my mom five weeks prior to her death. And at that time she was walking around a camp sight with us, laughing, having fun, etc. By the end of that week though we knew things were not good as she was having difficulty walking. By the time she got home she was paralized from the waist down due to a tumor pressing on her spine. Then five short weeks after that she was gone. It happened so fast and that is the part I have the most trouble with. My mom and I were very close but there was so much more I wanted to share with her and her to share with me and now I can't. It hurts so much. I also have two girls (I think I mentioned them before) and they loved my mom so much and I think how unfair it is not to have her around to watch them grow-up. Halloween was especially hard as my youngest squeezed herself into a Pippi costume my mom had made for her two years ago and then my oldest was Tinkerbell from my PeterPan, my mom's favorite book. It is hard to see them do things like this because I know too that they are grieving as well. The holidays are going to be so hard on us all. I am so glad though that I have found this site and have others to communicate with that feel the same as I do. Thanks for listening.

Hugs to you as well,

Libby

[shell]

curlyredheads,

It's been a year and eight months for me since my dad died and I still can't believe he's gone sometimes. Having children is a blessing under these circumstances, but also adds to your grief, knowing how hard it is for them too. I so admire all the parents out there who are dealing with their own grief and still being there for their kids. It's a huge job. The holidays are a big issue on this site. We all try to figure out how to get through them easier. I think we just have to do our best and come here when we feel overwhelmed and vent! Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell